3. Be Open To The Possibilities

When putting together the nuts and bolts of this process-examination-blog-thingy here, I decided to include a list of my “Personal Process Guidelines” in the side-bar. I gave the list this prominent position in hopes that I will look at it every time I open up the site and be reminded of some of the things that I’ve learned about my process thus far.

Anyhoo, these Personal Process Guidelines are my ways… I’m sure you probably have your own list of stuff that works for you (written or unwritten), but these are mine and I feel the most natural in my process when I allow myself to do things in my own way (or “DO YOU” as my friend Josh says). Other people can “do them” and I’ll “do me” and we’ll all be happy-campers together, creating art and letting our freak-flags fly, right?… In a perfect world!

So today I’m focusing on one of my PPG’s, Be Open To The Possibilities, because tonight I am going meet and audition for ten tv/flim/theatre agents at The Actor’s Greenroom in NYC. “Whoa! Wait a minute, Wilcox? Agents? What for? I thought you wanted to get accepted to grad school this coming year and you’re so uber-stuck-on-the-idea that you even started a blog about it? How does this agent thing fit in?” Wow. You are very inquisitive and I appreciate you interest. Those are very good questions you are asking. I shall answer by sharing a little… 

Story time!!!

Okay, so a friend came to visit me this summer… we shall call this person Devil’s Advocate… and DA and I were talking about my grad school dreams, ya-da, ya-da, and DA ask’s me something like, “Well, V, what if grad school is not your path? I mean, what else would help attain you to your ultimate goal of building a life/career that will be joyful, sustainable, creatively fulfilling, profitable, challenging, of service and fun? Because, you know, grad school is not the ONLY way to make that happen. You’ve got to be open to the possibilities, V.”

My response in my head… juuust indignant, “Ugh. How can you say that to me? Don’t you know how much I want to go to grad school and how excited I am about it and how much energy I’ve put into the application process… for YEARS. You are crushing my dreams here! Why are you asking me hard questions? Not my path? Grrrrrrrr. Annoying.”

But then I ACTUALLY said, “Huh, I guess I haven’t really given it much thought lately. Another way to attain my ultimate goal without grad school? Hmmmmm.” And I reluctantly took DA’s advice and I honestly opened myself up to the possibilities and I thought about it for a minute and I was totally shocked by what came out of my mouth next... “Well, I suppose it would be really fantastic to get cast as a regular on one of those HBO TV shows that are so well-written and amazing. (And I started to laugh at myself here… totally embarrassed.) But that’s just IMPOSSIBLE.”

And DA looks at me with complete stone-faced seriousness and says, “Well, it’s definitely impossible if you think it is.”

Me = Speechless.

“So you’re putting all your energy into this grad school idea, but what are you doing to make the HBO thing happen.” My response in my head… “Ugggggh!!! Nothing! Clearly, ‘cause I didn’t even admit to myself that that was something that I wanted until 3 seconds ago. Grrrrrrr. Annoying.”

But then I ACTUALLY said, “I’ll think about it. Thank you.” I have found that sometimes the Universe (or God or whatever) likes to throw these curve-balls at me in the form of people, just when I’m getting too set in my current mindset.  Reminder to self: It’s why more important to focus on the “why” I want what I want and let the Universe work out the “how” it’s gonna happen.

And DA was right. Grad school is NOT the only path to a fulfilling career as an actor… (The world is full of TONS of amazing actors that did not attend NYU or Yale.) But I’m still going to audition for grad school. Trust and believe. There’s too much good learning to be had along the way down that path. Not giving up on that dream. (You’ll notice, “Give up” is not on the PPG list.)

So, cut to now.  I have thought about DA’s sage advice… a lot… as I tend to do. And I’ve decided to be open to the possibility of meeting an agent… now… or after grad school… or whenever. Because I really wasn’t open to it before… at all.

I mean, an agent from CAA could have been sitting next to me at a bar and said, “I think you are incredibly talented and a good person and I would like to represent you. Here, sign this contract (cha-ching!) in which I agree to get you awesome auditions for kick-ass projects in film/tv/theatre and you will agree to show-up prepared and give a great audition and we can both pay our rent and be creatively fulfilled and live happily ever after.”

And I would have been like, “Awwww! That is so sweet of you, but I haven’t gone to grad school yet, so… thanks so much for that, but you are not part of my pre-conceived life path, therefore you do not exist to me.” Yeah… that’s pretty much verbatim what I would have said.

But now that I’m open to the IDEA of having an agent… if I meet one that I totally hit it off with and it feels to me like we could fit as collaborative business partners… Then I will say, “Thank you, Universe.” Soooo, I’m scoping out the prospects tonight… just opening myself up to the possibility of meeting the love of my life… my future agent. 

But, I’m in no rush to make a commitment. And if he/she really loves me…  he/she will support me from a-far whilst I sharpen my creative sword at grad school… then when I graduate with my shiney MFA we can take the business by storm and start building our dream careers together! I’m not married to that plan though. Who knows how EXACTLY it’ll come together, but I do know that it WILL happen if I keep myself open to the possibilities…

Thanks, DA.

;-)

V

2. You, Too, Can Become Great

Morning, party people!

I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of support with my Acceptance Project. Wowzers!!! Thank you so, so very much to each and every one of you who have subscribed by email or have decided to follow via RSS or Facebook or bookmarking-the-page-on-your-phone or whatever. It's so fun too know that you're all out there!

"Really great people make you feel 

that you, too, can become great." 

~ Mark Twain

I'm not going to write a mammoth post today.... (Ha ha. Careful making promises you can't keep, Wilcox.)... But I have to say something about great people (which you are one, clearly, since you are reading this post!)  When I moved to NY, there was one thing that struck me about most people I met  (and I'm sure this is probably true of other cities too), here I was, surrounded by all these super incredible, amazingly talented, down-to-earth people and also, they were seemingly unaware of their greatness. It just seemed effortless. No biggie. Awesomeness = Business-as-usual. Hanging out with people like that on a regular basis, I began to feel like maybe there was a possibility that I could be great too someday... Or maybe I was already great... and just didn't know it either.

Surrounding myself with passionate people is the best way I have found to motivate myself to want to dream bigger and grow. Especially in acting... experiencing the great work of others inspires me to want to aspire to do great work. Which is one of the main reasons that I'm super jazzed/obsessed/hopeful about attending grad school as an actor. I want to surround myself with great people... actors, teachers, designers, playwrights, etc... and then we can all jump in the creative sandbox, play together and see what happens. Who knows what will come out of it? But it's sure to be GREAT.

Happy Tuesday, folks.

~V

P.S. Shout out to 'Alexis' and 'Unknown' for leaving me two beautifully insightful comments on yesterday's post. They're singing my soul!!! And maybe they're singin' for you too, so check out the comments button at the bottom of yesterday's post and be inspired. Like I said... Surround yourself with great people and.... magic. Love me some comments!!!

1. Don't Let The Perfect Be The Enemy Of The Good

This starting-a-blog idea popped into my head a couple of weeks ago, just before the “hurrication” (a.k.a. Irene), here in NY. I figured that a blog would be a great way to keep me on-track as I’m beginning my grad school audition prep (which technically already began months ago, but more on that in another post). I also figured that a blog would be a great way to keep in touch with my family in CA. Annnd after reflecting on my experience auditioning for grad school last year (my 2^nd try), I realized that something that would have made the process more fulfilling for me would have been to have more of a sense of community support, so that I wouldn’t feel like I was doing this ALONE, ya know?

So I took advantage of the time-off during the hurricane and began to plan and prepare for my self-exploration/accountability blog which I entitled Acceptance Project. Since this blog is about examining my creative process, I feel it necessary to tell you what issues came up for me in the inception of blog-creation…  I think it’s indicative of my process over-all.

So, I get the idea to create this blog… then the following happens (mostly inside my head)…

1.       Self: Blogging is too overwhelming and too much work and not "me". I am not a "blogger." I do not "blog".… (Attempts to talk myself out of it/Test if it’s just a passing fancy)

2.       Self: Idea will still not go away, keeps coming up at random times throughout the week when brain should be focusing on other things. Brings up emotions ranging from giggly joy to total and complete dread.

3.       Several days go by… Self: Wrestling with all the logical reasons that a blog might be a good thing for me (as listed in introductory paragraph), but main obstacle has now become fear of self-disclosure on public forum (a.k.a. the world wide web)… Q: Am I confident enough in who I am to actually be vulnerable in my blog posts? A: I will never know unless I actually DO IT. And confidence will be gained in the action of doing it, so how I feel about it now is really irrelevant.

4.       Self: Decide that FEAR is never a good reason for not doing something that you know will be a good thing for you/is fun/you (secretly) want to do.

5.       Hurricane hits and I sat in my apartment for two days straight and designed the blog… started working on the menu pages and brainstormed about content, etc. (Didn’t tell anyone what I was doing… Could hardly admit it to myself yet.)

6.       Got the bare bones of the blog up… and figured out my “statement of purpose.” (Finally told someone about it!) I enlisted the feedback of one close and trusted friend to bounce ideas off of (I let this person in on this project at this early tender stage of the project because… A. I knew they would encourage me to move forward without judging and B. They have some computer/technical expertise that I don’t have.) A super judgmental “friend’s” criticism of the project would have crushed the idea for me at this stage. I was still finding my legs with it and feeling it out. Intense scrutiny or even flippant comments from well-meaning supporters wouldn’t have been helpful at this point. Gotta protect your babies!

7.       After putting together the structure for the whole thing… And planning all the steps that I had to do next in order to begin blogging on my start date of Sept 5… I let the blog page sit there on the internet for about 5 days without touching it at all… just anticipating… just letting it BE, as I started to get used to the idea that I am making myself into a “blogger” and in what ways will this change my experience of grad school audition prep? (Still wrestling with... “Why would anyone care to read this besides my mother?" But, hey!, that’s one subscriber… and that’s all I really need to be accountable. So then… I’m good. Right? Right. Acceptance Project will be successful in that way no matter what!)

8.       Cut to yesterday… I finally got the email subscription up and running and I’ve started to tell people about what I’m doing… in person… via FB… by text message… a few emails… slowly building up the confidence to share the project with others.  I am really excited about it and happy to be able to do something that kind-of freaks me out too. It’s a good challenge and I know I’ll grow from it somehow, in some way. Also, most everyone has been encouraging, which has been a gift.

9.       So now, here I am… 8:15am on Labor Day morning… writing my first blog… my “labor” of love… and oh, boy… It ain’t perfect. I am having to deal with all kinds of crazy negative self-talk in my head right now… But I have not set myself the parameter that my blogs have to be “good”… The guidelines are….A. that I have to post 6 days a week (which I am doing)… quantity is key, quality will get better over time (that’s what PROCESS is about)… and B. that my writing has to be my vulnerable truth reflecting my creative process and not what I think other people want to read (which this is... and I am certainly impressed that you’ve read this far!!! Ha!)… So, anyway,  I’m following my own rules... and avoiding one of my major blocs… perfectionism. Because it’s better to move forward from where you’re at, than to stand still, waiting for the "perfect" moment and wishing you could move. There is no perfect moment. There is only now. At least… that what I've found to be true.

10.   Next steps… keep posting!!! Tomorrow is another day! And… now that I’ve got the blog up-and-running I can look to improve it and play with it… make it into just what I want it to be… or just what it’s supposed to become… or whatever! And I can continue to tell people about it and build confidence and hopefully create a sense of community around this very personal dream/goal/process I am working on... getting accepted to grad school!!!

That said… I’m very interested in what helps you to be able to move forward in your process? What are the obstacles that sometimes inhibit you from taking action to begin to accomplish your goals/dreams/secret wishes? How have you overcome them in the past? Share the wealth of your self-knowledge!

Love to you all!! 

Thanks for reading. Thanks for subscribing. Thanks for being you.

Imperfectly,

Virginia

P.S. First blog post. Done. Whew! 

"Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good."

~ Gretchen Rubin author of The Happiness Project