169. Withholding

"The fact is: Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world...Try this for a couple of weeks and see how it changes your reality: Whatever you think people are withholding from you -- praise, appreciation, assistance, loving care, and so on -- give it to them. You don't have it?  Just act as if you had it, and it will come. Then, soon after you start giving, you will start receiving. You cannot recieve what you don't give. Outflow determines inflow. Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you already have, but unless you allow it to flow out, you won't even know that you have it." - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

Dude...the above quote seriously slapped me in the face on my plane ride home to NY from CA.

I was having this whiny moment of thinking..."nobody-really-listens-to-me"..."people-are-too-busy-with-their-own-lives-to-care-about-me"..."I-am-all-alone"....(ya know how it is... total pity party).

And then I read Eckhart Tolle's wisdom...and I was like..."Virginia, if you are busy thinking..."Why aren't people listening to me?"...then, guess what? YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO THEM!...And if you are sooooooo busy with your own life/blog/journey/selfishness....then you are not being present and caring for others!...And if you are lonely, then CALL someone...or speak to the stranger sitting next to you (they may be lonely too)...Don't WAIT for someone to read your mind."

Nobody is withholding anything from you. You're just not in a "giving mode." You're in a "taking mode."

Soooooo stop whining to yourself and get back to GIVING...and AMAZINGLY you will start receiving what you want.


You want to be appreciated?... Appreciate others.


You want people to connect with you?... Connect with others.


You want more love in your life?... Be loving toward others.


You want people to listen to you?... Listen intently to others.



Now...I really wish that this one was also true: You want to get into grad school?... Help others get into grad school.

LOL!  :) ...Okay, those sentences may not be quite as directly related as the others.

HOWEVER, if I switch it up, and say... You want your own dreams to come true?... Encourage others to make their dreams a reality.

Yeah, that could work... We shall see!

Hope you'll go out into the world today and give away whatever it is that you think you're not getting.

Try it. It's a "life experiment." See what happens.

Loves,
Virginia

"Behind the sometimes seemingly random or even chaotic succession of events in our lives as well as in the world lies concealed the unfolding of a higher order and purpose." - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

162. Interview with Bryce Pinkham (Yale) - Part Three

"Some actors just have an inherent star quality. When I'm watching an audition, I think, "Is that actor going to make me stop flipping through channels?" Basically, someone who has immense watchablility in combination with acting ability and confidence. The truth of it is, when producers and networks set out to cast a show, there's always a bit of insecurity about being able to find the right person. I believe part of the actor's job is to show us his or her confidence in doing the role." - Marcia Shulman, Casting Director

(This is PART THREE of the interview with Yale graduate Bryce Pinkham. Click HERE to read PART ONE and HERE to read PART TWO. This interview was conducted at Cellini Restaurant on E. 54th St. in New York City on January 6, 2012, and was lovingly transcribed by my mother, Dorothy Wilcox. Thanks, MOM!)

(Bryce Pinkham...on Bway in Ghost:The Musical.)

Virginia: So at this point in your career, you’ve gotten the chance to work with a lot of great people on different projects, at school and outside of school. And how much do you feel that this idea of embracing failure or leaning into fear, rather than pushing away from it,.... you know, that kind of an attitude, is a factor in being successful in a career as an actor?

Bryce: I think it works differently for different people. But I think any actor that you respect as an artist would be able to rattle off numerous times that they were terrible or felt like a failure. I think that it’s inherent in the attempt. And I think for people who can’t admit that or those that fail to rearrange their relationship or value towards failure, that it can be difficult because – listen, we talked about auditioning. We fail 90% of the time by the numbers. I don’t even know what the numbers are – one out of ten, who knows? I’ve failed more times than jobs that I’ve had. The entire number of jobs that I’ve had in three years out of grad school, it doesn’t match up to the number of jobs that I’ve failed to get in one year. So, you know, proportionately it makes sense to make friends with that part of the job. And I think there are plenty of people who do it and do it well. So it relaxes you. A lot of this stuff you learn in grad school, it relaxes you so that you can allow your most honest moments to come up and come out and so that you can express something unique as opposed to shaping something that you think is what the audience or the director or your scene partner wants to see in you.

So I think rearranging you position on failure relaxes you because you realize it’s inevitable. So you don’t have to wait and say, "Well, what if this is the one where I fail?" Well, chances are I will, so why don’t I just enjoy the pursuit and also do the thing I really want to do. What’s the thing in this audition or in this performance of a character that excites me, that I want to work on, that I want to explore as an artist? Because in the end, you know, that’s what you get out of it...

And truth be told -- in certain situations failure is not an option, right? I mean, there are different levels of it. I’m not saying it’s okay to go out on a Broadway stage and suck. But it’s okay to out on a Broadway AUDITION and suck and say, "That was terrible, wasn’t it, can I try again? ‘Cause I know I can do it better than that. That was just messy."  So there’s a difference, to be clear.

Virginia: I was reading a blog from this great blogger that I really enjoy, Seth Godin. He’s really into business and marketing and things like that, you know, entrepreneurialism and the tech world. And you know, those startups fail all the time. People start a new business and it fails and they learn from it and they go on and start a different one and it fails. So it’s very similar to the acting world in the way, that you know you're going in with this idea, this dream, this vision of what you want to create and you have to get other people on board with it and sometimes it’s awesome and sometimes it’s terrible. You know, we as artists have to do that all the time...get these people on board. And Seth was talking about, in one of his blogs, the difference between mistakes and failure. He’s like, you want to avoid mistakes and you want to embrace failure. I think in our work as actors, you want to walk into an audition trying to avoid the mistakes.... but big-time embracing the failure... because that’s the thing that’s going to help you to succeed – I love what you said about bringing that uniqueness to it. You’re not there to get it RIGHT. You’re there to bring whatever it is that you feel that you can uniquely bring to that job. And if you’re so busy trying to get it "right" that you don’t bring that uniqueness... then, you know, that’s a MISTAKE.

Bryce: Well, as it relates to grad school auditions, I think if you try, as I said, embracing the ridiculousness of the whole thing, if you take a minute and think, okay, Yale sees this many auditions a year and this is the number that they take, these are my odds. If you really take that seriously, you probably wouldn’t even walk in the room. And it’s the reason that half the people that do walk in the rooms are not interesting the minute they walk in because they’re already apologizing for the fact that they don’t think they’re right, or they don’t think they’re what the school is looking for...as opposed to people who walk in and say, well, I may go down but I’m going to go down in flames. That’s not from me. That’s from a teacher of mine who said that to us, I think, on our first day of grad school. He said, "You’re going to go down, but it’s your choice whether or not to go down in flames."  So I try to do that as much as I can bear.

Virginia: So you try to go down in flames as often as possible?  :)

Bryce: If I’m going down, yes. I say if I’m going to make a choice that could be "wrong" or "not what they’re looking for," at least it’s going to be a strong choice. It’s going to be a BOLD choice. I’m not going to hint at making a choice. I’m going to make it, and then if they say, "You know what, that was not really what we were looking for. Could you try this?" I’m going to say, "Absolutely. Sure. Let me just ditch that terrible choice that I made and then I’d be happy to do whatever you’d like."

This is something else for auditioning I try to embody... This is something I learned I think from Joanna Merlin’s book about auditioning way back in undergrad. I read about treating the audition as if it is actually a party that you’re hosting and everyone there is looking to you for their enjoyment, but you’re also a little bit in charge, not even a little bit, YOU'RE IN CHARGE. The minute you walk into the room you say, "Oh thank you for all joining me at my party, and what can I get you? Would you like a song first? Would you like me to do a scene that I’ve prepared for you first? Oh, you would? Excellent choice. I’ve prepared this beautiful little cake of a scene and you can have a piece now. There’s more of it if you’d like, but please don’t feel you have to eat it all. I’ve also got a song, if you’d like to hear that. I’m very proud of it."  And even the best party hosts [have bad days], maybe the cake is burned and the punch is, you know, bad... But the way they present it is half the battle, I think. I always tell people when I’m coaching them for specific auditions, not necessarily for grad school but for more professional stuff, you don’t have to get out of the room right away. Nobody leaves their own party until they're done. I’m not saying... refuse to leave. But what I’m saying is... you don’t have to finish, [speaks very quickly] okay, thank you so much for seeing me. I’m outta here! [slows down, speaking pleasantly, calmly] Thank you so much. Can I get you anything else?...It’s just a different sort of –

Virginia: -- attitude.

Bryce: -- yeah, it’s a different way of approaching the entire thing. And it’s also a way of approaching people when you show up. TAKE YOUR TIME.... I mean, I take my time, and I say hi to everybody in the room. I look them in the eyes. I say hello. Or if it feels like it’s something that’s moving along, I try not to overstay my welcome. But I try not to let people rush me.

Virginia: Right. It’s your moment.

Bryce: Right. I prepared. I spent hours out of my precious time preparing for this. And whether or not you’ve already decided that I’m not the one for this part, that’s fine. That’s you. But for me, I’ve prepared the song, and I’m going to sing it. If you want to stop me in the middle of it, I’m fine with that because "I’m the party host," and I say, "Oh, sure, I’m sorry that was not exactly what you were hoping for. But my intent is that you’re going to eat all of the cake, and you’re going to love it... ‘cause I took time to make it."

Virginia: I love that.

Bryce: And I’m proud of that cake I made... That’s the other thing I always tell people, and this is important in the clown work– and I think I‘ve told you this before – in choosing material, never bring something into the room that you’re not proud of because we can tell. Even if it’s the mangiest little gift, you know, the little burned cake... But if you made it yourself and it’s one you’re proud of, it’s one YOU LIKE, it’s going to taste that much better to us, rather than the one you bought at Whole Foods... And it’s going to mean that much more to us, that you brought it and you thought about it. "I bet they’d really like this special nut cake. I’m not exactly sure how to do it, but I’m going to try."  As opposed to, "Well, I could just pick up an ice cream cake at Baskin Robbins." -- to put in a youthful reference, 31 Flavors.

Virginia: Nice.

Bryce: So yeah, I hope that’s helpful.

Virginia: Oh, my gosh, that’s fantastic!...This is just a fun little question not really related to grad school. What advice would you give to your 16-year-old self if you could send yourself a little note back in time?

Bryce: Stretch, start stretching, stretch.

Virginia: Like physically stretching?

Bryce: Stretch yourself every day. I hated stretching. I was an athlete and I just hated warming up. And I hated stretching. And I would go back, and I would really slap myself around and I would say–

Virginia: Learn to love it.

Bryce: Yeah, learn to love it. Get used to the pleasure/pain of it and stretch yourself. I would also tell myself to learn piano. Yeah, I mean, there are technical things like that.... Hmmm, 16.... I’m trying to think of advice or criticism....I’m pretty happy with where 16-year-old me got me, so I wouldn’t want him to do anything that much different.

Virginia: Well, there ya go!

Bryce: Other than... not worry maybe so much about it. There’s a healthy amount of worry and then there’s an unhealthy amount...When you get in to "living in the details" as opposed to seeing a slightly bigger picture...Which is what I still say that to my 29-year-old self right now.

Virginia: Right.

Bryce: You know, sometimes you have to really marvel at the fact that we’re even able to do something as ridiculous as follow a dream like this. There are people in our world that... it’s just inconceivable to them. You have to remind yourself of that. Even when it’s not working out, it’s a privilege to even get to TRY and to have the means and the support from family and friends and everything. To be able to do it, you know what I mean?

Virginia: Yes!  <3

Bryce: I would say,... You know what? BE HUMBLE... because the fact that you’re even thinking about going to college is a big deal. That’s a BIG DEAL, going to college. Families go whole generations without sending somebody to college, so take none of it lightly.

:-)

(More to come...tomorrow. Hope you're enjoying the conversation!)

Loves,
V

"Stretch, stretch, stretch to see every perspective and nothing will keep you from joy." - Mike Dooley

157. What Is School For?

"An artist is someone who brings new thinking and generosity to his work, who does human work that changes another for the better. An artist invents a new kind of insurance policy, diagnoses a disease that someone else might have missed, or envisions a future that’s not here yet. 

And a linchpin is the worker we can’t live without, the one we’d miss if she was gone. The linchpin brings enough gravity, energy, and forward motion to work that she makes things happen. 

Sadly, most artists and most linchpins learn their skills and attitudes despite school, not because of it. 

The future of our economy lies with the impatient. The linchpins and the artists and the scientists who will refuse to wait to be hired and will take things into their own hands, building their own value, producing outputs others will gladly pay for. Either they’ll do that on their own or someone will hire them and give them a platform to do it."

-Seth Godin, Stop Stealing Dreams

Seth Godin is one of my favorite modern thinkers. This man questions everything!!! Not in an adversarial, confrontational way...but in a "why can't we do things better?" kind of way.

I'm reading his new e-book right now. It's called Stop Stealing Dreams. It's available to download for FREE. I highly suggest that you do.

This man gives away some amazing material on his blog every day. (Yes, I subscribe.) But this e-book is a truly exceptional exploration on what needs improving in our educational system.

I know I've been blogging all about the gloriousness of going to one of these awesome grad schools for acting...and one of the reasons I think they are such great schools, is because I've experienced a lot of mediocrity in the U.S. educational system. (Which is the subject of Mr. Godin's current e-book.)

Now, that's not to say that NYU and Yale and Juilliard are PERFECT examples of educational utopia. They are not. I am sure that there's plenty of improvements that could be made (especially after reading Seth Godin's inspiring manifesto on education).

At any rate, I think it's important to question the quality of any institution that affects the quality of our lives as directly as school.

Why we do things the way that we do as a society? Is there a better way? Those are important questions for us to consider...especially within the institutions we most believe in.

Will this e-book interest you? It will if you've ever taken a required course in school and thought..."Why the HELL am I required to learn this B%ll$#it?"

Or if you have taken an elective and thought..."Why the HELL isn't THIS a REQUIRED course for alllllll graduates?" (That's how I felt when taking "Personal Financial Management 101" and  (to a lesser degree) "Stress Management 101". BOTH OF THOSE CLASSES SHOULD BE REQUIRED IN ORDER TO GRADUATE. Seriously, with the financial state of our country...and the INSANE amount of anti-stress medication that's prescribed in massive amounts...I mean, seriously...Do I remember a single thing about "Econ 101?" ...NO... However, "Personal Financial Management" literally changed my life. My parents never taught me how to invest or how to maintain a good credit score. BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO THEMSELVES. That class should be required for alllll of the 99% to learn about how the 1% got to BE the 1%!... Just sayin'.)

Anyhoo, I'm only about 1/3 of the way through Seth's e-book right now. (Subway reading on my iPhone.) But it's seriously blowing my mind. I'm including some quotes below...hopefully to spark your interest...and give you an idea of what the book is REALLY about...not just my perception of it.

OMG! Ideas are so awesome. Experiencing new ones that ring super true is soooooo satisfying.

LOL!

Maybe I don't even NEED grad school? Huh? Maybe grad school would actually be COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE to my growth as an artist?

What about THEM ideas?

Blowing. My. Mind.

Question everything,
Virginia

The following quotes are all taken from Seth Godin's Stop Stealing Dreams... Please feel free to share these ideas with anyone you think may benefit by hearing/reading/debating them.

That's how change happens...one conversation at a time.

Chapter 9:  ...the man who industrialized the public schools he created left us with this admonition,…be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.
Unfortunately, that part of his curriculum is almost never taught in school.

Chapter 19: By their nature, dreams are evanescent. They flicker long before they shine brightly. And when creating dreams is more difficult. They’re often related to where we grow up, who our parents are, and whether or not the right person enters our life.
Settling for the not-particularly uplifting dream of a boring, steady job isn’t helpful. Dreaming of being picked—picked to be on TV or picked to play on a team or picked to be lucky—isn’t helpful either. We waste our time and the time of our students when we set them up with pipe dreams that don’t empower them to adapt (or better yet, lead) when the world doesn’t work out as they hope.
The dreams we need are self-reliant dreams. We need dreams based not on what is but on what might be. We need students who can learn how to learn, who can discover how to push themselves.

Chapter 25: Transparency in the traditional school might destroy it. If we told the truth about the irrelevance of various courses, about the relative quality of some teachers, about the power of choice and free speech—could the school as we know it survive?

Chapter 29: There really are only two tools available to the educator. The easy one is fear. Fear is easy to awake, easy to maintain, but ultimately toxic.The other tool is passion. A kid in love with dinosaurs or baseball or earth science is going to learn it on her own. She’s going to push hard for ever more information, and better still, master the thinking behind it.Passion can overcome fear—the fear of losing, of failing, of being ridiculed.The problem is that individual passion is hard to scale—hard to fit into the industrial model. It’s not reliably ignited. It’s certainly harder to create for large masses of people. Sure, it’s easy to get a convention center filled with delegates to chant for a candidate, and easier still to engage the masses at Wembley Stadium, but the passion that fuels dreams and creates change must come from the individual, not from a demigod.

Chapter 33: Can risk-taking be taught? Of course it can. It gets taught by mentors, by parents, by great music teachers, and by life.Why isn’t it being taught every day at that place we send our kids to?Bravery in school is punished, not rewarded. The entire institution is organized around avoiding individual brave acts, and again and again we hear from those who have made a difference, telling us that they became brave despite school, not because of it.

Chapter 35: Greatness is frightening. With it comes responsibility.If you can deny your talents, if you can conceal them from others or, even better, persuade yourself that they weren’t even given to you, you’re off the hook.And being off the hook is a key element of the industrialized school’s promise. It lets parents off the hook, certainly, since the institution takes over the teaching. It lets teachers off the hook, since the curriculum is preordained and the results are tested. And it lets students off the hook, because the road is clearly marked and the map is handed to everyone.If you stay on the path, do your college applications through the guidance office and your job hunting at the placement office, the future is not your fault.That’s the refrain we hear often from frustrated job seekers, frustrated workers with stuck careers, and frustrated students in too much debt. “I did what they told me to do and now I’m stuck and it’s not my fault.” What they’ve exchanged for that deniability is their dreams, their chance for greatness. To go off the path is to claim responsibility for what happens next.

Chapter 36: We demand that students have a trade to fall back on, an assembly-line job available just in case the silly dreams don’t come true. And then, fearing heartbreak, we push them to bury the dream and focus on just the job.

Chapter 44: The Internet is making the role of content gatekeeper unimportant. Redundant. Even wasteful. If there’s information that can be written down, widespread digital access now means that just about anyone can look it up. We don’t need a human being standing next to us to lecture us on how to find the square root of a number or sharpen an axe.(Worth stopping for a second and reconsidering the revolutionary nature of that last sentence.)What we do need is someone to persuade us that we want to learn those things, and someone to push us or encourage us or create a space where we want to learn to do them better.If all the teacher is going to do is read her pre-written notes from a PowerPoint slide to a lecture hall of thirty or three hundred, perhaps she should stay home. Not only is this a horrible disrespect to the student, it’s a complete waste of the heart and soul of the talented teacher.Teaching is no longer about delivering facts that are unavailable in any other format.

If you're into the above...DOWNLOAD THE FREE E-BOOK BY CLICKING HERE.

If you're not into it...delete.

156: I'm Fine, Thanks: Part Two (Filming Day)

(This is Part Two of my experience with I'm Fine, Thanks (a documentary about the pervasive problem of complacency in America). Click HERE for Part One.)

The following events took place in New York, NY on March 1, 2012:

Baker and Grant rented a studio at Ripley-Grier on 8th Ave & 55th St. (on my recommendation as a suitable venue). Though we we were concerned about the "city noise" being overpowering...Ripley-Grier is a quintessential New York "actor" setting. Many, many, many auditions and rehearsals are held in studios just like these all over the city every day. So it seemed like the perfect venue to interview an aspiring New York actor...LOL!... me.

I showed up at the studio at 8pm, as we had agreed via email. I'd never met Baker or Grant or the rest of the team and really didn't know what to expect.

I came around the corner and there they were! Five handsome young men...with massive amounts of camera and lighting equipment strewn about them in the hallway.

I approached and one of them glanced over and noticed me standing nearby...quietly observing them.

"Hi. Are you Virginia?"

"Yup. Hi."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Bryan...This is John...and Dustin...and..."

And then there he was!!!! ADAM BAKER of Man Vs. Debt! Real. Live. IN PERSON.

OMG!

I totally had a nervous "I'm-meeting-a-celebrity" moment as I shook his hand. I mean, he's not FAMOUS in the traditional sense, I suppose...but because I follow his blog and have read so many of his stories/words/thoughts...and I LOVE, LOvE, LOvE how he's shared his whole journey online and I have such deep respect for all the good he's doing in the world. And how he's not some privileged person...or some PhD with tons of degrees or something...he's just a normal guy who is passionate about helping people and inspiring them to know that anyone can do what he's done...follow their dreams.

He's sooooooo awesome! He's creating the kind of life that feels meaningful and successful to him...according to his own definition of success and his own personal values. He's no longer buying into "scripted life" that society has been spouting...of consumerism and conformity. And by blogging about his journey online he's created a community of like-minded people to rally around him and support him in his dreams...as he inspires and supports them.

Sound familiar?

It's people like Adam Baker that inspired me to create the Acceptance Project Blog. Soooo THANK YOU, Baker! You've already changed this girl's life...and you didn't even KNOW it.

Of course, I didn't actually SAY any of that to his face. I was actually quite "cool" and "calm" and said, "Hi. Nice to meet you. Um, thanks for letting me be a part of your film. This is really a thrill."

Baker was very warm and down-to-Earth and seemed genuinely excited to meet me too! He was very complimentary about my blog...which, of course, made me feel like a million bucks!!! Soooooo nice of him to say!!!

Then I got to meet Grant, the director, who also has a theatre background...so naturally, we got along instantaneously. He's livin' his dream right now, making this documentary. So it was super fun to get to see him in his element...Having the TIME OF HIS LIFE making this film happen. Very inspirational!

Here's the Team:
Grant (the director)
Adam (the producer)
Dustin (production assistant)
Bryan (first cameraman)
John (second cameraman)

The rest of the evening sped by lightening-fast. So much awesomeness in just four short hours!!!

Here's how it went:

8pm - 8:20pm
We got into the studio and the team started setting up. Baker and I sat and chatted a bit. Though not toooooo much, because he wanted to save the "meaty" conversation for the on-camera interview. I was sooooo super happy just to be hanging out with these guys, watching them all making the magic happen, and getting to chill with Baker and hear about their filming experiences thus far. They've only just begun their travels across the country...to meet lots of folks who are pursuing their dreams and have agreed to share their stories with Baker and Grant. It all sounds very exciting... and it's veeeery different from the office-day-job-world...where I spend most of my time now-a-days.

8:20pm - 9:30pm
Camera is on me. Lights are in my face. Wired for sound. Seated on a stool and ready to bear my soul to Adam Baker and hopefully share some of what I've learned from these months of blogging and years of failing to get into grad school. He asked me all sorts of questions...What were my childhood dreams? How did I know I wanted to act? Where there people in my life that didn't support my career choice? How do I deal with rejection?...That kind of thing.

Dude. It was sooo crazy/awesome to get to sit there and share my story. I mean, the fact that they even CARED about my perspective on any of this stuff was really profoundly strange to me. LOL! My life truly isn't very noteworthy. I guess it's interesting in the fact that I am a quintessentially ordinary person...being extraordinarily transparent in my blog...and perhaps extraordinarily stubborn in my desire to create a sustainable career as an actor.

So basically, that's the kind of stuff we talked about. I have no idea if any of it will actually make it into the final cut of the film...But, honestly? That doesn't really matter to me. I got to meet Adam Baker and tell him my story...and no matter what...that's one of the coolest things I've ever had the privilege to do!

9:30pm - 10pm
Monologue time!!! We changed the camera set up and I got three glorious takes performing my monologue for the camera. AHHHHHHHHH!!!! This was sooooooo fun. It was like I got to pretend to be the leading lady in a film for a little while. "All right, Mr. Demille. I'm ready for my close-up!" And the guys were sooooo supportive. It really felt wonderful to be able to work with them.

I did two takes straight into the camera...And THEN, I asked Grant to be my scene partner (off-camera) for the third take...And he's an actor too...so he gave me an improvised line to respond to. And WOW. He was totally GIVING IT back to me the whole time I was doing the monologue. Just sooo present, reacting to me, facial expressions, right with me the WHOLE TIME. It was so FUN! Gave me tons of great inspiration to work with in-the-moment.

When we were all done, I said, "Grant! I bet you didn't know you were actually going to be required to ACT in your own film did you?" He laughed joyously. Once an actor...always an actor.

10pm - 10:30pm
Time is up!!! The studio was closing up, so we quickly moved all the equipment out into the hallway and packed everything up. Laughing. Joking. Glowing from all the fun. Said goodbye to Bryan, Dustin and Baker. But not before a little photo op!

Look! Photographic proof! This REALLY happened!

(Grant, me, Baker)

10:30pm - 11:45pm
B-roll time. Grant wanted to get some shots of me walking around Times Square, with all the lights on Broadway. Sooooo sterotypically NYC. Ya gotta do it. Ya just gotta. So there I was...walking around Times Square at night...my blue coat...my scarf...and my BIG DREAMS lighting up Broadway. Grant and John were trailing me with two cameras and capturing shots of me and all the tourists and all the crazies.

I. WAS. LIVING.

Every moment of this was totally surreal and fantastical for me. Even John was like, "You are loving every minute of this, aren't you?"

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I mean, just to give you some context...Soon after I moved to NY, there was a particular day when I was walking through Times Square at dusk and crying. I was exhausted from auditioning for months and never getting callbacks... I was broke... I was heading off to a promotional job where I'd be standing behind a table at a corporate event...getting paid like $10 an hour...and I missed my family back in CA...I was like..."What am I doing here? I don't belong in this place. No one cares if I live or die here."...and I felt like I had noooo prospects of NY life changing any time soon...and as I looked up at the lights and the billboards mocking me with all of their false promises of opportunity, I thought to myself..."I wonder how hard it is to get a prescription for anti-depressants in this town?" I felt completely invisible, unwanted, and unnecessary.

So now... walking through Times Square with two camera men setting up shots of me staring hopefully up at the lights on those billboards...only THIS time I had made the opportunities possible by my sheer commitment to sticking-with-it...

"Oh, New York...You can try to crush me...But I will not be crushed. I will survive!!!!"

Yeah. This Times Square experience was totally relish-worthy.

(Photo by John Cropper)

HAPPY!

11:45pm - Midnight
All done. Said good night to Grant and John. Thanked them again for this wonderful opportunity. Walked...no, FLOATED to the subway at 42nd St. Just as the clock struck midnight...and the N train barreled into the station...I realized that the enchantment had ended. I was Cinderella again. But I had just gotten to go to the BALL! And no one would ever be able to take that experience away from me.

Bliss.

Dude, all I did was start a blog about FAILING to get into grad school and trying to become a successful actress in spite of the obstacles. And what happened? I got to be a part of an AMAZING documentary like I'm Fine, Thanks!!!

I mean... WOWZERS! I am very fortunate, indeed.

Soooooo happy to know that by sharing about my unwavering and passionate commitment to acting...and by opening myself up to failing publicly... that other people have found value in the process. That makes the sting of not being accepted to one of the grad-schools-of-my-dreams this year...a little bit easier to bear.

If failing is this good. Success is going to BLOW MY MIND.

Loves,
V

P.S. There will be a Kickstarter campaign launching in April to help finance I'm Fine, Thanks. If you're interested in supporting the film and/or would like to get updates on how to SEE the film when it's finished...PLEASE CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE CRANK TANK STREET TEAM MAILING LIST...and you can also "like" Crank Tank on FaceBook! Thanks for all your support, guys!

150. You Are Not Alone

I've been getting some incredibly inspiring emails from readers and friends over the past couple of weeks. I want to share one with you today (with permission of the author, naturally). I will name her Ms. Anonymous for privacy purposes.

A little background... Ms. Anonymous is an incredibly talented friend of mine. She decided to apply to just one grad school this year (American Conservatory Theatre in San Francisco) and has been following the AcceptanceProject blog over the past several months.

Ms. Anonymous and I both share the perspective that the process of applying for grad school is a valuable one, in and of itself, because it forces you to get really focused and specific about who you are and what you really want for your future. It's an incredibly personal and introspective application process. And therefore, even if you're not "accepted," you're walking away with some valuable self-knowledge about what you really want for your life. And because you've gained this new self-awareness you will naturally be drawn to make changes and explore avenues to improve your situation and get you moving in the direction of your dreams.

I believe that, almost universally, the desire to apply to grad school comes from a place of dissatisfaction in our current situation...We see a need for improvement in certain areas...career, training, mentorship, community, location ...whatever... SOMETHING is not working...and we know it...and we're hoping that perhaps grad school will help bridge that gap between where we are now and who we seek to become.

I wanted to share Ms. Anonymous' email with you...because stories like hers are the PRIMARY reason that I wanted to start this blog....To remind her that she is not alone. That I am not alone. You are not alone.

We are not competing with each other. We are in this together. Not just in the pursuit of grad school acceptance, but in the pursuit of creative growth. We are all searching for our right path and the place where we can find guidance to reach our greatest artistic potential.

I hope you will feel the camaraderie expressed in Ms. Anonymous' email and know that (though you may not know them personally) there are thousands of others out there sharing your journey this year and thinking the same thoughts you've been thinking and sharing the same fears you've been feeling and still pushing through and going for it anyway!

Here is Ms. Anonymous' email of February 18, 2012...

Hey there beautiful lady!!!

I just read your blog about Julliard. BIG bummer. They truly don't know what they are missing, despite the fact that they are choosing precisely what they want!!

I am SO grateful that you are sharing your experience with this whole process, including your first two years of auditions [NYU & Yale]. It's interesting... I was so hoping that with all of this energy you are putting into the universe that you would TOTALLY get in to ALL THREE schools! You are so focused, and diligent, and selflessly sharing it all with the world... to me that means you should get what you want and deserve =). Alas, that is clearly not how the universe works. Not exactly, anyway.

So, I did not get past the first cut at ACT. It was seriously one of the best auditions of my life. I sort of blew myself away with the depths I was able to reach, the effortlessness of creating both characters back to back, and just how much fun the whole process was. And NOTHING!!!!! I seriously stood there looking at the list making sure I hadn't missed my name, wondering if it had somehow fallen off the piece of paper. I wondered if they were going to call me later and be like "oops! We totally meant to call you back!! Turn around and get here quick!!" I mean, I didn't assume I was going to get in, but called back for the first round? REALLY??? One of my concerns about my viability for the program was my age. The average age of the ACT MFA student is 24. I am 33. The other is my ethnicity. ACT is very PC and most of the people chosen will be of some ethnicity other than white. I would have been totally happy assuming that I was just too old or white in their eyes, and that it had nothing to do with my work. Except that there was a white woman who certainly looked older than 24 called back!!! So I can't blame it on that either. I just simply didn't get selected.

So what does that mean? Am I not as talented as the people chosen? Am I not supposed to be an actor? No, no, no, and no. I'm just not supposed to get my MFA right now. And one of the reasons I know that is because you have shared your journey. It's hard to take an accurate appraisal of myself because I can't actually SEE my work. But I KNOW you. I KNOW your work. I KNOW your resume!!! You are brilliant, talented, stunningly beautiful, and a nice person to boot! And you do the work.  You do the work on yourself, and you do the work for your characters. You are a professional actor, and a conscious human being. And who the heck knows why you or I weren't chosen, other than we just weren't!! With 1500 aplicants (most of whom are probably pretty darn talented if they're even applying!), it's got to feel like they are throwing darts at a dartboard in their selection process. Which for me brings it down to the "Je ne sais quoi" of the universe. The unknown guidance system that moves us like chess pieces through this crazy game of life. I AM talented. I AM a professional actor. And I AM ambitious. I WILL work... I just don't know where or how or why. I just have to keep putting myself out there and see where I end up!! It may not look like I think I want it to look. But I have a gift to give, and I believe gifts are meant to be given.

Personally, I took this immediate rejection as a sign that I need to continue doing what I'm doing- film work, especially commercials (DEEP acting required there), musical theatre, and keep going with my song writing. I was given a voice... I should be using it =). I don't need a masters degree to do those things. I'm good enough all ready, and I'm ready to work. I AM working!!! I just want more work =). (I am also grateful that I don't have have to needlessly fill out the financial aid forms ;). ) 

Love,
Ms. Anonymous

Thank you, Ms. Anonymous, for sharing your story with us! You are RIGHT, you are incredibly talented and have some major gifts to give the world. You touch the lives of all those who know you and inspire them to greater creative heights! (I know..because I am one of them.)

I am grateful for your taking the time to write, expressing yourself with such openness...and letting me post your words on the blog. You are very courageous. Your insight is valuable and inspiring. Best wishes for you with your next creative steps.

I hope we can all take a lesson from Ms. Anonymous and move forward with confidence...knowing that we're on the right path.

Loves,
Virginia

102. Harvard

Question:
Do you feel that in your current career path you are reaching your potential? Or might have the potential to reach your potential?

The reason I ask:
Last week I was reading an article from The Harvard Business Review (for funsies) during my lunch break at work. (LOL! These are the kinds of magazines we have laying around the office...Eat your heart out, People Magazine.) The article is entitled "Reaching Your Potential" by Robert S. Kaplan. You can easily imagine why it caught my eye, since my grad school goals have been motivated by this very concept.

The article is incredibly engaging and insightful. Loved it!!! And I've got to share some gems with you that are absolutely quote-worthy and are sure to excite those inspirational quote junkies out there.

The only context I will give you is that the article was primarily written for a readership that is on a "traditional" corporate business path. However, the concepts related within are universal. So no matter what your career path, you will find something relate-able in the excerpts below.

And without further ado, I shall allow you to enjoy them without any more interruptions from me.

Here's to 2012! And reaching your potential!

Loves,
Virginia

"Fulfillment doesn't come from clearing hurdles others set for you; it comes from clearing those you set for yourself."

"There's nothing anyone can do to prevent you from reaching your potential; the challenge is for you to identify your dream, develop the skills to get there, and exhibit character and leadership. Then, you need to have the courage to periodically reassess, make adjustments, and pursue a course that reflects who you truly are."

"I have seldom seen people hurt their careers by speaking up and appropriately articulating a well-thought-out contrary position (even when it was unpopular). However, I have seen many bitter and confused people who stalled their careers by playing it safe."

"Career Counsel: Follow Your Own Path

1. Managing your career is 100% your responsibility, and you need to act accordingly.  

2. Be wary of conventional wisdom. 

3. Have faith that, although justice may not prevail at any given point in time, it should generally prevail over time."

"Choosing a field you love gives you strength to weather the inevitable setbacks and long hours needed to reach your full potential in any career."

P.S. Don't be confused by the title of this blog post...I'm not applying to Harvard too!!! LOL! (I suppose there's always next year...or maybe not.)

;-)

99. Failure Club

OMG!!!! This is the coooooolest show! Click on the link below...

FAILURE CLUB
(Every Friday on Yahoo! Screen...Watch out NBC...You've got some competition.)

Dude...We should all be in Failure Club.

Start your own!!!!!

Why Failure Club is awesome...
1. Provides accountability
2. Provides moral support
3. You can help motivate others as you, yourself, are motivated
4. You can talk through your psychological issues and fears with others who can empathize and encourage you
5. Somebody is there to notice your progress...and call you out when your are procrastinating
6. The group can give suggestions for resources and next steps
7. The group can help you work through your own resistance
8. You are putting yourself in a SAFE environment of supportive and knowledgeable people where you will be able to take RISKS and FAIL BIG...and realize that you can get through it and you'll be a more courageous human being as a result!

"But, I'm afraid!"... Set yourself up to succeed by giving yourself some SUPPORT.

Q: How do I build-up confidence?
A: Push through the fear and do something that TERRIFIES you!

It doesn't even matter what happens as a RESULT of that fearful action...success...failure...whatever...You will feel like a ROCK STAR...from just having DONE that thing that you've been sooooo afraid of doing.

Awesome.

The issues addressed on this show are allllll the things that successful people MUST work through in order to  be okay with failure and ... BE SUCCESSFUL!

My question to YOU:
If you knew that allllll you had to do to make your dreams come true was overcome your fear of failing... could you do it?

Thinkaboutdit.

Loves,
V

96. Create Yourself

"I love the chemistry that can be created onstage between the actors and the audience. It's molecular even, the energies that can go back and forth. I started in theater. and when I first went into movies I felt that my energy was going to blow out the camera." - Glenn Close

Sooooo my Christmas gift to myself today was to treat myself to a film...a great film. I chose to see Albert Nobbs starring Glenn Close at The Film Society of Lincoln Center. (Though Glenn Close is not a graduate of NYU, Yale or Juilliard...I am happy to feature her on this blog...because...as we all know...one does NOT need to have an MFA from one of these schools to be a great actor.)

Albert Nobbs is an incredibly beautiful film filled with subtle and emotionally resonant performances. I would like to call your attention to one particular scene where Albert Nobbs (a woman who has been passing as a man for 30 years in order to work and survive in 19th century Ireland) is asked a simple question..."What's your real name?"... Watch the clip...Then let's discuss...

Awesome. Isn't Glenn Close brilliant!? Sooooo much going on in that reaction, yet so simple. LOVE it.

This scene got me thinking about the realities we all create for ourselves. She's been living as a man for 30 YEARS!!! That is a looooooong time to be playing a role...so much so that she's BECOME Albert. That's her IDENTITY now. She identifies herself only as Albert, but she is in fact a WOMAN. I love the complexity of that!

And aren't we all complex in that way? Okay, maybe not so much with the gender-bending thing...but in other ways...We identify ourselves with certain labels that we fully believe...because we've created a reality for ourselves where that has become our truth...(ex. I am an actor. I like earl grey tea. I live in Astoria.)

So...what if...in order to survive in 21st century America...I had to completely change my reality, my identity and make myself into somebody else in order to live the life I want to live? Could I give up earl grey tea? Could I give up my identity? Could I move to a different city? Change my name? What kind of trauma would cause me to need to make such changes?

I find all of that fascinating...Mostly because...I feel like I AM doing that...creating my new reality...Only, I'll keep my name and I am not giving up earl grey tea. But I have completely changed the circumstances of where I live and where I work and redefining my identity as an artist...all in the name of survival...creative survival.

The creative direction of my life was NOOOOT leading me in the direction that I wanted to go. So I'm creating a new reality, where I am able to be who I am...who I see myself as...who I am becoming.

I mean, if you felt like who you had become was not working out so well or not making you happy...who's to say you can't change? Become the person you want to become. The person you know you want to be, deep inside. Live as this person...act as this person would act...until you believe it in your core...and love yourself as much as possible...Albert could probably stand to throw in a little more self-loving, I think. But, man, she's super brave for transforming herself and recreating her life on her own terms.

She knows who she is... because she's created herself. She is Albert.

I think that's courageous. Courage is what I see when I watch the clip above. But like with any great performance...you may see something completely different reflected back at you.

Thoughts? Care to share? Disagree with me? Would love to hear other perspectives. Comments are always welcome below.

Loves,
V

P.S. Merry Christmas!

P.P.S. Submitted my NYU application and scheduled my audition for 9am on Sunday, January 22nd. Yay!!!

P.P.P.S. Only one more application left to complete...Yale. That's next on the agenda...Last, but not least. :-)

88. In Love

"If you are doing something that you don't enjoy and you don't have the gratification of success, failure is particularly painful. But doing what you love is itself the reward." - Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project

You know what is the most amazing feeling in the world? Doing what you love and realizing in that very moment... that you truly LOVE it.

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.

Just had the most kick-ass monologue coaching session with Kathryn Bild. Love this character I get to play soooo much! She has so many great ideas! Just saying the words and getting to live truthfully in her imaginary circumstances...now that's my idea of PLAY!!!! Oh, it makes me feel like a KID!

I am seriously IN LOVE with acting.

"Absence diminishes commonplace passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and kindles fire." - Francois duc de La Rochefoucauld, moralist (1613-1680)

It's so funny to me... how my hiatus from acting has made me soooooo aware of how much I relish every single moment that I get to do it now. I cannot WAIT to get back to it full-time and stop renting my soul to big-business-on-Madison-Ave.

Cannot wait to say...

"It's been fun, Madison Ave...Learned a lot from you... but I've seen the writing on the wall. You and I are not meant to be together forever. You've helped me to survive in New York and for that I am truly grateful. But it's just a matter of time before we shall be parting ways. Don't worry...there will be another happy monkey (or 20) to fill my seat. I promise. Soon you won't even remember that I was ever a part of your world. Wish I could say I'll miss you...but I just don't think so. Thanks for the support, though, and for the free lunches and for the memories. Bye-bye."

Sigh...soon... very soon.

"Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it." - Hardy D. Jackson

I have come to the realization that if I am going to contribute my life's energy to something...I want that something to be telling stories through acting...not working on Excel spreadsheets and answering phones and administratively assisting.

I could work for the rest of my life behind a desk and be very "successful" and surround myself with comforts and be safe. But... it wouldn't FEEL successful to me. Because I don't WANT to work behind a desk. I don't LOVE that kind of life. I know that I have so much more to give than my 60wpm. I want a job that MOVES me.. that challenges me!!! ... Where I can use my body, my mind, my soul, my thoughts and my brain to BE INSIDE another person's story... thus expanding my own life experience and the experiences of others.

I get so ridiculously giddy about being able to say lines and pretend to be someone else. I am a total goof-ball! It's actually embarrassing how "into it" I am. I mean, I wish I could be a little more "cool" about it...But it'd just be a freakin' lie. I am a total geek. Hee, hee!!!

Acting is so f-ing FUN!!!!!

DO THE WORK THAT YOU LOVE, PEOPLE! Whatever it is. Do it. Then sleep. Then eat. Then do more of the thing that you LOVE. Then repeat. Then take a bathroom break. Then more of the love thing. Feel your blood pumping and your heart opening? Yeah. That's IT! That's your spending your life WELL. Keep going... And then repeat. Endlessly repeat.

Loves,
V

"The best career advice to give the young is, find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it." - Katherine Whilehaen

84. New York

Workin' on my online applications for Yale and NYU today...and listening to Alicia Keys sing my soul!

Enjoy!

Keep dreamin'...realities will follow.

Loves,
V

"Having a dream is more important than having it come true...They all come true eventually, only to be replaced by others. Until then, they turn you on, give you hope, and bring you closer to home." - Mike Dooley, Tut.com

82. The Power of Celebrity

"Here's my big question to you and your generation of artists. It's a question that comes because we are now so very entrenched in a celebrity culture. Are you becoming an artist because you want the world to look at you? Or are you becoming an artist because you would like to use your ability to attract attention -- and the ability to get people to look at your work-- in order to cause them to see themselves and the world differently through you?" - Anna Deveare Smith, Letters To A Young Artist

"Why would anyone EVER want to be famous?" I used to ask. To my 16-year-old self the idea of having photographers following you around all the time, people constantly prying into your personal life and getting asked for autographs in the ladies room was tantamount to a lifetime prison sentence. Ick!

Yet, when you tell people that you want to be an actor...the first thing they say is..."Oh, you want to be famous?"

No. I want to ACT.

But sometimes acting does lead to a certain level of notoriety. It's the nature of the profession. The better you get at acting and the more people see you do it...well, they're going to remember you and recognize you. It's a natural bi-product of the work.

Though many of the trappings of "fame" don't sound particularly appealing to me... even now... I have shifted my opinion slightly regarding the allure and value of notoriety as an artist.

First...Celebrities and/or well-known artists have a fantastic advantage in finding creative fulfillment in their work... because they have what I like to call "artistic choice." This means that they've made enough money doing their work that (hopefully) they no longer have to worry... "How am I going to pay my rent if I don't take this job?!" Because their survival is assured, they can then focus on committing themselves to doing projects that excite them or challenge them... with people that they love or have always wanted to work with. How awesome is that?!

Celebrities have the power to lend their name to projects that they believe in and it will actually help these projects get funded and produced! What better position could an artist possibly have than to know that they've got the power to say "No, thanks. Not interested that project... But THIS one... now, THIS one is something I can really get into!" And to know in your soul that you're not doing it for the money, but for LOVE! How fantastic to be able to really follow your heart and not your pocketbook... not that every celebrity DOES that... but they could probably afford to, if they chose to... and it's "artistic CHOICE" that's so attractive to me.

Second...Regarding all that ATTENTION that famous people get... That can be very disturbing at times for them, I imagine, but it has certain advantages too I am realizing. I no longer think that being famous is as big a curse as I used to... However, I am not really interested in getting people's attention so that they will look at me... no, no, no... I want to get peoples attention so that they will look at whatever I am pointing to... Does that make sense? I would love to be able to earn people's trust (through my work) and that their care and attention to my work would also give me the ability share with them the causes and issues that I care about and I feel are under-represented, worthy of more attention, in need of someone to throw them some support and get the word out there!

For example, in just three weeks Hugh Jackman: Back On Broadway raised $857,740 for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights Aids. And this was because Mr. Jackman engaged with the audience in such a way that you felt he was your close friend during the show... you were totally with him. So at the end of the show... when he offered to auction off his sweaty undershirts from Act 1 & Act 2 for a donation of $10,000 a piece (gross, but true)... well, people jumped at the opportunity to give (he even threw in a kiss for one particularly generous female donor)...AND for a $2,000 donation to BC/EFA you could meet him backstage and take a photo together. Now THAT is using your celebrity to do some good. He's a HUGE star! He did NOT have to offer all of that... He could have done a 20 second post-show-speech and called it a night... but he went the extra mile and offered his own time...because he knew people would pay for access to meet him because he is FAMOUS and that donated money would make a HUGE difference to the charity! A-MA-ZING. Bravo, Hugh! Bravo! If I were a celebrity, THAT's the kind of celebrity I would be.

Third...It would be awesome to make a "famous-person's-salary." Because then I could probably afford to buy my Mom a house in Marin County like she's always dreamed of owning. And I could pay for my brothers' college educations, so that they wouldn't have to spend 20 years paying off their student loans (like most of us). And maybe I could afford to fly us all to Hawaii for a two week vacation where we could all learn to wind-surf and hike volcanos and sing together in the moonlight on the beach. And I could make sure they all have really awesome health insurance coverage, so that they can get the best care if they ever get sick...and not worry about how they're going to pay. Dream big!!! But for now...I just want to be able to make a decent living to start with...anything beyond that is gravy!

Soooo... for the three reasons explained above... I think I'd be willing to give up my anonymity and submit to the challenges of being "well-known."

Now... How to do something well enough to be "known" for? That's the question. Hopefully, grad school will help me find the answer!

In my own small way, I guess this blog is a way of throwing focus on things that I think are important to growth in the creative process.

Who needs fame when you've got the internet?!

But don't worry... I won't be auctioning off my sweaty t-shirts any time soon...probably never.

:-p

Loves,
V

P.S. If you want to throw some focus on an organization you think is worthy of some attention. Post a comment on the bottom of this blog post and tell us about WHY you love this charity and why attention must be paid!

66. My Bucket List: Personal Artistic Goals 2011

Bucket List: A list of things to do before you die. Comes from the term "kicked the bucket".

The below is part "bucket list," part "goals for the future," and part "ways I want to create my life." I wrote this list as a brain-storm exercise for the Juilliard Personal Statement. Probably not going to include any of it in the final draft of the statement, but I thought that the act of writing the list was valuable. I also thought that it would be an important thing to post on the blog... as a record of what I would like to do in the future. 

Who knows? Maybe I'll look back on this post years from now and be able to go through the list and check off a bunch of things...or maybe even ALL of them. Hope so!!! Wouldn't that be an awesome feeling???

Here's my Bucket List of Personal Artistic Goals 2011...

• I want to love my life and die knowing that I lived it exactly the way I wanted to.
• I always want to remember to be grateful for every opportunity that comes my way.
• I want earn the respect the artists that I respect and admire as a valued artistic collaborator.
• I want to serve our society in the best way that my unique talents will allow and inspire others to do the same.
• I want to be able to give back to those that have been positive influences for me along the way. I would love to be a mentor to up-and-coming artists or stay involved with my former school as an alumni who gives back.
• I want the process of “getting there” to be just as enjoyable (if not more so) than achieving my “goals."
• I want to work on projects with passionate people that also want their art to make a difference in people’s lives.
• I want to be a person that others enjoy working with.
• I want to create a sustainable life for myself, financially and creatively.
• I want to be able to pay my bills and take care of my family and thrive on the pay I receive from my acting.
• I want to attract an agent that truly believes in my abilities and versatility as an actor, understands how to best represent me within the industry, shares my vision for my artistic career and will have an unwavering work ethic because he/she LOVES his/her job.
• I want to have fun.
• I would like to voice an audiobook.
• I want to find a life partner who will love me unconditionally and will always support me in my life's work.
• I want to constantly grow and be challenged and always pursue excellence.
• I want to get really confident in my skills as an actor. I want to create such a strong foundation in my work, that I can look forward to a life-long career.
• I want to work with people I LOVE and am inspired by.
• I would like to be a regular on a televisions series that feels like a company of  super-skilled, excellence-pursuing, like-minded artists all working together to create the best show on television.
• I want to be a part of a community of like-minded artists in New York City and Los Angeles.
• I want to be a smart business woman.
• I want to live debt-free.
• I want to own my own home.
• I want to have health insurance.
• I want to travel and experience different cultures.
• I want to be able to afford to fly home and see my family whenever I want to.
• I want to originate a role on Broadway.
• I want to write a book and have it published somewhere.
• I want to write a play and see it produced someday.
• I want to create a successful enough career as an artist to be able to have creative artistic choice is selecting my jobs, such that I can choose my jobs because I LOVE them and I BELIEVE in them, not because I need the money.
• I want to be remembered as someone that left a positive impact on the world in my own small way.
• I never want to stop learning... EVER.
• I will stop doing all of the above… on the day I die.

What's in your bucket?

Loves,

V

"You can't always get what you want

But if you try sometimes you might find

You get what you need"

- The Rolling Stones

65. Powerful Questions

"The questions you have to answer pertain to what, where, when and WHY. Mine pertain to how and with whom. When you know the end result, I always know the fastest way." - The Universe

Working on my personal statement today... In my comfy writing-space at home with a cup of tea and the sunshine coming through the windows and all my papers and notes scattered about me on the futon.

I am enjoying some of the questions that have come up as I've been brain-storming and journaling and exploring what I really want to say with this personal statement for my Juilliard application.

I seriously love a good, hard-core, no-nonsense, well-stated question.

I'm so grateful to have the opportunity and motivation to reflect on these life-direction types of questions. I think they are important to ask ourselves from time to time... just to check-in and make sure that our daily actions are in-tune with what our own unique hearts REALLY value.

Below are my questions... and "my answers"... Which are in no way "your answers"... As you know, you've got your own answers inside of you. So please keep in mind while reading below... that I am simply exploring these ideas and none of these answers are meant to be etched in stone (not even for myself). Ask me these same questions tomorrow and you'll get a whole new set of "answers"... none of which are wrong... none of which are right.

:-p

Just asking the question and being open to listening for the universe to bring you an answer is a step in the right direction.

"And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." - Luke 11:9, The Bible: New Living Translation

Enjoy living in the questions...

Q: What job would your pay someone to let you do?
A: Do that.... If you aren't doing that now, do one small thing today to move yourself in the direction of doing that. You will be happy with yourself when you do.

Q: What is stopping you from becoming your "dream come true" right now?
A: Don't use FEAR of anything as an excuse... Run as fast as you can toward conquering that fear. Ask for help from experts when you need it.

Q: If you become like those you are with, who are you with that you want to become like?
A: Seek out people who inspire you and spend time with them. Learn from them. Don't waste your time on people that you don't enjoy.

Q: What is your measure of success?
A: Define it. Make it quantifiable in some way. That's the only way you'll know when you've reached it.

Q: What stories inspire you?
A: I like "rags to riches" stories. I like "overcoming the odds" stories. I like stories of successful entrepreneurs who experienced years of failure to finally rise from the ashes and do great things. I like stories of ordinary people accomplishing extraordinary things. I like stories of people who don't wait around to be saved, but choose to save themselves and help others save themselves in the process. I like funny stories that make you cry. I like stories about change... changed hearts, changed minds, changed bodies and souls.

Q: How do you see your art connecting to the world?
A: I will answer this question with another question... "What is the universal truth in this?"... I am CONSTANTLY asking myself that question, unconsciously and consciously... Especially in writing, but in acting as well... What do I mean, exactly? Well... For example, you could be doing a scene about eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... but what's REALLY going on in that scene?... What is it that's humanly universal about the experience of eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Which universal truth are we trying to communicate?....  Is is about satisfying a craving? Is is about nostalgically reliving a familiar childhood experience? Is it a suicidal death-wish because you are allergic to peanut butter?

THAT is what I love about art. It can be interpreted a million different ways, by both the artist and the audience. So that's how I'd like my art to connect to the world... I would like to be a skillful enough artist to make specific circumstances and unique personal experiences feel universal through sharing my creative point-of-view. That's my idea of fun. That's how I'd like to create more empathy and connection between humans. I truly believe that's the kind of art that changes the world. Because empathy leads to new ways of thinking, which leads to new ways of reacting and eventually motivates pro-action... for the betterment and benefit of ALL people... if I have anything to do with it... and I will... and I do. And so do you!

We are all participating in artfully creating this world. So the best question is... What do you have to contribute to this art project called life? Our society, our world needs you... so GIVE what you most love to give. It will be appreciated by someone.

"One's destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things." - Henry Miller

Always in process,
Virginia

60. Back Stage

"Get to your bottom line. Figure out who you are, uniquely, at your core and name it. Be consistently and authentically you. Be your own Tiger. Because you'll never be sorry about that." - Christina Shipp, The Savvy Actor

I love reading the articles, interviews and advice columns in Back Stage (the trade newspaper for actors). I've been an actor for most of my life, but just got my own subscription to Back Stage about a year ago. 

Why now?... I realized that for an actor, not reading Back Stage was sort-of like a finance-guy never reading the Wall Street Journal. 

How can you know what's going on in your industry? I figured, if I am really serious about being a professional actor, I'd better provide myself with some solid resources coming into my mailbox each week. It'll keep me in-touch with "the business"... even as I dabble in day-job-land... for now.

I also get the Equity Newsletter and have a subscription to American Theatre Magazine. I am sure there are many, many, many more resources that I could subscribe to that would also be very helpful to building my knowledge about "the industry." But I've got to start with SOMEWHERE... So these three resources seemed like the best start at keeping myself aware of what's going on in the acting world... and Back Stage has been an especially valuable investment.

For those of you that are like... "What the heck is Back Stage?" See the quote below, taken directly from the BackStage.com FAQ... 

If you already know all about it... then you can just scroll-down to the next section...

What is Back Stage?
Back Stage is the actor's resource, a brand that aims to give actors all the information they need to succeed. In practical terms, it is actually two products: a national newspaper and a website. The newspaper is sold on newsstands in New York, Los Angeles, and select other areas, as well as nationwide by subscription. 

First and foremost for our readers, both in print and online we publish casting calls and production listings, especially for New York City and Los Angeles. Both also include some news, features, columns, and theatre reviews. 

In the newspaper, we publish current events as well as over a dozen weekly advice columns, many of which never appear on the website. The Back Stage newspaper is best described as a publication to curl up with on a Sunday or take with you on the subway-stories you can savor. 

BackStage.com delivers updated news and casting throughout the day. Plus, BackStage.com offers casting from all over the country-many not available in print. Every week, we publish dozens of notices from areas like Chicago, Miami, Las Vegas, Seattle, Atlanta, Denver and many more. 

Most importantly, web subscribers get free access to our incredible Multimedia Resume Database. With that, you can store your resume, several headshots and audio or video reel-for no extra charge! (Included in the price of membership.) 

BackStage.com also has video, weblogs, and a dynamic message board. We have web-only features and columns. Finally, we have our Actors' Yellow Pages, which allows you to access a wide range of photographers, classes, and more.

Such a worthy investment! 

Most recently I've been loooooving the newspaper interviews with super-top-notch-actors-with-great-craft-and-amazing-careers.

I will share with you two such examples today...

1. Frank Langella

2. Kirsten Dunst

(You can also check-out their bios at IMDB.com... another great resource for info about working actors.)

This is the Frank Langella quote of the day:

"...His career has been defined by many ups and downs and dry periods when he had neither work nor representation. But he never toyed with the idea of doing something else nor even questioned his talent. "When I had difficulty getting work or representation, I told myself it was not a reflection of my ability, but rather a reflection of my demeanor or manner, or it was luck of the draw. I never felt, 'Now I'll go do trash.' My motto is 'Never give up, never give in, if the dream is still strong in you.' If the need to act is so strong it wakes you in the middle of the night, then stay with it."  

He adds, "If you think you'd kind of like to be an actor because it'll get you laid, or you'd kind of like to be an actor because it'll make you famous, or you'd kind of like to be an actor because it'll make you lots of money and you won't have to work much, then you shouldn't be an actor. You should be a commercial commodity." 

And the Kirsten Dunst quote of the day:

"I think for everyone it's good to have your own personal work on a character and a film before you even start rehearsing, to have an inner life. I've always been someone that has, like, "character therapy" between me and whoever I'm playing. I'm the type of actor where when I get on set, I throw it all away, and then it becomes about being in the moment with whoever you're acting with and that inner life. You've worked on it and it's there, but then it's about being there for whatever happens in the scene. I'm not a very "this is planned out" person when I get to set. "This is how I'm going to do it"—I'm never like that. The energy with whoever you're working with and also of the place you're in, the set, or wherever it is. Your environment feeds what you're doing as well. You have to be open to whatever happens and not be afraid. That was the biggest thing from being a young adult actress to now being in films. There's a period where you have to break through this fear. It's okay to do a terrible take. Try something different. Or if you start laughing, or wherever it goes, it doesn't really matter, because by the end of the scene it could come to something really special. If you had this way in your head of thinking about it, it would have fell flat. That's usually the way I work. Also, I'm not a big fan of rehearsal, for the most part. I think when you find something for the first time on film, you get something special."

This is the kind of stuff that "pops-out" at me when I'm reading. 

Thank you, Back Stage, for making these resources available. There's so much to be gleaned by learning from the expertise of actors you respect and admire.

Makes me want to be a better actor myself... and also makes me feel good to know that actors with a strong point-of-view that don't necessarily "fit-the-mold" and aren't always cast according to "type" are some of the most successful actors out there. They've made their own way and get hired for jobs because of WHO THEY ARE and what they bring to a project creatively. 

I greatly admire actors that have created careers that are sustainable, creatively fulfilling, inspiring to others annnnnnd that can actually pay their bills and save for retirement with their actor-paychecks. They choose projects based on what inspires them and work with people that they LOVE and/or will challenge them to grow as artists. Now... THAT's the life.

((((LoVe))))

Dreamin' BIG & takin' cues from the experts,

Virginia

"I’m a big believer in relative expertise. For most purposes, you don’t need to be the world’s foremost expert on something to benefit from what you know. Being expert enough means knowing enough or being good enough to accomplish your goals, however modest or grand they may be. 

Someone once told me to think about expertise as a scale from one to ten, not as an absolute. If you’re a two or three on the scale, you’re expert enough to help people who are ones and twos. In fact, you might be better suited to helping beginners than a ten on the expert scale, because you’re closer to their level and better understand where they’re coming from." - Corbett Bar, Expert Enough

 

50. My Ideal Body

“Shift your focus from what works in a controlled, “test tube” environment to what works in the real world. If you’re one of the small percentage of people who are genuinely drawn to lifting weights and using machines based on repetition and distraction, by all means have at it. You’re one of the lucky few. If not, cast a wider net to explore not only what, on paper, burns the most calories or builds the most muscle, but what makes exercise so enjoyable, engaging, and fulfilling that you will do whatever it takes to add more to your life every day. You need to find a way to feel good about exercising and to feel good while exercising.” – Jonathan Fields, Uncertainty: Turning Fear And Doubt Into Fuel For Brilliance

Everybody knows they should exercise and that the benefits are a healthier body and a longer life-span.  Duh! But I have found those to be not-so-motivating motivations when it comes to actually taking ACTION and exercising consistently. And I suspect I'm not the only one. 

Getting back into my ideal body, a.k.a… how I looked/felt when I was 19… has been a huge part of my creative process this year. Yes… CREATIVE… because with all my daily choices, I realize that I am slowly creating the body that I am living in! 

So I might as well make some good choices to feel good in the body that I've got, right? 

Simple. Logical. 

But how to motivate myself to not just talk about doing it, but to actually DO IT?  

Since May 2011, I have been committed myself to re-learning how I think about my relationship with food and my relationship with various kinds of physical activities… and all of this with the assistance, guidance, care and sometimes annoying enthusiasm of My Body Tutor, Adam Gilbert.

Actually, I feel like I haven’t been completely transparent with you guys by not writing about him more on the blog… because he’s such a HUGE part of my life every single day and a major champion of mine in ALL things. And, seriously, I have lost 20 lbs since May and I feel wonderful… and during that time I had two surgeries and still lost weight and he’s helped me to overcome my fear of getting back into dance class again and incorporating pilates and yoga and even some weight-lifting into my weekly routine… which I NEVER thought I would feel comfortable doing. I am in the best shape of my life as I sit and write these words. True story.

I will never regret my investment of time and money and energy working with Adam. I am a much more fearless and waaaay happier individual because of the personal growth I have experienced as a result of my daily commitment to my body and my time with MBT.

I found Adam, by chance, reading a blog post that he had written about consistency being the key to success in fitness. His philosophy about sustainable lifestyle change that works for YOU and gets you the results that YOU want… made me so excited to work with him! I had been hoping to find something like his program for a while and it came across my computer screen at just the right time for me. 

I was sick of feeling crappy in my body. I was ready to make a change. NO MORE EXCUSES!!! What was I so afraid of? Failing? I was already failing every single day to support my body in being the healthiest it could be. Now is the time for ACTION!

I knew what I needed to do (exercise & eat more nutritious foods) and I knew how I wanted to feel (SEXY/ENERGETIC/YOUNG) and how I wanted to look (HOT), I just didn’t know HOW I would motivate myself to be consistent enough to make those things happen or if the things I thought might work would actually yield the results that I was hoping for.

And I was scared. I'm no fitness expert! I needed SUPPORT!!! 

I knew I would need someone to tell me to stick with it when I didn't feel like sticking with it anymore and someone would be there to applaud me when I chose to have frozen yogurt instead of donuts!!! And from reading Adam's blog and alll about his fitness philosophy, he seemed like the right guy for the job!

I knew that if I committed to working with MBT, that he would be my resource for all fitness/nutrition related knowledge and that if I had a question he didn’t already know the answer to… that he’d find out for me. AND he'd totally be my champion, my cheerleader through the tough parts of the journey. Because, let me tell you, this guy is MOTIVATED. He LOOOOOVES his job… helping people change their own lives and find long-term, happy, sustainable ways to eat healthy and exercise in ways that his clients will be able to ENJOY and therefore CONTINUE and feel AMAZING in their bodies and EMPOWERED to take control of the one thing that many people feel like they can’t control… their own body.

I can honestly say that I would not be writing this blog, if it wasn’t for Adam. (He has his own awesome blog too at Guru Gilbert.) And was generous enough to be my blog mentor also! Waaaaay above and beyond his duties as my body tutor.

I could seriously write a novel about all of the ways that MyBodyTutor has helped me to grow as a human being, both physically and psychologically. But most importantly, it has shown me what awesome outcomes can happen by committing to doing something consistently, a little bit at a time, every single day.

Baby steps get big things done… It's not overwhelming if you just take it from moment to moment... One meal, one workout at a time…

All these same transformational skills I’ve learned from doing MBT can lead to success in any goal or whatever kind of life you might want to create for yourself.

One blog post… one monologue… one audition at a time… Adam and I joke that when I get accepted to grad school I can write a testimonial for him called “How MBT got me into Graduate School.” Ha!!! Wouldn’t that be awesome!?! Hope I actually get to write that.

Get the support you need in order to help yourself succeed, I say! And though Adam has HELPED me to make things happen… I know that it was actually ME that did the work… myself. And that makes me feel sooooo great. I CAN CHANGE and it doesn’t have to be HARD and I don’t have to do it someone else’s way. It can be FUN and EASY and SLOW and SUSTAINABLE and I can do it MY way and be successful at reaching my goals. That’s what works for me and the kind of life experience I want to have. And I FEEEEL wonderful… mind and body… for giving myself the gift of a commitment to a healthier me!

Anyhoo, I love MBT. Had to share.

If you have any questions about My Body Tutor, please feel free to email me at viavirginiawilcox at gmail dot com or you can email Adam Gilbert directly at adam at my body tutor dot com. It’s an online program. So he can help you get into your ideal body from ANYWHERE!

You can do it. No joke.

And when you do get into your ideal body and you feel F#*ING AMAZING... I do also accept "thank you" notes at the above email address as well. 

:-)

Be well,

Virginia

Photo by Dylan Patrick Photography

“My idea of hell would be seeing what you could have accomplished if only you had tried your hardest.” – Adam Gilbert, My Body Tutor