An (almost) daily conversation about my process of preparation to apply for acceptance to the MFA Acting programs at Juilliard, NYU-Tisch and the Yale School of Drama in 2012.
"We practice [mindfulness] in order to have the capacity to deal with desire, to smile with desire, so that we may be free from it." - Thich Nhat Hanh, Fidelity
Yesterday was an emotional roller-coaster ride. I was informed that there is still a chance that I may be accepted to NYU Grad Acting in the fall. (If you missed yesterday's post. You can read all about it HERE.)
Up until yesterday, I had totally let go of the idea that it was even a REMOTE possibility that I was still under serious consideration at NYU. I mean, they didn't even ask me to go to the callback weekend. (Not that I could have attended anyway, since I had to be in San Diego that weekend for work.) NYU put me on the "wait-list" with 250 other people. So...that didn't sound promising.
And then BAM! Phone call from Janet Zarish. "Virginia, we'd like you to be one of two alternates for this year's class."
Yeah. Sure. Okay. AWESOME!
Very thrilling.
Sooooooo naturally....yesterday my head was spinning around from the new given circumstances of my life.
What's going to happen?
How should I be feeling about all of this?... Happy?... Scared?
I mean...WHAT IF I GET IN?
And...WHAT IF I DON'T GET IN?
Think.
Think.
Think.
Then...I had an AWESOME REALIZATION this afternoon.
Even though "acceptance" is sooooooo close I can almost taste it...
I am NOT AFRAID of not getting accepted to NYU.
I am also NOT AFRAID of getting accepted to NYU.
I. Am. Not. Afraid.
NOT AFRAID.
And that makes me HAPPY!
I know that I am perfectly happy with either outcome. TRULY.
That's an incredibly wonderful and liberating feeling.
I'm happy with living in the mystery for a while. It's kind of FUN, actually...The not-knowing-what-the-heck-is-going-to-happen.
"Fear distorts our lives and makes us miserable. We cling to objects and people, like a drowning person clinging to a floating log. By practicing nonattachment and sharing this wisdom with others, we give the gift of non-fear. Everything is impermanent. This moment passes. That person walks away. [YOU DON'T GET ACCEPTED TO GRAD SCHOOL.] Happiness is still possible." - Thich Nhat Hanh, Fidelity
External circumstances will never bring true joy. Joy comes from within. So choose to be happy NOW.
Loves,
V
"True love is generated from within. With true love, you feel complete in yourself; you don't need something from outside. True love is like the sun, shining with its own light, and offering that light to everyone." - Thich Nhat Hanh, Fidelity
"I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel." - Audrey Hepburn
I woke up early this morning, so that I could have a little time for some stillness and solitude in my day. Haven't had that in a loooooong while.
I never used to be a "morning person." But now, I do appreciate the small joys of waking up before the sun...before the neighborhood springs to life with activity.
My schedule is really crazy/busy right now...filled with a lot of stuff that I'm not excited about doing, but that I am obligated to complete. I know that it is possible for me to experience joy, even in the midst of these obligatory tasks. And taking a little time to sit, meditatively with my coffee, in the pre-day quiet, in my cozy apartment...is essential to me being able to bring a joyful attitude to whatever may come my way today.
We get sooooooo busy with our own to-do lists...not to mention all the to-dos that other people expect us to accomplish for THEM...Replies to those emails/emails/emails, pick up some milk at the store before you head home, buy a gift for so-and-so's party, donate to that fundraiser, make plans to meet up with what's-his-name for dinner, pack that change of clothes for yoga class, get those taxes done, fix that coat with the annoying rip in the pocket, clean the bathroom, put away the laundry, start that new project for work that needs to be completed in two days and you have no idea how that's going to happen because you haven't even had time to complete the normal daily tasks, let alone start something new.
AHHHHHH!
Shhhhhhhhh....
Mmmmmorning....Quiet....Breathing....
I tend to feel like...once these tasks get accomplished....THEN I'll be able to really enjoy some well-deserved quiet/relaxation time. But it actually works the OPPOSITE way...I've got to take some quiet time NOW or I won't be able to ENJOY accomplishing any of the tasks above.
If I've gotta pick up milk at the grocery store...might as well pick it up with joy and SMILE at the check-out clerk in the process.
That's what I HOPE I'll be able to do anyway. May fall short...but that's okay too. I'll forgive myself and resolve to smile next time.
Hope you will take a moment of quiet for yourself today...even in a small way...and that investment will give you the benefit of a day filled with joyful accomplishments.
Love,
V
"There is perhaps no more empowering belief than understanding you're always in control of how you feel. Similarly, understanding that just because you're not always skipping through the tulips with joy doesn't mean that something's wrong with you." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe
"The feeling of being hurried is not usually the result of living a full life and having no time. It is, on the contrary, born of a vague fear that we are wasting our life. When we do not do the one thing we ought to do, we have no time for anything else - we are the busiest people in the world." - Eric Hoffer, philosopher & author (1902-1983)
Hey, Peeps!
I know you all have busy, busy lives. That’s the way of the world these days, right?
I often forget that I need to give myself space to actually ENJOY my life. Every time I check something off the to-do list, it just seems to get longer.
In the interest of regaining some of my sanity, I am going to be mindful to single-task today. I will do one thing at a time and enjoy focusing on doing that one thing really, really well.
What will you do today to be more mindful and experience a deeper sense of joy? Don’t know? Need inspiration?
Here’s a gift for you! … A guest post from my FAVORITE blog: ZenHabits. See below…
“Smile, breathe and go slowly.”- Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist monk
The idea of being mindful — being present, being more conscious of life as it happens — seems a bit impossible to many of the super busy.
But not only is it possible, I’d submit that it’s desirable, and that it’ll help the busy (and non-busy) achieve their goals and enjoy life more fully…
“Do you have patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?”- Lao Tzu
How to Be Mindful
1. Do one thing at a time. Single-task, don’t multi-task. When you’re pouring water, just pour water. When you’re eating, just eat. When you’re bathing, just bathe. Don’t try to knock off a few tasks while eating or bathing or driving. Zen proverb: “When walking, walk. When eating, eat.”
2. Do it slowly and deliberately. You can do one task at a time, but also rush that task. Instead, take your time, and move slowly. Make your actions deliberate, not rushed and random. It takes practice, but it helps you focus on the task.
3. Do less. If you do less, you can do those things more slowly, more completely and with more concentration. If you fill your day with tasks, you will be rushing from one thing to the next without stopping to think about what you do. But you’re busy and you can’t possibly do less, right? You can. I’ve done it, and so have many busy people. It’s a matter of figuring out what’s important, and letting go of what’s not. Read more:The Lazy Manifesto: Do Less.
4. Put space between things. Related to the “Do less” rule, but it’s a way of managing your schedule so that you always have time to complete each task. Don’t schedule things close together — instead, leave room between things on your schedule. That gives you a more relaxed schedule, and leaves space in case one task takes longer than you planned.
5. Spend at least 5 minutes each day doing nothing. Just sit in silence. Become aware of your thoughts. Focus on your breathing. Notice the world around you. Become comfortable with the silence and stillness. It’ll do you a world of good — and just takes 5 minutes!
6. Stop worrying about the future – focus on the present. Become more aware of your thinking — are you constantly worrying about the future? Learn to recognize when you’re doing this, and then practice bringing yourself back to the present. Just focus on what you’re doing, right now. Enjoy the present moment.
7. When you’re talking to someone, be present. How many of us have spent time with someone but have been thinking about what we need to do in the future? Or thinking about what we want to say next, instead of really listening to that person? Instead, focus on being present, on really listening, on really enjoying your time with that person.
8. Eat slowly and savor your food. Food can be crammed down our throats in a rush, but where’s the joy in that? Savor each bite, slowly, and really get the most out of your food. Interestingly, you’ll eat less this way, and digest your food better as well.
9. Live slowly and savor your life. Just as you would savor your food by eating it more slowly, do everything this way — slow down and savor each and every moment. As I type this, for example, I have my 3-year-old daughter, Noelle, on my lap. She’s just sitting here quietly, as the rain pours down in a hush outside. What a lovely moment. In fact, I’m going to take a few minutes off just to be with her now. Be right back. :)
10. Make cleaning and cooking become meditation. Cooking and cleaning are often seen as drudgery, but actually they are both great ways to practice mindfulness, and can be great rituals performed each day. If cooking and cleaning seem like boring chores to you, try doing them as a form of meditation. Put your entire mind into those tasks, concentrate, and do them slowly and completely. It could change your entire day (as well as leave you with a cleaner house).
11. Keep practicing. When you get frustrated, just take a deep breath. When you ask yourself, “What should I do now, Self?”, the answer is “keep practicing”.
“When you drive around the city and come to a red light or a stop sign, you can just sit back and make use of these twenty or thirty seconds to relax — to breathe in, breathe out, and enjoy arriving in the present moment. There are many things like that we can do.”- Thich Nhat Hanh
