163. Interview with Bryce Pinkham (Yale) - Part Four

(This is PART FOUR of the interview with Yale graduate Bryce Pinkham. Click HERE to read PART ONE, HERE to read PART TWO and HERE to read PART THREE. This interview was conducted at Cellini Restaurant on E. 54th St. in New York City on January 6, 2012, and was lovingly transcribed by my mother, Dorothy Wilcox. Thanks, MOM!)

(Yay, Bryce!...Break legs in Ghost: The Musical!)

Virginia: Okay, we’ve talked a lot about good audition advice. What is the worst piece of audition advice that you’ve ever gotten?

Bryce: Hmmm...(Thinking.)

Virginia: Can I share with you mine?

Bryce: Yeah.

Virginia: "Just show up."  People say that "showing up is half the battle."  I’m like, "NO! That’s like the last two percent."  And sure, yeah, if you don’t show up, you're not going to get the job, but STILL...

Bryce: There’s a difference between being relaxed and allowing for whatever is going to happen to happen and just showing up. Yeah, if you show up, but you show up unprepared... then, you know, nobody’s happy...

I’d encourage people to just treat the situation for what it is, admit what’s going on in the room. Sometimes you get in there and you feel like it’s just hard to be a human being all of a sudden -- It’s hard to say hello to someone and goodbye to someone or introduce yourself. I don’t know why this happens to us. I do know it’s nerves and fear, but if you can just try and do things like walk at normal speeds and say goodbye and have a nice day and thank you to your reader in particular. I always try to say thanks. That’s one thing, having been a reader, a reader can really help you a lot in an audition. Again, that’s more for professional auditions than it is in grad school. But I don’t like when people pretend that something is going on that’s not going on. They forgot the line. They forgot the words. Just stop, say I’m sorry, I forgot the words. They don’t care. They want you to get it right. They want you to do well. Everybody in an audition wants you to do well. Nobody wants you to suck.


Virginia: I have a grad school audition question.

Bryce: Yeah, sure.

Virginia: You got to observe a lot of the auditions for Yale after you had been accepted, right?

Bryce: Yeah, you can do that if you want.

Virginia: Did anyone ever ask to direct their monologue to you while you were in the room?

Bryce: No. But if you’re considering….

Virginia: I mean, obviously Ron and Walton don’t want you to direct your monologue to them. They want to be able to watch you.

Bryce: Yeah.

Virginia: But is it appropriate to ask to direct your monologue to a grad student or someone, if they're in the room?

Bryce: Well, I think you should ask, if you want to use somebody, whether it’s the auditioner – which I don’t recommend -- or somebody else in the room, a student, or a reader, what have you. I ask readers who have been brought to the audition to interact with people. For example, if I’m singing a song to someone in particular, I ask, "Can I use you for the song? Do you mind if I sing this song to you?"...

You know, usually it works out great....But whatever...it’s helpful to me, and hopefully they enjoy it. I don’t know. But in terms of grad school auditions, I would say... yes, but be prepared for them to say no. If you say, "Can I use one of you guys for this monologue?" And Ron or Walton or whoever says, "No, I’d rather you actually just did the monologue."  Just be prepared for that reality, so that you’re not committed in one way. "I have to do this to somebody or it’s not going to be good."

Virginia: But in your experience at Yale, did that ever happen while you were in the room?

Bryce: I never saw that happen, no.

Virginia: Everybody would just do their monologue, pick a point on the wall and speak?

Bryce: Yeah, I mean... I wouldn’t say pick a point on the wall. I would say the gaze is probably in some general direction.

Virginia: But they’re not talking to a person.

Bryce: They’re talking to a person... But the reason I stop you at "looking at a point on the wall" is just because I think for me, in my experience of doing those things, it’s easier to actually go into what I would call a "soft focus" and imagine a person there... as opposed to finding the middle of the room and saying it to the exit sign, you know?...Which I’ve also done... If it helps, find the exit sign and just sing to it.

You’ve done all the preparation. Don’t let the nerves of the moment interfere with all that. Take the time to remind yourself of your breath and also...whatever you've come up with...Okay, this is the person I’m talking to, this is what I need from them, and this is why. And this is what just happened [in the scene]... And, again, imagine they’re right over there, and I’m going to start. As opposed to,...okay, they’re running late so they probably need the next person in here, and I’ll just pick a point on the wall and start.... Again, it’s your time, you’ve done the work, you paid money to be there.

Virginia: A lot, yeah.

Bryce: So I’m not saying get in there and do your warm-ups in front of them. Please do not do that.

Virginia: (Laughs.)

Bryce: But feel free to take your time to make sure you’re breathing and start the way you want to start. I don’t advocate stopping if you feel -- oh, it’s not going exactly the way I want it. First, you can never control what they say. You can only control what you do. And if you feel like you’ve drastically gone away from what you said you wanted to do, then you can say, "I’m sorry, I’d like to start again. May I start again? Take your time again and start."  But again there’s something about the insistence or the boldness of a proposal that is worth more to me on the other side of that table than the person that comes in and gets all the beats right or puts the emphasis on the right word as opposed to comes in and lays the meat on the table... "That’s my audition!" You know?

Virginia: Okay, so I want to finish up by talking about your current project (Ghost:The Musical), and just ask you a couple of questions about that. When do you guys go into previews?

Bryce: We start previews March 15,2012 and we open in April 23, 2012.

Virginia: Tell me about the project and how you came to be involved.

Bryce: I am going to be originating for Broadway! -- I say that because it’s going to be very exciting. Remember we talked about the little kid who like gets to say stuff? It’s in these moments where I have to force myself to say those things because the easy path would be to say, "Oh, I’m doing Ghost. But the more fun path, the part that you feel like... not only have I earned this, but I have to see it in this way in order to give it the value it deserves and give it the effort it deserves.-- So I’ll be originating for Broadway the role of Carl in  Ghost:The Musical, which is currently running in London. I’m going over there on Tuesday to see the show and meet the cast.

Virginia: They’re flying you out?

Bryce: Yes.

Virginia: Cool.

Bryce: They’re flying me out, and I’m getting fitted for a harness, so yes.

Virginia: Do you get to fly?

Bryce: Well, there will be some certain moments that involve harnesses. I’ll say no more than that.

(Here's a video clip of the Broadway cast's trip to London!!!)

Bryce: How I got involved is... I auditioned.

I just remembered this the other day -- This will be good -- I originally auditioned for the Patrick Swayze role - Sam. I originally auditioned for that for a workshop that they were doing in London with the intent of maybe doing a production of it, two years ago...And I auditioned for the role Patrick Swayze played in Ghost on the day that Patrick Swayze died....And I remember thinking at the time, this is just weird. And it was, again, one of those moments where I was thinking, if I think too much about this, I’m not going to be able to go in and do this audition.

Virginia: Right, you’ve just got to let that go.

Bryce: And I went in and did the audition. Yeah, it was fine. I think it was okay. I didn’t think it was my best. But the director sat me down and talked with me. And then I never heard back. And I thought, okay, well... And then here we are a year and a half, two years later, and I get a call to come in and audition for the friend, the part that Tony Goldman plays in the movie. And I went back and I looked at the script, having remembered going in for the other role before. And I had this realization of... oh, yeah, this is the part I would want to play anyway.

Patrick Swayze’s was a great role, obviously. It was super important. But there’s something about this guy that’s more interesting to me as an artist looking to tackle something. And so that’s what got me psyched to go back in and say, I know I wasn’t right for that guy but check this out. Which is sort of the attitude I try to take a lot in auditions is... "Look, check this out, check me out."  Sometimes it’s hard to back up because I feel like…

Virginia: This might not be a good fit.

Bryce: ….this might not be it. I probably had tried to do that attitude when I went in for the Patrick Swayze, check this out, and it didn’t work. Fine...But this time I really felt like, oh, yeah, something about this is more exciting, makes more sense. I know where to start with this. And so we did about 3 – 4 callbacks I think. 

After I had a second callback, the next day I had a call to go and meet the director, and did that. You know, I sat down with him and chatted. I had a really sort of like interview, really. And that was on a Sunday, and I was expecting, you know, like next week, Monday or Tuesday I’m going to find out about this. And a month and a half went by and I didn’t hear anything, so I thought okay, that’s gone. I’d really --

Virginia: Let it go.

Bryce: -- completely had let it go. I sort of had forgotten about it, honestly. And then another call, yeah, they still can’t make up their minds. Would you come back in? I said, of course I’ll come back in. So I did and we did another one of those, as I mentioned before, auditioned with tons of people and on video, you know, sending it to London, so people could see it.

At that time, I was like, well , I know what I’ve done in the past, and I know I’m not going to do anything worse than that. If anything, I’m going to do even better. So I had that confidence. They like me enough to bring me back in. Now I just have to go in and do what I do and enjoy it and stand behind it completely. So that’s what I did. I mean, I say it so easily, like yeah, that’s all I did,...but it was terrifying.

Virginia: Right.

Bryce: Terrifying and nerve wracking to get the call that I got...  It was like BRILLIANT! I mean, I was screaming in the streets. So it’s like, as much as it pays to play it cool and say, "yeah, it’s no big deal," there’s also a little kid inside that’s doing backflips.

:-)

Virginia: Yeah. So what do you think is going to be your greatest challenge in tackling this role?

Bryce: Well, I think there’s a trap in this role which is, when I tell people who I’m playing, they say, oh, you’re the "bad guy?" And that’s a trap of both the genre of musical theatre and also just the way we see stories, a little two dimensional... or a little "Disney-ified"...

So I think the challenge will be to make him more than just a "bad guy" in a sort of archetypal sense. I think the challenge will be to make him "a guy" and to make him believable as someone who could make such a terrible, terrible decision and then make even worse ones as he goes on. Which is initially what interested me... I want to investigate a guy who is on the other side of a really, really bad decision that turned out really bad, as bad as it gets, the death of his best friend. And what does he choose to do in that moment, save himself? Or come clean? Or what are his choices?

Virginia: Right.

Bryce: And why does he go the way he does? 'Cause that’s interesting to me. It’s interesting to me to investigate these guys who work in the world of finance where everything seems limitless and, you know, they’re motivated by something else. And he must have felt in some way untouchable to go after this thing that he went after which was putting a friend at risk.

So you know, all that and at the same time it’s Ghost. It’s like a great movie, and it’s fun to play a bad guy, right?

Virginia: Right.

Bryce: So it’s balancing those two things. I’m not going to take it so seriously...like I’m talking about it like it’s Shakespere....But at the same time I’m not going to just put on my villain hat and say "good to go."  So I think the challenge is making it three dimensional and believable.

Virginia: So how do you think that your three years at Yale, particularly, helped prepare you to approach a great opportunity and a challenge like this, to get to originate a role on Broadway?

Bryce: Well, I always say that after the stuff I went through in grad school, and I mean that in a positive way, like the performance I told you about -- downstairs at the Yale Cabaret, and some of the projects you do as a student there, under little sleep and no energy and the things – nothing will scare me more than the stuff that I had to do there. I know I’ll never be as scared as I was at certain moments. And so that prepares me knowing that I will be very nervous doing this, you know, when we actually get to performance. And I’m already nervous about the first day of rehearsal, but I’ve made friends with those nerves in a way that I know that I will come out on the other side ‘cause I came out on the other side of that other stuff.

So that’s sort-of battle preparation. But in terms of approaching a role and finding a place to start – I think that often the hard part is... Where do I start with this?...Yale taught me to seek out those challenges of my character or... what’s exciting about this guy. What is the part of this character that you can attach to, that you can say, yeah, I get that actually? That’s always a challenge. I’m not a Wall Street banker that bet money on his best friend’s life. But I know what it feels like to be on the other side of a really bad decision, not ones with those stakes. But I’ve made really bad decisions before, and I know what that feels like in my stomach. So why don’t I start there, and then see what we can build on top of that. And if it doesn’t work, we’ll tear the whole thing down and we’ll start from a different place. So I think it’s about knowing, having the confidence of just starting and making choices because, one thing, Yale doesn’t give you time to think too much because you have so much on your plate. You literally just have to DO in order to get it done. And you come to realize...it’s a better choice because I had to make it – not on the fly -- but I had to make it fairly quickly. And it got me along faster, so that by the time we were in tech, I had a performance built up that I could go through again during tech and say, "What do I really want to do here? Should I do that? Should I do this?" Not like, "Oh, my God, what am I doing?"  You’ve already said, "Now give this choice up. You made this choice, it didn’t work, took half of each, put them together, now I’m doing this. Awesome. Let’s go."

So Yale also prepared me to shed things well. You learn to trust people who are telling you things. Because you realize through feeling yourself progress that your teachers know a lot and that they want you to be better. And what they’re telling you is only meant to make you better. Whether it does or not remains to be seen, but their intent is always positive. So it helped me learn to trust and distrust outside voices.

Virginia: Be mindful of listening to your own self.

Bryce: Yes. And to question other people’s viewpoints. I think the most important thing it did for me is it gave me a sense that I am an individual artist with an opinion and an approach that is worthy of being in a rehearsal room. And worthy of being expressed... not in an overbearing way and not in a timid way... but somewhere in between. "I agree with you that he’s this but I don’t agree that he’s this."  Maybe we can have a discussion about it and find a common ground. Or "Gosh, maybe I’m wrong. You’re actually totally right. Thank you for allowing me to talk through my choice to realize that it was wrong."

Virginia: So we’ve got to wrap up. Is there anything else that you want to express to the blog readers? Words of encouragement?

Bryce: Yeah, I would just say, you know, try -- as hard as it may be -- try and breathe through the entire thing. It sounds "widgy woo woo" but it’s true, remind yourself to breathe... Breathe. Be bold in your choices. And, as I said before, don’t bring in something you’re not proud of. Make us something – bring a gift into the audition room that is something you’re proud to bring as opposed to something you think we want to see.

Virginia: I think that’s great.

Bryce: Yeah, I think that’s it.

Virginia: That’s awesome. Thank you, Bryce.

[End of recording.]

Just have to say how wonderful it was to use this blog as an excuse to sit down with Bryce and get to ask him ANYTHING I WANTED...all under the guise of providing a inspirational interview for the blog...Which is also an outcome of the effort.

It was a joy to get to talk about creative process with a man that has grown sooooo much from the first time I met him...when we were 13-year-old tap-dancing ensemble members of Stars 2000's Teen Theatre production of Anything Goes in Northern CA.

Wishing you a hugely successful run of  Ghost: The Musical , Bryce, and continued challenges that lead to artistic growth and a life-long career in the performing arts...both, making a living and living your dreams!

Loves,
Virginia

"You will always have more to learn. Even if you're the best of the best, there is always room for improvement. But at the same time, there will always be people with less experience and skill than you, who will consider you an expert, and find value in what you have to offer." - Dan Johnson, Right Brain Rockstar

 

158. Learn How To Enjoy Relaxing

"I take it that what all men are really after is some form or perhaps only some formula of peace." - Joseph Conrad (1857 - 1924)

I am seriously terrible at chilling out.

My idea of fun...is WORKING...Working on creative projects is the best...with awesome people. I love making up stories and stuff.

But I get so focused on my work that, most of the time, I waaaaay over-extend myself and make myself insane by trying to fit in too many things in one day.

It's like I think that I can just keep going and going and going from morning til night...forever...and I'm always so SHOCKED when I get hungry...or tired...or need to stop altogether. I get so disappointed in my inability to keep going. Isn't that CRAzY?

It's hard for me to justify taking a break in my own head. I always feel like I'm missing out on something. And then when my body is practically falling apart with exhaustion...I'm like..."oops...forgot to take care of my human needs today."...No wonder I get cranky.

"What??? I'm NOT a MACHINE? I need food and sleep and REST?!!" Weird.

Uggggggh! So ANNOYING! Doesn't my body know there's stuff that I want to DO today/tonight/every minute/always.

Clearly my thought-process surrounding restfulness is really messed up.

How do other people's brains work surrounding this idea of rest? I mean....what do you actually THINK in your head that helps you to allow yourself to relax? Do you really look forward to rest? Is it like..."I've worked all day...I deserve this bubble bath?" Or is it like..."I cannot go any further without food. Must refuel?"... Or maybe..."Momma told me to take a bathroom break every time I've got the urge to go."

Really, though....What are the beliefs you have/thoughts that you think/stories you tell yourself that help you to be able to let go of the stresses of your day and really relax?

There's got to be a healthier way of thinking about rest than the way I think about it. 

Oh...please, don't tell me just to go meditate or drink tea or something...In fact, I'm not interested in WHAT to do...I want to know WHY you allow yourself to relax. What THOUGHTS do you think that motivate you to relax? If you tell me WHY YOU meditate...then I'm interested. (Also, I have nothing against tea. Tea is very nice.)

I am sooooo not being articulate right now.

It's not the WHAT you do that I want to know...But WHY you allow yourself to do that thing you do...to relax. Does that make sense? WHY do you feel okay about relaxing?  Is that a totally weird question?...

I'm trying to figure out why my brain seems to have difficulty allowing me to enjoy relaxing. It's not that I don't know what to do...It's that I don't allow myself to do it, ya know?

I am completely envious of people who live with this calm and carefree air about them. Stress-free in the midst of this crazy s%!t-show that is life. Relaxed...cool...chill...such awesome qualities...Ones I'd love to master.

"Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop." - Ovid

I am definitely a "doer." My strength is...I DO things. But it's also my weakness...I DO too much...and exhaust myself.

It's all about balance. Tryin' to find it...

Loves,
Virginia

"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are."- Chinese proverb

140. My Job

I already have a job.

My job is to be a JOYFUL ARTIST.

No one can give me this job. No one can take it away from me.

It's mine.

And no one can DO this job quite like I do it...And I can chose to do my work where ever I happen to be. I love it when I do my job reeeeeeallly well.

Oh, and the pay?

The pay is goooood. I am very well compensated. 

You see...all the effort I put into this job, comes back to me multiplied by millions!!! Sometimes I will receive actual money, but that's not the kind of pay I seek with this job...

My compensation for my dedication is...a sense of greater purpose and fulfillment beyond measure.

I love my job. And, best of all, I've got job security.

This job allows me unlimited potential for growth. And I will never retire.

(Though I might give myself a gold watch at some point...that might be fun!)

You've got this job too! How awesome is that?! So get to it!!! I am wishing you a glorious day of joyful creation. 

Work it!!!

Loves,

Virginia

"The trick to blending work and play lies not in what you do, but in how you view what you do. See work as play and see play as important -- super, very...way a lot." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe

133. Ego Free Acting

"Most people have moments when they are free of ego. Those who are exceptionally good at what they do may be completely or largely free of ego while performing their work. They may not know it, but their work has become a spiritual practice. Most of them are present while they do their work and fall back into relative unconsciousness in their private life. This means their state of Presence is for the time being confined to one area of their life. I have met teachers, artists, nurses, doctors, scientists, social workers, waiters, hairdressers, business owners, and salespeople who perform their work admirably without any self-seeking, fully responding to whatever the moment requires of them. They are one with what they do, one with the Now, one with the people or the task they serve. The influence such people have upon others goes far beyond the function they perform. They bring about a lessening of the ego in everyone who comes into contact with them. Even people with heavy egos sometimes begin to relax, let down their guard, and stop playing their roles when they interact with them. It comes as no surprise that those people who work without ego are extraordinarily successful at what they do."

- Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

132. Overwhelmed

Whew!!!!

I had such grandiose plans for the evening, guys...

I was going to post the 5th installment of the Juilliard Drama Audition series...and start writing my Yale Drama Audition post...and clean my room... and do laundry for the coming week... and get to bed before 11pm.

Oh! And did I mention that I auditioned for Yale at 10am this morning?

I know!!!! Am expecting myself to be able to accomplish waaaaaay too many things, or what?

So rather than half-assing everything...I'm just going to admit to you all...

I am overwhelmed.

I will be posting the 5th installment of the Juillard Auditions...but it won't be tonight...and I will be posting about my experience about the Yale Auditions...but it probably won't be 'til later this week. Gotta get all my thoughts together on that one.

I'm keepin' it real with ya'll.  I am POOPED!

I have got to detach myself from this computer and go to sleep, like, pronto!

Sending you all sooooo much Super Bowl love...Gooooooo team!...(Whichever one you happen to be cheering for. I will cheer for them too...while I fall asleep on my pillow.)

Loves,
V

"In order that people may be happy in their work, these three things are needed: they must be fit for it; they must not do too much of it; and they must have a sense of success in it." - John Ruskin, author, art critic & social reformer (1819-1900)

 

119. The Plot Thickens

"People can cultivate positive energy by learning to change the stories they tell themselves about the events in their lives...Tell the most hopeful and personally empowering story possible in any given situation, without denying or minimizing the facts." - Tony Schwartz, "Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time," Harvard Business Review, Oct. 2007.

Soooo my NYU audition is tomorrow morning at 9am. I am suuuuuper excited. It’s gonna be such a thrill to be able to get in there and FINALLY do my monologues for them after blogging about the preparations for this audition since September 5^th. Whew!!!! It’s been quite a journey.

I’ve got my new headshots, in hand, with resume attached and my personal statement all printed out. I hand-washed my audition shirt this afternoon. It's drying on the radiator. I may try to hit a yoga class or a movie a little later, as a treat. We shall see.

So all that is fine and good, but what’s all this about the plot thickening (see title of blog), you may be wondering?

Well, NYU sent me an email to confirm my audition appointment and also included the following message:

“About fifty (50) candidates will be chosen from the initial audition sessions to come to New York on March 10, 11, or 12 for a more in-depth visit and audition. Sixteen (16) candidates will be selected for admission after the final (callback) weekend sessions. Please note: Final decisions on admissions are made after callbacks. If you wish to be considered for Fall 2012 admission, attendance at callbacks, for invited applicants, is MANDATORY.”

The reason that this is an interesting development in our story…is that I HAVE TO BE IN SAN DIEGO ON MARCH 10, 11 & 12. SO EVEN IF I GET INVITED TO THE CALLBACKS THIS YEAR...I CANNOT BE THERE...And, according to this email, I will not be considered for Fall 2012 admission if I am unable to attend. 

Ha ha ha ha ha! Sad face.

Is that not totally ironic? Virginia spends 5 months blogging about her goal to audition for grad school and then when she's about to go in to audition...she discovers that she may be disqualified on a technicality.

I mean...reeeeeeallly, Universe? What are you DOING?

Why can't I attend callbacks in March, you ask?

Very good question.

I have a day-job where I am responsible for assisting at two out-of-town conferences per year with my company. The next conference happens to be in San Diego, CA on March 10-14. The primary reason that my job EXISTS is for the purpose of assisting at conferences like this one. (Which is why I went to West Palm Beach last November.) 

To “call in sick” for this business trip to San Diego would be like…rehearsing for a  play for 6 weeks only to tell the director that I couldn’t make it to the opening night performance. NOT COOL. That is NOT how I roll. EVER. I believe in following through with my professional commitments, even if it breaks my freakin’ heart and means sacrificing my chances for acceptance at NYU this year. I cannot shirk my responsibility to my current job, no matter how much I may want to get my MFA from NYU.

So, if I am asked to stay and interview after the monologue portion of the audition tomorrow. I will be very honest about my situation and tell the auditors at NYU right up-front that I cannot make it to the callback weekend this year. I will explain to them exactly why. Then, I will respectfully offer to come in for a callback at another time, or sit-in on a class or do anything else that may be required in order to give them the opportunity to see whatever they need to see from me. 

Who knows? They may be willing to accommodate my request, since I attended the callback weekend two years ago. Doesn't hurt to ask. However, I am also prepared to respect their decision not to make an exception for me. I will understand if they feel strongly that my missing the callback weekend will not allow them to be able to truly evaluate my chemistry with the other students they are considering for admission in 2012. I know that they're interested in creating an ensemble. And it's difficult to assess one's ability to "play" with others...without seeing them "play" with others. I get that. I will be sad to be disqualified on this account, but I will understand. 

Then...I suppose, I will know that it’s not meant to be this year, not for NYU at least.

It’s a strange feeling I'm having right now…Knowing that I'm about to be walking in to an audition that I’ve basically been preparing for over the past 3 years (if not my whole life), and yet, I know that I may be completely disqualified from the running...based on a technicality. 

Ha! What are you trying to teach me with this, Universe? What’s this all about? Bleh!

In the past, auditioning for NYU has been the closest I’ve gotten to acceptance to an MFA program…and now it’s looking like NYU is off-the-table as an option this year. 

If you’ve just joined the blog recently…and would like some background on my past audition experiences with auditions/callbacks at NYU…Check out the following posts:

38. Recap – Year 1 – NYU Auditions

39. Recap – Year 2 – NYU Auditions

47. Learn On The Job, Get Paid, Feel Good

Anyhoo, I’m going to go in to that audition tomorrow and give my 120%, and I plan to be completely honest about my situation. We will see what happens. Gotta let it go. Can't control it. Whatever is supposed to happen...will happen. But I cannot compromise my values...and shirking my responsibilities...not an option.

Thanks for your support, guys! Wish me luck!

XO!

V

"Where can we find support for our reinvention? To make a true break with the past, we need guides who have been there and can understand where we are going. Reaching outside our normal circles to new people, networks, and professional communities is the best way to both break frame and get psychological sustenance." - Herminia Ibarra, "How To Stay Stuck In The Wrong Career," Harvard Business Review, Dec. 2002.

P.S. Had a wonderful and nurturing experience practicing my monologues at the Astoria Art House Salon. This time for an actual AUDIENCE! How cool is that!? The Salon happens once a month at 23-35 Broadway Astoria, NY. The evening is free for performing artists to try out their work in front of an audience of other supportive artists, students and friends. The whole point of it is just to be able to practice in a no-pressure environment. It's the best!!! The next one is Feb 17, 7-9pm. (Interested in attending? Want to stay updated? "Like" them on FB.) All are welcome to observe or participate. If you are in the area, and would like to have the chance to overcome your fear of singing in public or try out a new monologue or play an original song or read a poem that you wrote or have some actors to read a scene of a new play you’ve written.  Astoria Art House  is here! They'd love to support your growth in your work. Come check it out. Donations are always welcome, but it’s FREE if you can’t afford to pay. I loved my experience there. I got to practice a mock-audition. Did two contrasting pieces…then did two other contrasting pieces and then polled the audience on what they thought was my strongest paring…Which Shakespeare piece was the most engaging?… I got to ask them questions about things that I had been wondering about…Did this work or that?…What was their overall impression?…It was sooooo helpful to hear everyone’s perspective and insights and a huge confidence-builder too. They were all very supportive…It felt great just to get up there and try it out and know that people care! It just goes to show… you put yourself out there…and the universe brings the right people into your life to support you in just the way you need. Thanks,  Astoria Art House ! Cannot wait for the next Salon!

102. Harvard

Question:
Do you feel that in your current career path you are reaching your potential? Or might have the potential to reach your potential?

The reason I ask:
Last week I was reading an article from The Harvard Business Review (for funsies) during my lunch break at work. (LOL! These are the kinds of magazines we have laying around the office...Eat your heart out, People Magazine.) The article is entitled "Reaching Your Potential" by Robert S. Kaplan. You can easily imagine why it caught my eye, since my grad school goals have been motivated by this very concept.

The article is incredibly engaging and insightful. Loved it!!! And I've got to share some gems with you that are absolutely quote-worthy and are sure to excite those inspirational quote junkies out there.

The only context I will give you is that the article was primarily written for a readership that is on a "traditional" corporate business path. However, the concepts related within are universal. So no matter what your career path, you will find something relate-able in the excerpts below.

And without further ado, I shall allow you to enjoy them without any more interruptions from me.

Here's to 2012! And reaching your potential!

Loves,
Virginia

"Fulfillment doesn't come from clearing hurdles others set for you; it comes from clearing those you set for yourself."

"There's nothing anyone can do to prevent you from reaching your potential; the challenge is for you to identify your dream, develop the skills to get there, and exhibit character and leadership. Then, you need to have the courage to periodically reassess, make adjustments, and pursue a course that reflects who you truly are."

"I have seldom seen people hurt their careers by speaking up and appropriately articulating a well-thought-out contrary position (even when it was unpopular). However, I have seen many bitter and confused people who stalled their careers by playing it safe."

"Career Counsel: Follow Your Own Path

1. Managing your career is 100% your responsibility, and you need to act accordingly.  

2. Be wary of conventional wisdom. 

3. Have faith that, although justice may not prevail at any given point in time, it should generally prevail over time."

"Choosing a field you love gives you strength to weather the inevitable setbacks and long hours needed to reach your full potential in any career."

P.S. Don't be confused by the title of this blog post...I'm not applying to Harvard too!!! LOL! (I suppose there's always next year...or maybe not.)

;-)

88. In Love

"If you are doing something that you don't enjoy and you don't have the gratification of success, failure is particularly painful. But doing what you love is itself the reward." - Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project

You know what is the most amazing feeling in the world? Doing what you love and realizing in that very moment... that you truly LOVE it.

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.

Just had the most kick-ass monologue coaching session with Kathryn Bild. Love this character I get to play soooo much! She has so many great ideas! Just saying the words and getting to live truthfully in her imaginary circumstances...now that's my idea of PLAY!!!! Oh, it makes me feel like a KID!

I am seriously IN LOVE with acting.

"Absence diminishes commonplace passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and kindles fire." - Francois duc de La Rochefoucauld, moralist (1613-1680)

It's so funny to me... how my hiatus from acting has made me soooooo aware of how much I relish every single moment that I get to do it now. I cannot WAIT to get back to it full-time and stop renting my soul to big-business-on-Madison-Ave.

Cannot wait to say...

"It's been fun, Madison Ave...Learned a lot from you... but I've seen the writing on the wall. You and I are not meant to be together forever. You've helped me to survive in New York and for that I am truly grateful. But it's just a matter of time before we shall be parting ways. Don't worry...there will be another happy monkey (or 20) to fill my seat. I promise. Soon you won't even remember that I was ever a part of your world. Wish I could say I'll miss you...but I just don't think so. Thanks for the support, though, and for the free lunches and for the memories. Bye-bye."

Sigh...soon... very soon.

"Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it." - Hardy D. Jackson

I have come to the realization that if I am going to contribute my life's energy to something...I want that something to be telling stories through acting...not working on Excel spreadsheets and answering phones and administratively assisting.

I could work for the rest of my life behind a desk and be very "successful" and surround myself with comforts and be safe. But... it wouldn't FEEL successful to me. Because I don't WANT to work behind a desk. I don't LOVE that kind of life. I know that I have so much more to give than my 60wpm. I want a job that MOVES me.. that challenges me!!! ... Where I can use my body, my mind, my soul, my thoughts and my brain to BE INSIDE another person's story... thus expanding my own life experience and the experiences of others.

I get so ridiculously giddy about being able to say lines and pretend to be someone else. I am a total goof-ball! It's actually embarrassing how "into it" I am. I mean, I wish I could be a little more "cool" about it...But it'd just be a freakin' lie. I am a total geek. Hee, hee!!!

Acting is so f-ing FUN!!!!!

DO THE WORK THAT YOU LOVE, PEOPLE! Whatever it is. Do it. Then sleep. Then eat. Then do more of the thing that you LOVE. Then repeat. Then take a bathroom break. Then more of the love thing. Feel your blood pumping and your heart opening? Yeah. That's IT! That's your spending your life WELL. Keep going... And then repeat. Endlessly repeat.

Loves,
V

"The best career advice to give the young is, find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it." - Katherine Whilehaen

68. What Is Your MIT?

"It’s very simple: your MIT (Most Important Task) is the task you most want or need to get done today. In my case, I’ve tweaked it a bit so that I have three MITs — the three things I must accomplish today. Do I get a lot more done than three things? Of course. But the idea is that no matter what else I do today, these are the things I want to be sure of doing.... And here’s the key to the MITs for me: at least one of the MITs should be related to one of my goals. While the other two can be work stuff (and usually are), one must be a goal next-action. This ensures that I am doing something to move my goals forward that day. 

And that makes all the difference in the world. Each day, I’ve done something to make my dreams come true. It’s built into my morning routine: set a next-action to accomplish for one of my goals. And so it happens each day, automatically. 

Another key: do your MITs first thing in the morning, either at home or when you first get to work. If you put them off to later, you will get busy and run out of time to do them. Get them out of the way, and the rest of the day is gravy! 

It’s such a small thing to implement, and yet I’m raving about it like it’s a huge revelation. But it is. Sometimes small things can make big differences. I highly recommend you give it a go." - Leo Babauta, ZenHabits.net

This idea has been key, key, KEY for me in helping to keep my sanity this past month... (Though the jury's still out on that one.)

There's way too much going on for me to be able to accomplish EVERYTHING I want to do in a day. Just forgetaboutdit!

But if I do that one important thing, I feel MUUUUUCH better about life... especially if that one thing is something related to building my DREAMS.

Because, in the long run... a year from now... even 3 months from now... 5 minutes from now... which will I regret more: not keeping my room tidy or not getting my grad school applications submitted on-time?

Um, that's a no-brainer. Clearly my priority is the application!!! Having a clean room is okay, but that's not my tippy, top, top priority right now. So... laundry... you will stay on the floor for now.

"Put all your energy on what you love to do in your career and very little on what you don't." - Peter Pamela Rose

And if I have to let some things slide for a while in order to make sure I am accomplishing my MOST IMPORTANT TASK... then so be it.

(On that note... if I'm not returning your phone call or replying to your email... this is probably why.)

I gotta prioritize and can't keep all the balls in the air all at the same time. And that's OKAY. As long as I am keeping my focus on taking action on the things that are REALLY important to me, that I will be proud that I took the time to do YEARS from now... 

And, for now... all the busy-work and day-to-day whatchamacalits that come up... I'll get to you when I get to you...or... NOT.

Use your precious energy wisely, folks. Today... do the thing that matters FIRST.

Love,

V

"There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all." - Peter Drucker, management consultant, professor and writer (1909 - 2005)

 

65. Powerful Questions

"The questions you have to answer pertain to what, where, when and WHY. Mine pertain to how and with whom. When you know the end result, I always know the fastest way." - The Universe

Working on my personal statement today... In my comfy writing-space at home with a cup of tea and the sunshine coming through the windows and all my papers and notes scattered about me on the futon.

I am enjoying some of the questions that have come up as I've been brain-storming and journaling and exploring what I really want to say with this personal statement for my Juilliard application.

I seriously love a good, hard-core, no-nonsense, well-stated question.

I'm so grateful to have the opportunity and motivation to reflect on these life-direction types of questions. I think they are important to ask ourselves from time to time... just to check-in and make sure that our daily actions are in-tune with what our own unique hearts REALLY value.

Below are my questions... and "my answers"... Which are in no way "your answers"... As you know, you've got your own answers inside of you. So please keep in mind while reading below... that I am simply exploring these ideas and none of these answers are meant to be etched in stone (not even for myself). Ask me these same questions tomorrow and you'll get a whole new set of "answers"... none of which are wrong... none of which are right.

:-p

Just asking the question and being open to listening for the universe to bring you an answer is a step in the right direction.

"And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." - Luke 11:9, The Bible: New Living Translation

Enjoy living in the questions...

Q: What job would your pay someone to let you do?
A: Do that.... If you aren't doing that now, do one small thing today to move yourself in the direction of doing that. You will be happy with yourself when you do.

Q: What is stopping you from becoming your "dream come true" right now?
A: Don't use FEAR of anything as an excuse... Run as fast as you can toward conquering that fear. Ask for help from experts when you need it.

Q: If you become like those you are with, who are you with that you want to become like?
A: Seek out people who inspire you and spend time with them. Learn from them. Don't waste your time on people that you don't enjoy.

Q: What is your measure of success?
A: Define it. Make it quantifiable in some way. That's the only way you'll know when you've reached it.

Q: What stories inspire you?
A: I like "rags to riches" stories. I like "overcoming the odds" stories. I like stories of successful entrepreneurs who experienced years of failure to finally rise from the ashes and do great things. I like stories of ordinary people accomplishing extraordinary things. I like stories of people who don't wait around to be saved, but choose to save themselves and help others save themselves in the process. I like funny stories that make you cry. I like stories about change... changed hearts, changed minds, changed bodies and souls.

Q: How do you see your art connecting to the world?
A: I will answer this question with another question... "What is the universal truth in this?"... I am CONSTANTLY asking myself that question, unconsciously and consciously... Especially in writing, but in acting as well... What do I mean, exactly? Well... For example, you could be doing a scene about eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... but what's REALLY going on in that scene?... What is it that's humanly universal about the experience of eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Which universal truth are we trying to communicate?....  Is is about satisfying a craving? Is is about nostalgically reliving a familiar childhood experience? Is it a suicidal death-wish because you are allergic to peanut butter?

THAT is what I love about art. It can be interpreted a million different ways, by both the artist and the audience. So that's how I'd like my art to connect to the world... I would like to be a skillful enough artist to make specific circumstances and unique personal experiences feel universal through sharing my creative point-of-view. That's my idea of fun. That's how I'd like to create more empathy and connection between humans. I truly believe that's the kind of art that changes the world. Because empathy leads to new ways of thinking, which leads to new ways of reacting and eventually motivates pro-action... for the betterment and benefit of ALL people... if I have anything to do with it... and I will... and I do. And so do you!

We are all participating in artfully creating this world. So the best question is... What do you have to contribute to this art project called life? Our society, our world needs you... so GIVE what you most love to give. It will be appreciated by someone.

"One's destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things." - Henry Miller

Always in process,
Virginia

49. Setting My Intention For The Week

“Be gentle with yourself, but do the work.”

This will be my theme for the week.

Stuff’s gotta get done, for sure… and I want to accomplish things… but not push myself sooooo hard that it becomes counter-productive and I’m falling over with exhaustion and crying into my scrambled eggs... So unnecessary.

Gentleness and listening to one’s own internal barometer are KEY to happiness… 

And consistent actions are KEY to doing the work…

Balance? Ha! Easier said than done.

“Stop trying to control others and focus instead on being kind to them.” - Leo Babauta, Zenhabits.net 

The above quote applies to the self too! 

Focus on KINDNESS! 

Self-kindness = super important… and nice... especially while working.

Love,

V

  

47. Learn On The Job, Get Paid, Feel Good

“To enjoy now, there was something… I was going to have to master: my dread of criticism. Too much concern about whether I was getting praise or blame, too much anticipatory anxiety about what my detractors would say – those kinds of fears spoiled my pleasure in my work and, what’s more, probably weakened by work.” – Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project 

When you get a new job and you’re learning how to do it…whether you are making lattes at Starbucks, rehearsing new dance numbers or writing complex reports… nobody expects you to do it perfectly your first day on the job.  There’s always a learning-curve. You learn as you go and improve your skills as time goes on… and the best part is… you’ve already got the job and you're getting PAID for that learning.

You were hired because they see that you have the skills to be able to LEARN how to do the specific tasks required for the job. Every job requires learning new things... And the process of getting really good at anything takes TIME, but … as long as you keep at it… you will improve. True story.

Once you've accomplished a certain amount of mastery of those new skills... you can look back on your first rocky days at a new job and laugh (hopefully), knowing that you could have probably cut yourself a little bit more slack and not stressed yourself out about it so much. 

Everybody's been the newbie and hopefully your co-workers and employers will have compassion for you as you become a master of your new job.

RE: Men & Women

I read a study earlier this year (wish I could cite it directly, but I couldn’t find it) which discussed the different ways that men and women approach the concept of “learning on the job.” 

The study showed that the majority of MEN felt no qualms what-so-ever about the idea of getting paid to learn how to do a new job. In other words, they didn’t stress-out about the fact that they had just gotten hired to do a job that they essentially didn’t know how to do yet. They felt confident in the fact that they would be able to learn it over time and felt that getting paid during this process was due compensation for their efforts.

WOMEN, however, had a different experience on the whole. Many of them expressed high levels of anxiety at not knowing how to expertly execute all the duties of their new jobs from day one, and felt a sort-of guilt at being paid to do something they were still learning how to do.

I thought this was so strange! I had never considered that new-job-stress could actually have some gender associations. Still... every human being is different, so these kinds of studies must be taken with a grain-of-salt. But it certainly made me think and reflect on my own expectations for myself when starting up any new project.

I’d like to be totally okay with getting paid to learn. You want to pay me to get good at doing something? Okay. No prob. I'm on it!

I mean, if you are lucky enough to have the opportunity to get paid training at your job... take it!!! That's such a gift! Your employers are investing in you… teaching you new skills… for their own benefit (of course), but these new skills will benefit you as well because you can apply them in future job situations or in your life in general. And you can always learn about yourself in the process... in ANY process. So really it's a win/win for everyone.

And as someone who spent many, many years and many, many student loans… paying my way through classes, so that I could learn things… the whole concept of "learning on the job" and getting PAID is pretty freakin’ awesome.

Re: Acting

Sooo, when it comes to acting, learning on the job is the NORM. Even the BEST actors in the business are constantly learning new skills for their roles. 

In a previous post, I discussed how much l learned from attending the alumni talkback sessions at the callback weekend at NYU. I wanted to share with you one specific conversation that helped to shift my mindset about learning on the job...

After the Q&A was over I walked up to Billy Crudup, an NYU alum, and asked him what his name was again? HA! (I knew I had seen him in a bunch of stuff, but honestly had no idea what a well-known actor he was.)

Me = Ridiculous

He smiled and said, "Billy." I said, "I'm Virginia. Nice to meet you... I was just wondering how you feel that your training at NYU prepared you for a film career and dealing with the unique skills required for on-camera work?" 

(I asked this question because, in all the three years of training at NYU, on-camera training only happens in your third year. It is not a program that has a great focus on on-camera acting, but sooooo many of the alumni have gone on to great success in that medium. So I was trying  to understand where the connection was between the training at NYU and what I was seeing on the big and small screens.)

Billy’s answer was, of course, brilliant and gracious. He smiled and said that at NYU he had learned all the essential skills that an actor needs to have to prepare for ANY kind of a role in ANY medium, but most importantly, NYU taught him to just say “YES.” Meaning… that he would "go for it"… do whatever was required for the role… whether he “knew how” to do it or not or “felt prepared” to do it or not. He’d just DO IT. He felt confident enough from his training at NYU that he could LEARN ON THE JOB how to be a skillful film actor. 

And he is.

At NYU he established a strong foundation of acting training, practice and confidence and used it to help build a solid film career. 

Inspiring!!!! 

As he stood there discussing this early part of his career with me, I could see that he saw great humor in many of his early foibles on-camera and had clearly learned not to take himself too seriously somewhere along the way as well. Adorable. 

He is a kind and generous human being and I will always be grateful for him taking the time out of his busy schedule to show up at that alumni talk-back and share his experience with potential students. Just awesome.

In conclusion, it all comes back to the freedom from anxiety that being okay with “not knowing” provides... Being able to just say YES and trust that all that you will discover everything you will need to know in time. 

What a stress-free, suffering-free existence we’d all have if we could just trust that all is well and everything will work out fine!?

:-)

Or as Jack Plotnick affirms for himself when walking into an audition, “I am going to take it from where I am.” Because where I am right now is the perfect place to begin.

Billy began where he was... trained at NYU... learned on the job... and now he's dancing with Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love.

Sooo, I hope we can all take Billy’s lead, here… and feel GOOD about learning on the job!

Begin. Feel good. Learn. Feel good. Get better. Feel good. Get paid. Feel good. Learn more. Feel good...

You see where I am going with this?...

Now go!

Loves,

V

“If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful after all." - Michelanglo Buonarroti, sculptor, painter, architect & poet (1475 - 1564)

  

38. Recap – 2010 – NYU Grad Acting Auditions

“If you want to make a living at what you love doing, you need to get good at it.” – Leo Babauta, Zen Habits

NYU

Year 1: MFA Auditions & Callbacks

My experience at auditions:

I am sorry to say that I cannot remember who was in the audition room for my first audition at NYU. It was a female faculty member and she was lovely and kind. I did my two pieces, the same ones I had done at Yale. But this time, my name was called when my group had completed the first round… Me and about 6 others in our group of 20 made the cut. Whew!

Later that day, during the next round we all got to audition for Janet Zarish and Mark Wing-Davy. I felt an absolute kindredness with Janet from the moment I saw her. She exudes love and support. And Mark has a wonderful sense of humor and a smart, insightful groundedness to him. When he speaks, he always has something to SAY. I love that. Both of them were welcoming and seemed genuinely glad that I was there to audition for them, which I appreciated greatly… because I was NERVOUS. I really, really, really wanted to do well. 

Did my two pieces. Mark asked for my non-Shakespeare classical, which was super fun and I LOVED doing. They may have asked me for a third piece at that point… I can’t recall. Then they asked me to sing. I belted out some short 16-bar Judy Garland ditty (‘cause I’m a fan) and I then was asked to stay for the “final round” that day. Which, for me, ended up being a pull-up-a-chair-and-lets-chat type of interview. I don’t remember exactly what was said. It's been a while. But I remember feeling good when I left.

… Then a few weeks later… I got a voicemail... “Hi, this is Janet Zarish over at NYU. We’d like to invite you to come to our callback weekend, if you’d be interested. We’ll be sending you an email with all the info. Please reply to Jonathon Ward and he’ll get you set-up with all the details. Hope to see you soon!”

ME = Over-The-MOON!!! Heck-yeah, I'm INTERESTED. Sooooo excited!!!

My experience at the callback weekend:

This weekend changed my life... not an exaggeration… and I’ll try to clue-you-in as to WHY...

When I first moved to New York in 2007, I hardly knew ANYONE. I reconnected with a few friends from college and some acquaintances from past shows, but no real strong COMMUNITY of people that I felt like I was a part of. So when I showed up at NYU’s callback weekend and Janet welcomed us, asking us to be a part of the NYU family for the weekend so that we could really experience what it would feel like to be a student at NYU.... I was overwhelmed with JOY! I felt like I had finally found my PEOPLE! 

Here I was being embraced by this amazing COMMUNITY of actors and teachers with such a profound commitment to the work and deep respect for actors and an unshakable sense of professionalism. It felt like actor-utopia. Seriously.

The 50 of us were divided into smaller groups. We got to do classwork/workshops together, tour the school, do our monologues again for Janet and Mark and..... the other truly-life-changing-part-that-I-will-never-ever-forget… the alumni talk-back.

“Before we set our hearts too much on anything, let us examine how happy are those who already possess it.” – Francois duc de La Rochefoucauld, moralist (1613-1680)

As you may have guessed, I am into this whole idea of “community,” so here’s this group of NYU alumni, back at the school to share their experience and talk about their lives after graduation… and I am in freakin’ heaven. They are all super down-to-earth and talented as all-get-out and soooo open and giving and willing to answer any freakin’ question, no matter how silly. And they’re all in different places in their careers… film, tv, broadway, off-broadway, writing, directing… ev-er-y-thang… you-name-it! 

And... they actually HAVE careers and get paid to do what they LOVE…That is NOT how it is for many actors where I grew up. These NYU alumni are committed to this crazy business of show as their passion and their life’s WORK! And they are so supportive of each other, such generous people! 

NYU had clearly had a profound impact on the actor/professionals that each of them had become. I sat and watched and listened and felt like I was already a part of that community, in my small way, just by being there that weekend. 

It was like crack. I was totally addicted. I wanted MORE. 

I longed to spend 3 years with amazing people like that… and graduate… and be a part of the greater NYU family of artists… and come back years later to the callback weekend and sit on that stage and tell some young up-and-comers how NYU had helped transform me into the artist I was becoming and welcome them into our family too! 

Being a professional actor isn’t just a pipe-dream. And all those alumni were sitting there as proof. They’re making it happen and NYU was a powerful part of that journey for them. So inspiring.

Now I KNEW I really wanted to get in!

… Then on April 1^st, I got a letter in the mail. 16 applicants had been chosen out of the 842 that had auditioned that year. I was not one of the chosen.

Me = Super disappointed… which later turned into… determined not to give up.

But, AHHHHH! Audition again? I had already been REJECTED. What if I failed... AGAIN?

Mortifying.

“Don’t let the questioning mind get in the way of what you know to be emotionally true. Pay attention to the signs of spirit and don’t argue with or resist what is obvious.” – Unknown, (The Power Path, perhaps? Sounds like something Lena Stevens would say)

It was OBVIOUS to me that these were the kind of passionate people that I wanted to surround myself with, that would inspire me to not just do good work, but to strive for GREAT work. I couldn't allow myself to be afraid to try again for fear of failing. That's totally RIDICULOUS. I had to continue to follow this path! Got to try again. I would always regret it if I didn't. I mean, why not!? I know that’s what I want. Why not go for it 100%? I already know I can survive failing at it. Done that!

Sooo... Now I had the opportunity to spend a whole YEAR preparing! Year 2 auditions... were going to ROCK. Awesome.

“Look for opportunities rather than bemoaning the losses.” – Lena Stevens, The Power Path

My measure of success:

I got sooooo close. I felt HONORED to have made it that far at NYU, my first time auditioning for grad school. It was a hugely successful learning experience and completely changed the trajectory of my life. Rather than focusing on what my next acting job would be in the short-term, my whole goal-structure shifted to “how-is-this-going-to-help-prepare-me-for-grad-school?” And that’s how I have made my decisions and modeled my life ever since then. 

Learning and Resolutions for Year 2:

I learned that I loved the prospect of being a part of a community of great actors and that I didn’t want to move on to the next step in my career without allowing myself that experience of going through professional actor training at the Masters level… that time to grow and germinate and set a foundation of support and risk-taking that would serve me throughout the rest of my career. 

Those NYU actors were freakin’ FEARLESS… well, maybe they felt fear, but they never let it stop them. They just said YES and did whatever was necessary to be the best story-tellers possible.  I WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE ACTORS! So, I resolved to up-my-game for year-2 auditions and spend my year becoming more like the actor/human I wanted to be… FEARLESS.

On that note... gotta go... I'm afraid I might be late for work!  :-p

More on Year 2  - NYU auditions… tomorrow.

Soooo many words... rest your eyes for now.

Love,

Virginia

“It’s often from a sense of discontent, feelings of incompleteness, or even a twinge of true unhappiness that the seeds of great accomplishment are sown.” – Mike Dooley, Tut’s Universe

32. Top 7 Things I Am Grateful For Today

“You’ve already gone farther than you used to dream of going.” – Mike Dooley, Tut’s Universe

I love this quote because it reminds me to look at my current life with a sense of context. It’s not about “Why am I not already at my destination?” That will NEVER lead me to happiness or a sense of contentment.

It’s way more fun to think… “Look at where I am at now, as compared to where I used to be… or where I THOUGHT I might be waaaaay back when.” 

I like to have a thankful attitude, for all of life’s crazy twists-and-turns and obstacles-overcome and lessons-learned. It gives me a sense of hope and freedom-from-stress about the future. 

So allllll this time I spend plotting and planning and anticipating what will bring me happiness in the future is really for naught... lol… yeah, I know that life will unfold the way it will, even with all my best intentions… and THANK GOODNESS! Because I think the way things have turned out so far is waaaaay better than I could have dreamed. So I don’t sweat it so much anymore.

I have survived these first 30 years (the good, the bad, the embarrassing, etc.) and I am able to be happy… even though the circumstances of my life NOW are never what I had anticipated they would be… I still have the ability to choose happiness.

I try to move toward what makes me feel good in my life today and away from things that don’t make me feel good. Don't get me wrong, I’m not looking for instant pleasure. Rather, I aim for lasting satisfaction. But even long-term satisfaction starts with feeling good now about myself now and my choices now and my life now.

My mantra is…

I love to be doing only that which is truly good for me.

And when I am actually living my mantra, my life feels super awesome… guaranteed. 

Because when I am being good to myself, more goodness starts flowing into my life. Sounds a little woo-woo, perhaps, but in my experience, I have found it to be absolutely true…as true as the sky is blue above the clouds.

So in the interest of taking stock of the awesomeness that I daily experience, but often ignore, I am going to write out the top 7 things I am grateful for today. Why 7? That’s my lucky number. And I am a very, very lucky girl/woman/person.

“A little gratitude goes a long way.” – Lena Stevens, ThePower Path

1. My body. It feels great to have a body. The way warm water slides along the skin in the shower or the way a cool breeze tickles the hair on your arms, the relief of a great exhale of breath or the way the earth feels gritty and solid beneath your toes. Sensations are amazing. The body, especially one that is free from pain, is such a gift.

2. Financial independence. Historically, many women have been supported financially by their families or husbands, as a common practice. However, because of the freedoms of our modern society, women in America are able to be the breadwinners for themselves. When I was finally able to pay my bills all on my own, without being dependent on anyone else for any financial assistance… this felt like a HUGE accomplishment for me and gave me a huge sense of personal pride.  It feels AMAZING to be able to pay my rent all on my own and know that my financial decisions are mine and mine alone. Hard-earned lesson, but soooo worth it. Liberating.

3. Loving and supportive friends. I have made an effort in recent years to be very careful and selective about who I spend my time with and who I trust my heart with and who I allow myself to be vulnerable with. People that are caring and fun and support me in my mantra (see above), tend to stay around and we grow together as humans and learn how to love and support each other more and more!… And those that don’t fit that description… well, I let them go... with love and best wishes.

4. New York. This city has been the most challenging partner I’ve ever encountered in life. That song lyric, “If you can make it here, you’ll make it anywhere…” Um… yeah… That is TRUE… Not because New York is MEAN or something. It’s not. It’s awesome! It’s just that it’s intense to live here. There’s a lot of humans living in a very small amount of space and there’s so much going on all the time and it totally challenges you psychologically. How do people learn to handle all this constant stimuli and the crowds and the opportunity and the disappointment and the need to rest and be renewed? How to find a way to balance all of that and still remain in-touch with your unique essence? There's no "right" answer. Everyone's got to find their own. That’s why that song lyric is so freakin’ true. If you can survive New York and still manage to remain YOU… Wow… You are one flexible/strong human being.

5. My day-job. I don’t talk a ton about my day-job on this blog. Mostly because… I know that I will have to leave it, if/when I do get into grad school and that makes me a little sad, I must admit. I am very well-suited to my current work. I love my bosses. I look forward to being there every day. My contributions are appreciated. I am well-compensated. I get to travel occasionally. It’s not stressful and it’s fun. Truly… my experience at this job has given me so much confidence and joy… I know I will always look back on it as one of the best times of my life. It’s helped to give me the courage to continue on my current trajectory and for that I will always, always be grateful.

6. Giving teachers. I have been a sponge for learning in the past several years, soaking up knowledge from people and books and experiences… where ever I can get it. I am soooo grateful for all of my teachers, both formal and informal, for sharing their thoughts/experiences/lives with me. I love learning from other people’s stories and allowing them to inspire my own. I especially admire their courage to speak up and share, in spite of their fears. I have benefited from their acts of courage in ways that they will never know.

7. This blog. This blog… has given me a voice. Well, I guess I’ve always had a voice… but I didn’t necessarily feel like I had the right to speak up… or that anyone would give a flying-f*#k about what I thought. And by giving myself the challenge to really check-in daily and write candidly about my process… well, I feel like I am benefiting from the experience waaaaaay more than anyone else is! And the fact that this is blog post number 32… and I’m still going… and that there’s somebody out there that’s actually reading this?! That’s CRAZY/AWESOME. I’ve currently got 77 email subscribers! That’s insane to me…That I press “send” and that little action sends my rantings to 77 people’s inboxes… for them to promptly delete… or maybe READ. Whew! Very cool.

Anyhoo, life is literally awesome when you really take stock of it. So I encourage you to take a minute and write out your top 7… or 12… or 262 things that you’re grateful for today. There is sooooo much good in this world and so much to be grateful for and so much more unanticipated awesomeness yet to come.

Thanks for reading.

Love,

Virginia

“If you look for what’s right – in others, in relationships, in yourself and your journey – you’ll always find it… Same when looking for what’s wrong.” – Mike Dooley, Tut’s Universe

19. Test Your Passion

“First, choose from the options that thrill you. Then, choose the ones that also teach you. And from those, choose the scariest. Butterflies in your tummy are good.”  – Mike Dooley, Tut’s Universe

So yesterday was a crazy-whirlwind day of meeting new people, being present in the moment (as often as possible) and swallowing my fear when I felt called to share with folks about the Acceptance Project.  I think it was a bit much for me, actually… it was a lot… I am exhausted. 

Too much, too fast, perhaps? I found myself getting a little overwhelmed with it all and ended up letting some self-doubting and self-sabotaging thoughts hang-out in my head for longer than I’d like. (Their echos are still kinda boppin’ around in there.)

“You knew there’d be things that would rattle your cage, push your buttons, and rock your boat. These would remind you that there’s still more to know.”  – Mike Dooley, Tut’s Universe

Even if I’m not necessarily doing things “right” when it comes to this blog or in life in general… I KNOW that my pursuit of an MFA in Acting is “right” for me and THAT’s what matters.  I can feel good about WHY I am pursuing this dream, but HOW it’s all unfolding… well, that’s what I am letting go of daily… I want to allow it all to happen naturally.

This was one thing that helped to kick-start my recovery back into feeling-good-about-what-I-am-doing-mode…

Click Here: No Regrets Career Academy

Jennifer Gresham is a PhD biochemist, a blogger, a teacher and an award-winning poet. She has created an online-course to help people find their passion. She’s a scientist, so everything is very clearly laid out and quantifiable… which I LOVE!  If you are exploring that part of your journey right now, I highly recommend taking some time to check out her site. I signed up on her email list and was thrilled to receive at free 30 minute web-video where she explains the foundations of her method of self-discovery and asks a lot of GREAT questions.

Exploring her methodology was super encouraging for me in the pursuit of my passion, because it reinforced for me that I am on the right path! These are some of the questions she brings up… What kinds of actions cause me to feel pride in myself? What are my core values? What are the intrinsic and extrinsic motivations in my potential career? What is my definition of success?

Will a life as a professional actor be in alignment with my answers to the questions above? YES is the answer! Yes. Yes. Yes. Annnnd it gives me that fire-in-me-belly feeling! I am doing the right thing. I am moving in the right direction. And yes, sometimes it’s uncomfortable and scary, but … according to Jennifer Gresham’s tools, my passion has passed the test!

Eureka! 

Passion FOUND. Whew!

Check that one off of the to-do list.

Now, if I could only get rid of this instinctive need to apologize about it all the time. It’s weird. Why do I feel the need to be like… “Oh, sorry I’m doing this selfish thing of pursuing my dream. Hope you don’t mind.” 

So illogical. So unnecessary.

“Do you really need someone else’s permission, acceptance, wink or nod, or are you ready to give these to yourself, now?” – Mike Dooley, Tut’s Universe

It's my life, after all. Feel the fear and do it anyway, Wilcox! 

Thank you for reading, beautiful people. Go after your dreams!

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot

Sending you all big Monday love… in hopes that Monday (or whatever day is the start of your “work-week”) is your FAVORITE day of the week.

Loves,

Virginia

“Create your own dream job.” – Leo Baubauta, Zen Habits

P.S. For other posts about "finding your passion" go to... #9 & #10.

10. Get Into Your Gift

"When they know that they do not know,

people can find their own way…

The simplest pattern is the clearest.

Content with an ordinary life,

you can show all people the way

back to their own true nature.”

Verse 65 – Tao Te Ching – by Lao Tzu

How do I find my “passion?” How do I know what my “great work” is?

These questions keep coming up in recent conversations with friends.

Many of us are at a time in our lives when we are feeling the growing pains of personal growth and yet, have not found a specific outlet or a direction for all of the new-found energy and experience we’ve been gathering.

When it comes to major life-direction type questions, I am a big believer that... the only person who has the answer is YOU.

You know your own best way. (Even if you don’t KNOW you know it… you know it.)

And I certainly don’t have any answers for anyone… I’m constantly exploring what’s happening with my own crazy self and I definitely don’t know what is best for someone else.

However, I think that finding your “passion” or any other answer you are looking to find for yourself is really about…

1.     Trusting yourself

2.      Asking yourself the right questions

3.      Listening and trusting yourself

4.     Being open to allowing the answers to come

5.     Being brave and trusting yourself

6.     Testing to see if the answer you THINK you’ve found is really lasting and true for you (not just based on what you “should” do or what other people have told you that you “should” do)

7.     Allowing yourself to feel the fear, but not letting it stop you

8.     Taking action to move in the direction of your "great work"

9.     Feeling fantastic that you’ve started to do what you’ve always (secretly) wanted to do

10.  Make it a habit. Keep doing it...

The time-table on this journey? Totally up to you.

Actually,… this will probably take forever. I know it will for me, at least, but I’m okay with that.

It’s go-at-your-own-pace… Choose your own adventure!

I think it’s fun, asking questions and not knowing the answers.

Here are some questions I enjoy asking myself often…

·         Whose work inspires me? (This is often an indication of the kind of work I’d like to be doing.)

·         How can I give? (It’s not about what I have to gain, it’s alllll about what I have to GIVE. I gain through giving.)

·         What is my reason for doing this thing? (If it’s because I think it's “FUN,” then I know I’m on the right track.)

·         What can I do to make this hurt less/ eliminate the things that bother me? (Ouch! Discomfort and pain are my friends. They are indications that action needs to be taken…Step away from the crazy-makers.)

·         Am I consistently moving toward what makes me feel good? (Do more of that!)

·         Am I living out my childhood dreams? 

·         What’s my idea of “play?” (If it’s fun for someone else, that doesn’t mean it’s going to be fun for me.)

·         When no one else was around, what am I naturally drawn to do/think about?

·         Am I just surviving or am I moving towards thriving?

·         How can I do less of what I don't like and more of what I love?

·         Am I procrastinating because of a lack of interest or a fear of failure?

·         Will this only give me fleeting pleasure or the joy of lasting satisfaction?

…Blah, blah, blah… You get the idea.

The best part, with questions like these, is that there are really no wrong answers.

Love that.

It’s simple really… Do what you want to do. That’s how you know what you “should” do.

Trust yourself. Go you own way. Be happy.

Love,

V

P.S.

“The best career advice to give the young is, find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.” 

– Katherine Whilehaen

P.P.S.

“The least strained and most natural ways of the soul are the most beautiful; the best occupations are the least forced.” 

– Michel de Montaigne

P.P.P.S.

Juilliard Drama Campus Tour: Sept 21 (reservation confirmed)

Juilliard MFA Open House: Sept 25 (reservation confirmed)

Baby steps…

:-)