177. Non-Fear

"We practice [mindfulness] in order to have the capacity to deal with desire, to smile with desire, so that we may be free from it." - Thich Nhat Hanh, Fidelity

Yesterday was an emotional roller-coaster ride. I was informed that there is still a chance that I may be accepted to NYU Grad Acting in the fall. (If you missed yesterday's post. You can read all about it HERE.)

Up until yesterday, I had totally let go of the idea that it was even a REMOTE possibility that I was still under serious consideration at NYU. I mean, they didn't even ask me to go to the callback weekend. (Not that I could have attended anyway, since I had to be in San Diego that weekend for work.) NYU put me on the "wait-list" with 250 other people. So...that didn't sound promising.

And then BAM! Phone call from Janet Zarish. "Virginia, we'd like you to be one of two alternates for this year's class."

Yeah. Sure. Okay. AWESOME!

Very thrilling.

Sooooooo naturally....yesterday my head was spinning around from the new given circumstances of my life.

What's going to happen?

How should I be feeling about all of this?... Happy?... Scared?

I mean...WHAT IF I GET IN?

And...WHAT IF I DON'T GET IN?

Think.

Think.

Think.

Then...I had an AWESOME REALIZATION this afternoon.

Even though "acceptance" is sooooooo close I can almost taste it...

I am NOT AFRAID of not getting accepted to NYU.

I am also NOT AFRAID of getting accepted to NYU.

I. Am. Not. Afraid.

NOT AFRAID.

And that makes me HAPPY!

I know that I am perfectly happy with either outcome. TRULY.

That's an incredibly wonderful and liberating feeling.

I'm happy with living in the mystery for a while. It's kind of FUN, actually...The not-knowing-what-the-heck-is-going-to-happen.

"Fear distorts our lives and makes us miserable. We cling to objects and people, like a drowning person clinging to a floating log. By practicing nonattachment and sharing this wisdom with others, we give the gift of non-fear. Everything is impermanent. This moment passes. That person walks away. [YOU DON'T GET ACCEPTED TO GRAD SCHOOL.] Happiness is still possible." - Thich Nhat Hanh, Fidelity

Happiness is allllllllways possible!

F#%k fear.

Surprise people...surprise yourself...PRACTICE NON-FEAR.

External circumstances will never bring true joy. Joy comes from within. So choose to be happy NOW.

Loves,
V

"True love is generated from within. With true love, you feel complete in yourself; you don't need something from outside. True love is like the sun, shining with its own light, and offering that light to everyone."  - Thich Nhat Hanh, Fidelity