179. Monologues 2012 REVEALED

"Fullfillment doesn't come from clearing hurdles others set for you; it comes from clearing those you set for yourself." - Robert S. Kaplan, "Reaching Your Potential" Harvard Business Review

I cannot BELIEVE this is the second-to-last post of the Acceptance Project!!!Whoooooo hoooooo! Almost DONE!

Now, in the interest of full-disclosure and transparency and getting over my own fear...I am posting videos of my four audition monologues and my a capella song for you to see. I've embedded them below.

Why has this taken sooooo long for me to get to posting these monologues? (Grad school auditions took place back in January, after all.)

I have one word for you:

RESISTANCE

"Resistance cannot be seen, touched, heard or smelled. But it can be felt. It is experienced as a force field emanating from a work-in-potential. It's a repelling force. It's negative. Its intention is to shove the creator away, distract him, sap his energy, incapacitate him. 

If Resistance wins, the work doesn't get written... 

Resistance seems to come from outside ourselves. We locate it in spouses, jobs, bosses, kids, distractions. "Peripheral opponents," as Pat Riley used to say when he coached the Los Angeles Lakers.

Resistance is not a peripheral opponent. Resistance arises from within. It is self-generated and self-perpetuated. Resistance is the enemy within."  

- Stephen Pressfield, The War of Art

Even though I KNEW in my gut that I HAD to post my monologues for you all to see...EVENTUALLY. I procrastinated it to the 11th hour (a.k.a. NOW...the second-to-last post.) And I'm procrastinating another thing for tomorrow's blog post too...So I'll probably be publishing that one at like 11:55pm on April 1st. ;-P

Anyhoo...RESISTANCE. Let's talk about that for a sec...

The one and only one thing that is coming between YOU and you moving in the direction of your dreams is...(sing with me now)...Reeeeeeesiiiiiiiiissstaaaaaaance!!!

What is keeping you from doing what you KNOW in your heart-of-hearts you are capable of doing????

Let's use ME as an example here...

Me = Queen of Resistance & Duchess of Rationalization

Here are some of the fantastical thoughts that went through my head as I considered the undertaking of posting my monologues publicly on the blog:

1. I can't. I don't know how to upload video on to YouTube. I've never done it before.
2. It's going to look stupid because I don't have a real camera. I just have my iPhone.
3. I hate watching myself on camera. My acting is always waaaay too big. And I am going to look ridiculous.
4. If I post this online, anyone will be able to view it...even potentially ~gasp~ casting professionals. What if they don't like my work and I get a reputation for being a "bad" actor?
5. I don't have time. It's going to take FOREVER to figure out how to do this.
6. I hate asking for help, but I'll never be able to figure this out on my own. Who would possibly agree to help me with this project? I can't PAY anyone to help me. They'd have to do it out of the goodness of their heart. I don't want to IMPOSE on anyone. 
7. I'd have to shoot this after work one day and I'm going to be exhausted and the light might be all gone and shooting at night might be hard. I don't know what to expect since I've never done this before.

And here's what I told myself to be able to get all my resistant thoughts to SHUT UP...and let me do my WORK already:

1. Even though I have never uploaded any video to YouTube before, I know TONS of people who do that alllll the time, so it really can't be that hard. If I allow my self enough time, I'm sure I can figure it out. And if I need help I can think of at least 3 people off-the-top-of-my-head that I could call to assist me. No problem.
2. Even though I only have an iPhone to record with...that's FINE. It doesn't need to be super high quality. The purpose of me posting these videos is not to win cinematography awards, it is to RECORD a snapshot in time of where I am at with these monologues that I worked on this year. That's allllll. An iPhone is a perfectly adequate tool for this purpose.
3. So what if your acting is too big? So what if you look ridiculous? Who cares? YOU ARE A WORK IN PROGRESS and so are these monologues. There are going to be moments in the pieces that you LOVE and are proud of...and things that you see that you'd like to improve. (DON'T LET THE PERFECT BE THE ENEMY OF THE GOOD! That's what I've been telling myself from day one of this blog.) Don't judge yourself! Get SOMETHING up there! You've shared soooooo much about this entire experience through your writing. Don't chicken-out now! Be courageous! Show your acting work! That's what this is all about, right? Some people will love it and some people with think it's total crap...That's okay. Either way...you will have overcome your fear of showing your work...in all it's flawed glory...AND THAT'S SUCCESS.
4. As for casting folks...the ones that see it and don't like it...probably won't contact me. But there may be people that see it and think..."Hey, I've got a project that girl might be right for...Let me email her and give her a shot."  OR....If I get a lot of really negative feedback on it...I can always take it down...re-shoot...and try again. It's a learning process...And I can get better at it...but only if I start somewhere.
5. Time? Reaaaaally, Virginia? If you have time to watch Failure Club on Yahoo! Screen (my favorite show right now), then you have time to get on your computer and figure out how to make this YouTube uploading thing happen. Just start by logging-in to the website. Start there. The rest will happen naturally. Oh! And make an appointment on your calendar to shoot the video. If you don't schedule it into your life...it ain't gonna happen.
6. Get over your issue about ASKING FOR HELP!...You know you've got people in your life that would love to support you in this project and have the skills to easily make this happen. AND it'll be waaaaay more fun to collaborate with someone awesome on this project. Call MATT STEINER!  You just saw that he uploaded his CLOWN REEL onto his website. He could totally help you....AND HE DID!!!! (Thanks, Matt. You are the BEST. Thank you. These videos would NOT have happened without you. Had a BLAST working on this with you. So. Much. Fun.)
7. Go for it. Work with what you've got...So you've got some lighting issues? Whatever. It's fine...as long as you're not in the dark, you're okay...So the sound is not so great. We can bump up the volume as best we can when we're editing...and we'll do the best we can...Get going NOW, because this blog is ending on April 1st and it's gotta get done!!!....So you've only gotten 4 hours of sleep on top of a loooooong week of uber-stress at work? Yeah. Boo-hoo Wilcox. There's never going to be a perfect circumstance. So take it from where you are at and that's a PERFECT place to start these monologues. Go with it. Use it. Use whatever energy you have...and go from there. That's all you can do.

Sooooo that was how I overcame my resistance to posting these monologues.

True story.

Now...without further ado...My audition monologues for Juilliard, NYU and Yale 2012...

The Foreigner by Larry Shue (Catherine)
Lives of the Great Waitresses by Nina Shengold (Melissa)
The Convent of Pleasure by Margaret Cavendish (Lady Happy)
Two Gentlemen of Verona by William Shakespeare (Julia)

You can view these on my YouTube channel by CLICKING HERE.

I've also embedded them for you below...And my a capella song too.

Catherine from The Foreigner

Contemporary monologue that I did for NYU & Yale.

Melissa from Lives of the Great Waitresses

Contemporary monologue that I did for Juilliard.

Lady Happy from The Convent of Pleasure

Classical monologue that I did for NYU .

Julia from Two Gentlemen of Verona

Shakespeare monologue that I did for Yale and Juilliard.

"Make Someone Happy" by Comden/Green/Styne

A capella song that I sang for NYU and Juilliard.

Could I have done all this better? SURE. Yes. Definitely.

And I WILL DO BETTER...next time.

But what really matters is that I DID IT.

I'm sharing my process and getting my work out there...FINALLY.

Resistance be damned!!!!!!!!!!!!

Loves,
Virginia

“Keep working. Don’t turn anything down...Don’t get precious. You’re young, you’re learning. Keep working.” - Stephen Pressfield, Writing Wednesdays

172. Looking Forward

"Nobody can tell you who you are. It would just be another concept, so it would not change you. Who you are requires no belief. In fact, every belief is an obstacle. It does not even require your realization, since you already are who you are. But without realization, who you are does not shine forth into this world... You are like an apparently poor person who does not know he has a bank account with $100 million in it and so his wealth remains an unexpressed potential." - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

Letting go of a belief is a hard process.

I've believed for a looooooong time that the BEST POSSIBLE NEXT STEP on my career path would be to attend Yale, NYU or Juilliard. There were many, many factors that lead me to this belief, some of which you can read about by CLICKING HERE.

In the past two years, when auditioning for grad school, I allllllways felt like I had held something back...That I was so intent on "getting in" and impressing them, that I wasn't able to show my true self. I was too scared to be vulnerable. I kept trying again because I knew that I could do better, because I had never really been able to let go of my fear that I am truly unworthy of acceptance to one of these top schools...and so, I think I was unconsciously sabotaging my performance.

But this year, I can HONESTLY say that I changed my belief and chose to GIVE MY ALL. I cannot IMAGINE being better prepared or more ready to be in-the-moment and play. And because of my blogging 6-days-a-week...I also knew exactly WHY I wanted to be there and felt confident articulating that....to anyone willing to listen. ;-p

And my auditions went incredibly well. I made it through "the first cut" at all three schools, including Yale (which was a major accomplishment, since I'd never gotten that far before). And I am thrilled to say that I made it to the "end of the day" at both my NYU Grad Acting audition and my Juilliard audition.

This year I felt like I had completely held up my end of the bargain. I did my VERY BEST...and left the rest up to the universe.

And apparently...the universe has other plans for me than attending grad school, since I did not make it to final callbacks for any of these schools.

So now...I'm having to take a good look at my belief...Is grad school really the best possible next step for me?

What else is possible for me?

Am I ready to let go of my grad school dreams?

Or do I want to try auditioning again next year?

What are the other avenues I could pursue to attain my overarching goal?...Building a life/career that will be joyful, sustainable, creatively fulfilling, profitable, challenging, of service and FUN!

I don't know the answers to any of these questions yet...Nor do I need to.

But I do think they're very important questions to be asking myself at this point.

I do know that I am soooooo tired of pursuing this dream alone. I need EXPERT GUIDANCE and MENTORSHIP to make my dreams a reality...

"As artists, we are open-minded but we need not be gullible. Many of the  people purporting to be able to help us shape our craft have very little experience with crafting something themselves. What we are looking for is people who have done what we want to do -- not someone who has watched others do it...When "help" is volunteered, we must be certain it is timely and actually helpful." - Julia Cameron, Walking In This World

So if you know someone in New York that might be a good mentor for me...Someone that is currently thriving as an creative person, making an abundant living as an actor in theatre/tv/film/voiceover, has a fantabulous relationship with their agent and is fearless, has a positive out-look on life and is interested in mentoring a highly-motivated and dedicated young actress/blogger named Virginia Wilcox...please email me at via virginia wilcox at gmail dot com. I will consider all applicants. :-)

I do believe that a solid relationship with a mentor would help me immensely.

Do I believe that I can have the kind of successful career as an actor that I've been dreaming of...without an MFA from Yale, Juilliard or NYU?....Hmmmm. That's a good question.

I guess the honest answer for right now is...no...I do not believe that I will do as well in my career without the experience of earning an MFA from one of these schools and becoming a valued member of the artistic communities associated with these institutions.

Soooooo gotta look at changing that belief perhaps! Because if I don't believe it's possible...it ain't gonna happen.

Whatever does happen next...I know it will be joyful...and good...if I allow it to be. 

My life is unfolding just the way it's supposed to...even though it's certainly not happening the way I had hoped or planned.

"It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end." - Ursula K. Le Guin 

I'm okay. I am having fun with the journey! 

And I am happy that on April 1st I will be able to say that I've SUCCESSFULLY completed exactly what I set out to do: write 180 blog posts about my creative process of applying to grad school for the third time. That's a truly unique accomplishment...and out of the thousands of people that auditioned for grad school this year, I can confidently say that I'm the only one who's done THAT...It may be a weird to have a blog about auditioning for grad school, but I think it was worth it. It's been an incredible commitment device. I see the value in it anyway...and that makes me feel good....no matter what anyone else may think.

And I'm grateful for my life's many blessings....I can pay my rent...and eat...and I have a warm bed. I live in a free country. I'm safe. I'm healthy...and that's what REALLY matters.

Looking forward to the possibilities and the impossibilities that 2012 may bring...

Love to you all,

Virginia

P.S. What are the limiting beliefs that you have about your own life that may be keeping you in stasis? How can you begin to let them go?

170. The Phone Call - Guest Post by Brittany V. Green (Part Four)

Here it is folks!!! The outcome of Ms. Brittany V. Green's NYU Grad Acting auditions...No need for any more waiting, waiting, waiting...

(She and I originally met at the same-day-callbacks at Juilliard. She agreed to write a series of guest-posts for the blog when she was invited to the Callback Weekend at NYU. If you're not caught-up on her story...you might want to read all three parts of Brittany's audition experience at the NYU Grad Acting Callback Weekend 2012. Click HERE to read PART ONE. Click HERE to read PART TWO. Click HERE to read PART THREE.)  

The Phone Call

by Brittany V. Green

It’s Tuesday night March 17th. Two days after my interview. I’m at work waiting tables. I had to work a double that day, which any other day would really suck, but today I was glad. It will keep my mind off of eagerly anticipating whether or not I got into NYU. 

At around 7pm I feel my phone vibrating. I go to the “phone/break” section of my job to check it. It’s a number that begins with 917… Hm, who could this be? An audition? That’s usually what it is when it’s a random NY number. Maybe NYU? Really? But it’s too soon. I feel another vibration, in my pocket indicating that I have a voicemail. Something tells me to check it right away. 

I go into the employee bathroom to get a quiet space. I check my voicemail. “Brittany, hey, it’s Mark Wing-Davey here, calling from NYU grad acting. Maybe you could give us a call? My number is (lists cell number)….Ok thanks very much, take care. Buh-bye” 

The BIGGEST smile emerges from my face. 

OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH. I KNOW WHAT THIS MEAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSS!! Is it real? Is this really happening? OH MY GOSH! 

I leave the bathroom and a co-worker of mine who knows all about my audition journey is standing there. I look to him and say, “I think I just got accepted into NYU!” He goes…” What? Get ooooout!” I say… “No I just got a call from the Chair!” We have a moment of celebration.  

But I need to hear Mark say it for it to actually be real. 

I call him back. No answer…I leave him a message letting him know I’m at work but to feel free to call back. 

I try to go back to working but I CAN’T. I need to hear him SAY IT. It’s too much of a tease!!! I go back to the bathroom and call again. HE PICKS UP! 

I don’t remember word for word, but it went something like this… 

Mark: Hey Brittany how are you? 

Me: Good and you? 

Mark: Good, good, listen we’d like to offer you a spot. 

Me: YES! YES! (accepting) 

Mark: Yea we’d really love to have you, are you interested? 

Me: Yes, yes! I am interested! 

Mark: Ok good, good We’re excited to have you. 

Me: (Oh my gosh excited to have ME?!) Oh, thank you!!  

Mark: (chuckles) Ok great, but don’t put it out there just yet or on Facebook or anything, we’re still not done putting together the class. But make sure you let (alumni I knew from NYU) know.  

Me: Yes, yes definitely! Thank you so much. 

Mark: Yes, you should be getting a call soon about financial aid, and hopefully we can work something out that you can do. 

Me: Ok, thank you! 

Mark: Alright, talk to you later 

Me: Ok, buh bye. 

Mark: Buh bye. 

I left that bathroom feeling ON TOP OF THE WORLD. I shouted it out in the back of the kitchen and I could hear “Congrats!” “Oh my gosh!” “You got in?!” I started praising God right there. 

“Thank you Jesus! Hallelujah! I’m gonna praise Him here RIGHT AT WORK! Thank you Jesus!” 

People laughed and cheered at this. 

You couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face that night. I felt amazing. 

The next moments were followed by, telling those close to me, and making sure to let them know not to congratulate me via Facebook. Keeping it hush hush was sooooo hard!!! 

But now it’s Monday March 19th, and the word is out!

Brittany Green is now an NYU Grad Acting Student!!! Thank you Jesus! 

Earlier that week I got the call from financial aid and was offered a WONDERFUL package! I was in tears when I got off the phone and thanked God some more! My mother was elated! 

And now the journey begins. Gotta move to an apartment closer to the school. Gotta save money. Gotta find roommates. Gotta get a healthy routine goin' on. Gotta figure out how much of a loan I need to take out for living purposes. 

GOTTA CELEBRATE! 

All week all I could think about was how much my life would change in the next three years. The opportunities, the people I’d meet, the joy I’d have, the challenges I’d face, the growth I’d experience, and so much more! 

THIS is going to be the best three years of my life. 

God is so good. I give all credit, thanks and honor to Him. If it were not for Him I ASSURE you, I would not have this blessing. The way he has aligned things for me in order to get to this point is only from His works. 

I began my journey not even wanting grad school, and now look at me. He placed the right people in my life, guided me to the right resources, and helped me shine the way He knew I could. And I am so very thankful. I am so ready, and so happy to be able to Master the thing I absolutely LOVE to do. ACT! 

Look out for me world! Brittany V Green has arrived!!

Yes. She. Has. 

Finally!!!! A 2012 ACCEPTANCE story!!! Whooo-hooo! That's what this project is alllllll about!

Congratulations Brittany!!!! Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Wowzers, girl!!! You are sooooo right... Your life is about to change FOREVER. You are going to grow sooooo much from your time at NYU Grad Acting. This is only the beginning...sooooooo exciting! You are totally on your right path and doors are opening!!! Keeeeep going!!! Yaaaaay!

:-)

...Sooooo wish I could be there with you. You are gonna rock that school.

Make the most of every single moment of the journey, okay? I know you will!!! You have truly been blessed.

Sending you all my love,

Virginia
 

"When you finally get that call, meet that person, walk that walk, and live that dream, do you think you'll even care that there were a few dark and scary moments in a journey that made them all possible? Trust me, you won't even remember. And won't you be glad you never settled for less?" - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe

  

169. Withholding

"The fact is: Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world...Try this for a couple of weeks and see how it changes your reality: Whatever you think people are withholding from you -- praise, appreciation, assistance, loving care, and so on -- give it to them. You don't have it?  Just act as if you had it, and it will come. Then, soon after you start giving, you will start receiving. You cannot recieve what you don't give. Outflow determines inflow. Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you already have, but unless you allow it to flow out, you won't even know that you have it." - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

Dude...the above quote seriously slapped me in the face on my plane ride home to NY from CA.

I was having this whiny moment of thinking..."nobody-really-listens-to-me"..."people-are-too-busy-with-their-own-lives-to-care-about-me"..."I-am-all-alone"....(ya know how it is... total pity party).

And then I read Eckhart Tolle's wisdom...and I was like..."Virginia, if you are busy thinking..."Why aren't people listening to me?"...then, guess what? YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO THEM!...And if you are sooooooo busy with your own life/blog/journey/selfishness....then you are not being present and caring for others!...And if you are lonely, then CALL someone...or speak to the stranger sitting next to you (they may be lonely too)...Don't WAIT for someone to read your mind."

Nobody is withholding anything from you. You're just not in a "giving mode." You're in a "taking mode."

Soooooo stop whining to yourself and get back to GIVING...and AMAZINGLY you will start receiving what you want.


You want to be appreciated?... Appreciate others.


You want people to connect with you?... Connect with others.


You want more love in your life?... Be loving toward others.


You want people to listen to you?... Listen intently to others.



Now...I really wish that this one was also true: You want to get into grad school?... Help others get into grad school.

LOL!  :) ...Okay, those sentences may not be quite as directly related as the others.

HOWEVER, if I switch it up, and say... You want your own dreams to come true?... Encourage others to make their dreams a reality.

Yeah, that could work... We shall see!

Hope you'll go out into the world today and give away whatever it is that you think you're not getting.

Try it. It's a "life experiment." See what happens.

Loves,
Virginia

"Behind the sometimes seemingly random or even chaotic succession of events in our lives as well as in the world lies concealed the unfolding of a higher order and purpose." - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

168. On My Way Home

"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." - T. S. Eliot

It's been a loooooong time since I've been "home" to California. Everything is the same here...and everything is completely different.

I feel a deep connection with this place....and simultaneously, I feel like a stranger.

Coming home to friends and family that knew you when you were "your younger self" is both comforting and frustrating. Comforting...in the sense that there is an automatic familiarity with these folks...a vocabulary you share...and a short-hand of shared experience to remind you of former days. It feels like slipping on a comfy pair well-worn shoes.

And coming home can be frustrating...in the sense that you have grown and changed, but people here only know you as the "old you."  So it's easy to fall into old social patterns with friends or family...some of which don't necessarily "fit" you anymore. And that feels stifling and strange.

They've changed. You've changed. But how? When?

Doesn't matter. Change is SUPPOSED to happen. It's interesting...observing that there's been a shift. And that's something to explore...as we move forward to create relationships based on who we are NOW.

Truly, the past is something to be grateful for...Having had those experiences...Having loved...Having been loved...Having made mistakes...Having learned from those mistakes...Having challenges...Having learned how to get through or over or around those challenges.

But holding on to that past? Not helpful.

Looking forward to the future...with the past as a foundation for your next step? 

Yes.

...Gotta go fly home now...HOME to New York.

I love you, Northern California. You will always be in my heart.

Loves,

Virginia

"We can learn not to keep situations or events alive in our minds, but to return our attention continuously to the pristine, timeless present moment rather than be caught up in mental movie-making. Our very Presence then becomes our identity, rather than our thoughts and emotions. 

Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now; and if the past cannot prevent you from being present now, what power does it have?" 

- Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

167. NYU Callback Weekend 2012 - Guest Post by Brittany V. Green (Part Three)

(This post is a continuation of Ms. Brittany V. Green's audition experience at the NYU Grad Acting Callback Weekend 2012. Click HERE to read PART ONE. Click HERE to read PART TWO.)

Brittany V. Green

NYU Callback Weekend - Day Two...cont'd

by Brittany V. Green

March 11th, 2012

I walked into the audition room for what would be the last time in this whole audition process. I felt comfortable, happy, and ready to show them who Brittany is. They all smiled at me and said hello as I came in. I happily did the same. Janet [Zarish] told me before I sat down that she’d like me to do another piece for her (they were really workin’ me people!) This time they wanted me to do my Shakespeare piece. (In total I showed them four pieces during the entire audition process.) I said yes and began. 

Afterwards they gave me adjustments. They wanted me to make it more personal to who I was, and leave the "classical aura" I brought to it behind. I thought for a moment… "How does Brittany like to work?” I told them… "one moment" and stripped off my blazer, scarf and shoes. ( I love working barefoot.) I took a deep breath and began my piece again… this time having a break through. The piece I had been doing over and over for so long touched me in a different way this time, and I allowed myself to go there. And then I was done. When I go “there” it always takes a lot out of me. I felt like I had to catch my breath a lot. Janet looked up at me and said…” Good adjustments.” Janet then asked me to come have a seat…then said “as you leave your old way of doing it on the floor” and pointed to my clothes…we laughed. I then made my way over to the chair to have a seat. 

We chatted a little and then I was asked about the colleague I knew, who I put in my reference section on my application [an NYU grad acting alumni]. For a moment…I thought about the valuable note “be yourself.” So I looked them in the eyes and said… "Look I’m just gonna keep it real with you guys…" and began to explain it all...  

I said,...At first I did not like the idea of grad school. I felt that upon arriving to NY I was ready to work. Also, many people discouraged me from applying. But (the alumni I’d been talking about this whole time and who is now starring on Broadway) my colleague pushed the idea. She kept talking about the benefits of it and pointed out the advantages of grad school especially for a young black actress. I met her through a mutual acting friend who told me I reminded him of her and that I needed to meet her, so I did. And thankfully we kept in contact and God placed it in her heart to drive home the benefits of having an MFA to me. She also talked about what NYU had to offer specifically. One thing that really spoke to me was the fact that they specialize in YOU the actor. They are not bound by a certain technique, or way of doing things. 

I told them that in my undergrad, upon entering, I had a lot of passion and vivacity but not as much discipline or training. (Or “I was a hot mess,” as I phrased it.) I was lively but sometimes all over the place. My undergrad tamed me, taught me, and helped me mature to become the woman I am today, but in all that taming... the things that made me unique began to get put on the back burner. One of my professors from my undergrad told me she thought I'd lost my “spunk.” She asked me if I remembered a time when I called up the office before classes started and asked to be put in the Sophomore voice class, because I’d taken my English credit in high school already. I had no clue then that acting classes worked cumulatively, I was just ready to get ahead! I told my old professor that I’d completely forgotten all about having done that! I was more outspoken and daring then. 

I let the NYU staff know that now that I am no longer ignorant to the technical aspects of acting it’s time to bring back my spark! I told them that I love creating my own work and that the Free Play performances I saw were absolutely amazing and I am dying to sink my teeth into something like that. I told them that I loved the confidence every student had upon graduating.... Knowing exactly who they are, bold enough to take on anything thrown at them, and being well-rounded individuals. 

I told them sometimes I feel like I have a split personality…one minute I’m so confident, bold and well-on-my-way…and the next I can be the complete opposite, beating myself up. I told them I wanted COMPLETE confidence in my work and in knowing who I am. I told them I envisioned a “Super Brittany” and that I’m dying to meet this woman. I let it be known that I was excited, and ready to create. I told them I had enough formal shaping, now it was time to fine-tune what BRITTANY has to offer! 

That was the basis of what I talked about,... besides going in detail about what I thought of the Free Play and discussing my financial aid situation. 

NYU is the right school for me because they aren’t afraid to fail in order to create and learn. They aren’t afraid to take risks, be bold, be themselves and take chances (and even mistakes!) They teach the actor how to embrace their unique tools and THAT is what I want to expand upon. And THAT is probably why so many casting directors love to get their hands on these students. 

I didn’t care about a fancy space and perfectly polished presentations. I loved the urban feel, quotes and pictures on the actor’s lockers, marks in the floor from years of hard work, the lounge area where I’d probably be sleeping because I’d be up all night working on projects, and MORE.  NYU  gets down and dirty!  

The conversation seriously felt like I was talking to one of my home-girls. I took the “be yourself” thing very literally. I told myself, "If I am who I am and they don’t like me then I’m not meant to be here." But all in all, I felt good about my interview. I was proud that I let go of the need to impress and was open and honest. I was happy with what went on. 

I left the room and joined the audience in watching a current student’s cabaret performance. When it was over, I was exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally, the WORKS. I went home, and once again thanked God for EVERYTHING and went right to sleep. 

But it still ain’t over!

Wow, Brittany! It takes a lot of courage to reeeeeeally be yourself in that kind of a high-stakes "interview/audition" situation. The "safe" route would be to try and impress them by trying to be the "actor" you think they want to see. But you stripped down (both literally and figuratively)...all those walls...showing your TRUE heart and your unique perspective and your child-like passion for the craft. THAT'S BRILLIANT! And I am sure it felt GREAT!

And now you KNOW that if they invite you into the program...they are inviting YOU, because that's who you chose to reveal to them in the room. You showed them YOU. And that's the BEST you could have possibly done!!!

And (on the other side of the coin) since you shared with them your true self... even if you're not invited into the program...you know that's going to be the very best thing for you. Because if you wouldn't be able to be YOURSELF in that program and be accepted, then that's not the place you'd want to study anyway...NYU or no NYU...You've GOT to be free to be yourself in order to grow as an artist!

Sooooooo proud of you!!! I hope you consider this audition a HUGE SUCCESS, no matter what the final outcome.

Please, keep us posted! Wishing you all the best.

Loves,

Virginia

CLICK HERE TO READ PART FOUR: THE PHONE CALL

"What matters is to live in the present, live now, for every moment is now. It is your thoughts and acts of the moment that create your future. The outline of your future path already exists, for you created its pattern by your past." - Sai Baba

 

165. NYU Callback Weekend 2012 - Guest Post by Brittany V. Green (Part One)

Ladies and Gents....Meet Ms. Brittany V. Green!

Who is this gorgeous lady, you ask? And why is she being featured on the Acceptance Project blog?

Welllllll....Brittany and I met at the Juilliard Auditions/Callbacks on January 28, 2012. And she and I hit it off like popcorn and soda! 

(Turns out she had actually read the blog prior to her Juilliard audition. She found it with Google... by searching for MFA audition experiences, or something like that. -- LOL! Isn't that CrAZy? -- Anyhoo....We didn't talk about the blog AT the audition, but she "friended" me on FB later and she discovered through a mutual friend that I was the "blogger" that she'd read and then met at the Juilliard Auditions/Callbacks.)

And Ms. Brittany V. Green was invited to THE FINAL CALLBACK WEEKEND AT NYU this year! 

CONGRATULATIONS BRITTANY!!!!!

So, naturally, I was soooooooo excited for her and asked her if she wouldn't mind writing a guest post for the blog! And she AGREED!!!! 

So the following are her thoughts and musings and experiences during the 2012 NYU GRAD ACTING CALLBACK WEEKEND.

Pre-Callback Preparation

by Brittany V. Green

March 9th, 2012

So today I got the schedule for my NYU Callback... I'm nervous and excited. I washed my clothes and set up my outfit for tomorrow. After talking with a former NYU grad student (who is now on Broadway) about callbacks she emphasized how I need to just be myself, so I picked an outfit that best expressed who I am. I picked an outfit I would wear to class if I were actually chosen to be a part of the next NYU grad class. Which was a hot pink tank top, black leggings, a purple shawl, cherry earrings, a silver ring, a purple biblical bracelet, form fitting nike running shoes and a cute black and grey patterned scarf. It looks artsy and poetic and they're definitely movement clothes. 

(Here's the outfit!...HOTT!!!)

 

Later on I plan on going over my two anchor monologue pieces and the piece that they asked me to do from my back up list. ( I have 8 monologues prepared in total, gonna run the other 5 quickly too...just in case.) I met with my coach two days ago to refine the adjustments that I got from prior auditions to make my pieces better for call backs. 

Other than having my pieces prepared, knowing the back-stories to my monologues and being able to elaborate on the statement I wrote there's really no other preparation other than to be myself. I also thought about the big question ..."Why grad school?"... and also what I have been doing since graduating undergrad [University of Connecticut]. Knowing the answers to those basic questions and a few others are also good prep. 

My goal is to be the best version of my artistic self tomorrow bringing charm, bringing creativity, bringing spontaneity and bringing my best talent. I think my biggest obstacle tomorrow would have to be the need to impress. But honestly, I think the worst is over and it's just a matter of forming the right class with the right chemistry and not really a matter of whether or not we all impressed them, because to get this far in the process means we already have. Preparation and relaxation time... Talk to you soon!

And here are her thoughts on callbacks: DAY ONE...

NYU Callback Weekend - Day One

by Brittany V. Green

March 10th, 2012

I am home…and just got done with doing a happy dance to Chris Brown’s “Turn up the Music.” For some reason I got a wave of happiness despite my fatigue from the day and had to dance it out. 

Now… callbacks... lol…I ditched the cherry earrings, went with some simple silver buds and headed on over to NYU. (My faux-hawk was enough statement I thought the cherry earrings might have been over-kill.) On the way I listened to Silva Relax, an iPhone app I downloaded and loooove. Then went over my monologues in my head as I transferred from the A train to the N/R. 

When I arrived there were a few people there for the callback waiting in the lobby. I was early and we couldn’t go upstairs yet so I stayed and chatted. Finally around 8:30am we went up and one by one people started rolling in and we all chatted it up. They handed us a sheet of paper with an article about a historical figure and his epic and rather depressing life’s tale. I read it over and over, for some reason I couldn’t concentrate, probably because I was approaching the reading like a project for History and decided to just talk about it with the surrounding actors. I asked questions and added what I thought about it and got a better understanding from it. 

Next we all went into a big room and it was dance time! For 45 minutes I had such a fun time. We learned a fairly simple step/strut. We did it to different types of music with slight alterations to the steps. Country style, jazz style, old school rap style, diva style (as I would call it... lol …fake 5-inch high-heels and all), etc… We focused on the action "to seduce" and "to celebrate," then it kind-of went to our own personal strut. I personally loved the action “to seduce” it’s an essence I revel in with my acting, and I had a blast doing the step in the fake high heels, considering that I go out a lot with my friends and I loooove heels! They were more interested in what we brought to the step than the step itself though, all the while, we were being observed by faculty. But not in a scary intimidating way, the faculty laughed, clapped and swayed to the music themselves. 

Next we got separated into two different groups. One group would play games and do some movement work, while the other would do breath work and movement/text exercises. 

I went in the games group first. All of the things we did were what a typical acting class would ask for…to play, to explore, and to discover. We warmed up our bodies and had fun. Some of the activities were, spinning around on our butts in a full 360 without using our hands, making up a karate routine using parts of our body that weren’t threatening at all…like an eyebrow,... lol... reading text while learning the correct way to breath. I enjoyed myself and enjoyed watching other people. 

My entire callback group, luckily was lively and energetic, I loved my group. After that, we got split up into four groups and that’s when the article came into play. We had to, in 15 minutes create a movement piece with an objective specific to the story we read. I had great training with Lecoq work in my undergrad so this was right up my alley (I’ve had to transpose an entire movie on a 4 by 6 platform with five other people!). I took on somewhat of a leadership position in my group, but made sure to not be bossy or dominant. Everyone contributed great ideas and everyone seemed pleased with the final product. 

Next we presented them to the entire group and to faculty. Then Mark Wing-Davey gave feedback and adjustments, just like what would happen if we were presenting something in class. We all did the adjustments and learned a lot from it in that small amount of time. We all got great feedback and I really felt my group was really going in the right direction with our ideas. 

Then came lunch! They gave us pizza, and snacks and we all chatted with the prospective students and faculty. The faculty got up one by one and introduced themselves. 

The next phase was showing them our audition pieces again. I did one of my anchor pieces and then they asked me to do one of my backup pieces instead of my Shakespeare. The backup piece I did isn’t a well known play, but it’s soooooo good! I think the language was different and interesting. I made sure to do any adjustments they gave me from my initial audition. Afterwards they said “Thank you” smiled and I left. 

When I was done I chatted it up with alumni and prospective students. As I was in mid-conversation with two of the current students I was approached by the Associate Chair to go back into the room. They asked me if I had anything else, I had 8 monologues prepared in total and began to list them off, they stopped me at one they REAAALLLLY wanted to see and so I did it for them. I was thrown off-guard a bit doing this because most of the people before me only had to do two…I wasn’t expecting to do my other pieces that day and I felt my first run of it was good, but not my best. They gave me adjustments, I took a deep breath and did as I was told. That time I felt it went very well. 

After that we had a talk back with alumni. We got to ask questions about the program and the experience WITHOUT the faculty in the room. This way we were able to ask ANYTHING and the alumni could answer honestly. I appreciated this a lot. Because of this I found out that some of the very things I questioned or wanted to know were also questioned by the ones who went there. I got great answers and by the end... it only solidified my decision that NYU is the number one school for me. 

After the talk back we got to see Free Play performances. This is a project that third year students get to do. You can create ANYTHING you desire. I LOVE creating my own work and doing my own thing. So seeing this had a major impact on me. I saw films created by THE ACTORS. Plays written and presented by the actors and more. It was such brilliant work! I thought about all my short stories and poems/spoken word pieces that I’ve been writing since childhood and how badly I’d love to come up with a one woman show. I began to imagine all the possibilities for my third year Free Play project. 

I had an amazing day, met amazing people and was POOPED! But because I felt in my heart just how well the day went, I had to go home and do a happy dance. I praised God and prayed and thanked Him for everything. I was excited to go to bed and wake up for day two!

Thank you, Brittany!!! It's so generous of you to share your experience with us. Soooooo happy that it went so well for you and you felt great about it. Cannot wait to read about DAY TWO! Whoooooo hooooooo!!!! 

Loves,

Virginia

P.S. The "V" in Brittany V. Green is for VIRGINIA. LOL! Isn't that awesome?! Hee, hee. Virginia's are awesome.

  

164. Gedankenexperiment

Gedankenexperiment: (guh-DAHNG-kuhn-ik-SPER-uh-muhnt) noun: A thought experiment, an experiment carried out in imagination only.

I'm in San Diego right now. (Business trip for my day-job.)

One awesome thing about traveling is coming into contact with people who have VEEEEERY different lives than you. Their "normal" is sooooooo different from your "normal," yet both are completely REAL and TRUE for each of you.

I especially love flying over the country and looking down at the tiny houses and cars and imagining the many lives being lived and many different perspectives that those people have on our world.

Environment has soooooo much influence on us...growing up...shaping us into the adults we become...Where we grow up...Who we surround ourselves with...The opportunities that our communities have or don't have to participate in sports and arts and student government and field trips...local industry and economy...topography. It's crazy...when you really think about it...how DIFFERENT our experiences are...and yet...how we're all sharing many of the SAME experiences too. It's WILD!

These kinds of musings help to give me perspective on my own life...That I could be having a very different experience if I lived in, say...Austin, TX...or Phoenix, AZ...and...it gets me thinking....

Why do people choose to live where they live? Why do I live where I live? Would I be happier living somewhere else? Am I sooooo caught up in my "New York reality" that I've completely lost touch with what's happening elsewhere in the world?

Being here in SoCal is interesting. I try to imagine myself actually LIVING in San Diego...Imagining if this was my daily reality. How would that help to shape who I am as a person?...As an artist?

The pace of life here is sooooooo different from New York. Much slower. I would definitely miss the hustle of NYC...But the sunshine here is very cheery... and I do like the Pacific Ocean.

There are plenty of crazy people on the streets of San Diego too...just like NY. So that's the same.

Anyhoo, there's no answer that I'm looking for...I just love relishing the question..."What would it be like to live somewhere else?" And I let my imagination run wild....

Imagination is a beautiful thing. We can live a million different outcomes in the comfort of our own heads. It's the BEST. Thank goodness for imagination!!!

And it is freeing to know that I could COMPLETELY change my life by moving to a different city. Not that I WOULD...because I love my apartment in NY...but I COULD. That's nice to know.

Sigh.

Wishing you a fantastic day of imaginary experimentation. Try on a new life for size today...in your thoughts.

Who knows? Maybe these imaginings could lead so some ACTUAL life changes...Thoughts become things, ya know.

Imagine,
Virginia

P.S. Don't forget! Tomorrow's the Acceptance Project Mixer at 7pm in Walnut Creek, CA. Click HERE for all the info! Hope to see you!

nothing last forever
not even the mountains
someday they will be swept away and swallowed by the sea
we all shall be blessedly released 

life is so precious it's as fragile as a dream
and in a moment we all grow our wings
I wish to sing as if no ones listening
I wish to dance as if no one is watching
I wish to dance as if no one is watching
and I, give thanks for my dreams
you can rob me of my sight
and you can poison my blood stream
but as long as I can dream then life is worth living

-- Brett Dennen, Nothing Lasts Forever

162. Interview with Bryce Pinkham (Yale) - Part Three

"Some actors just have an inherent star quality. When I'm watching an audition, I think, "Is that actor going to make me stop flipping through channels?" Basically, someone who has immense watchablility in combination with acting ability and confidence. The truth of it is, when producers and networks set out to cast a show, there's always a bit of insecurity about being able to find the right person. I believe part of the actor's job is to show us his or her confidence in doing the role." - Marcia Shulman, Casting Director

(This is PART THREE of the interview with Yale graduate Bryce Pinkham. Click HERE to read PART ONE and HERE to read PART TWO. This interview was conducted at Cellini Restaurant on E. 54th St. in New York City on January 6, 2012, and was lovingly transcribed by my mother, Dorothy Wilcox. Thanks, MOM!)

(Bryce Pinkham...on Bway in Ghost:The Musical.)

Virginia: So at this point in your career, you’ve gotten the chance to work with a lot of great people on different projects, at school and outside of school. And how much do you feel that this idea of embracing failure or leaning into fear, rather than pushing away from it,.... you know, that kind of an attitude, is a factor in being successful in a career as an actor?

Bryce: I think it works differently for different people. But I think any actor that you respect as an artist would be able to rattle off numerous times that they were terrible or felt like a failure. I think that it’s inherent in the attempt. And I think for people who can’t admit that or those that fail to rearrange their relationship or value towards failure, that it can be difficult because – listen, we talked about auditioning. We fail 90% of the time by the numbers. I don’t even know what the numbers are – one out of ten, who knows? I’ve failed more times than jobs that I’ve had. The entire number of jobs that I’ve had in three years out of grad school, it doesn’t match up to the number of jobs that I’ve failed to get in one year. So, you know, proportionately it makes sense to make friends with that part of the job. And I think there are plenty of people who do it and do it well. So it relaxes you. A lot of this stuff you learn in grad school, it relaxes you so that you can allow your most honest moments to come up and come out and so that you can express something unique as opposed to shaping something that you think is what the audience or the director or your scene partner wants to see in you.

So I think rearranging you position on failure relaxes you because you realize it’s inevitable. So you don’t have to wait and say, "Well, what if this is the one where I fail?" Well, chances are I will, so why don’t I just enjoy the pursuit and also do the thing I really want to do. What’s the thing in this audition or in this performance of a character that excites me, that I want to work on, that I want to explore as an artist? Because in the end, you know, that’s what you get out of it...

And truth be told -- in certain situations failure is not an option, right? I mean, there are different levels of it. I’m not saying it’s okay to go out on a Broadway stage and suck. But it’s okay to out on a Broadway AUDITION and suck and say, "That was terrible, wasn’t it, can I try again? ‘Cause I know I can do it better than that. That was just messy."  So there’s a difference, to be clear.

Virginia: I was reading a blog from this great blogger that I really enjoy, Seth Godin. He’s really into business and marketing and things like that, you know, entrepreneurialism and the tech world. And you know, those startups fail all the time. People start a new business and it fails and they learn from it and they go on and start a different one and it fails. So it’s very similar to the acting world in the way, that you know you're going in with this idea, this dream, this vision of what you want to create and you have to get other people on board with it and sometimes it’s awesome and sometimes it’s terrible. You know, we as artists have to do that all the time...get these people on board. And Seth was talking about, in one of his blogs, the difference between mistakes and failure. He’s like, you want to avoid mistakes and you want to embrace failure. I think in our work as actors, you want to walk into an audition trying to avoid the mistakes.... but big-time embracing the failure... because that’s the thing that’s going to help you to succeed – I love what you said about bringing that uniqueness to it. You’re not there to get it RIGHT. You’re there to bring whatever it is that you feel that you can uniquely bring to that job. And if you’re so busy trying to get it "right" that you don’t bring that uniqueness... then, you know, that’s a MISTAKE.

Bryce: Well, as it relates to grad school auditions, I think if you try, as I said, embracing the ridiculousness of the whole thing, if you take a minute and think, okay, Yale sees this many auditions a year and this is the number that they take, these are my odds. If you really take that seriously, you probably wouldn’t even walk in the room. And it’s the reason that half the people that do walk in the rooms are not interesting the minute they walk in because they’re already apologizing for the fact that they don’t think they’re right, or they don’t think they’re what the school is looking for...as opposed to people who walk in and say, well, I may go down but I’m going to go down in flames. That’s not from me. That’s from a teacher of mine who said that to us, I think, on our first day of grad school. He said, "You’re going to go down, but it’s your choice whether or not to go down in flames."  So I try to do that as much as I can bear.

Virginia: So you try to go down in flames as often as possible?  :)

Bryce: If I’m going down, yes. I say if I’m going to make a choice that could be "wrong" or "not what they’re looking for," at least it’s going to be a strong choice. It’s going to be a BOLD choice. I’m not going to hint at making a choice. I’m going to make it, and then if they say, "You know what, that was not really what we were looking for. Could you try this?" I’m going to say, "Absolutely. Sure. Let me just ditch that terrible choice that I made and then I’d be happy to do whatever you’d like."

This is something else for auditioning I try to embody... This is something I learned I think from Joanna Merlin’s book about auditioning way back in undergrad. I read about treating the audition as if it is actually a party that you’re hosting and everyone there is looking to you for their enjoyment, but you’re also a little bit in charge, not even a little bit, YOU'RE IN CHARGE. The minute you walk into the room you say, "Oh thank you for all joining me at my party, and what can I get you? Would you like a song first? Would you like me to do a scene that I’ve prepared for you first? Oh, you would? Excellent choice. I’ve prepared this beautiful little cake of a scene and you can have a piece now. There’s more of it if you’d like, but please don’t feel you have to eat it all. I’ve also got a song, if you’d like to hear that. I’m very proud of it."  And even the best party hosts [have bad days], maybe the cake is burned and the punch is, you know, bad... But the way they present it is half the battle, I think. I always tell people when I’m coaching them for specific auditions, not necessarily for grad school but for more professional stuff, you don’t have to get out of the room right away. Nobody leaves their own party until they're done. I’m not saying... refuse to leave. But what I’m saying is... you don’t have to finish, [speaks very quickly] okay, thank you so much for seeing me. I’m outta here! [slows down, speaking pleasantly, calmly] Thank you so much. Can I get you anything else?...It’s just a different sort of –

Virginia: -- attitude.

Bryce: -- yeah, it’s a different way of approaching the entire thing. And it’s also a way of approaching people when you show up. TAKE YOUR TIME.... I mean, I take my time, and I say hi to everybody in the room. I look them in the eyes. I say hello. Or if it feels like it’s something that’s moving along, I try not to overstay my welcome. But I try not to let people rush me.

Virginia: Right. It’s your moment.

Bryce: Right. I prepared. I spent hours out of my precious time preparing for this. And whether or not you’ve already decided that I’m not the one for this part, that’s fine. That’s you. But for me, I’ve prepared the song, and I’m going to sing it. If you want to stop me in the middle of it, I’m fine with that because "I’m the party host," and I say, "Oh, sure, I’m sorry that was not exactly what you were hoping for. But my intent is that you’re going to eat all of the cake, and you’re going to love it... ‘cause I took time to make it."

Virginia: I love that.

Bryce: And I’m proud of that cake I made... That’s the other thing I always tell people, and this is important in the clown work– and I think I‘ve told you this before – in choosing material, never bring something into the room that you’re not proud of because we can tell. Even if it’s the mangiest little gift, you know, the little burned cake... But if you made it yourself and it’s one you’re proud of, it’s one YOU LIKE, it’s going to taste that much better to us, rather than the one you bought at Whole Foods... And it’s going to mean that much more to us, that you brought it and you thought about it. "I bet they’d really like this special nut cake. I’m not exactly sure how to do it, but I’m going to try."  As opposed to, "Well, I could just pick up an ice cream cake at Baskin Robbins." -- to put in a youthful reference, 31 Flavors.

Virginia: Nice.

Bryce: So yeah, I hope that’s helpful.

Virginia: Oh, my gosh, that’s fantastic!...This is just a fun little question not really related to grad school. What advice would you give to your 16-year-old self if you could send yourself a little note back in time?

Bryce: Stretch, start stretching, stretch.

Virginia: Like physically stretching?

Bryce: Stretch yourself every day. I hated stretching. I was an athlete and I just hated warming up. And I hated stretching. And I would go back, and I would really slap myself around and I would say–

Virginia: Learn to love it.

Bryce: Yeah, learn to love it. Get used to the pleasure/pain of it and stretch yourself. I would also tell myself to learn piano. Yeah, I mean, there are technical things like that.... Hmmm, 16.... I’m trying to think of advice or criticism....I’m pretty happy with where 16-year-old me got me, so I wouldn’t want him to do anything that much different.

Virginia: Well, there ya go!

Bryce: Other than... not worry maybe so much about it. There’s a healthy amount of worry and then there’s an unhealthy amount...When you get in to "living in the details" as opposed to seeing a slightly bigger picture...Which is what I still say that to my 29-year-old self right now.

Virginia: Right.

Bryce: You know, sometimes you have to really marvel at the fact that we’re even able to do something as ridiculous as follow a dream like this. There are people in our world that... it’s just inconceivable to them. You have to remind yourself of that. Even when it’s not working out, it’s a privilege to even get to TRY and to have the means and the support from family and friends and everything. To be able to do it, you know what I mean?

Virginia: Yes!  <3

Bryce: I would say,... You know what? BE HUMBLE... because the fact that you’re even thinking about going to college is a big deal. That’s a BIG DEAL, going to college. Families go whole generations without sending somebody to college, so take none of it lightly.

:-)

(More to come...tomorrow. Hope you're enjoying the conversation!)

Loves,
V

"Stretch, stretch, stretch to see every perspective and nothing will keep you from joy." - Mike Dooley

161. Interview with Bryce Pinkham (Yale) - Part Two

"The potential not just for failure, but failure that matters, failure you feel, must be on the table. If it's not, then what you're setting out to do is either so safe or so devoid of the potential for impact that success might allow you to check a box on a piece of paper, but beyond that, nobody'll care. Including you...The same circumstance that presents the potential to fail also serves as a gateway to the opportunity to succeed. You cannot close the door on the former, without also closing the door on the latter." - Jonathan Fields

(This is PART TWO of the interview with Yale graduate Bryce Pinkham. Click HERE to read PART ONE. This interview was conducted at Cellini Restaurant on E. 54th St. in New York City on January 6, 2012, and was lovingly transcribed by my mother, Dorothy Wilcox. Thanks, MOM!)

(Yup. Still talking to THIS GUY...Currently starring in Ghost: The Musical on Bway.)

Virginia: Anyway, let’s get to grad school because, you know, that’s what it’s about, allllll about grad school. I have my notes highlighted here.

Bryce: Okay, good, good.

Virginia: Okay, so we’re gonna just throw something out here and see where it goes. So, okay, first question: What do you think are three great reasons to attend grad school, if somebody’s considering, you know, attending grad school?

Bryce: I would say, go to grad school if you have yet to have had the opportunity to explore the depth of your own instrument in an environment that feels safe to do so. For me, I felt like I got to do a lot of stuff in undergrad. I got to perform a lot, which was great. But I wasn’t continually challenged in a way that I felt like I knew exactly what I was working with even as an actor. I didn’t know the sum total of what I could do. I still don’t. But now I know that it’s fun to find out, and I know a little about how to explore it, go after it, and what it feels like when it’s not right...

So I’d say, one, if you feel like you want to further expand yourself as an artist; two, if you want to experience failure. I guess those are similar things, but I went because I wanted – because I hadn’t failed yet. I really hadn’t....I don’t mean that in an egotistical way. I mean that the environment I was in was very supportive, and so it was like no matter what we did, it was awesome -- because it was. But in grad school, it’s a more critical -- in a good way – environment. And it’s more professionally minded. These schools get people trained and prepared for careers as professional actors.

And the last thing I would say is... go to grad school if you feel like making an investment in a long-term vision.

And the opposite of that is... I always tell people...don’t go to grad school to get an agent; don’t go to grad school so that you can say you went to the same school that a famous actor went to; don’t go to grad school for the resume. Go to grad school if you are interested in making a short term investment in a long-term goal.

I know that jives earlier with what I said earlier about I’m giving myself five years. But I think that’s probably one of the mind tricks I play with myself... well, it’s only five years. But, grad school  – don’t expect it to be an instant payoff. It’s for the type of people who are willing to audition for three years in a row to get into it, or four or five or however many....So it’s not for people who think it might be fun. It’s an entire overtaking of your life for three years – it really is.

Virginia: That’s funny. My next question was going to be, what are the three reasons NOT to go to grad school.  So thank you for answering that and reading my mind.

Bryce: Did I say three?

Virginia: You did actually. I think you said exactly three... Only the transcript will tell... So what schools did you choose when you were auditioning for grad school?

Bryce: I said if I’m going to go to grad school and spend my own money, potentially a lot of it, that I want to go to one of the top schools, what I understand being one of the top schools because there are a lot out there.  So I auditioned for Yale and NYU, UCSD, ACT, and ART – because I was in Boston at the time. If I had known a little more, I probably would have auditioned for Juilliard and the Denver Center as well. So I auditioned for Yale in New Haven, at the school, and the rest I auditioned for in New York at NYU. I lumped together as many together in one day as I could. I did three on one day, Yale the next day and then – actually I think I missed my ART audition and had to go into ART -- their auditions in Boston – later.

Virginia: That is insane. Having gone through grad school auditions the past two years, I cannot even imagine doing three in one day. That just seems crazy.

Bryce: It was intense, but at the same time it was helpful because – and I think the third one I actually got into was ACT. And I think because I had just been like sort of pumelled around a little bit, and I felt like I know what this is and I know what to expect from this now, and I’ll just go do it.

Virginia: So how far did you get at each of the schools?

Bryce: NYU, I don’t think they wanted anything to do with me, nor UCSD. And then ACT, ART and Yale all accepted me.

Virginia: Wow. And that was your first year; right?

Bryce: That was my first year, yeah.

Virginia: You were still in undergrad at the time?

Bryce: Yeah. I was a senior in college. It was not my intention to go to grad school the next year. I sort of came to the idea late, and I thought -- you know, when you’re a senior in college, it‘s like there’s so much stuff going on, and you – you know, I was writing a thesis at the time. It was like I’m just going to do this... and I made it my goal to make an impression at each school. That’s where I was capping my goal, so that I took the pressure off myself to get into the "Yale School of Drama." So that’s why three in one day. I was like, well, I’ll just get them out of the way. And I think it really helped me in retrospect because I wasn’t sure that I wanted to do it actually, to be perfectly honest. I am now one of those people that says "Don’t do it unless you really want to." But I think it helped me not think about it in such grand terms. And then when I got in, I was like... okay, well, I guess now I really have to choose, and I did.

Virginia: It’s interesting... in our conversation you’ve mentioned a few of these little mind tricks that you play with yourself where you – and correct me if I’m not reflecting this back accurately – but, you know, it’s like you almost sense that if you think about it a certain way it’s going to cause you anxiety and so you choose to think about it in a way that will lessen that pressure for you.

Bryce: Yeah, you’re right. I do do those things. I would say – I would call it less of a trick and more of just a readjustment of value.

Virginia: Reframing the idea for yourself?

Bryce: Yeah, I mean – I’m trying to think of a good example. Well, it’s about reframing, and it’s also about panning out and taking perspective on a given situation, which happens to me a lot at auditions when, you know, I know I’m going in for a third call back for something and expecting that the entire producing team is going to be in there. It’s not just the casting director and the reader, it’s twelve to fifteen to twenty people. And it’s in one of these studios that has these giant windows. It’s like the back drop of Smash. It’s one of these studios in Times Square. You’re auditioning in one of these rooms for 15 or 20 minutes. And that instantly gets me nervous. It gets me nervous just talking about it. But if I can force myself to pan out from that and say, "Look at yourself, you’re auditioning in New York for whatever Broadway or Off Broadway, for a part in a professional play, musical or whatever, and all these people are here to see you do an amazing job and get the job." And if you can stay in touch with that little kid that looks at that and says are you serious? I’m doing what? Then you can go back to the room and just enjoy the fact that you’re there to start, and not worry about, well, am I going to get everything right, cause you’re never going to get it all right. You’re never going to get it all right in the audition room...

But what you can do is make a good impression. And so I try to give myself that promise. I try to say, don’t worry about all that other stuff. You’re not going to get it all right, so I can just admit that to myself. Today is not the day you get it right.

Virginia: Right.

Bryce: And they all know that, too. They’re not expecting you to get it right. They’re just expecting you to do something that can help them imagine you getting it right on opening night after you’ve had months and months or maybe just weeks of rehearsal.

And same with the grad school auditions – I’ll talk about this now. They’re not looking for an actor that looks just like an actor that came out of the Yale School of Drama. They’re looking for an actor that they’ll think, "Okay, I think this would be really beneficial to have this person in our midst because there’s a lot of room for growth, there’s a passion for the journey, but there’s also a levity about the entire thing."

The other thing I say to myself a lot in the auditions is... "This is ridiculous!"... I mean, let’s call a spade a garden tool. This is RIDICULOUS what you’re asking me to do... come in a small room, maybe a big room, and sing a song that I learned last night because you didn’t get the material until then. You guys, you know, were up late talking about other things. You don’t remember my name, but we know each other. I’m going to sing a song for you that I don’t know. I’m going to pretend that I know it well, and then I’m going to hold these pages with words on them. I’m going to pretend that I memorized them, but I really just had the time to look at them on the train. And at the end of that, you’re going to decide whether or not you want me to have your job. There’s an inherent ridiculousness. They're sitting behind the table taking notes. It’s just ridiculous. But if you can play the game, and at the same time recognize it for what it is, I think you’ll help yourself a lot.

Virginia: That’s great. That’s like solid gold advice!... Okay, so you were talking about grad school stretching you. That being one of the main reasons that you went, to have that experience of failing. So can you share a specific example of something you felt like you failed at so colossally and you learned a lot from it and grew as a result of it?

Bryce: There are so many instances that I can’t pull one out of the ether, off the top of my head... But part of the journey is learning how to collaborate with people in a room after a common objective that sometimes is agreed upon and sometimes is not. And at the end of the day a lot of time the actors are the ones who – well, the actor’s the only one who has to be on stage. Like with any professional sports, the coaches get to say a lot. But at the end of the day, they don’t have to play the game. The players play...

But it is important to have a really strong relationship with your coach or your director or your scenic designer. You know, these are relationships you learn in the professional world how to integrate those people into the entire process. So I would say that there were plenty of times in grad school where even just by stepping out in a certain costume or on a certain set or with a certain direction or – from my end – a certain voice I had prepared, a certain choice I had made about a character, even just stepping out into that first set was like stepping straight into some dog shit.

Virginia: You put yourself in a vulnerable place.

Bryce: Here’s a good one: I created a show in school at the Yale Cabaret. It was a clown show. And I don’t mean clown like circus clown, I mean, sort of like Bill Irwin style – and we built it outside. We did a show outside in the courtyard, you know, beautiful setting. We had a giant staircase, fire escape staircase, coming down and a little stage built out there, and a window. We had all these bits built in and people could walk by and see it from outside. It was really quite wonderful. But we had to, by law, have one performance inside for, I think, wheelchair accessibility or something. And so we put so much work into getting the show together that we never really planned out how we were going to do it indoors. And, you know, it was all done on a shoestring anyway. And so when we did the show inside, one of my teachers came,...came to that show, the one we had to do inside.

Virginia: Was this person a teacher that you wanted to impress?

Bryce: Yeah, I wanted to impress this person, who undoubtedly would have a lot of helpful criticism, who I was really excited to show that I had followed through on my impulse to create something like this. And sure enough she came on the night that we had to do it inside. Or maybe it was raining or something; I don’t know.  Nevertheless, we found ourselves before the show, the three of us, the three person show , trying to talk through how we were going to do the show inside with all these things that are normally done outside, like a whole bit done with bringing a trunk down a set of stairs, in a small, low-ceilinged underground theatre with none of that. And at the end of the day, we just had to do it. And my teacher came up to me afterwards with a big smile on her face. I said, “Oh, no, you’re here tonight?” She said, "Yes, and that was terrible!...Congratulations! You’ve tasted it. Now you know what it tastes like.”

And it’s true. It really was terrible. I mean, it was really bad. This is a show, I’m proud to say, got lots of laughter outside. Indoors, we’re lucky if we got any. It was only an hour show, and, oh man, it was a rough hour. But to see her levity about that, the fact that it was really bad, and that it had given me the opportunity to experience it, and I had come out on the other side of it okay and realize, Oh, well, if we’d had more time, and yeah, that was terrible. Ha ha, you know, to laugh at it and myself.

Again, it’s like changing that perspective, the value judgment. Here I am at the Yale School of Drama creating my own show for people who have paid to see me, and it’s terrible. I mean like that’s AMAZING! How many people can say that? I don’t know, it definitely introduced me to what it feels like to fail and move on and recover and look back and laugh and say I made a mess back there. I’m sorry.

...Stay tuned for PART THREE of the epic-long Bryce Pinkham interview extraordinaire!

Until then...

Loves,
V

"We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master." - Ernest Hemingway

158. Learn How To Enjoy Relaxing

"I take it that what all men are really after is some form or perhaps only some formula of peace." - Joseph Conrad (1857 - 1924)

I am seriously terrible at chilling out.

My idea of fun...is WORKING...Working on creative projects is the best...with awesome people. I love making up stories and stuff.

But I get so focused on my work that, most of the time, I waaaaay over-extend myself and make myself insane by trying to fit in too many things in one day.

It's like I think that I can just keep going and going and going from morning til night...forever...and I'm always so SHOCKED when I get hungry...or tired...or need to stop altogether. I get so disappointed in my inability to keep going. Isn't that CRAzY?

It's hard for me to justify taking a break in my own head. I always feel like I'm missing out on something. And then when my body is practically falling apart with exhaustion...I'm like..."oops...forgot to take care of my human needs today."...No wonder I get cranky.

"What??? I'm NOT a MACHINE? I need food and sleep and REST?!!" Weird.

Uggggggh! So ANNOYING! Doesn't my body know there's stuff that I want to DO today/tonight/every minute/always.

Clearly my thought-process surrounding restfulness is really messed up.

How do other people's brains work surrounding this idea of rest? I mean....what do you actually THINK in your head that helps you to allow yourself to relax? Do you really look forward to rest? Is it like..."I've worked all day...I deserve this bubble bath?" Or is it like..."I cannot go any further without food. Must refuel?"... Or maybe..."Momma told me to take a bathroom break every time I've got the urge to go."

Really, though....What are the beliefs you have/thoughts that you think/stories you tell yourself that help you to be able to let go of the stresses of your day and really relax?

There's got to be a healthier way of thinking about rest than the way I think about it. 

Oh...please, don't tell me just to go meditate or drink tea or something...In fact, I'm not interested in WHAT to do...I want to know WHY you allow yourself to relax. What THOUGHTS do you think that motivate you to relax? If you tell me WHY YOU meditate...then I'm interested. (Also, I have nothing against tea. Tea is very nice.)

I am sooooo not being articulate right now.

It's not the WHAT you do that I want to know...But WHY you allow yourself to do that thing you do...to relax. Does that make sense? WHY do you feel okay about relaxing?  Is that a totally weird question?...

I'm trying to figure out why my brain seems to have difficulty allowing me to enjoy relaxing. It's not that I don't know what to do...It's that I don't allow myself to do it, ya know?

I am completely envious of people who live with this calm and carefree air about them. Stress-free in the midst of this crazy s%!t-show that is life. Relaxed...cool...chill...such awesome qualities...Ones I'd love to master.

"Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop." - Ovid

I am definitely a "doer." My strength is...I DO things. But it's also my weakness...I DO too much...and exhaust myself.

It's all about balance. Tryin' to find it...

Loves,
Virginia

"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are."- Chinese proverb