"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." - T. S. Eliot
It's been a loooooong time since I've been "home" to California. Everything is the same here...and everything is completely different.
I feel a deep connection with this place....and simultaneously, I feel like a stranger.
Coming home to friends and family that knew you when you were "your younger self" is both comforting and frustrating. Comforting...in the sense that there is an automatic familiarity with these folks...a vocabulary you share...and a short-hand of shared experience to remind you of former days. It feels like slipping on a comfy pair well-worn shoes.
And coming home can be frustrating...in the sense that you have grown and changed, but people here only know you as the "old you." So it's easy to fall into old social patterns with friends or family...some of which don't necessarily "fit" you anymore. And that feels stifling and strange.
They've changed. You've changed. But how? When?
Doesn't matter. Change is SUPPOSED to happen. It's interesting...observing that there's been a shift. And that's something to explore...as we move forward to create relationships based on who we are NOW.
Truly, the past is something to be grateful for...Having had those experiences...Having loved...Having been loved...Having made mistakes...Having learned from those mistakes...Having challenges...Having learned how to get through or over or around those challenges.
But holding on to that past? Not helpful.
Looking forward to the future...with the past as a foundation for your next step?
...Gotta go fly home now...HOME to New York.
I love you, Northern California. You will always be in my heart.
"We can learn not to keep situations or events alive in our minds, but to return our attention continuously to the pristine, timeless present moment rather than be caught up in mental movie-making. Our very Presence then becomes our identity, rather than our thoughts and emotions.
Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now; and if the past cannot prevent you from being present now, what power does it have?"
- Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth