87. Victimization Antitoxin

"A problem well stated is a problem half solved." - Charles F. Kettering, inventor & engineer (1876 - 1958)

Ok... Here's my problem...

People sometimes do or say things that I don't like... That affect my life in a negative way... Or upset me... Or hurt my feelings... Or cause me frustration or discomfort.

And my reaction? Well... what I want to do naturally and what is easiest to do in my head...is VILLAINIZE them. They are the "bad" guy and I am the "good" guy. And if I can just DESTROY them, then I will WIN.

This is my EGO talking.

Now, when I'm in touch with my own true spirit...(and reality)...I realize that I don't actually want to destroy anyone. What I really want... and my real problem to solve is...How do I get back to feeling GOOD again about my relationship with that person?

That is a problem well-stated.

I know I have the ability to choose to be the bigger person and start us on the road to relationship recovery... or I can choose to feed the fire of discontentment and play games and get wrapped up in the drama of it all and be a martyr and wallow in my warm and cozy victimhood. This is my choice.

Though the task of neutralizing negative issues with people can be daunting and sometimes down right terrifying. When I am able to approach them with a truely loving attitude, I always feel better about it in the end...even if they totally don't get it and blow me off... at least I tried.

We've all got our bad days...Let's have compassion for one another and walk a mile in the other person's shoes before we start painting pictures of them in our minds...with evil grins and curly handle-bar mustaches.

Don't make yourself into a victim.

You do have the power to turn $*^t into roses.

Be brave. Be the one to make the first move toward reconciliation.

Forgiveness is cool.

Loves,
V


P.S.
As I was looking for quotes to include in this blog post, I realized that there were toooooo many good ones to limit it to just one or two. I have been contemplating how to better handle my frustrations with people for quite some time apparently... because, as you will see, the quotes I've amassed on this subject are numerous. Hope you enjoy them and you find one or two that hit close to home.

Readaquoteaboudit...

"Misunderstandings and neglect occasion more mischief in the world than even malice and wickedness." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, poet, dramatist, novelist, philosopher (1749 - 1832)

"If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?" - Alexander Solzhenitsyn, novelist, Nobel laureate (1918-2008)

"You can always see the little girl or little boy in another, if you but look. And then how you can see that the mask they sometimes wear isn't to inspire your fear, but to hide their own." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe

"If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner." - Nelson Mandela, activist, Nobel Peace Prize winner, South African President

"Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; and where there is no talebearer, strife ceases." - Proverbs 26:20

"Stop trying to control others and focus instead on being kind to them." - Leo Babauta, Zen Habits

"When someone behaves poorly, it's always because they've forgotten how powerful they really are." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe

"Relationships: A good practice is to imagine that you are fully supporting another person in manifesting their intention. Gift them with their true desire. Then imagine that others are connecting with you in the same way; gifting you with your intention and cooperatively supporting you to have what you want." - Lena Stevens,  The Power Path

"If something is not working, don't take it personally. Examine the situation for lessons and ask how you can be more cooperative in order to shift things. Stay out of martyrdom as much as possible and always take a proactive position." - Lena Stevens,  The Power Path

"You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough people get what they want." - Zig Ziglar

"Cut people slack...Their actions might not reveal their enduring character but instead reflect some situation they find themselves in. Forbearance is a form of generosity." - Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project

"Being fair and reasonable will earn you respect and admiration, but being genuinely kind will make you a total love magnet." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe

"I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart." - Anne Frank (1929-1945)