137. Yale Drama Audition 2012: Part One (Walking Through The Door...Again)

How would you like to go to a school where the theatre looks like this?...

(Photo by Brendan Hughes)

Well, first you have to walk through this door to audition...

(Photo by Zoe Gorman)

You will be auditioning for a man who looks like this...

(Ron Van Lieu)

Or a man who looks like this...

(Walton Wilson)

For the third year in a row...I took the two hour train ride to New Haven and walked through that door to audition for the MFA Acting program at the Yale School of Drama. The first two times...I didn't even make the first cut.

Alllllll that preparation and...BAM!...It's all over in 5 minutes. But I chose not to see these rejections as a "NO"...but rather as a "NOT YET." Ya know what I mean?...

So I'm back...To put my name "in the hat" again and see if this will be my year. Three times is the charm, right? Will Yale be receptive to my work this year or will I get cut...yet again?...Read on to find out...

For some reason, writing about my experience at Yale this year has become more like a series of bullet points than a narrative structure. So, I’m going to trust that and go with it. Hope you’ll still able to follow the story… If not,…use your imagination to fill-in the blanks.

:-)

New Haven in the stillness of the winter morning. Cold, crisp air. No snow.

Hands warming around a small coffee from JoJo’s Coffee (around the corner).

Push open the the heavy red door. Noticed a thumb-tack on the floor. Picked it up. (Somebody might step on it! That'd really ruin your audition experience.)

Check-in with the desk. Give them my headshot and resume. Friendly grad students running the show, as always! Love them.

Called in with the rest of my group for the 10am pre-audition talk with Ron and Walton. Didn't bother to take off my coat this year. (It was freezing!) The "talk" seemed more rushed than the past two years. But maybe they're pressed for time? Still, it’s nice to be able to meet them before hand, see their faces. Definitely helps to calm the nerves. Walton will be seeing half the audition group upstairs and Ron will be seeing the other half downstairs.

Spending time in the downstairs audition room (where I will be auditioning for Ron) helped to relax me… gotta love all the cracks in the plaster, the light coming through the cloudy, rectangular panes of glass and all the quirkiness of this oddly-converted-castle-to-studio-space. (Much less intimidating than my first year when I auditioned in this room last, back then all the black curtains were drawn...Oooooo, dark and scary!)

Ron, however, is still an intimidating figure to me. He's so quiet and grounded. Even the way he dresses, with his light t-shirt, sport jacket and his clean-cut white hair... Then he looks at you with this sense of knowing…as if he can see right into your soul…it’s spooky! He's seriously a legend among acting teachers. His former students talk about him like he's Yoda or something.

Walton was wearing a plaid poncho and New Balance sneakers. So his intimidation factor was not-so-much. Love that!!! He just seemed homey and comfortable. All of us auditioning just seemed a little over-dressed for the occasion in comparison. The word-on-the-street about Walton, from those that've worked with him...He's one of the sweetest human beings alive.

Since I've been assigned to audition in Ron’s room this year. Courage is key here. Goal: talk to him. (My first year…I was too scared to talk to him. My second year I auditioned for Walton...which was less scary...that one went better. You can read about my first & second year Yale auditions by clicking HERE.)

Back in the waiting room. The air is thick with nervous energy. Bleh!!! Gotta shake it off…

Did my best to get into my own little "zone" and did some yoga and deep breathing in the waiting room. Probably looked like a fool, but I don’t care. If it's gonna helped me stay focused, I'll look like a fool, any day of the week. So people can think what they will…At least the floor was clean.

I went online on my phone and chose an actor affirmation from Jack Plotnick's website that I felt would be most helpful to me that morning. It was...

"I release and destroy my need to be an “Actor”. Let them be the “Actors”, and have all the responsibilities that come with it. I am just here to be myself and have fun."

Kept saying it over and over to myself...every time my brain would wander to some negative, insecure place. None of those thoughts are going to help me right now. So I'll choose to focus on my affirmation...because that thought actually makes me feel GOOD about myself...and when I feel good...I'm going to do waaaaay better work in the audition room.

My turn to audition. (The last one in my group.)

I always feel like I have to pee at this moment…right before I’m about to go in for an audition…always. But I don’t really need to…it’s just psychosomatic.

Walk into the room and actually start a CONVERSATION with Ron Van Lieu! Score! Nothing profound, just remarking on the room and the fireplace and how it’s like auditioning in a castle. Some of the tension was released. Helped me to remember that we’re both human beings. Nice thing to be reminded of in this strange situation we know as "auditioning." Hooray! Success!

Chose to do my scary monologue first: Shakespeare….Goes fine. Not spectacular. But Shakespeare’s NooooooTTTT my thing, so that’s to be expected.

Did not RUSH to transition into my second monologue. Grabbed a chair and brought it downstage center. REALLY took my time to shift the mood. Felt good. Success.

Went into my second monologue…Contemporary piece…Same one I did for Mark and Janet at NYU…Different one than I did at Juilliard. Why did I choose this one? Just feel like I'm more connected to it this morning than the other one. Gotta trust your instincts on these things. If you can't trust your instincts, what can you trust? GOAL is to surprise myself in the monologue. I will not make choices, rather I will allow choices to happen to me. Do NOT want to seem rehearsed. Ugh. Hate that.

Goes REALLY, SUPER AWESOME. I am surprised at myself in several moments. "Where the hell did THAT come from?"...Feeeeeels fantastic…Definitely the best (most fearless) audition I’ve ever given at Yale. No question.

Totally showed my heart. Didn’t pre-plan. Wasn’t just “reciting lines.” Really felt like I put those given circumstances in my stomach and then just let the monologue happen to me. Freedom!

Back to the waiting area…Which is as freezing as an ice box.

Waiting.

Waiting.

The LIST for the 10am hour is posted on the door. Everybody in the waiting room starts for the door...

TWO names on the page…out of a group of about 20 people or so…there were TWO names on the list. It's been this way every year. I've never seen more than three names. (They clearly know EXACTLY what they're looking for and aren't going to waste your time if they're not interested. But...man...only two names...that's HARSH.)

The second name...

Virginia Wilcox

HOLY F*#K! I JUST MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST CUT AT YALE!!!

Look up in the sky, people!!! Pigs are flying through the air.

Brrrrrrr!!! Hell is freezing over.

Seriously. I am in total shock. I have never made it to a "preliminary call-back" before. This RULES!

Why did I make it this year, as opposed to other years? Don’t know. Better monologue selection probably.

Maybe my previous "NOT YET" is about to turn into a "YES...NOW!"

Oh, hopes...don't get up toooo high. It ain't over yet...In fact, it hasn't really even begun...

I can hardly believe it. I am overcome. I hug the audition monitor, Sheria, and tell her how thrilled I am at the opportunity to do my pieces again...and that this is my third try at this...SOOOO EXCITED.

No time to think, I've only got a minute to catch my breath as I’m waiting outside the door to go back into the audition room and do my pieces for both Ron and Walton.

Damn, feels like I have to pee again...

:-p

Will my "preliminary callback" be a total disaster? Will I make the next cut and be invited to the "end-of-day" callbacks? Is Yale finally going to see me as a valuable candidate for admission in Fall of 2012? Or will I be taking the walk-of-shame back to the New Haven train station yet again?

Check back tomorrow and see what happens next...in PART TWO.

Loves,
Virginia

124. Bathe Your Brain

You know how soothing it feels to take a warm bath...and let your muscles release all those toxins down the drain?

Well, what about bathing your brain in some soothing affirmations to help calm those pre-audition nerves?

These affirmations are taken from Jack Plotnick's AMMMMAZING online book New Thoughts For Actors, with just a couple of minor adjustments from me. I hope you'll find one or two that'll help your brain find the peace that will help to do your best work and have a joyful audition experience.

·      I release my need to control this audition.  I know that I am not strong enough to control it, and therefore ask my higher power to be there to lovingly guide me through it.

·      I am going to approach this monologue as an improv.

·      I release and destroy my need to be an “Actor”.  Let them be the “Actors”, and have all the responsibilities that come with it.  I am just here to be myself and have fun. (or simply “I’m not an actor.  I’m just here to be myself and have fun.”)

·      (For Comedy) I release my need to be funny.  I am here to tickle myself.

·      (For Drama) I will not make choices, however I will allow choices to happen.

·      I release and destroy my need to impress them.  F^*k them.  I can allow myself to hate them. 

·      I release and destroy my need to get this job. I already have a job. My job is to be a joyful artist.

·      I am going to take it from where I am. 

  

·      I am grateful for all the good in my life.  I am worthy of all the good in my life.

·      All is well in my world.  I am one with the universe and have more than I need.

·      I am relaxed, trusting in a higher plan that is unfolding for me.

·      I release and destroy my attachment to results.  I am here to enjoy the journey.

·      I release and destroy my need to feel unworthy.  I know that I am worthy of all the good in life and now lovingly allow myself to accept it.  As I repeat this affirmation, my outer effect of procrastination fades away and I no longer feel the need to delay my own good.

·      This, or something greater, for my highest good, and the highest good of all concerned.

What's the point of thinking a thought, unless it helps you create a joyful reality for yourself?

Bathe your brain in some warm, loving thoughts...rinse and repeat, as needed.

Thoughts become things...think good ones. Be loving to yourself.

Think, think, think...and let it go,
V

P.S. No blog post on Friday...day off (as usual).

P.P.S. Me + Julliard Audition + Saturday = Excitement

P.P.P.S. I'm at 95 email subscribers! Isn't that CRAZY? I think it'd be so cool to get to 100 before the project is done. Tell somebody you think would like the blog to subscribe! The more the merrier!

78. December Forecast

"When you find too much on your plate, only you can decide what is a priority, what is important, what you can delegate, what you can say "no" to, and how you can bring balance..." - Lena Stevens, The Power Path

The December Shaman Forecast is up!
CLICK HERE TO READ IT.

If you're like "What the heck is she talking about? Shaman Forecast?"...check out post #53.


The theme for December is Acceleration.

Time's gonna fly by and it's gonna be 2012 before we know it!

Enjoy 2011 while you've still got it.

Sooooo much good stuff this month!

Such as...

"Take time when you need to  rest and curl up into a cocoon of comfort." - Lena Stevens, The Power Path

Don't have to twist my arm with that one! I'm ON my way!


Loves,
V


Affirmation:
"I have the perfect amount to do, plenty of time and energy with which to do it, and what I do is exactly what I need and want to be doing."

42. “New Thoughts For Actors” or “Jack Plotnick Is My HERO”

“Most of us go around thinking that not only are the thoughts in our head the truth, but that everyone else has the same thoughts, and holds the same things to be true. This is exactly why people go to therapy.  It is to find the things that we take as “truth”, that other people don’t. As soon as we realize that other people don’t necessarily feel the same way, we are freed from the constraints of that old belief.” – Jack Plotnick, New Thoughts For Actors 

Ladies and Gentlemen… my new HERO, Mr. Jack Plotnick…

In my on-camera class at The Barrow Group (which has no affiliation with Jack Plotnick, FYI.), I recently made another HUGE self-discovery...

I. Have. Issues.

Lol! It’s true. I know you guys are all in shock at this information.

Fo realz… I’ve got some major negative-thought issues that seriously inhibit my own personal enjoyment of my work as an actor. The end result may be a “good scene,” but at what cost? If I spend the whole time SUFFERING in my own head while doing it, is it really worth it?... NO! 

Ugh! Bleh. Torturing oneself with negative thoughts of self-doubt feels sucky and is no way to build a sustainable career. Acting should feel FUN and EASY… and if it feels that way… It’ll probably look that way too. 

And by learning how to get these unhelpful negative thoughts gone from my brain, perhaps others will be inspired to do the same. Then we can all be happy, living in our fun, non-judgmental world of creative joy!   J Ha!

So here’s my main issue…

When I get overwhelmed as an actor… (for any reason) incorporating new business, new acting notes, new lines, anything that needs to be adjusted on-the-fly with no time for “practice” or “preparation”… I suffer in my own head… big-time… Negative thought over-load! 

Why? Because I have this BELIEF that with no time to practice I will never be able to do it RIGHT and hence I am about to FAIL and therefore I am a BAD actor that no one will ever want to work with and my bad acting is about to be recorded on-camera and EMBARRASS me for all recorded time. 

~Shudder ~ Terrifying… and TOTALLY FALSE.

Here’s what Jack Plotnick has to say about my negative overreaction to actor-overwhelm:

““If it’s hysterical, then it’s historical.” In other words, if your reaction to something is bigger and more emotional than the situation really calls for (“hysterical”), then you are not really reacting to the present situation, but to some situation in your past (“historical”).”

Oh, Jack... your bounty of wisdom knows no bounds! 

Yes. I am being hysterical and I do know that it’s rooted in some historical s*#t. True dat.

However… I do not have to be a victim to these historically ingrained bad habits of the mind! Cut to Jack...

In becoming more self-aware about my self-destructive-self-talk-issue I can now start to practice seeing this issue for what it REALLY is… an illusion of my own creation.

The REALITY is... I am just as capable of being "connected" in a scene with 2 minutes of preparation as I am with 2 weeks of preparation. In fact, sometimes 2 minutes of preparation is preferable, ‘cause I won’t have time to over-think things and end up too polished and boring. Having 2 minutes of preparation forces me to stay in the moment and listen and react because I LITERALLY don’t know what’s about to happen in the scene. Now... if I can just learn to trust and not be so afraid of the "not-knowing" thing... THAT's the key to having a good scene and ENJOYING the experience of being in it. 

AWWWESOME!

So, as Jack recommends, when my self-destructive thoughts come up, I can use an affirmation to disempower the negativity avalanche in that very moment… like…

“I release and destroy my need to get this right... F*%k it. Dare to do it WRONG.”

OR

“I am going to take it from where I am. The amount of preparation I have done on this scene is enough for me to approach this scene as an improv.”

That'll shut my "vulture" up, right quick! And that will lead to...

FREEEEEEDOM!!!! 

Now I can play! Now I can be in the scene and not be wasting my energy judging my own performance while I’m in it... which is soooo not helpful to doing good work.

And the more I practice this affirmation technique, the better I will get at it. Until, eventually, I will have created a new HABIT Of POSITIVE THOUGHT and my old, forgotten, negative way of thinking won’t even BE an issue anymore. 

That’s what I’m looking forward to… And I’ll get there too...

One. Thought. And. One. Affirmation. At. A. Time.

After all… a belief is only a thought you keep thinking. So I might as well spend my time thinking some really good thoughts and begin to BELIEVE that I am a great actor… because if I don't believe it, how will anyone else believe it? 

But more importantly, I LOVE acting and I want it to be an enjoyable experience... always!

Anyhoo, enough about me. What about YOU? We've all got issues... and even if you're not an actor, these same skills apply. 

What’s your issue? Is there an affirmation that you can create to counter-act it?

Don’t sit idly by and let fear and negative thoughts control you! It’s never going to help you do anything great in this life. And you are a powerful being with love and talent and gifts to give the world, if you will get out of your own way and let your light shine! Soooo, find your affirmation! Listen to your TRUE voice… a voice based in LOVE.

For more inspiration and some really useful tools… check out Jack Plotnick’s FREE online book New Thoughts For Actors: A Practical Guide ToLoving Acting (and even auditioning!) Again.

Vultures are for the birds,

Virginia

P.S. Just for fun, watch this…