An (almost) daily conversation about my process of preparation to apply for acceptance to the MFA Acting programs at Juilliard, NYU-Tisch and the Yale School of Drama in 2012.
Matt Steiner, Stan Richardson and I had a meeting at MexiQ over some tacos and margaritas to discuss our experience of the research trip last month.
We all batted around our different perspectives and perceptions of our time there. That's what I LOVE about working with your friends, ya know? You can just feel free to be totally open and say whatever you feel...because you trust each other. There's a solid foundation of love and mutual respect.
Collaborative JOY!!!!!
I am so lucky to be working on this project with these guys and I can't wait to share it with YOU in the winter when we produce the actual PLAY.
I am terrified and exhilarated at the thought.
Thank you to all of my AMAZING family members were so welcoming, open and willing to participate by opening up their hearts and sharing their memories, thoughts and experiences with us.
Especially these guys...my brothers...Kevin, Steven and David (who is also the illustrator of this cartoon portrait.)
OHHHHH, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!
Can't wait to introduce you all to my family. I will keep you posted as more developments happen with the play and as soon as performance details are solidified.
Fun, right?
Loves
V
"The way you help heal the world is you start with your own family." ― Mother Teresa
"You may want something, work hard to achieve it, and in your process achieve something even greater than your original goal. So don't get married to what you imagine is the result of your pursuit, just be involved in the pursuit. Besides, you already have a job. Your job is to be a joyful artist. No one can take that away from you." - Jack Plotnick, New Thoughts For Actors
Let's start by revisiting the mission statement of this blog as I envisioned it back in September 2011:
"This is my 3rd year applying to the MFA Acting Programs at NYU and Yale and my 1st year applying at Juilliard. I am blogging to record my process of preparation. From Sept 5th, 2011 to Apr 1st, 2012, I will post 6 days a week on all subjects related to my creative process and my application and audition preparation... Though my short-term goal is to be accepted to the grad school of my dreams, this is but a step toward the long-term goal of building a life/career that will be joyful, sustainable, creatively fulfilling, profitable, challenging, of service and FUN!"
Did I complete the project according to the guidelines specified above?
Yes.
Do I consider this a success?
Yes.
Did I get accepted to grad school?
The jury is still out, actually...Well, I do know this...It's not Yale and not Juilliard, not this year anyway.
But I am currently an alternate (one of two) for the 2012 entering class for NYU Grad Acting. Soooo I could possibly get a call if someone drops out...even up-to the day before classes begin. OR...I could never hear from them again.
Either way...I got waaaaaaaay further than I have in the past two years that I've auditioned for grad schools...and, more importantly, because of the blog the EXPERIENCE of the entire process was sooooooo much more fun and challenging and rewarding than it ever was before.
Do I consider this a success?
Yes...I'm going for progress. And progress has been made.
One of the other reasons I started this blog, was because I WISHED SO MUCH that someone else had started a blog like this to share their process when I was first auditioning for grad school.
My first year, the process was sooooo lonely and I had NO CLUE what I was doing and I reeeeeeeally wanted to know what the process had REALLY been like for other people that were eventually accepted. I mean, what were they really thinking at the time when they were preparing to audition? Were they really as unsure as I was about whether or not they would succeed at this endeavor?
But I didn't know a lot of people that had been through it, and those that I did know...I was too scared to ask them to reveal all the inner-workings of it all.
And, besides, it's easy to look back in retrospect once you've already succeeded and go "Oh, I did this or that." But what were you ACTUALLY THINKING at the time before you KNEW you'd succeed???...That's what interested me the most.
Were these successful people having the same thoughts and struggles as I was? The same kind of experience? Or did they know some secret that I didn't know? Were those people that had gotten into these programs just as scared as I was that they weren't good enough to "make-it?"...Yet...they made it happen anyway. So if they could do it...why not me?
The nice thing about auditioning for graduate school is...you can keep trying again.
Soooooo when I came upon my third year of auditioning at NYU, Yale and now Juilliard (since they now offer an MFA)...and I realized that I had learned a lot about what it takes to make solid showing at grad school auditions...I thought, "Dude! I could write a blog about this! Ha!" And though I am no expert...I am certainly more knowledgeable than I was my first year.
So I decided to write this blog myself since there might be someone like ME out there...auditioning for the first time...wondering what to expect...needing a little inspiration and encouragement to stay focused and keep their head in the game throughout the process. So if that's YOU...then I wrote this blog for YOU...fyi.
On that note, here is a TIME-SAVING TIP FOR USING THIS BLOG and really makes it easier to use (I hope!)...I've included a "TOPICS" section on the right sidebar. See if there are any words that pop out at you that might be reflective of where you are at in YOUR PROCESS or a topic relevant to YOUR LIFE. Click there. Read. The "TOPICS" are a huge time-saver to point you toward cool subject-matter that might be of interest to YOU.
Happy reading!
Next item on the agenda for today...
Just want to take the time to say THANK YOU to some very important people that have supported me along the way to making this blog exist and to help me in having the best possible experience applying to grad school in 2012.
These folks have racked up some seeeeerious positive credit in their good-Karma-accounts...
First and foremost thank you to my 100 EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS!!! You have been the most active participants in this journey. It is for YOU that I have posted every day. Your attention has kept me accountable to staying-with-it through this process and giving it my ALL.
I have always tried to honor your commitment by sending you inspiring quotes, words of encouragement and my own honest personal experience...in hopes that we can all help each other to pursue our creative dreams in our own unique, authentic way.
Thank you for alllll of your comments and emails over the span of the project. (I read every single one. Bloggers are c r a z y about receiving comments from readers. It is our greatest joy.) I know you've had the option to "unsubscribe" every day. So thank you for sticking with me and continuing your subscription throughout the process. You have made a difference in this girl's life. :-)
And a big THANK YOU to Dorothy Wilcox (my mom) for donating her court-reporting skills and transcribing the interview recordings into text, so that I could post them on the blog for your reading pleasure.
Thanks to the faculty and staff of the acting programs at NYU, Yale and Juilliard. Your job is to create an environment where young actors, like me, can learn and grow and train for a successful career in the performing arts. And all three of your programs strive to do that in the very BEST way for your students. Very admirable. In my humble opinion, it's actor-utopia!
And though I've never been accepted for admission. I still appreciate what you do. You facilitate positive change and artistic growth in young people's creative lives, giving them the tools to succeed and thrive as artists in the "real world." That's AMAZING! Thank you for all the support and guidance that you are giving to the next generation of emerging artists. Our entire world will benefit from this investment.
A special thank you to Robert Parsons for being my teacher, mentor and friend through-out all my years applying grad school and well before then too. Thank you for reminding me that I've "got what it takes" even when I've forgotten what that is exactly. Your enthusiastic support has made me feel like I'm not crazy for choosing this life...and that I WILL be able to support myself financially with my acting-paychecks some day! Thank you for believing in my abilities as an artist and encouraging me to continue to follow my heart.
Thanks to all of the wonderful people that wrote me recommendation letters for Yale, NYU and Juilliard this year. And to those that wrote me letters for my applications in 2011 and 2010, as well. You know who you are! Your support has been essential in this process. Thank you.
Shout-out to Matt Steiner for being an exceptional friend and writing me a very well-timed letter of encouragement that came into my inbox at a very loooooow point in the process for me. He wrote...
"...This project may have felt, at times, like a vehicle to take you to a place where you would then make some great artistic contribution. But, to me, this is the greatest artistic contribution that you could have given to anyone at this point in your life. You've given the rest of us the permission to fail. And in that, you've encouraged us to risk enough to succeed. I'm very proud of you, Virginia. Congratulations."
I meeeeean, could anyone possibly say anything more encouraging than that? Seriously. And thank you, Matt, for collaborating with me in getting my monologues recorded on video and uploaded to YouTube. The whole process was a JOY because of you. Thanks for helping to make that happen!
Thank you to Ms. Brittany V. Green for writing the guest posts about your NYU Callback Weekend. And congratulations on your acceptance!...With a scholarship to boot! You are going to grow sooooo much from the experience! Cannot wait to see what's next for you! So happy that we connected at Juilliard callbacks. Congrats on NYU.
Thanks to all those folks that attended the MIXER and the VISION BOARD PARTY! Soooo much fun. And if anyone else out there has completed a vision board for 2012...email me a photo and I'll post it on the blog!
HUGE THANK YOU to Adam Baker of ManVsDebt for interviewing me for his documentary. I'm Fine,Thanks. It's scheduled for release in Summer 2012. Best of luck with the rest of the filming and editing process. I think it's an incredibly timely and moving project that's taking a time to reflect on the issue of complacency in our modern society. I cannot wait to see it!!!
If you want inspiring new perspectives coming into your inbox every day...I'd highly recommend subscribing to any of these blogs.
Four authors that have inspired me beyond what my limited vocabulary can express: Dr. Wayne Dyer, Anna Deavere Smith, Jack Plotnick and Julia Cameron. You've given me support, guidance and mentorship through your written words. You've helped me relocate my core whenever I've lost my focus, forgotten who I am or what is truly important to me. Thank you for taking the time to write.
Some special mentions...Anna Alaimo, Jessica Raaum, Josh Heath, Haley Pulli, Alexis Jeanene, Dione Rábago, Marisa Abdoo, Claire Kennedy-Vega, Keola Simpson, Peter Evans, Chris Fore, Erin Shaw, Vanessa Nelson, Mary Schneider, Jake DeGroot, Alysha Umphress, Christine Kapp, Clint Alexander, Stephen Kling, Joey Costello, Nick Dothée, Laura Ware...and many, many more...You have alllll allowed me to talk-my-face-off about creative process and acting and blogging and dreams and hopes and ya-da-ya-da-ya-da...and you've all listened and nodded and responded in kind and made me feel like you all care. So thanks for being my friends!
Thank you also...to everyone that has NOT been supportive of this project...to everyone that has unsubscribed...to everyone that has made snarky/judgemental comments...to everyone that has looked at me like I'm totally INSANE when I've told them about what I'm doing. You have made me stronger by reminding me that I am not looking to others for outside approval in order to motivate me to do this project, but that it is my own inner creative aspiration to grow as a human being that ultimately keeps me going.
I have learned that by doing the best job that I can with this project, my commitment to daily practice will result in an improvement of my skills and that by having FUN with the process I am able to release my attachment to the outcome.
The PROCESS is the point.
It is ME I have to inspire and impress. THAT'S HOW TO BUILD CONFIDENCE. So thank you to all the nay-sayers. You've been truly motivating force.
Annnnnnd....Thanks to alllll the folks that have stumbled upon my blog from Sept 5, 2011 to Apr 1, 2012...and to all of you that will read the blog in the future!
Many of you have found the blog through Google or FB or Twitter or a recommendation from a friend...Thanks for stopping by! Feel free to leave comments or email me. I'll do my best to respond.
(You know what totally blows my mind?...Up to this point I've had over 28,000 hits. Wowzers! Who knew so many people would be interested in reading about this subject?! Crazy, right?)
Oh! And thank you to all the folks at my day-job. You don't know how much you all mean to me. And though I haven't told any of you about this project...yet...I love you all and look forward to seeing you at the office every day. My time with you is limited and therefore I appreciate it all the more.
And last, but not least, thank you to the higher power...God...the Universe...whatever you'd like to be called. I know that you are working your magic in my life and I am grateful for your silent protection and the loving gift you've given me...this life. I will continue to try and do my best with all that I've been given every day.
Those are my "thank yous."
So what's next for me?
Who knows?
But if you want me to keep you posted...you'll have to subscribe by email. That way, any updates I post will be sent straight to your inbox.
I will NOT be posting six days a week anymore. (LOL! I need to have TIME to do other things again.) But I will let you know what happens with NYU...for sure. And if I decide to apply to grad school again next year... And...if there's anything else that I feel INSPIRED to post about...that I think might be relevant and interesting to you guys...I promise I'll post about that stuff, as it comes up.
Thanks for reading.
Best wishes to all for 2012 and beyond.
Loves,
Virginia Wilcox
"There's nothing anyone can do to prevent you from reaching your potential; the challenge is for you to identify your dream, develop the skills to get there, and exhibit character and leadership. Then, you need to have the courage to periodically reassess, make adjustments, and pursue a course that reflects who you truly are." - Robert S. Kaplan, "Reaching Your Potential," Harvard Business Review
Jeremy: There was one time in the movement class [at NYU] when we went on and on for like 15 minutes, and finally the teacher was like, "I’m just going to stop you because this is clearly not going anywhere." Because we couldn’t agree on anything.
And I really think having those experiences of bumping heads, being too polite, not being polite enough, saying no,...failing and not failing. It really led me to a place where I feel very confident that I know how to collaborate. And I think that’s the key to doing something very interesting...collaborating.
I’m not confident enough to sit down, write something, give it to a bunch of people and say, this is what it is going to be, and it’s going to be awesome because I wrote it. This is not how I work. Some do that work that way, but I know that if I’m with the right group of people, it’s going to be good.
So I think it’s really about finding the right group of people and learning how to collaborate. And I really think NYU taught what it is to collaborate. It sharpened my creative intuition in a way. I know the type of people that I want to collaborate with. There are people that have no artistic aesthetic, or their sense of what is quality is very different than mine. And I just don’t want to work with those people. They may go off and do something with their group of friends that is awesome, but it’s not what I want to do.
So I do feel, yes, that I actually have a skill set that has trained me to find the right people, to know how to work with them, know how to create something that is at least interesting to us, and that’s kind of all you’ve got to do to win, I think, is create something that you want to be a part of and you want to see.
And if other people want to see it – I have no control over whether they want to see it. I’d like to think if I know that I’m doing something I know if it is good or not, and maybe I’m fooling myself. So, yes, I know it sounds arrogant, maybe, to say, yes, I do feel like I could create something that is good. Whether anybody else thinks it’s good or chooses to watch it is up to them. But for my aesthetic, yes.
Virginia: But I think it’s great because... what I’m getting from what you’re saying – correct me if I’m wrong – is that you’re coming from a position of power in creating your own work and going, "You know what? Hey I have a point of view, and this is what I want to show."
Jeremy: It’s not an egoic, "Yes, I know"...It’s a self – what’s the word?
Virginia: It’s a self-knowing.
Jeremy: Self-knowing.
Virginia: You know yourself well enough to know what you do well. And you don’t have to do everything well, but these are the things YOU DO WELL and that you enjoy doing.
Jeremy: Yes.
Virginia: I feel like a lot of times as actors, we spend a lot of time figuring out what other people want us to be rather than thinking about who WE WANT TO BE for the world.
Jeremy: I feel empowered enough to say, "This is who I am, take me or leave me." You know?
Virginia: Yes. Yes.
Jeremy: Which I think you have to be as an artist. You have to be like, "You like it or you don’t.... Fuck it. I don’t give a shit. I’m doing it for me anyway."
Virginia: Something else I want to talk about is...diversifying your career. On your website, I saw on your resume that you’ve done T.V. and film and obviously you love theatre, now you’re doing this web series, ... you also do voiceover too. How important do you think that it is as an actor nowadays to be able to do all that stuff?
Jeremy: I think that’s kind of what it is to be an actor. I mean, acting, at the end of the day, to me, is just pretending to be something you’re not. And whatever form that takes, that’s the form it takes. It’s weird 'cause in the last three years, the more I empower myself, the more I realize what I really want to do – at the heart of it – I really want to refine my craft as an actor INTO INFINITY.
There was this thing in Newsweek. It talked about how to be smart...whatever. And it talked about if you always read the New York Times, or read the Wall Street Journal, you know...It listed of all these -- like telling you if you play video games it’s good for blah, blah, blah. Do this or that. Blog. Learn a second language. Play an instrument. All these things. One of the things it said was... master something.
Master one thing.
You know, you could do all this other shit...but find one thing that you’re going to MASTER. You know, it could be anything...business, law. So I’m like, "Oh, I’m doing most of these things"...minus – I need to get Rosetta Stone....But yes, I think all these things, they’re like little sandboxes, little tools for the actor like, you know, practicing voiceover stuff, doing a play, working in front of a camera. Which is no different, in my opinion, whether it’s the web or T.V. You know, a camera is a camera is a camera. The size of the screen might change. Whether it’s sitting around reading Shakespeare with your friends, It’s doing anything, anything you can, just to like keep refining that muscle.
It’s a craft. It’s like building a house. It’s a skill like anything else. You know, if you want to know how to juggle, you’re going to have to practice how to juggle. If you want to build houses, you’re going to have to study engineering and physics and practice building. You’re probably going to want to get a hammer and a nail and some wood and practice building stuff.
Virginia: So how do you deal with it when you’re not good at it? You know, obviously when you first started you weren't so sure...Maybe it's your first time in the voiceover booth and you’ve got the headphones on and it’s weird to hear your own voice. And then suddenly you’re at an audition and you’ve got the copy and you’re like, "Whoa, I’m trying to pretend like maybe I know this better than I actually do --"
Jeremy: You just said it right there. How do you deal with it? You pretend. You pretend like you know exactly what you’re doing and you just keep doing it. 'Cause acting is just pretending, and I think the key is just to keep doing it. Like really just to KEEP DOING IT. And who cares if you’re in the booth and you’re like, "This sounds like shit." Someone’s going to say something. They’re not going to say, "You sound like shit." They’re going to give you a note to make you sound better or they’re not. I don’t know. They may or may not.
But just by virtue of doing it, you’re going to start getting feedback from the universe. And it’s not necessarily going to be feedback like someone’s instructing you... “All right you need to underline these.” However, you figure out how to do it.
The feedback will start to come. And feedback will come in really weird places just by doing it. Like it will come from your head because you look at that bar and you’re like... "Ugh, I need to be smooth like the metal."...Or a friend is going to say something to someone else, or you’re going to hear a conversation on the subway, and you’re going to be like “That’s exactly what I needed to hear about voiceover work!” or whatever it is. You know?
Virginia: Yeah.
Jeremy: Because something someone once said to me,....I went into a voiceover audition -- it’s like my first one – I’ve auditioned for like three voiceover things in my life. And I’d actually put together my own little voiceover demo. And I was always like voiceover, voiceover, and everyone’s like well, try, but it’s a really small community. So I went in for this book on tape, and something the woman said was that it's a misconception that people say you have to talk really intimate. But actually it’s more like theatre. Like the more animated you are with your body, the better it’s going to be. I’m very monotone so I want to be more like [makes a large gesture] so your mom doesn’t have to get bored listening to my monotone voice. [laughs]
So last week, a friend of mine who directed a film that I was in – same thing – I didn’t have to audition. He was just like, “Let’s make a movie!”....We were doing ADR work which is when you have to rerecord the dialogue cause it was scratchy. And that’s kind of like doing voiceover work only you’re voicing over your voice to your face. 'Cause more often than not I’d say something and they’d be like “louder, louder.” 'Cause when you’re trying to be louder, you’re going to be more animated. Whereas if you’re trying to match to the image on the screen, it’s going to sound flat. The reality is... in the moment you’re actually allowing yourself to be very expressive.
Although, there’s this weird thing in T.V. and in film now. I think it happens more on T.V. where everybody mumbles and everybody talks real quiet. I’m like, "You don’t need that." 'Cause if you watch older movies, watch old actors who we think are great like... I’m talking about people from like the70s, like Al Pacino. Oh, my God, who’s the guy – who’s in The Apartment? Jack Lemmon. Watch those great actors. They might as well be on a stage. They’re not dumbing it down for the camera. My point is that there is something about acting that’s a little bit larger than life no matter what the context is....Even if it's in front of a camera or just your voice....you're on a stage, obviously.
Virginia: So you feel like the tools that you’ve learned at NYU helped you to be able to translate your acting into any medium?
Jeremy: Yeah, I do. And I think there’s just...confidence, sheer confidence. That’s a big thing. It really boosted my confidence... Somewhere in my mind, I walk into any audition in any room in any reading, part of me is like, you fuckers have no idea what I know. Whether that’s true or not –
Virginia: Right. Well, you spent three years --
Jeremy: -- three years in acting bootcamp.
Virginia: Intense. Yes. I must say, after going to the alumni talkbacks at NYU that first year [2010] where we met, that confidence of everybody up on the stage even though everybody was at different points in their career -- certainly some people had different showcase experiences so on and so forth. But everybody was super confident in the fact that they had something to give, something to contribute to the industry, and they were completely unapologetic about it. And I feel like a lot of students in the room who were there looking to further their training, were inspired by that very thing. Whether they maybe caught it or not, it’s like, "Oh, my gosh, these NYU actors look like they know what they’re doing. And man, I want to know what I’m doing, too!"
That was something that really shows the strength of the training there. Confidence. Everybody comes out of there being like, “Fuck yeah, give me your script. I’ll take it to the Oscars for you.”
Jeremy: Yeah, absolutely.
Virginia: Also, on a side note, which is your favorite First World Problem webisode? Obviously, you’ve got a million, but what's your current fave?
Jeremy: My current fave. Well, we shot one we call The Party, but it’s not out yet.
Jeremy: I also like theMeetup: Citizens For Compromiseplaylist [sneak peak...only available through Apr 3!]...It gets really political, and that’s kind of what we want to do...We want to get a little political.
We want to like take the veil off the idiocy of our country right now... And personally, I think we make our characters look like complete morons.
Virginia: You mean you’re not REALLY complete morons? [laughs]
Jeremy: We’re trying to take on the whole political establishment...not just liberals, not just conservatives. To me, it feels like these characters are liberal-minded people, and so, here they are...you know, bashing Republicans; but at the same time, if people are looking at it the way I look at it, then they’re listening to these idiot liberals who are total morons and sounding like assholes....So, you know, that’s why I like that one.
Virginia: I feel like you guys are really good at exposing hypocrisy. You don't TELL people about it, you SHOW it.
Jeremy: That’s good. I like that. We’re taking on a lot of hypocrisy. We end up going into slavery. It wasn’t even planned that we went that way, but – it ends on a slavery note....and the same idea: hypocrisy. People trying to do one thing but then actually doing another.
Virginia: When you guys are filming a webisode, do you start with a script or an outline? 'Cause it seems to be very improvisational from what I’ve watched, but I can't quite tell.
Jeremy: We started with a bunch of short scripts that were kind of like – they weren’t sketches...they were very brief snippets that were dealing with this issue of hypocrisy, I guess you could say. And then from there, we kind of put down the scripts, and our brains started to work more towards connecting story line dots combined with this feeling of “we’re all fucking hypocrites.” ... Wake up world. Wake up America.
I think it’s uniquely a first world problem that we’re all actually hypocrites. We say one thing, and then we go home and we’re like funneling all our money through Chase even though we’re like, “Down with the banks!”
Virginia: Our actions are not following our values.
Jeremy: Right. And so...the thread of it is trying to connect the storyline dots. "Okay, so these characters meet this way. These characters are going to get divorced. These characters are going to court." And then the dialogue is all improvised, and we riff a lot. There’s a few things a few times where we script things...There were very specific plot points where we would give people a script and say, “All right, say something like this, but make it your own.” It’s kind of a mix. But the majority of it is improvisation around a very solid idea of what we want to say and of what event needs to occur to connect this episode to another one, if that makes any sense at all.
Virginia: Yes. It does.
Jeremy: It makes sense to me.
Virginia: Yikes! We’re running out of time... Let me just ask one more grad school related question... What do you think is the best reason to go to a master’s program and what you think is the worst reason?
Jeremy: I think the best reason to get your master’s degree in acting is because you have to be an actor. Something in you is telling you that YOU HAVE TO DO THIS and there’s no other choice...combined with wanting to be a good person. Because I think that’s really at the heart of actor training.
I think the heart of any art form is about opening yourself up to humanity and embracing the world. And I think that’s kind of the same thing. It’s on you and on the program.
Are you going to go to a place that is not only going to help you become a better actor, but also help you to become a good person and to be ready to represent humanity as you see it? And I think if that’s your calling, then you should do that.
I think the worst reason to go would be – I don’t know – I think the worst reason to go would be because – because someone else told you SHOULD. That would be the worst. What a waste of money and time! “You should go to grad school." "But I don’t want to, but they said I should." You know?
Virginia: Yes. That’s a great answer. 'Cause I feel like that’s very common. ...Time is up. Wow. Thank you, sir, for meeting with me, sharing your experiences and speaking so freely about your work.
Jeremy: Thank you.
Virginia: I am done with you. [laughs.]
Jeremy: I feel so privileged that you asked me to be a part of this.
:-)
<End of Recording>
(Awwww....Seeeeriously, Jeremy...It is I who am privileged to get to have an excuse to sit down and ask you allllll the questions I want to....all in the name of my blog! Whah ha ha ha ha!!!!...Cannot wait to see more First World Problem...exposing the hypocrisy of America...Stan and Annie style.)
Loves,
V
P.S. Now here's a monologue for you... I can tooooootally relate to his First World Problem...Only, instead of that whole bit about the "restaurant"...insert the words "get me into f-ing grad school already."
This post is a continuation of the quuuuuuality interview that was conducted at Park Ave Plaza, NYC on February 3, 2012. (Thank you to Dorothy Wilcox for transcribing!)
Jeremy: About two or three years ago, me and three other friends decided to utilize this thing called Studio Tisch, which, again, goes in on the philosophy of NYU Grad Acting -- make your own work. It’s basically a place to showcase your stuff in the summer when the rehearsal studios and the theatres on the fifth floor at NYU are not being used. And so we decided to do August Strindberg's Creditors , and it was very empowering. I was like, “Oh, great! We did a play. We didn’t have to worry about getting cast, but we just did this great piece of classical theatre.”
And then the following winter I had an idea for a script...So I called a friend of mine who’s a filmmaker, and I said, "Here’s my idea." I said, "Let’s write a script, but let’s do it through improv. And whatever we come up with, that’s what it is. If those people want to do the project once it’s ready, awesome. If they’re not available, great. You know, we’ll ask our friends to be in it." So we started working on that, and we used, again, Studio Tisch time to workshop that.
And then I had the idea to do a Studio Tisch Caberet, so I ended up producing that. And I started to realize,... Oh, I have all this creative energy as a producer that is just as satisfying as an actor. And actually, I can produce myself into stuff. And...
Virginia: And hire your friends!
Jeremy: And hire my friends! Exactly! Without having to make them audition....And then this last summer, (again with Studio Tisch) we produced a musical that a friend of ours wrote. Produced that. Did the Cabaret again.
But I think the biggest thing, the thing that I’m most proud of that seems to have the most momentum because it’s entirely us, and we’re actually following through on it, is this web series you mentioned, First World Problem.
Jeremy: What’s been awesome about that is... we have this awesome friend Cameron, who has a camera. And he’s very, very skilled with a camera. And the three of us, me, Stacey [Linnartz], and Cameron Bossert, basically, we decided... let’s do something.
We wanted to do something together. We didn’t know what – actually that’s not true. Stacey had the idea for the First World Problem, but it wasn’t even called First World Problem . She said, “You guys want to do a web series?” “And I don’t know what I want it to be, but I want it to be really realistic and edgy.”
And then Cameron and I were out, he saw me in a play -- which I got cast the usual lines, and it was very satisfying -- So actually, if I hadn’t gotten cast in that play, Cameron may have not come that night. We may have not gotten that drink where we’re joking around, and he’s like, “Ah, it’s like a first world problem.” We’re like... maybe that should be what we do with Stacey! And I think we asked Cameron if he’d be willing to film it and be our director. We had some dinky little camera. But Cameron's like, “Yeah, I’ll even bring my camera over.” And he’s got a really nice camera, so we’re like “awesome.”
...Anyway, it’s almost a year later since we started filming these episodes. And the three of us realize we have like a really strong creative vibe...that I think is going to stretch beyond this First World Problem.
“Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.” - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (Playwright, Poet, & Novelist. 1749-1832)
Jeremy: But the fact that we have the drive – and I think like we each bring a different gift to the thing that I think makes it intriguing, and we have follow-through. We’re actually shooting stuff. It’s getting edited. We put it up there.
The part about it that is like frustrating is like, you know, we’re not making money on it yet. Whereas when someone hires you – and this isn’t always the case -- usually when someone hires you , there’s some kind of pay because someone else is worrying about the money. In our case, it’s like, "Where do we find the money? How do we get the money to come to us?"
Virginia: Right.
Jeremy: But I think we’re in a very good time on the planet earth where as a creative team, there are ways to get money, and there are ways to get attention that didn’t even exist 8 years ago or 5 years ago.
Virginia: I’m intrigued to learn more about the origins of First World Problem. Other than Studio Tisch, how do you feel that your training and experience and the community at NYU has helped you in being able to realize this dream?
Jeremy: What’s funny is... I actually think NYU – personally I felt like it got me more ready for this kind of work than they did for auditioning. Cause there was an audition class but it’s very hard to mimic the reality of auditioning. It’s really hard to mimic that in school the way it is in the business.... I don’t know why. I guess cause–
Virginia: Psychologically you know that it’s not real?
Jeremy: Right... But it’s easy to train people to create their own work...So what was your question again?
Virginia: How did your training at NYU help to support the web series that you’re doing now?
Jeremy: What I’m doing now? Well, I mean, I guess – I was just talking about this last night with Stacey...Well, I was sort of pondering...
NYU was a big commitment. It’s three years, a lot of money, and sometimes I’d wonder, I’m like, "Did I really get anything out of that or was I just like looking for bragging rights just to say I went to NYU?"
I teach part time to support this creative habit which has yet to be a source of income. I hope it will. Did I just get a master’s so I could teach to support this habit? But I was thinking to myself, cause now that I’m doing some teaching, when you’re teaching theatre, what you’re doing is having someone else doing all the work, and you can look at it and give your opinion about it. And we’re realizing like all this power we gave to our teachers of like, “Did you like what I did?” ...is kind of BS because they’re not going to be DOING anything. You know? You’re doing all the work and they’re just giving you their opinion because they are -- I want to call them -- they’re an expert. Whatever that means. They’re an experienced artist.
Virginia: Right. They’ve seen a lot of work.
Jeremy: So they're giving you their experienced artistic opinion, right. And they see a lot of young people come through and do the same bullshit. And when they see something that is not the same bullshit, they’re like, "Oh, that was you. That was something that only YOU, I think, could do." You know?... And still it’s just their opinion.
Virginia: Right.
Jeremy: And with Stacey, I was just sort of pondering... What’s the use of that experience then? And I think that IS the use of that experience.
You’re going to learn what you’re going to learn whether you go to grad school or not, I think. I think that’s kind of how life is.
Especially as an actor, it’s all about just doing it. And grad school is all about just doing it. And you’re in a place where you have nothing to do but the thing you want to do. Whereas if you’re out in the world, then you’re going to juggle. But if I didn’t go to grad school, I’d be playing the same game...
And so what I think NYU did is... it was just three years to focus on the thing, "Is this what I want to be doing?" And sort of get "the nasty bits" out in an environment where it doesn’t matter that the nasty bits are being explored. What I mean by “nasty bits” is -- Boring, boring, boring. This is stupid. Your idea is going nowhere.
Virginia: So that that never ever happens to you now?
Jeremy: Um, you know what? This is what we were talking about...No, it doesn’t!... And it’s not because suddenly I’m like this amazing person, but it’s because I realize what it takes to collaborate. It’s doesn’t mean that everyone is going to like what we've come up with, but –
Here’s what we were talking about – 'Cause when you’re in school, the teacher says, "All right, go create – You have all week. So when I see you next, you’re going to have done your assignment: The Tree Grows By The Sidewalk. All right? That’s the thing you’re going to create." And everyone’s like, "The Tree Grows By The Sidewalk ? That's the assignment?...All right, see you in a week."
And you’re sitting there looking at five other people. You’re like, "The Tree Grows By The Sidewalk ? What the fuck?!" And... everybody has an idea. And sometimes you’re in a group where no one is listening to anyone else’s idea. They’re only focusing on their idea. Or everyone is saying "yes" too much, cause everyone is trying to accommodate everybody. Or everyone’s afraid to say, "That’s a really stupid idea. Why don’t we do this instead?" You know.
Virginia: Yeah.
Jeremy: And you spend like three years like that...I look back now and I’m like, "Why was it so hard to go away and do The Tree Grows By The Sidewalk or whatever?"
If someone said to me, go create Land of the Rocks in a week, I’d be like, "Awesome, let’s go." We’d probably create a really awesome Land of the Rocks . Some people might like it; some people might not, but it would be US. It would be COOL. It would be INVENTIVE. It wouldn’t be like the teacher’s sitting there saying, "What the fuck did you do for a week? This is the worst. This is boring."
Virginia: Right.
Jeremy: Seriously – there was one time in the movement class when we went on for like 15 minutes, and finally the teacher was like, I’m just going to stop you because this is clearly not going anywhere...
(OOOOOOh, but it is going somewhere!!!! More Jeremy tomorrow. We'll talk about collaboration and pretending-to-be-something-you're-not and building confidence and reasons to go for your MFA annnnnnnd more First World Problem! Whew!!!)
Or perhaps the power struggle to prove that Yesterday is not a Beatles song? Watch out! This may threaten to destroy the foundations of your entire relationship.
Or maybe it's time to have "the talk" with your significant other?
"The potential not just for failure, but failure that matters, failure you feel, must be on the table. If it's not, then what you're setting out to do is either so safe or so devoid of the potential for impact that success might allow you to check a box on a piece of paper, but beyond that, nobody'll care. Including you...The same circumstance that presents the potential to fail also serves as a gateway to the opportunity to succeed. You cannot close the door on the former, without also closing the door on the latter." - Jonathan Fields
(This is PART TWO of the interview with Yale graduate Bryce Pinkham. Click HERE to read PART ONE. This interview was conducted at Cellini Restaurant on E. 54th St. in New York City on January 6, 2012, and was lovingly transcribed by my mother, Dorothy Wilcox. Thanks, MOM!)
(Yup. Still talking to THIS GUY...Currently starring in Ghost: The Musical on Bway.)
Virginia: Anyway, let’s get to grad school because, you know, that’s what it’s about, allllll about grad school. I have my notes highlighted here.
Bryce: Okay, good, good.
Virginia: Okay, so we’re gonna just throw something out here and see where it goes. So, okay, first question: What do you think are three great reasons to attend grad school, if somebody’s considering, you know, attending grad school?
Bryce: I would say, go to grad school if you have yet to have had the opportunity to explore the depth of your own instrument in an environment that feels safe to do so. For me, I felt like I got to do a lot of stuff in undergrad. I got to perform a lot, which was great. But I wasn’t continually challenged in a way that I felt like I knew exactly what I was working with even as an actor. I didn’t know the sum total of what I could do. I still don’t. But now I know that it’s fun to find out, and I know a little about how to explore it, go after it, and what it feels like when it’s not right...
So I’d say, one, if you feel like you want to further expand yourself as an artist; two, if you want to experience failure. I guess those are similar things, but I went because I wanted – because I hadn’t failed yet. I really hadn’t....I don’t mean that in an egotistical way. I mean that the environment I was in was very supportive, and so it was like no matter what we did, it was awesome -- because it was. But in grad school, it’s a more critical -- in a good way – environment. And it’s more professionally minded. These schools get people trained and prepared for careers as professional actors.
And the last thing I would say is... go to grad school if you feel like making an investment in a long-term vision.
And the opposite of that is... I always tell people...don’t go to grad school to get an agent; don’t go to grad school so that you can say you went to the same school that a famous actor went to; don’t go to grad school for the resume. Go to grad school if you are interested in making a short term investment in a long-term goal.
I know that jives earlier with what I said earlier about I’m giving myself five years. But I think that’s probably one of the mind tricks I play with myself... well, it’s only five years. But, grad school – don’t expect it to be an instant payoff. It’s for the type of people who are willing to audition for three years in a row to get into it, or four or five or however many....So it’s not for people who think it might be fun. It’s an entire overtaking of your life for three years – it really is.
Virginia: That’s funny. My next question was going to be, what are the three reasons NOT to go to grad school. So thank you for answering that and reading my mind.
Bryce: Did I say three?
Virginia: You did actually. I think you said exactly three... Only the transcript will tell... So what schools did you choose when you were auditioning for grad school?
Bryce: I said if I’m going to go to grad school and spend my own money, potentially a lot of it, that I want to go to one of the top schools, what I understand being one of the top schools because there are a lot out there. So I auditioned for Yale and NYU, UCSD, ACT, and ART – because I was in Boston at the time. If I had known a little more, I probably would have auditioned for Juilliard and the Denver Center as well. So I auditioned for Yale in New Haven, at the school, and the rest I auditioned for in New York at NYU. I lumped together as many together in one day as I could. I did three on one day, Yale the next day and then – actually I think I missed my ART audition and had to go into ART -- their auditions in Boston – later.
Virginia: That is insane. Having gone through grad school auditions the past two years, I cannot even imagine doing three in one day. That just seems crazy.
Bryce: It was intense, but at the same time it was helpful because – and I think the third one I actually got into was ACT. And I think because I had just been like sort of pumelled around a little bit, and I felt like I know what this is and I know what to expect from this now, and I’ll just go do it.
Virginia: So how far did you get at each of the schools?
Bryce: NYU, I don’t think they wanted anything to do with me, nor UCSD. And then ACT, ART and Yale all accepted me.
Virginia: Wow. And that was your first year; right?
Bryce: That was my first year, yeah.
Virginia: You were still in undergrad at the time?
Bryce: Yeah. I was a senior in college. It was not my intention to go to grad school the next year. I sort of came to the idea late, and I thought -- you know, when you’re a senior in college, it‘s like there’s so much stuff going on, and you – you know, I was writing a thesis at the time. It was like I’m just going to do this... and I made it my goal to make an impression at each school. That’s where I was capping my goal, so that I took the pressure off myself to get into the "Yale School of Drama." So that’s why three in one day. I was like, well, I’ll just get them out of the way. And I think it really helped me in retrospect because I wasn’t sure that I wanted to do it actually, to be perfectly honest. I am now one of those people that says "Don’t do it unless you really want to." But I think it helped me not think about it in such grand terms. And then when I got in, I was like... okay, well, I guess now I really have to choose, and I did.
Virginia: It’s interesting... in our conversation you’ve mentioned a few of these little mind tricks that you play with yourself where you – and correct me if I’m not reflecting this back accurately – but, you know, it’s like you almost sense that if you think about it a certain way it’s going to cause you anxiety and so you choose to think about it in a way that will lessen that pressure for you.
Bryce: Yeah, you’re right. I do do those things. I would say – I would call it less of a trick and more of just a readjustment of value.
Virginia: Reframing the idea for yourself?
Bryce: Yeah, I mean – I’m trying to think of a good example. Well, it’s about reframing, and it’s also about panning out and taking perspective on a given situation, which happens to me a lot at auditions when, you know, I know I’m going in for a third call back for something and expecting that the entire producing team is going to be in there. It’s not just the casting director and the reader, it’s twelve to fifteen to twenty people. And it’s in one of these studios that has these giant windows. It’s like the back drop of Smash. It’s one of these studios in Times Square. You’re auditioning in one of these rooms for 15 or 20 minutes. And that instantly gets me nervous. It gets me nervous just talking about it. But if I can force myself to pan out from that and say, "Look at yourself, you’re auditioning in New York for whatever Broadway or Off Broadway, for a part in a professional play, musical or whatever, and all these people are here to see you do an amazing job and get the job." And if you can stay in touch with that little kid that looks at that and says are you serious? I’m doing what? Then you can go back to the room and just enjoy the fact that you’re there to start, and not worry about, well, am I going to get everything right, cause you’re never going to get it all right. You’re never going to get it all right in the audition room...
But what you can do is make a good impression. And so I try to give myself that promise. I try to say, don’t worry about all that other stuff. You’re not going to get it all right, so I can just admit that to myself. Today is not the day you get it right.
Virginia: Right.
Bryce: And they all know that, too. They’re not expecting you to get it right. They’re just expecting you to do something that can help them imagine you getting it right on opening night after you’ve had months and months or maybe just weeks of rehearsal.
And same with the grad school auditions – I’ll talk about this now. They’re not looking for an actor that looks just like an actor that came out of the Yale School of Drama. They’re looking for an actor that they’ll think, "Okay, I think this would be really beneficial to have this person in our midst because there’s a lot of room for growth, there’s a passion for the journey, but there’s also a levity about the entire thing."
The other thing I say to myself a lot in the auditions is... "This is ridiculous!"... I mean, let’s call a spade a garden tool. This is RIDICULOUS what you’re asking me to do... come in a small room, maybe a big room, and sing a song that I learned last night because you didn’t get the material until then. You guys, you know, were up late talking about other things. You don’t remember my name, but we know each other. I’m going to sing a song for you that I don’t know. I’m going to pretend that I know it well, and then I’m going to hold these pages with words on them. I’m going to pretend that I memorized them, but I really just had the time to look at them on the train. And at the end of that, you’re going to decide whether or not you want me to have your job. There’s an inherent ridiculousness. They're sitting behind the table taking notes. It’s just ridiculous. But if you can play the game, and at the same time recognize it for what it is, I think you’ll help yourself a lot.
Virginia: That’s great. That’s like solid gold advice!... Okay, so you were talking about grad school stretching you. That being one of the main reasons that you went, to have that experience of failing. So can you share a specific example of something you felt like you failed at so colossally and you learned a lot from it and grew as a result of it?
Bryce: There are so many instances that I can’t pull one out of the ether, off the top of my head... But part of the journey is learning how to collaborate with people in a room after a common objective that sometimes is agreed upon and sometimes is not. And at the end of the day a lot of time the actors are the ones who – well, the actor’s the only one who has to be on stage. Like with any professional sports, the coaches get to say a lot. But at the end of the day, they don’t have to play the game. The players play...
But it is important to have a really strong relationship with your coach or your director or your scenic designer. You know, these are relationships you learn in the professional world how to integrate those people into the entire process. So I would say that there were plenty of times in grad school where even just by stepping out in a certain costume or on a certain set or with a certain direction or – from my end – a certain voice I had prepared, a certain choice I had made about a character, even just stepping out into that first set was like stepping straight into some dog shit.
Virginia: You put yourself in a vulnerable place.
Bryce: Here’s a good one: I created a show in school at the Yale Cabaret. It was a clown show. And I don’t mean clown like circus clown, I mean, sort of like Bill Irwin style – and we built it outside. We did a show outside in the courtyard, you know, beautiful setting. We had a giant staircase, fire escape staircase, coming down and a little stage built out there, and a window. We had all these bits built in and people could walk by and see it from outside. It was really quite wonderful. But we had to, by law, have one performance inside for, I think, wheelchair accessibility or something. And so we put so much work into getting the show together that we never really planned out how we were going to do it indoors. And, you know, it was all done on a shoestring anyway. And so when we did the show inside, one of my teachers came,...came to that show, the one we had to do inside.
Virginia: Was this person a teacher that you wanted to impress?
Bryce: Yeah, I wanted to impress this person, who undoubtedly would have a lot of helpful criticism, who I was really excited to show that I had followed through on my impulse to create something like this. And sure enough she came on the night that we had to do it inside. Or maybe it was raining or something; I don’t know. Nevertheless, we found ourselves before the show, the three of us, the three person show , trying to talk through how we were going to do the show inside with all these things that are normally done outside, like a whole bit done with bringing a trunk down a set of stairs, in a small, low-ceilinged underground theatre with none of that. And at the end of the day, we just had to do it. And my teacher came up to me afterwards with a big smile on her face. I said, “Oh, no, you’re here tonight?” She said, "Yes, and that was terrible!...Congratulations! You’ve tasted it. Now you know what it tastes like.”
And it’s true. It really was terrible. I mean, it was really bad. This is a show, I’m proud to say, got lots of laughter outside. Indoors, we’re lucky if we got any. It was only an hour show, and, oh man, it was a rough hour. But to see her levity about that, the fact that it was really bad, and that it had given me the opportunity to experience it, and I had come out on the other side of it okay and realize, Oh, well, if we’d had more time, and yeah, that was terrible. Ha ha, you know, to laugh at it and myself.
Again, it’s like changing that perspective, the value judgment. Here I am at the Yale School of Drama creating my own show for people who have paid to see me, and it’s terrible. I mean like that’s AMAZING! How many people can say that? I don’t know, it definitely introduced me to what it feels like to fail and move on and recover and look back and laugh and say I made a mess back there. I’m sorry.
...Stay tuned for PART THREE of the epic-long Bryce Pinkham interview extraordinaire!
Until then...
Loves,
V
"We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master." - Ernest Hemingway
OMG!!!! This is the coooooolest show! Click on the link below...
FAILURE CLUB
(Every Friday on Yahoo! Screen...Watch out NBC...You've got some competition.)
Dude...We should all be in Failure Club.
Start your own!!!!!
Why Failure Club is awesome...
1. Provides accountability
2. Provides moral support
3. You can help motivate others as you, yourself, are motivated
4. You can talk through your psychological issues and fears with others who can empathize and encourage you
5. Somebody is there to notice your progress...and call you out when your are procrastinating
6. The group can give suggestions for resources and next steps
7. The group can help you work through your own resistance
8. You are putting yourself in a SAFE environment of supportive and knowledgeable people where you will be able to take RISKS and FAIL BIG...and realize that you can get through it and you'll be a more courageous human being as a result!
"But, I'm afraid!"... Set yourself up to succeed by giving yourself some SUPPORT.
Q: How do I build-up confidence?
A: Push through the fear and do something that TERRIFIES you!
It doesn't even matter what happens as a RESULT of that fearful action...success...failure...whatever...You will feel like a ROCK STAR...from just having DONE that thing that you've been sooooo afraid of doing.
Awesome.
The issues addressed on this show are allllll the things that successful people MUST work through in order to be okay with failure and ... BE SUCCESSFUL!
My question to YOU:
If you knew that allllll you had to do to make your dreams come true was overcome your fear of failing... could you do it?
"Cut people slack...Their actions might not reveal their enduring character, but instead reflect some situation they find themselves in. Forbearance is a form of generosity." - Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project
Soooo yesterday was one of THOSE days at work. It was kind-of like "Opening Night" of a show. You know the sort of day where everything has been building up to this one final moment and you're in last-minute-prep-mode and everybody's excited and a little on-edge and anything that goes wrong feels like a crisis (but really isn't)? That was my day yesterday.
Here are some of my learning "take-aways" from my high-pressure day:
1. When the $h*t hits the fan, you want to be surrounded by quality people that you trust to help support you... otherwise, reaching out for help will only ADD to your stress, because you haven't established enough trust to know that they'll come through for you in your time of need.
2. Know that you are NOT seeing the bigger picture when you are STRESSED out, so give people as much slack and compassion as you can possibly muster... as your blood-pressure skyrockets off the chart.
3. Yelling will not help anyone do anything better/faster... It will just make everyone feel bad and if you are the one yelling... it will not make you feel any better either. So speak your words with care.
4. Take a step back before REACTING... breathe... take a walk... splash some cold water on your face (but don't ruin your make-up)... call a friend... have a snack... DO SOMETHING to get in a good headspace before moving forward. It's worth taking the time to do... even when it seems like there is NO TIME... Because you do NOT want to say something that you're going to REGRET.
5. Communicate what you need to get the job done... nicely... and be HONEST about where you are at. If you have too much on your plate... delegate... hand something off to someone you trust and give yourself some relief.
6. Don't deny it! People KNOW if you're stressed. They see it exuding from your pores... so just admit it, rather than trying to pretend you're FINE. It will feel better just to SAY IT. Then hopefully, you can feel like you can stop fighting, let the stressful feeling be what it is and move forward as best you can in the moment.
7. Say THANK YOU to everyone who is helping to make things happen before "show time." A little gratitude goes a looooong way in keeping everyone on the same page (including YOU)... that we're all a TEAM and working toward the same goal: an AWESOME & SUCCESSFUL event/show/presentation/etc.
8. Have a sense of humor. Make a joke!!! Laughter releases sooooo much tension. (P.S. I am TERRIBLE at this... I have such a hard time laughing when I'm stressed out, let alone making someone else laugh... but I LOVE it and appreciate it soooooooo much when other people are able to make me laugh and make light of "serious" situations... So I like to surround myself with those kind of quality people whenever possible...see number 1.)
9. Smile. Sometimes by moving those smiling muscles in your face... your attitude will take a clue and adjust itself. You can decide to have fun with the situation at any point...or be miserable...the choice is up to you.
10. Remember... It will all be over soon and you will be able to fall asleep on your pillow and wrap yourself in a blanket and dream of cotton candy and puppy-dogs again. That's something to look forward to.
11. You are doing a good job... the best you can. So be kind to yourself and take a deep breath. You are enough. You can get through it!!!
12. Shift your focus...Really... it's all about FOCUS. When you are focused on "not freaking-out"... you will only freak-yourself-out MORE... But when you focus on having FUN... then the "not freaking-out" will happen as a natural bi-product of having more fun in spite of the obstacles.
Easier said that done though...
And when you inevitably get caught-up in the stress-frenzy-high-pressureness of it all and totally "lose it" in front of everyone and make a total a$$ out of yourself... Well, you learn from that too... That you can survive FAILING BIG and that you can find some good "take-aways" from it (like 12 of them, to be exact)... and resolve to do better next time... because there will be a next time.
Sigh...
Gotta love pushing yourself to your limit... Otherwise... How will you know how far you can go?
Further and further.
Loves,
V
"We can throw stones, complain about them, stumble on them, climb over them, or build with them." - William Arthur Ward
"We are social creatures to the inmost center of our being. The notion that one can begin anything at all from scratch, free from the past, or unindebted to others, could not conceivably be more wrong." - Karl Popper, philosopher & professor (1902 - 1994)
It's important to celebrate the small and not-so-small victories in our daily lives and share in the joy together. Sure.. there's always more to do, but don't forget to stop and celebrate how far you've already come, the obstacles you've managed to overcome and the friends who have supported you along the way.
You could have quit... just given up at any point... and that would have been waaaaay easier than sticking-with-it. But then you'd never get to be where you are now!
So today I am celebrating a great triumph... I have FINALLY submitted my online application for Juilliard. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!
And not a moment too soon... Deadline is Dec 1 (a.k.a. tomorrow).
Personal Statement Written... CHECK.
Online Application Sent... CHECK.
Application Fee Paid... CHECK.
Great Sense of Accomplishment... CHECK.
The busy-busy-busy schedule of November tried to crush me... BUT I WILL NOT BE CRUSHED. I will not let ANYTHING stand in my way of completing my MIT (Most Important Task): applying to grad school.
Taking steps to create the life of my dreams = My A#1 priority
Let's put this accomplishment in some historical context also...
If you had told 14-year-old-me, aspiring actress that I was, that some day in the future I would be living in New York City and applying to JUILLIARD. I probably would have said, "Ha, ha, ha,... Suuuure. Very funny. Stop making fun of me."
Truthfully, I wouldn't have thought myself WORTHY of even APPLYING. (And, in actuality, I never did apply to any undergrad acting programs for this very reason... and also, I knew my parents couldn't afford to send me even if I got in... So why try?)
I thought that places like Juilliard were only for special people with exceptional talent and people who came from families that had money and connections... not for people like me. I didn't think the opportunity to study at an "elite" school like Juilliard would ever be AVAILABLE to me. In my young mind, applying to Juilliard was IMPOSSIBLE.
...Well, Virginia, who just clicked SEND on that Juilliard application, huh?... YOU!... Maybe you should re-think what's POSSIBLE?
Now, I think it is time that we dance around the living room lip-syncing to Jason Mraz and acting like we're 14 again... because we DESERVE to celebrate! I could NOT have gotten this far or had nearly as much growth in the process without YOU! This has not been an easy task...
And we've still got NYU and Yale waiting-in-the-wings, but for now... Let's DANCE! We FUCKIN' did it.
A W E S O M E.
Love,
V
"The truth is simple. There are very few - if any - genuine cases of overnight success. The majority of successful people have dedicated themselves to a goal and persevered for a long time, experiencing several setbacks before reaching a high level of achievement that is finally noticed." - Alexandre Levit, Money Magazine's Online Career Expert Of The Year
"Many of you have the illusion of being separate, alone, disconnected and unsupported and yet you are not. If you begin to focus on how everything is connected then you will begin to experience a greater sense of support, belonging and harmony. You will begin to streamline your intentions and trust the universe to deliver. Your life will become richer and you will feel more active and participatory rather than passive and victimized." - Lena Stevens, The Power Path
Ever look back on your life and realize that things hardly ever happen in the way you might think?
One thing leads to another... leads to another... leads to another... It's damn-near impossible to predict!
Today, I shall share with you one such example from my own life...
How I got to be in a Doritos Commercial that was entered into this year's Crash The Superbowl contest and will hopefully be aired during said Superbowl and win the grand prize of a MILLION dollars, but if not... is still a really coooool gig and a project I am really glad to be a part of and is only the beginning of a great creative relationship!!!
Here's how it happened step-by-step:
Four years ago I found out that the School of Visual Arts in NY was having an actor/film-maker mixer.
I attended said "mixer" and gave my headshot and resume to the casting director who put me into the database.
In seemingly unrelated news... My friend Christine dragged me to Yoga To The People one evening after work and I was HOOKED. I started doing yoga once or twice a week... and still do.
I would occasionally get emails from the casting director at SVA inviting me to come and participate as an actor in some of the student's film directing classes.
For years I never could make it to any of the dates she invited me to, but I kept resubmitting an updated headshot and resume with the casting director every year and kept in contact with her through email.
One day this summer she sent me an email inviting me again. This time I could make it work in my schedule and I agreed to do it.
I showed up at SVA and met student director Anna Alaimo. I was an actor in her comedic student short about a Nutellaholics Anonymous group. Fun!
In seemingly unrelated news... I began blogging on Sept. 5th.
Later in Sept., she sent me the link to the student short as promised. I sent her a "thank you" reply with a link to my BLOG attached.
She responded back with how much she loved the Don't Let The Perfect Be The Enemy Of The Good post and she said she felt like we were going through very similar spiritual journeys. She suggested we have lunch.
I gladly accepted.
We met up in midtown, had lunch at Dishes and hit it off like peanut butter and peanut butter.
She asked me if I ever do yoga and if I was free on Sunday.
I said... yes and yes.
In seemingly unrelated news... I work M-F, 9-5 and am often free on Sundays. :-p
She said that she was going to be shooting a Doritos Commercial for a contest and would I like to be in it?
Um... YES!!!!
Sunday came. I subway'd it over to the location in Manhattan. I brought my yoga mat. We shot the commercial.
Yesterday... she sent me a link to the final cut of said commercial.
Today... I am blogging about it.
Here's the "Ohm" DORITOS COMMERCIAL... Directed by Anna Alaimo.
So that's my non-linear path to Doritos.
Annnnnd we're shooting another scene on Thursday (unrelated to Doritos.. or Nutella) ... and Anna's working on a feature length script too!!! Soooo many fun things to look forward to!
But the best part of it all... is getting to have Anna in my life. She is first and foremost a great person and secondarily I LOVE working with her. I feel like we were sort-of meant to meet... Thank you, SVA! Thank you, Blogger.com! Thank you, Universe!
And THAT's how things happen in show business... or in business-business... or in life.
Ya never know!
Loves,
V
"The "right" circumstances, people, and opportunities are just like "good" ideas - they come to you fastest, once you relax." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe
"Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.”
– Mary Tyler Moore
My experience auditioning:
After my AMAZING experience at auditions and callbacks at NYU my first year, I had both high-hopes and great fears for Year 2 auditions. My worst nightmare was that I wouldn’t make it through the first cut and wouldn’t get the opportunity to audition again for Janet Zarish and Mark Wing-Davy, who had both gotten to know me a bit during the callback weekend from the year before.
That morning at NYU, my first-round audition was for Victor Pappas, whom I had never met. (I believe he was on sabbatical the previous year.) What a joyful spirit! He welcomed me into the room with a bright, genuine smile. I liked him instantly. And that calmed my nerves and made me super excited to share the monologues I had been working on for months in preparation for this very moment.
It felt so good to get up there and say the words and feel the feelings... Doin' the acting thang.
I had been spending most of my year sitting in an office, making money to pay off my credit card/student loan debt. I had set this as a personal goal for the year, so that I could get into grad school with less of a debt burden. Money stress had become a huge issue for me. Scarcity thinking had been ruling my life in a really negative way and had been sapping my creative energies for YEARS. Now that I was aware of it, I had made every effort to get that debt-burden GONE, which resulted in a feeling of lightness and freedom in ALLLL areas of my life.
So getting up and doing my monologues for Victor felt like a two-fold joy…
1. Getting to do something that I love to do… AND...
2. Knowing that by taking a break from acting and by NOT doing it for a while, I was enabling myself to appreciate it more deeply and with greater sense of freedom from financial stress.
After auditioning for Victor, I walked out of the room thinking… “Well, even if that’s all I get to do today, it was worth it. I had FUN and it felt like a successful audition to me, no matter what the outcome.” And I believed it too.
“People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.”
– Dale Carnegie
In a little while, Jonathon Ward came out to the waiting area with a stack of headshot/resumes in-hand. He read off the names one by one…
My heart = pounding in my chest... Unfamiliar names ringing in my ears, as Jonathon breathed each word and then I heard… Virginia Wilcox.
Ahhhhhhh!!!! That’s my name! He called me!
I made the first cut. Whew! I would get to see Mark and Janet again! YES!!!! Sweet joy!!!!
When it was my turn to go in for the second-round that same day, I practically bounced into the room to see Mark and Janet. I felt like I was coming home to old friends. I greeted them with a grin and a wave of familiarity... and I was met with looks varying from vague recognition to complete blankness… Yikes!
In my head:
Expectation adjustment NEEDED!!! I had hoped that they would remember me, but if they did,… oh, boy,… they sure weren’t letting on! Oh, dear... I thought I was more memorable than that, but apparently not. LOL! Shake it off, Wilcox… Give them a chance to remember you from now on...
Mark looked at my list of four monologues and asked me to present my non-Shakespeare classical (very dark/dramatic) and my dramatic contemporary.
Drama + Drama = HEAVY.
And who wants to spend 3 years with someone who has no sense of humor? Not me... and probably not them.
I blinked. I blinked again. What to do now? I knew I was about to serve up a depression cocktail. He didn’t choose anything that had any lightness to it. I wanted to say something, to warn him, but I wasn’t courageous enough to speak up for myself.
In my head:
Just do it, Wilcox. If he wants to see some comedy, he’ll ask you for a third piece. It’s gonna be fine. Let it go... But I didn't/couldn't.
So I went to start my classical piece… and I couldn’t think of the first line… and I couldn’t think of it… and I couldn’t think of it...
I just stood there. Staring at the floor. My brain racing with a million thoughts except for the one that would really help me to be thinking in this moment… namely: MY FIRST F*@ING LINE. Then after another interminable eternity I “calmly” said to Mark and Janet, “I’m sorry. Just give me a second.” And I turned upstage and I breathed. Thinking… “It will come to you, Wilcox. Breathe. Let it come. Breathe.”…. And, thank the dear lord… it finally came to me.
Jeeeeesus that scared the S*%t out of me though… forgetting the words… losing focus… and I was totally out-of-body for the rest of the audition. Words were spoken but it was someone else speaking them. I was residing on the ceiling staring down at myself with a constant awareness of my complete and utter terror.
After I was done with my two uber-dramatic pieces… You could cut the angst in the room with a knife. And Janet broke the silence with… “Ah-hem… Virginia, would you like to sing for us?”
I sighed a small sigh of relief and smiled and said, “Sure! I’ll be singing… Get Happy.”
HA! And they laughed. Which was nice. Cut some of the tension, at least. And no third monologue was mentioned.
I sang my little ditty and dutifully dragged myself out the door… wondering all the while…
1. Where, along the way, had I lost my bounce? …and…
2. How had I managed to give all my power away? …and…
3. Why did I feel like I had totally lost control of myself during that audition?
A few minutes later, after the next hopeful applicant had gone in to the audition room, the monitor in the waiting area smiled and said…“That’s all we need to see today, Virginia. You’re free to go home. Thank you.”
Me: “Oh, okay… (all my blood dropped into my toes and my face went completely white)… Thanks... (gulp… hold it together… hold it together). Best of luck with the rest of the auditions today… (the best smile I could muster) … Bye-bye."
...Bye-bye, NYU, bye-bye...
I spent months analyzing it, for no good reason, really. I couldn’t go back and change anything. All I could do was move forward. But I was having a tough time figuring out what I was supposed to have learned from this experience.
The only thing that I could come up with as a major regret… is not speaking up for myself when Mark asked me for my two dramatic pieces… It would have made ME feel better to have said something like, “Mark, just wanted to let you know that you’ve chosen two dramatic pieces, which I am more than HAPPY to do for you. Just wanted to let you know, in case you want to see something a little lighter, as a contrast.” In which case, he may have still opted to go with his choices… or maybe he would have reconsidered and chosen a comedic piece… it really wouldn’t have mattered to me. Either way would have been fine. But, in retrospect, I would have felt more courageous and more in-control and more focused and prouder-of-myself in that situation, if I had followed my impulse and spoken up for myself in that moment… rather than blinking back my qualms and feeling like I was about to dutifully sacrifice myself to the drama gods. That only lead to me feeling super conflicted, getting distracted in my own head… and going up on my line… and losing confidence… and losing focus… and losing them… and, ultimately, disappointing myself.
By trying to be a "people-pleaser" and by stuffing my own internal impulse to speak up, I had succeeded in pleasing no one.
“Resiliency, I think is the KEY to success. The most successful people I know are so resilient. They’ve failed many times over. Whereas most people fail once or twice, and that’s it.” – Adam Gilbert, MyBodyTutor
Thank goodness I would be permitted to come back and try again next year!!! Do over!!!
My measure of success:
I did make the first cut… which felt like a great accomplishment.
Several weeks later, I received an email from Jonathon Ward informing me that I would not be invited to the callback weekend but that I was on the “waiting list.” Apparently they keep about 100 applicants on a waiting list, in the case that they are not able to find their 16-18 students from the 50 that are invited to the callback weekend. I was grateful to be included on the waiting list, but I knew that the likelihood of making it to this year’s class from the waiting list was very, very slim.
I would not be holding my breath.
Then, after a time, I received another email notifying me that they had chosen their MFA students for the year and they wished me best-of-luck in all my future endeavors.
:-(
Well, at least I had the courage to show up for the second time… and I had tried again. That was very important to me.
Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to happen yet. Whah-whah! What was supposed to happen… had happened. And as not-so-fun-and-awkward as that audition was for me, I survived to tell the tale.
“Whenever something doesn’t work out the way you thought it would, instead of thinking that something went wrong, see it as something that went unexpectedly well, but for reasons that are not yet apparent. Everything plays in your favor.” – Mike Dooley, Tut’s Universe
Learning and Resolutions for Year 3:
I wasn’t supposed to be at NYU yet. I had other stuff to learn/do elsewhere. And it has been a year of GROWTH… for which I am truly, truly grateful.
Good thing I'm such a prolific failer... otherwise this blog wouldn't exist. Hee, hee! And, last year, I sure didn't foresee becoming a "blogger." That never entered my mind. So that a cool and unexpected bi-product of failure. Ha!
"Laced throughout every day of your life are hidden highways of opportunity, invisible crossroads of time, and golden avenues for personal transformation that if only traveled upon would reveal the extraordinary, the sublime, and the unexpected." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe
When reflecting on my experiences preparing for grad school auditions, Year 1 and Year 2, I realized that the thing I disliked most about the process was my feeling of isolation. Actors are collaborative artists and I wanted to have a sense of community collaboration and support in my 3rd try for acceptance to grad school.
Cut to me setting up this blog. Cut to you subscribing. And here we are now… collaborating daily. Success!
“I still don’t get why people are so surprised that the turtle beat the rabbit over the long run. Consistent effort, no matter how small, sparks magic, fills sails, butters bread, turns tides, instills faith, summons friends, improves health, burns calories, creates abundance, yields clarity, builds courage, spins planets and rewrites destinies… No matter how small.” – Mike Dooley, Tut’s Universe
This year has ALREADY been a way better grad school audition prep experience for me than the last two years combined and I won’t even be auditioning until January! With this blog, it feels great to be making a small impact on the world in my own Virginia way... by staying focused on my dreams/goals... by posting daily about my creative process... and by connecting with friends who are pursuing their own dreams/goals and are using the blog as a means of inspiration on their journey's too!
It's all about grad school for me... but not at all about grad school... all at the same time. It could be anything that you aspire to be or do. All the same kinds of skills apply to any creative process of growth.
I digress.
Thanks for collaborating, folks. Hope that you’re finding some value in sharing this journey with me.
Year 3 auditions are going to be a whole new ball-game. Yale (3rd try). NYU (3rd try). Juilliard (1st try).
Wish me luck!
Who knows what will happen? But for now, I’m preparing… little by little, day by day, brick by brick, thought by thought, action by action. And as long as I am moving in the direction of making my dreams a reality… I am happy.
Life is good.
Wishing you all... a life-time of risk-taking, failure, learning, unfaltering determination and success,
Virginia
“Remember that we are all works in process, perfect in our progress and always moving towards our own personal growth and evolution.”
