179. Monologues 2012 REVEALED

"Fullfillment doesn't come from clearing hurdles others set for you; it comes from clearing those you set for yourself." - Robert S. Kaplan, "Reaching Your Potential" Harvard Business Review

I cannot BELIEVE this is the second-to-last post of the Acceptance Project!!!Whoooooo hoooooo! Almost DONE!

Now, in the interest of full-disclosure and transparency and getting over my own fear...I am posting videos of my four audition monologues and my a capella song for you to see. I've embedded them below.

Why has this taken sooooo long for me to get to posting these monologues? (Grad school auditions took place back in January, after all.)

I have one word for you:

RESISTANCE

"Resistance cannot be seen, touched, heard or smelled. But it can be felt. It is experienced as a force field emanating from a work-in-potential. It's a repelling force. It's negative. Its intention is to shove the creator away, distract him, sap his energy, incapacitate him. 

If Resistance wins, the work doesn't get written... 

Resistance seems to come from outside ourselves. We locate it in spouses, jobs, bosses, kids, distractions. "Peripheral opponents," as Pat Riley used to say when he coached the Los Angeles Lakers.

Resistance is not a peripheral opponent. Resistance arises from within. It is self-generated and self-perpetuated. Resistance is the enemy within."  

- Stephen Pressfield, The War of Art

Even though I KNEW in my gut that I HAD to post my monologues for you all to see...EVENTUALLY. I procrastinated it to the 11th hour (a.k.a. NOW...the second-to-last post.) And I'm procrastinating another thing for tomorrow's blog post too...So I'll probably be publishing that one at like 11:55pm on April 1st. ;-P

Anyhoo...RESISTANCE. Let's talk about that for a sec...

The one and only one thing that is coming between YOU and you moving in the direction of your dreams is...(sing with me now)...Reeeeeeesiiiiiiiiissstaaaaaaance!!!

What is keeping you from doing what you KNOW in your heart-of-hearts you are capable of doing????

Let's use ME as an example here...

Me = Queen of Resistance & Duchess of Rationalization

Here are some of the fantastical thoughts that went through my head as I considered the undertaking of posting my monologues publicly on the blog:

1. I can't. I don't know how to upload video on to YouTube. I've never done it before.
2. It's going to look stupid because I don't have a real camera. I just have my iPhone.
3. I hate watching myself on camera. My acting is always waaaay too big. And I am going to look ridiculous.
4. If I post this online, anyone will be able to view it...even potentially ~gasp~ casting professionals. What if they don't like my work and I get a reputation for being a "bad" actor?
5. I don't have time. It's going to take FOREVER to figure out how to do this.
6. I hate asking for help, but I'll never be able to figure this out on my own. Who would possibly agree to help me with this project? I can't PAY anyone to help me. They'd have to do it out of the goodness of their heart. I don't want to IMPOSE on anyone. 
7. I'd have to shoot this after work one day and I'm going to be exhausted and the light might be all gone and shooting at night might be hard. I don't know what to expect since I've never done this before.

And here's what I told myself to be able to get all my resistant thoughts to SHUT UP...and let me do my WORK already:

1. Even though I have never uploaded any video to YouTube before, I know TONS of people who do that alllll the time, so it really can't be that hard. If I allow my self enough time, I'm sure I can figure it out. And if I need help I can think of at least 3 people off-the-top-of-my-head that I could call to assist me. No problem.
2. Even though I only have an iPhone to record with...that's FINE. It doesn't need to be super high quality. The purpose of me posting these videos is not to win cinematography awards, it is to RECORD a snapshot in time of where I am at with these monologues that I worked on this year. That's allllll. An iPhone is a perfectly adequate tool for this purpose.
3. So what if your acting is too big? So what if you look ridiculous? Who cares? YOU ARE A WORK IN PROGRESS and so are these monologues. There are going to be moments in the pieces that you LOVE and are proud of...and things that you see that you'd like to improve. (DON'T LET THE PERFECT BE THE ENEMY OF THE GOOD! That's what I've been telling myself from day one of this blog.) Don't judge yourself! Get SOMETHING up there! You've shared soooooo much about this entire experience through your writing. Don't chicken-out now! Be courageous! Show your acting work! That's what this is all about, right? Some people will love it and some people with think it's total crap...That's okay. Either way...you will have overcome your fear of showing your work...in all it's flawed glory...AND THAT'S SUCCESS.
4. As for casting folks...the ones that see it and don't like it...probably won't contact me. But there may be people that see it and think..."Hey, I've got a project that girl might be right for...Let me email her and give her a shot."  OR....If I get a lot of really negative feedback on it...I can always take it down...re-shoot...and try again. It's a learning process...And I can get better at it...but only if I start somewhere.
5. Time? Reaaaaally, Virginia? If you have time to watch Failure Club on Yahoo! Screen (my favorite show right now), then you have time to get on your computer and figure out how to make this YouTube uploading thing happen. Just start by logging-in to the website. Start there. The rest will happen naturally. Oh! And make an appointment on your calendar to shoot the video. If you don't schedule it into your life...it ain't gonna happen.
6. Get over your issue about ASKING FOR HELP!...You know you've got people in your life that would love to support you in this project and have the skills to easily make this happen. AND it'll be waaaaay more fun to collaborate with someone awesome on this project. Call MATT STEINER!  You just saw that he uploaded his CLOWN REEL onto his website. He could totally help you....AND HE DID!!!! (Thanks, Matt. You are the BEST. Thank you. These videos would NOT have happened without you. Had a BLAST working on this with you. So. Much. Fun.)
7. Go for it. Work with what you've got...So you've got some lighting issues? Whatever. It's fine...as long as you're not in the dark, you're okay...So the sound is not so great. We can bump up the volume as best we can when we're editing...and we'll do the best we can...Get going NOW, because this blog is ending on April 1st and it's gotta get done!!!....So you've only gotten 4 hours of sleep on top of a loooooong week of uber-stress at work? Yeah. Boo-hoo Wilcox. There's never going to be a perfect circumstance. So take it from where you are at and that's a PERFECT place to start these monologues. Go with it. Use it. Use whatever energy you have...and go from there. That's all you can do.

Sooooo that was how I overcame my resistance to posting these monologues.

True story.

Now...without further ado...My audition monologues for Juilliard, NYU and Yale 2012...

The Foreigner by Larry Shue (Catherine)
Lives of the Great Waitresses by Nina Shengold (Melissa)
The Convent of Pleasure by Margaret Cavendish (Lady Happy)
Two Gentlemen of Verona by William Shakespeare (Julia)

You can view these on my YouTube channel by CLICKING HERE.

I've also embedded them for you below...And my a capella song too.

Catherine from The Foreigner

Contemporary monologue that I did for NYU & Yale.

Melissa from Lives of the Great Waitresses

Contemporary monologue that I did for Juilliard.

Lady Happy from The Convent of Pleasure

Classical monologue that I did for NYU .

Julia from Two Gentlemen of Verona

Shakespeare monologue that I did for Yale and Juilliard.

"Make Someone Happy" by Comden/Green/Styne

A capella song that I sang for NYU and Juilliard.

Could I have done all this better? SURE. Yes. Definitely.

And I WILL DO BETTER...next time.

But what really matters is that I DID IT.

I'm sharing my process and getting my work out there...FINALLY.

Resistance be damned!!!!!!!!!!!!

Loves,
Virginia

“Keep working. Don’t turn anything down...Don’t get precious. You’re young, you’re learning. Keep working.” - Stephen Pressfield, Writing Wednesdays

37. Uncertainty

"Nothing great was ever created by waiting around for someone to tell you it's all going to be okay or for perfect information to drop from the sky. Doesn't happen that way. Great work requires you to act in the face of uncertainty, to live in the question long enough for your true potential to emerge. There is no alternative. When you find the strength to act in the face of uncertainty, you till the soil of genius." - Jonathan Fields, Uncertainty: Turning Fear & Doubt Into Fuel For Brilliance

Knowing things = so overrated... Moving forward anyway?... Priceless.

Chew on that with your Monday morning coffee.

Loves,
V

“To know that you do not know is the best.” -Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu, Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

1. Don't Let The Perfect Be The Enemy Of The Good

This starting-a-blog idea popped into my head a couple of weeks ago, just before the “hurrication” (a.k.a. Irene), here in NY. I figured that a blog would be a great way to keep me on-track as I’m beginning my grad school audition prep (which technically already began months ago, but more on that in another post). I also figured that a blog would be a great way to keep in touch with my family in CA. Annnd after reflecting on my experience auditioning for grad school last year (my 2^nd try), I realized that something that would have made the process more fulfilling for me would have been to have more of a sense of community support, so that I wouldn’t feel like I was doing this ALONE, ya know?

So I took advantage of the time-off during the hurricane and began to plan and prepare for my self-exploration/accountability blog which I entitled Acceptance Project. Since this blog is about examining my creative process, I feel it necessary to tell you what issues came up for me in the inception of blog-creation…  I think it’s indicative of my process over-all.

So, I get the idea to create this blog… then the following happens (mostly inside my head)…

1.       Self: Blogging is too overwhelming and too much work and not "me". I am not a "blogger." I do not "blog".… (Attempts to talk myself out of it/Test if it’s just a passing fancy)

2.       Self: Idea will still not go away, keeps coming up at random times throughout the week when brain should be focusing on other things. Brings up emotions ranging from giggly joy to total and complete dread.

3.       Several days go by… Self: Wrestling with all the logical reasons that a blog might be a good thing for me (as listed in introductory paragraph), but main obstacle has now become fear of self-disclosure on public forum (a.k.a. the world wide web)… Q: Am I confident enough in who I am to actually be vulnerable in my blog posts? A: I will never know unless I actually DO IT. And confidence will be gained in the action of doing it, so how I feel about it now is really irrelevant.

4.       Self: Decide that FEAR is never a good reason for not doing something that you know will be a good thing for you/is fun/you (secretly) want to do.

5.       Hurricane hits and I sat in my apartment for two days straight and designed the blog… started working on the menu pages and brainstormed about content, etc. (Didn’t tell anyone what I was doing… Could hardly admit it to myself yet.)

6.       Got the bare bones of the blog up… and figured out my “statement of purpose.” (Finally told someone about it!) I enlisted the feedback of one close and trusted friend to bounce ideas off of (I let this person in on this project at this early tender stage of the project because… A. I knew they would encourage me to move forward without judging and B. They have some computer/technical expertise that I don’t have.) A super judgmental “friend’s” criticism of the project would have crushed the idea for me at this stage. I was still finding my legs with it and feeling it out. Intense scrutiny or even flippant comments from well-meaning supporters wouldn’t have been helpful at this point. Gotta protect your babies!

7.       After putting together the structure for the whole thing… And planning all the steps that I had to do next in order to begin blogging on my start date of Sept 5… I let the blog page sit there on the internet for about 5 days without touching it at all… just anticipating… just letting it BE, as I started to get used to the idea that I am making myself into a “blogger” and in what ways will this change my experience of grad school audition prep? (Still wrestling with... “Why would anyone care to read this besides my mother?" But, hey!, that’s one subscriber… and that’s all I really need to be accountable. So then… I’m good. Right? Right. Acceptance Project will be successful in that way no matter what!)

8.       Cut to yesterday… I finally got the email subscription up and running and I’ve started to tell people about what I’m doing… in person… via FB… by text message… a few emails… slowly building up the confidence to share the project with others.  I am really excited about it and happy to be able to do something that kind-of freaks me out too. It’s a good challenge and I know I’ll grow from it somehow, in some way. Also, most everyone has been encouraging, which has been a gift.

9.       So now, here I am… 8:15am on Labor Day morning… writing my first blog… my “labor” of love… and oh, boy… It ain’t perfect. I am having to deal with all kinds of crazy negative self-talk in my head right now… But I have not set myself the parameter that my blogs have to be “good”… The guidelines are….A. that I have to post 6 days a week (which I am doing)… quantity is key, quality will get better over time (that’s what PROCESS is about)… and B. that my writing has to be my vulnerable truth reflecting my creative process and not what I think other people want to read (which this is... and I am certainly impressed that you’ve read this far!!! Ha!)… So, anyway,  I’m following my own rules... and avoiding one of my major blocs… perfectionism. Because it’s better to move forward from where you’re at, than to stand still, waiting for the "perfect" moment and wishing you could move. There is no perfect moment. There is only now. At least… that what I've found to be true.

10.   Next steps… keep posting!!! Tomorrow is another day! And… now that I’ve got the blog up-and-running I can look to improve it and play with it… make it into just what I want it to be… or just what it’s supposed to become… or whatever! And I can continue to tell people about it and build confidence and hopefully create a sense of community around this very personal dream/goal/process I am working on... getting accepted to grad school!!!

That said… I’m very interested in what helps you to be able to move forward in your process? What are the obstacles that sometimes inhibit you from taking action to begin to accomplish your goals/dreams/secret wishes? How have you overcome them in the past? Share the wealth of your self-knowledge!

Love to you all!! 

Thanks for reading. Thanks for subscribing. Thanks for being you.

Imperfectly,

Virginia

P.S. First blog post. Done. Whew! 

"Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good."

~ Gretchen Rubin author of The Happiness Project