An (almost) daily conversation about my process of preparation to apply for acceptance to the MFA Acting programs at Juilliard, NYU-Tisch and the Yale School of Drama in 2012.
Confession: I've been procrastinating writing this post...You know..it's my "HOW DID AUDITIONS GO THIS YEAR?" post.
Ugh.
I have been putting a lot of expectations on myself about how it "should be"... How this post should be "profound and inspiring" or "hilariously funny" or "heartfelt and poignant." It's probably not going to be any of those things. Sorry!
In order to get me to actually sit down and write this post, I needed to let go of all of those "should" expectations and allow myself to write a boring, factual, short and simple account of what occurred at my MFA auditions this year (and how it felt).
Now... it sounds like I'm about to say that all my auditions went terrible this 4th year of applying and that's why it's been so hard to write about them! That's definitely not the case. I've just been in avoidance-mode. That's all.
Anyhoo...avoidance no more!
Here is the run-down:
OLD GLOBE (UNIVERSITY OF SAN DIEGO) MFA - ACTING
Audition Location: Ripley-Grier Studios, NYC
Audition Date: Thursday, January 24, 2013
Application/Audition Fee: $55
How many times have I auditioned here?: Twice (2010 & 2013)
How'd it go?: Awesome. Felt great!
Callback?: No. (But that's okay because Old Globe doesn't have callbacks.)
What happens next?: Now just waiting to hear from them.
NYU GRAD ACTING
Audition Location: Tisch, 721 Broadway, NYC
Audition Date: Friday, January 25, 2013
Application/Audition Fee: $60
How many times have I auditioned here?: Four times (2010, 2011, 2012, 2013)
How'd it go?: Awesome. Felt great! Had fun.
Callback?: Yes. Made it through same-day-second-round-callbacks with Mark Wing-Davey. That's as far as you can get on the day of auditions. Yay!
What happens next?: Now just waiting to hear if I will get invited to the "final callback weekend" in March.
(Read more detailed accounts of my previous audition experiences at NYU here: 2010, 2011 and 2012.)
JUILLIARD MFA - ACTING
Audition Location: The Juilliard School, Lincoln Center Plaza, NYC
Audition Date: Saturday, January 26, 2013
Application/Audition Fee: $110
How many times have I auditioned here?: Twice (2012 & 2013)
How'd it go?: Awesome. Very emotional day. Felt really wonderful to have the opportunity to audition for them again. I had the best audition experience last year...and this year was just as fun/awesome!
Callback?: Yes. Made it through same-day-second-round-callbacks, the group-work and to a final interview at the end of the day.
What happens next?: I will receive an email tomorrow to tell me if I've been invited to the "final callback weekend" in March.
(Read a more detailed account of last year's audition experience at Juilliard here: 2012. And here is a link to my most popular post during the project, "The Juilliard Door Closes," about how it feels to NOT get accepted to your top-choice school.)
YALE MFA - ACTING
Audition Location: Yale University, New Haven, CT
Audition Date: Sunday, February 3, 2013
Application/Audition Fee: $110
How many times have I auditioned here?: Four times (2010, 2011, 2012, 2013)
How'd it go?: Awesome. They are always very nice.
Callback?: No.
What happens next?: No need to wait. Because I did not receive a callback, I know that I am not being considered for this year's class. (But thank you for sending me my rejection letter email today, Yale... on Valentine's day. Very sensitive. Very sensitive, indeed...Ha!)
(Read more detailed accounts of my previous audition experiences at Yale here: 2010/2011 and 2012.)
And now for FEEEEEELINGS...
My goal for this year's auditions was to challenge myself to throw a chair in EVERY audition. (Special thanks to Kevin Morales who suggested that I work in the chair throw to my Shakespeare monologue. Totally justified with the given circumstances of the play and the journey of the character in the monologue.) Still, this felt TERRIFYING to me. And that's EXACTLY why I had to do it.
It felt like a huge RISK for me every time. Which meant that something REAL was a stake in my performance!!!
Thoughts like this would run through my head...
- What if the chair breaks? (One of them did break...first round at NYU. Yikes!)
- What if they think I'm crazy? (So what if they do?! Would I want to attend a graduate acting program that didn't allow the students to make big/risky choices in class? NO! So if they think I'm crazy for throwing a chair, then that's probably NOT the program for me....And maybe I am a little bit crazy, anyway...just sayin'.)
- What if they don't "like" me or think that it's not "nice" to throw a chair? (Ugh. I call this "nice girl syndrome." F@%K that! Get over yourself, Virginia! This isn't about them liking YOU in this monologue...This is about you communicating the journey of this Shakespearean character and if throwing a chair helps tell that story (which I think it did) then you'd better not be a cowardly chickens*^t and back down and be "polite" just because you're afraid of offending somebody. That said...when I did break one chair...I did apologize politely afterwards.)
Four years ago...I NEVER would have had the balls to throw a chair in an audition, MFA or otherwise. I would have talked myself out of it...and justified every possible reason why it was a terrible idea...every time.
But...now...I feel proud...because I not only threw a chair in every audition...I still got called back at NYU and Juilliard!!! AWESOME!
It just goes to show...Sometimes the "rules" we superimpose on ourselves are TOTAL bulls!@t and should be broken. There is no "right" way in this life. Take a RISK!!! It feels amazing to know that you can! Even if you break a chair...you will survive!!! F*~k Yeah!
(Geez, lots of expletives in this post. Perhaps I should have given a disclaimer at the beginning. This post is PG-13.... "Nice girl syndrome" strikes again. Ha!)
Anyways, that's how it went...and a little bit about how I felt about it.
So check back with me for Update #4 soon...very soon...since I'll be getting an email from Juilliard tomorrow.
Eeeeeeeee!
Thank you for reading....Thank you for all of your good energy and well-wishes during my auditions. It was all deeply felt and much appreciated.
Sending sooooo much love to all of you courageous people who are on this journey too!
Dream BIG...and do not give up!
Loves,
Virginia
"Look where you have ended up right now. This is exactly where you need to be, so don't resist. Pay attention to what is showing up for you and use that as the guidance for where your next step lies. If it does not feel good and expansive, you have work to do It's not about them and what they decide or do. It is about you and your process, so take responsibility for that. Be flexible and don't blame." - Lena Stevens, The Power Path
Ladies and gents...I'd like to introduce to you an illustrious alumni of NYU Grad Acting....Mr. Jeremy Rishe... Yaaaay!
(Applause. Applause. Applause.)
I met Jeremy at the NYU Callback Weekend in 2010 at the alumni talkback session. He's a very charismatic fellow and made a lasting impression on me. We became Facebook friends and I've cyber-stalked him ever since. (Not at all creepy.) I've had the privilege of attending a couple of projects in the city that he's co-produced and performed in. And now he's got an EPIC AWESOME webseries that is brilllllliant -- First World Problem. I love it because it's a lot like my blog. It's a bunch of short, seemingly unrelated glimpses of life...all seen through a particular point of view...posted every week. But when it's all weaved together...It's this epic story...following Stan (Jeremy Rishe) and Annie (Stacey Linnartz) and their relationship. They are soooo fantastically unaware of their dysfunction. It's totally addicting. Anyhoo...More on that below...Annnnnnd tons of inside info on Jeremy's experience as a student at NYU Grad Acting!
(This interview was served up at Park Ave Plaza, NYC on February 3, 2012...and lovingly transcribed by my mom, Dorothy Wilcox...Thanks MOM!)
Let's begin...
Virginia: Okay, so introduce yourself. Tell me your name, where you’re from originally, where you went to undergrad, and where you went to grad school.
Jeremy: Well, my name is Jeremy Rishe. You want me to spell that or, no? I think you’ve got it.
Virginia: R-i-s-h-e?
Jeremy: Nice. I grew up in Utah. I was born in Utah. I went to the University of Utah for undergrad, and then for grad school, I went to NYU.
Virginia: And what did you study in undergrad?
Jeremy: I studied acting. There was a program in Utah called the Actor Training Program. ATP was the – is it an acronym? Is that what that is? That was what they called it. “You’re in the ATP!” That was like the big thing for the theatre department. “Oh, ATP!” “ATP person!”
Virginia: So was it "extra special cool" to be a part of ATP?
Jeremy: I guess it was – you know how theatre programs are. In the little, self-sustaining – what’s the right words? I don’t know, in the small bubble of the theatre building, it was like the cool thing to be. ‘Cause it was a program you had to audition for. They accepted, I think, at most... like 20 people in each class. It was a lot of work. It was basically like a conservatory in the middle of a liberal arts college. That's how they sold it to people. If you were just going to a conservatory, you'd only be doing acting, music, art, whatever the conservatory is for...but here...you’re going to have that PLUS a little arts degree you’re going to have to worry about. So that’s actually a lawwwwt of work.
Virginia: But it gave you a very well-rounded education, it sounds like.
Jeremy: I guess so, yeah. Yeah, I mean liked the liberal arts side of it...Stacey [Linnartz] often corrects me on this... ‘cause I’ll say, “Man, I wish I’d studied something other than theatre for undergrad. But I’m saying that from the position I’m in now, whereas if I hadn’t studied theatre in undergrad, I may or I may not be as confident and in the position that I am now, you know, artistically with my acting. Who knows? I may not have the confidence. The training that I got there probably led me here and without it I wouldn’t be where I'm at today. And in some ways actually, you can give yourself a really good liberal arts education in today’s world without having to go to college if you know where to look on the internet.
Virginia: Ha! We always have the internet.
Jeremy: Yeah. So all the things that I didn’t get a formal degree in during college, I can actually educate myself in now. Well...maybe not to the extent that I could if I’d studied, say, like astronomy.
Virginia: So after you were done with undergrad...did you take time off?
Jeremy: No...I went straight through. I was like I’m not going to waste any time. I’m going to get all this school stuff done.
Virginia: So where did you apply when you were applying for master’s programs?
Jeremy: The better question is where didn’t I apply...I’m like a little anal. I was like, okay, I’m going to cover all my bases, and I’m going to make sure that when I jump off the ledge and have, hopefully, a pillow to land on. So I applied for Yale, NYU, Julliard, ACT...
Virginia: Those were your top choices?
Jeremy: Sure. And then I had a bunch of back-ups, you know, like the Denver Center. I don’t know if they even have an MFA anymore.
Virginia: It’s done.
Jeremy: It’s done, so I auditioned for them. There was, at the time, the DC Shakes had an MFA, but it was primarily for educators and for like older people. It was run by Michael Kahn [formerly of Julliard]. And he actually joked. He goes, “What, are you auditioning for everything?” ‘Cause he was running both auditions at DC Shakes and Juilliard, and he was like, “We’re looking for older people who want to go into teaching Shakespeare." I was like, whatever. I want to do some anyway....So there was that and then – oh, my God, I feel like there was another one – ART.
Virginia: Which is Harvard, right?
Jeremy: Harvard. And that’s not even an MFA. You don’t even get an actual degree. And in my opinion, you’ve wasted your time....I don’t know, I guess if you’re going to go study somewhere, you might as well get a degree. You might as well be able to at least teach....‘Cause if you’re spending two years at ART, regardless of how good the training is, and you’re in dire straits, you know.
Virginia: Yeah, you want to be able to have as many options as you can?
Jeremy: Right. That’s kind of the point of going to grad school for acting in my opinion, one of the points. So it was like eight schools that I auditioned for.
Virginia: So of all the schools that you applied to, which ones did you actually get accepted?
Jeremy: All of them, actually.
Virginia: You got accepted to ALL OF THEM?
Jeremy: I got accepted to all of them.
Virginia: And what made you decide NYU? You got accepted to Juillard and Yale?
Jeremy: Yes. Juilliard and Yale. ACT put me on the waitlist and then called me a week later ‘cause somebody dropped out. I remember at that point I had already decided I was going to NYU. Why NYU? I don’t know. When I was in high school, something in me was like, I’m going to go to NYU for acting school. I had no reason.
I knew one guy who was in the ATP at the University of Utah, he was an actor who I admired. I was in high school and he was in college. He was only a couple years older than me. He was a very good actor, and somehow I had heard that he’d gone to NYU, but he didn’t actually finish. He left after the first semester ‘cause he wasn’t enjoying himself and he came back to Utah to just live life. I don’t think he’s acting any more. But I don’t know, just that story – like hearing that – being in high school and hearing this thing about this guy who went to NYU and then decided it wasn’t for him – I don’t know.
With the word "NYU," something in me was like, “I’m going to go to NYU for acting.” I had no idea what that meant. I didn’t know anything about any of this…The faculty who are supposedly like, you know, world famous acting teachers in the English speaking world and all this and that. I knew nothing about actor training, nothing, I just knew that I wanted to be an actor, that actors moved to New York or L.A., and something in me was like “NYU.” So it was kind of like, that’s the top of my list, and the other places – like Juilliard, I auditioned for Juilliard really just to see if I could get in. That was such like a numbers game. I was like, I just want to see if I can actually do it....I just wanted to be able to say like I did it, I got in.
Virginia: Check it off the list?
Jeremy: Yeah, and Yale, it’s because...NYU, Juilliard and Yale are kind of the big three – it’s what everybody’s striving for.
Virginia: Right.
Jeremy: And ACT because it’s the west coast version of those. But NYU just "on a gut" felt right.
Virginia: So what three words would you say best describe the universal qualities that are true of all NYU grad actors?
Jeremy: Hmm? The universal qualities that are true of all NYU grad actors... (thinking)
Jeremy: Well, we’re better than Juilliard. We’re better than Yale. And we’re better than everybody – no. I’m joking. On the record that was a joke. The three things that make NYU actors stand out?...Well, I don’t know. I think the biggest thing is it’s hard to put a stamp on an NYU actor. The heart of that program is about encouraging people to be entirely who they are, fuck the consequences. I mean, that’s minus the second half. That little quote was my own. But I think that’s really the heart of the training -- I mean if you can call that training -- you’ve got to be YOU regardless of what anybody else might say or think or whatever.
I think the second thing – and then it goes with that – therefore it’s hard to stamp an NYU person because just they are who they are. I remember when I was in school, you know, directors, casting people, they come and they talk and they say their spiel about what it’s like in the business. And they always say, "Now, one thing I love about NYU people is whenever I see a show or see somebody, I’m like, “Who is that actor?” I always look at the playbill and inevitably it always says NYU grad acting. And there’s always something about it that I can’t quite pin down. There’s like an energy. There’s like an “Arrhhh,” you know?" And I think that relates to what I’m saying. Because when you encourage someone to just be who they are, it’s like what you said about – your blog – when you’re laying out your heart, it’s very intriguing.
When you encourage a fire to grow, the moth is drawn to the flame. That’s what I’m saying.
I think the second thing is, the other big philosophy they have is that – whatever this means – people who go through that program, they want them to feel like they’re director proof. Meaning like a director can’t fuck with me. Because there’s a lot of idiots out there who are either ill-intentioned or good-intentioned who say stupid things or try to beat people down for whatever reason or they don’t know how to talk to an actor. And it’s really important and I think a big part of their philosophy is to be able to work with anybody regardless of whether or not they know what they’re doing. You’ll be able to translate whatever they’re saying or not saying and sort of make it work for you which again goes back to the number one reason. And then number three – I don’t know. The number three that makes NYU NYU – (thinking)
Virginia: How about the fearlessness? The risk-taking?
Jeremy: Yeah, I think you’re right. So much of our time at NYU is all about making your own work. That’s like probably – I don’t know – I’m probably blowing this out of proportion, but that’s probably like a good 60% of your training is spent like in games class or like in a movement class or in...there’s a literature – there’s a clown – you know, there’s a thing called actor’s space – whatever name the teacher’s give them. Fundamentally they’re all about you and your peers going away, creating something, and then you bring it into the class, and then you get critiqued on it. And really the only class in my recollection that had anything to do with prepared material was scene study.
There’s voice, and there are classes about breathing and this and that. But when it comes to performance, I would say more time was spent on – or it may be equal. If not equal, then more time was spent on encouraging people just to get comfortable making their own work. And I think that relates to what you just said. What was the word you just used?
Virginia: Risk-taking.
Jeremy: Risk-taking. Yeah, because to me that is what being an actor is all about. Like this idea of... "I get my sides, I audition, I read, the casting director decides to show me to the director and then the director shows me to producer and then someone signs the line that says "her” or "him.""That’s like very new. That’s very Twentieth Century. That way of getting work didn’t really exist, I don’t think, until the industrial age, and the American machine put a sort of emphasis on making money. Don't get me wrong. Money’s awesome. Even Shakespeare tried to make money.
Virginia: We actors become a consumer product.
Jeremy: Yes. And it becomes about "who do I think LOOKS like this part?" And then you have five people who could very well play it, but one of them happens to look like the version that the director thinks it should be. It’s totally arbitrary. Whereas, for the four thousand years that theatre existed in western lineage before that, it was the people who were acting in the plays were also writing them and producing them and directing them and they were also the shareholders of the companies, you know, all the way back to Greek times. Sophocles, all those guys were actors. Shakespeare was an actor. The commedia performers were writers and actors. The performers in medieval drama were writing the things that they were doing. Even Stanislavski was an actor and a director. The idea of, you know, someone doing JUST the writing and another person doing JUST the acting is very mid-Nineteenth Century on. You know what I’m saying?
Virginia: Yes, absolutely. And you’ve done a lot of both kinds of work. You know, work juuuuust as an actor where you've gotten cast by route of the "traditional" process...auditioning and being approved by the director and the producer and so on and so forth. I'm sure you’ve had plenty of that experience. But you also have your own production company which is called --
Virginia: So you’ve had the experience of creating your own work in the real world. And I want to focus on how you feel as an artist working on someone else's project versus creating your own work.
Jeremy: Well, it’s kind of funny because I think in our day and age we’re so conditioned as actors that this is how it is...People are like, “There’s got to be a better way to make theatre, to give actors work.” And everyone’s like, “Well, if you find a better way, tell me.” That’s like the common answer that you get from casting people and directors...And people say, “This is the way it is. You’ve got to accept it.” I’m like, "No, not really. It’s not the way it was."...You know, there are better ways. We did them as human beings for thousands of years prior to now.
But I have to admit...there is a part of me that does get off on being "chosen," you know? Getting a role – someone to be like “I chose you for this role.” It kind of makes you feel like, “Oh, I was chosen!”
Virginia: “I won the lottery!”
Jeremy: “I won the lottery!” Right. Everyone likes to win something. That’s kind of the feeling that comes with that. It’s nice to be wanted, and I love doing work like that. And I still audition for work like that. But I was getting to a point in me where I was getting a little desperate, and my work was not as good as it could be or should be because I was focusing so much on “Am I going to get chosen for the part?”
And I always wanted to make my own work. And I kind of did before, you know, this Conniption Fitz thing. We used to mess around in high school, and we jokingly call ourselves the Conniption Fitz, and as an adult, I’m like "Now I’m actually going to call that my company. Why not?"
Virginia: Why not, indeed!
(More Jeremy tomorrow! Isn't it nice to have something to look forward to?)
:-)
Loves,
V
P.S. Check out Jeremy's latest creative-lust-child...First World Problem...Subscribe to the YouTube channel by CLICKING HERE...annnnnd if you do...you'll get to view a super-exclusive full-length episode! I've seen it and it's awkwardtastic hilarity!!! And also...here's a little preview of the upcoming feature-length to disturb your senses:
I walked into the audition room for what would be the last time in this whole audition process. I felt comfortable, happy, and ready to show them who Brittany is. They all smiled at me and said hello as I came in. I happily did the same. Janet [Zarish] told me before I sat down that she’d like me to do another piece for her (they were really workin’ me people!) This time they wanted me to do my Shakespeare piece. (In total I showed them four pieces during the entire audition process.) I said yes and began.
Afterwards they gave me adjustments. They wanted me to make it more personal to who I was, and leave the "classical aura" I brought to it behind. I thought for a moment… "How does Brittany like to work?” I told them… "one moment" and stripped off my blazer, scarf and shoes. ( I love working barefoot.) I took a deep breath and began my piece again… this time having a break through. The piece I had been doing over and over for so long touched me in a different way this time, and I allowed myself to go there. And then I was done. When I go “there” it always takes a lot out of me. I felt like I had to catch my breath a lot. Janet looked up at me and said…” Good adjustments.” Janet then asked me to come have a seat…then said “as you leave your old way of doing it on the floor” and pointed to my clothes…we laughed. I then made my way over to the chair to have a seat.
We chatted a little and then I was asked about the colleague I knew, who I put in my reference section on my application [an NYU grad acting alumni]. For a moment…I thought about the valuable note “be yourself.” So I looked them in the eyes and said… "Look I’m just gonna keep it real with you guys…" and began to explain it all...
I said,...At first I did not like the idea of grad school. I felt that upon arriving to NY I was ready to work. Also, many people discouraged me from applying. But (the alumni I’d been talking about this whole time and who is now starring on Broadway) my colleague pushed the idea. She kept talking about the benefits of it and pointed out the advantages of grad school especially for a young black actress. I met her through a mutual acting friend who told me I reminded him of her and that I needed to meet her, so I did. And thankfully we kept in contact and God placed it in her heart to drive home the benefits of having an MFA to me. She also talked about what NYU had to offer specifically. One thing that really spoke to me was the fact that they specialize in YOU the actor. They are not bound by a certain technique, or way of doing things.
I told them that in my undergrad, upon entering, I had a lot of passion and vivacity but not as much discipline or training. (Or “I was a hot mess,” as I phrased it.) I was lively but sometimes all over the place. My undergrad tamed me, taught me, and helped me mature to become the woman I am today, but in all that taming... the things that made me unique began to get put on the back burner. One of my professors from my undergrad told me she thought I'd lost my “spunk.” She asked me if I remembered a time when I called up the office before classes started and asked to be put in the Sophomore voice class, because I’d taken my English credit in high school already. I had no clue then that acting classes worked cumulatively, I was just ready to get ahead! I told my old professor that I’d completely forgotten all about having done that! I was more outspoken and daring then.
I let the NYU staff know that now that I am no longer ignorant to the technical aspects of acting it’s time to bring back my spark! I told them that I love creating my own work and that the Free Play performances I saw were absolutely amazing and I am dying to sink my teeth into something like that. I told them that I loved the confidence every student had upon graduating.... Knowing exactly who they are, bold enough to take on anything thrown at them, and being well-rounded individuals.
I told them sometimes I feel like I have a split personality…one minute I’m so confident, bold and well-on-my-way…and the next I can be the complete opposite, beating myself up. I told them I wanted COMPLETE confidence in my work and in knowing who I am. I told them I envisioned a “Super Brittany” and that I’m dying to meet this woman. I let it be known that I was excited, and ready to create. I told them I had enough formal shaping, now it was time to fine-tune what BRITTANY has to offer!
That was the basis of what I talked about,... besides going in detail about what I thought of the Free Play and discussing my financial aid situation.
NYU is the right school for me because they aren’t afraid to fail in order to create and learn. They aren’t afraid to take risks, be bold, be themselves and take chances (and even mistakes!) They teach the actor how to embrace their unique tools and THAT is what I want to expand upon. And THAT is probably why so many casting directors love to get their hands on these students.
I didn’t care about a fancy space and perfectly polished presentations. I loved the urban feel, quotes and pictures on the actor’s lockers, marks in the floor from years of hard work, the lounge area where I’d probably be sleeping because I’d be up all night working on projects, and MORE. NYU gets down and dirty!
The conversation seriously felt like I was talking to one of my home-girls. I took the “be yourself” thing very literally. I told myself, "If I am who I am and they don’t like me then I’m not meant to be here." But all in all, I felt good about my interview. I was proud that I let go of the need to impress and was open and honest. I was happy with what went on.
I left the room and joined the audience in watching a current student’s cabaret performance. When it was over, I was exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally, the WORKS. I went home, and once again thanked God for EVERYTHING and went right to sleep.
But it still ain’t over!
Wow, Brittany! It takes a lot of courage to reeeeeeally be yourself in that kind of a high-stakes "interview/audition" situation. The "safe" route would be to try and impress them by trying to be the "actor" you think they want to see. But you stripped down (both literally and figuratively)...all those walls...showing your TRUE heart and your unique perspective and your child-like passion for the craft. THAT'S BRILLIANT! And I am sure it felt GREAT!
And now you KNOW that if they invite you into the program...they are inviting YOU, because that's who you chose to reveal to them in the room. You showed them YOU. And that's the BEST you could have possibly done!!!
And (on the other side of the coin) since you shared with them your true self... even if you're not invited into the program...you know that's going to be the very best thing for you. Because if you wouldn't be able to be YOURSELF in that program and be accepted, then that's not the place you'd want to study anyway...NYU or no NYU...You've GOT to be free to be yourself in order to grow as an artist!
Sooooooo proud of you!!! I hope you consider this audition a HUGE SUCCESS, no matter what the final outcome.
"What matters is to live in the present, live now, for every moment is now. It is your thoughts and acts of the moment that create your future. The outline of your future path already exists, for you created its pattern by your past." - Sai Baba
I woke up in the morning naturally, with the perfect amount of time to get ready. Only by the grace of God did that happen because I completely forgot all about daylight’s savings! I set my alarm the night before but completely forgot to set my clock back. I was EXTREMELY thankful I woke up right when I needed to, I hopped in the shower, ate some breakfast and put on my favorite blue dress and black blazer. Today I wanted to wear audition/interview clothes.
When I arrived back to NYU it was as if I had already had a gang of friends. We all felt a common relief to see familiar faces and talked amongst ourselves.
Today the first order of business was speaking with Janet [Zarish] about the program. We got to ask any remaining questions we might have and she elaborated on NYU and what the program has to offer. I found that no matter how many talks we experienced I always learned something new. After speaking with Janet we had another talk with Jonathan Ward, and the Associate Chair about financial aid.
Deciding to go to grad school is a major decision. It is not only something that will majorly affect your career and life’s path, your debt (if any) as well. In this discussion we talked about the realities of what it would cost and what forms of help were out there. We talked about finding apartments, work-study, scholarships and more.
Next the current students came in to speak with us, again without the faculty being there. I noticed that all of the students were eager to give as much as advice as they could. They were detailed and elaborated on all of their responses to our questions.
After the Q and A we got a tour of the surrounding area. I had no idea just how close the World Trade Center was to NYU. I asked what it was like the day of 9/11, and how did the class respond. I was told that it was a big mess that day. At first no one had a clue what was going on, but soon after classes and rehearsals had to be cancelled. It was actually the first day of classes. I learned that some students had housing near that surrounding area, but luckily everyone was ok. I looked at the space where 9/11 took place and shuddered at the thought of being near such a tragic and historical place. We learned more about the history of the surrounding area and even got to hear a man playing a grand piano at Washington Square Park. We were told that this was the location of the strike in the musical “Hair”. It was so cool because I did a production of Hair in 2009 at the Connecticut Repertory Theater (with now Broadway Star Stephanie Umoh) and it was cool to see the actual setting where that strike was supposed to take place.
After the tour we had a break before seeing more Free Play performances. I took that time to have lunch with two other prospective grad students. I don’t know what it is about my group but I felt such a great connection with them. We were all so different but there was a sense of bonding and family already! I loved having lunch with my other two “auditionees” and learning more about where they’re from and hearing their stories.
We paid the waiter and headed on back to the NYU Tisch building. I had to let the admin know about a schedule conflict with my interview. I was scheduled to come back and interview that Tuesday but unfortunately I was also scheduled to work. But no worries, I was bumped up to 8pm that day. So while waiting, I watched more Free Play performances, popped into the second day callback’s alumni talk back, which was nice because even with all the questions that were asked the first day I still learned more about the program.
The students had a cabaret planned that night with a cute little bar, with an assortment of drinks decorated with candles. They arranged the room to look like a nightclub. I thought to myself “I could get use to this.” I had some time before my interview so I was doing what I do best, chatting with alumni... lol.
Next I got a wave of anxiety. It hit me all at once that the possibility of this amazing dream may not happen for me. I went to the sixth floor bathroom so I could be alone and collect my thoughts. I prayed to God to give me peace and allow me to do my absolute best and pick up where I couldn’t help myself. I called my mother and she put me on speaker-phone, told my brother to join hands with her and we all prayed.
After that I ran all my monologues and song in the sixth floor bathroom... lol. I took a look in the mirror and told myself…”I’m ready”. I went down stairs and before I knew it, it was time to go in and give my one last attempt at showing them what I have to offer…
Oooooooooo! Cliff hanger!
What will Brittany talk about in her interview? What will happen next???
Who is this gorgeous lady, you ask? And why is she being featured on the Acceptance Project blog?
Welllllll....Brittany and I met at the Juilliard Auditions/Callbacks on January 28, 2012. And she and I hit it off like popcorn and soda!
(Turns out she had actually read the blog prior to her Juilliard audition. She found it with Google... by searching for MFA audition experiences, or something like that. -- LOL! Isn't that CrAZy? -- Anyhoo....We didn't talk about the blog AT the audition, but she "friended" me on FB later and she discovered through a mutual friend that I was the "blogger" that she'd read and then met at the Juilliard Auditions/Callbacks.)
And Ms. Brittany V. Green was invited to THE FINAL CALLBACK WEEKEND AT NYU this year!
CONGRATULATIONS BRITTANY!!!!!
So, naturally, I was soooooooo excited for her and asked her if she wouldn't mind writing a guest post for the blog! And she AGREED!!!!
So the following are her thoughts and musings and experiences during the 2012 NYU GRAD ACTING CALLBACK WEEKEND.
Pre-Callback Preparation
by Brittany V. Green
March 9th, 2012
So today I got the schedule for my NYU Callback... I'm nervous and excited. I washed my clothes and set up my outfit for tomorrow. After talking with a former NYU grad student (who is now on Broadway) about callbacks she emphasized how I need to just be myself, so I picked an outfit that best expressed who I am. I picked an outfit I would wear to class if I were actually chosen to be a part of the next NYU grad class. Which was a hot pink tank top, black leggings, a purple shawl, cherry earrings, a silver ring, a purple biblical bracelet, form fitting nike running shoes and a cute black and grey patterned scarf. It looks artsy and poetic and they're definitely movement clothes.
(Here's the outfit!...HOTT!!!)
Later on I plan on going over my two anchor monologue pieces and the piece that they asked me to do from my back up list. ( I have 8 monologues prepared in total, gonna run the other 5 quickly too...just in case.) I met with my coach two days ago to refine the adjustments that I got from prior auditions to make my pieces better for call backs.
Other than having my pieces prepared, knowing the back-stories to my monologues and being able to elaborate on the statement I wrote there's really no other preparation other than to be myself. I also thought about the big question ..."Why grad school?"... and also what I have been doing since graduating undergrad [University of Connecticut]. Knowing the answers to those basic questions and a few others are also good prep.
My goal is to be the best version of my artistic self tomorrow bringing charm, bringing creativity, bringing spontaneity and bringing my best talent. I think my biggest obstacle tomorrow would have to be the need to impress. But honestly, I think the worst is over and it's just a matter of forming the right class with the right chemistry and not really a matter of whether or not we all impressed them, because to get this far in the process means we already have. Preparation and relaxation time... Talk to you soon!
And here are her thoughts on callbacks: DAY ONE...
NYU Callback Weekend - Day One
by Brittany V. Green
March 10th, 2012
I am home…and just got done with doing a happy dance to Chris Brown’s “Turn up the Music.” For some reason I got a wave of happiness despite my fatigue from the day and had to dance it out.
Now… callbacks... lol…I ditched the cherry earrings, went with some simple silver buds and headed on over to NYU. (My faux-hawk was enough statement I thought the cherry earrings might have been over-kill.) On the way I listened to Silva Relax, an iPhone app I downloaded and loooove. Then went over my monologues in my head as I transferred from the A train to the N/R.
When I arrived there were a few people there for the callback waiting in the lobby. I was early and we couldn’t go upstairs yet so I stayed and chatted. Finally around 8:30am we went up and one by one people started rolling in and we all chatted it up. They handed us a sheet of paper with an article about a historical figure and his epic and rather depressing life’s tale. I read it over and over, for some reason I couldn’t concentrate, probably because I was approaching the reading like a project for History and decided to just talk about it with the surrounding actors. I asked questions and added what I thought about it and got a better understanding from it.
Next we all went into a big room and it was dance time! For 45 minutes I had such a fun time. We learned a fairly simple step/strut. We did it to different types of music with slight alterations to the steps. Country style, jazz style, old school rap style, diva style (as I would call it... lol …fake 5-inch high-heels and all), etc… We focused on the action "to seduce" and "to celebrate," then it kind-of went to our own personal strut. I personally loved the action “to seduce” it’s an essence I revel in with my acting, and I had a blast doing the step in the fake high heels, considering that I go out a lot with my friends and I loooove heels! They were more interested in what we brought to the step than the step itself though, all the while, we were being observed by faculty. But not in a scary intimidating way, the faculty laughed, clapped and swayed to the music themselves.
Next we got separated into two different groups. One group would play games and do some movement work, while the other would do breath work and movement/text exercises.
I went in the games group first. All of the things we did were what a typical acting class would ask for…to play, to explore, and to discover. We warmed up our bodies and had fun. Some of the activities were, spinning around on our butts in a full 360 without using our hands, making up a karate routine using parts of our body that weren’t threatening at all…like an eyebrow,... lol... reading text while learning the correct way to breath. I enjoyed myself and enjoyed watching other people.
My entire callback group, luckily was lively and energetic, I loved my group. After that, we got split up into four groups and that’s when the article came into play. We had to, in 15 minutes create a movement piece with an objective specific to the story we read. I had great training with Lecoq work in my undergrad so this was right up my alley (I’ve had to transpose an entire movie on a 4 by 6 platform with five other people!). I took on somewhat of a leadership position in my group, but made sure to not be bossy or dominant. Everyone contributed great ideas and everyone seemed pleased with the final product.
Next we presented them to the entire group and to faculty. Then Mark Wing-Davey gave feedback and adjustments, just like what would happen if we were presenting something in class. We all did the adjustments and learned a lot from it in that small amount of time. We all got great feedback and I really felt my group was really going in the right direction with our ideas.
Then came lunch! They gave us pizza, and snacks and we all chatted with the prospective students and faculty. The faculty got up one by one and introduced themselves.
The next phase was showing them our audition pieces again. I did one of my anchor pieces and then they asked me to do one of my backup pieces instead of my Shakespeare. The backup piece I did isn’t a well known play, but it’s soooooo good! I think the language was different and interesting. I made sure to do any adjustments they gave me from my initial audition. Afterwards they said “Thank you” smiled and I left.
When I was done I chatted it up with alumni and prospective students. As I was in mid-conversation with two of the current students I was approached by the Associate Chair to go back into the room. They asked me if I had anything else, I had 8 monologues prepared in total and began to list them off, they stopped me at one they REAAALLLLY wanted to see and so I did it for them. I was thrown off-guard a bit doing this because most of the people before me only had to do two…I wasn’t expecting to do my other pieces that day and I felt my first run of it was good, but not my best. They gave me adjustments, I took a deep breath and did as I was told. That time I felt it went very well.
After that we had a talk back with alumni. We got to ask questions about the program and the experience WITHOUT the faculty in the room. This way we were able to ask ANYTHING and the alumni could answer honestly. I appreciated this a lot. Because of this I found out that some of the very things I questioned or wanted to know were also questioned by the ones who went there. I got great answers and by the end... it only solidified my decision that NYU is the number one school for me.
After the talk back we got to see Free Play performances. This is a project that third year students get to do. You can create ANYTHING you desire. I LOVE creating my own work and doing my own thing. So seeing this had a major impact on me. I saw films created by THE ACTORS. Plays written and presented by the actors and more. It was such brilliant work! I thought about all my short stories and poems/spoken word pieces that I’ve been writing since childhood and how badly I’d love to come up with a one woman show. I began to imagine all the possibilities for my third year Free Play project.
I had an amazing day, met amazing people and was POOPED! But because I felt in my heart just how well the day went, I had to go home and do a happy dance. I praised God and prayed and thanked Him for everything. I was excited to go to bed and wake up for day two!
Thank you, Brittany!!! It's so generous of you to share your experience with us. Soooooo happy that it went so well for you and you felt great about it. Cannot wait to read about DAY TWO! Whoooooo hooooooo!!!!
Loves,
Virginia
P.S. The "V" in Brittany V. Green is for VIRGINIA. LOL! Isn't that awesome?! Hee, hee. Virginia's are awesome.
Virginia: Okay, we’ve talked a lot about good audition advice. What is the worst piece of audition advice that you’ve ever gotten?
Bryce: Hmmm...(Thinking.)
Virginia: Can I share with you mine?
Bryce: Yeah.
Virginia: "Just show up." People say that "showing up is half the battle." I’m like, "NO! That’s like the last two percent." And sure, yeah, if you don’t show up, you're not going to get the job, but STILL...
Bryce: There’s a difference between being relaxed and allowing for whatever is going to happen to happen and just showing up. Yeah, if you show up, but you show up unprepared... then, you know, nobody’s happy...
I’d encourage people to just treat the situation for what it is, admit what’s going on in the room. Sometimes you get in there and you feel like it’s just hard to be a human being all of a sudden -- It’s hard to say hello to someone and goodbye to someone or introduce yourself. I don’t know why this happens to us. I do know it’s nerves and fear, but if you can just try and do things like walk at normal speeds and say goodbye and have a nice day and thank you to your reader in particular. I always try to say thanks. That’s one thing, having been a reader, a reader can really help you a lot in an audition. Again, that’s more for professional auditions than it is in grad school. But I don’t like when people pretend that something is going on that’s not going on. They forgot the line. They forgot the words. Just stop, say I’m sorry, I forgot the words. They don’t care. They want you to get it right. They want you to do well. Everybody in an audition wants you to do well. Nobody wants you to suck.
Virginia: I have a grad school audition question.
Bryce: Yeah, sure.
Virginia: You got to observe a lot of the auditions for Yale after you had been accepted, right?
Bryce: Yeah, you can do that if you want.
Virginia: Did anyone ever ask to direct their monologue to you while you were in the room?
Bryce: No. But if you’re considering….
Virginia: I mean, obviously Ron and Walton don’t want you to direct your monologue to them. They want to be able to watch you.
Bryce: Yeah.
Virginia: But is it appropriate to ask to direct your monologue to a grad student or someone, if they're in the room?
Bryce: Well, I think you should ask, if you want to use somebody, whether it’s the auditioner – which I don’t recommend -- or somebody else in the room, a student, or a reader, what have you. I ask readers who have been brought to the audition to interact with people. For example, if I’m singing a song to someone in particular, I ask, "Can I use you for the song? Do you mind if I sing this song to you?"...
You know, usually it works out great....But whatever...it’s helpful to me, and hopefully they enjoy it. I don’t know. But in terms of grad school auditions, I would say... yes, but be prepared for them to say no. If you say, "Can I use one of you guys for this monologue?" And Ron or Walton or whoever says, "No, I’d rather you actually just did the monologue." Just be prepared for that reality, so that you’re not committed in one way. "I have to do this to somebody or it’s not going to be good."
Virginia: But in your experience at Yale, did that ever happen while you were in the room?
Bryce: I never saw that happen, no.
Virginia: Everybody would just do their monologue, pick a point on the wall and speak?
Bryce: Yeah, I mean... I wouldn’t say pick a point on the wall. I would say the gaze is probably in some general direction.
Virginia: But they’re not talking to a person.
Bryce: They’re talking to a person... But the reason I stop you at "looking at a point on the wall" is just because I think for me, in my experience of doing those things, it’s easier to actually go into what I would call a "soft focus" and imagine a person there... as opposed to finding the middle of the room and saying it to the exit sign, you know?...Which I’ve also done... If it helps, find the exit sign and just sing to it.
You’ve done all the preparation. Don’t let the nerves of the moment interfere with all that. Take the time to remind yourself of your breath and also...whatever you've come up with...Okay, this is the person I’m talking to, this is what I need from them, and this is why. And this is what just happened [in the scene]... And, again, imagine they’re right over there, and I’m going to start. As opposed to,...okay, they’re running late so they probably need the next person in here, and I’ll just pick a point on the wall and start.... Again, it’s your time, you’ve done the work, you paid money to be there.
Virginia: A lot, yeah.
Bryce: So I’m not saying get in there and do your warm-ups in front of them. Please do not do that.
Virginia: (Laughs.)
Bryce: But feel free to take your time to make sure you’re breathing and start the way you want to start. I don’t advocate stopping if you feel -- oh, it’s not going exactly the way I want it. First, you can never control what they say. You can only control what you do. And if you feel like you’ve drastically gone away from what you said you wanted to do, then you can say, "I’m sorry, I’d like to start again. May I start again? Take your time again and start." But again there’s something about the insistence or the boldness of a proposal that is worth more to me on the other side of that table than the person that comes in and gets all the beats right or puts the emphasis on the right word as opposed to comes in and lays the meat on the table... "That’s my audition!" You know?
Virginia: Okay, so I want to finish up by talking about your current project (Ghost:The Musical), and just ask you a couple of questions about that. When do you guys go into previews?
Bryce: We start previews March 15,2012 and we open in April 23, 2012.
Virginia: Tell me about the project and how you came to be involved.
Bryce: I am going to be originating for Broadway! -- I say that because it’s going to be very exciting. Remember we talked about the little kid who like gets to say stuff? It’s in these moments where I have to force myself to say those things because the easy path would be to say, "Oh, I’m doing Ghost. But the more fun path, the part that you feel like... not only have I earned this, but I have to see it in this way in order to give it the value it deserves and give it the effort it deserves.-- So I’ll be originating for Broadway the role of Carl in Ghost:The Musical, which is currently running in London. I’m going over there on Tuesday to see the show and meet the cast.
Virginia: They’re flying you out?
Bryce: Yes.
Virginia: Cool.
Bryce: They’re flying me out, and I’m getting fitted for a harness, so yes.
Virginia: Do you get to fly?
Bryce: Well, there will be some certain moments that involve harnesses. I’ll say no more than that.
(Here's a video clip of the Broadway cast's trip to London!!!)
Bryce: How I got involved is... I auditioned.
I just remembered this the other day -- This will be good -- I originally auditioned for the Patrick Swayze role - Sam. I originally auditioned for that for a workshop that they were doing in London with the intent of maybe doing a production of it, two years ago...And I auditioned for the role Patrick Swayze played in Ghost on the day that Patrick Swayze died....And I remember thinking at the time, this is just weird. And it was, again, one of those moments where I was thinking, if I think too much about this, I’m not going to be able to go in and do this audition.
Virginia: Right, you’ve just got to let that go.
Bryce: And I went in and did the audition. Yeah, it was fine. I think it was okay. I didn’t think it was my best. But the director sat me down and talked with me. And then I never heard back. And I thought, okay, well... And then here we are a year and a half, two years later, and I get a call to come in and audition for the friend, the part that Tony Goldman plays in the movie. And I went back and I looked at the script, having remembered going in for the other role before. And I had this realization of... oh, yeah, this is the part I would want to play anyway.
Patrick Swayze’s was a great role, obviously. It was super important. But there’s something about this guy that’s more interesting to me as an artist looking to tackle something. And so that’s what got me psyched to go back in and say, I know I wasn’t right for that guy but check this out. Which is sort of the attitude I try to take a lot in auditions is... "Look, check this out, check me out." Sometimes it’s hard to back up because I feel like…
Virginia: This might not be a good fit.
Bryce: ….this might not be it. I probably had tried to do that attitude when I went in for the Patrick Swayze, check this out, and it didn’t work. Fine...But this time I really felt like, oh, yeah, something about this is more exciting, makes more sense. I know where to start with this. And so we did about 3 – 4 callbacks I think.
After I had a second callback, the next day I had a call to go and meet the director, and did that. You know, I sat down with him and chatted. I had a really sort of like interview, really. And that was on a Sunday, and I was expecting, you know, like next week, Monday or Tuesday I’m going to find out about this. And a month and a half went by and I didn’t hear anything, so I thought okay, that’s gone. I’d really --
Virginia: Let it go.
Bryce: -- completely had let it go. I sort of had forgotten about it, honestly. And then another call, yeah, they still can’t make up their minds. Would you come back in? I said, of course I’ll come back in. So I did and we did another one of those, as I mentioned before, auditioned with tons of people and on video, you know, sending it to London, so people could see it.
At that time, I was like, well , I know what I’ve done in the past, and I know I’m not going to do anything worse than that. If anything, I’m going to do even better. So I had that confidence. They like me enough to bring me back in. Now I just have to go in and do what I do and enjoy it and stand behind it completely. So that’s what I did. I mean, I say it so easily, like yeah, that’s all I did,...but it was terrifying.
Virginia: Right.
Bryce: Terrifying and nerve wracking to get the call that I got... It was like BRILLIANT! I mean, I was screaming in the streets. So it’s like, as much as it pays to play it cool and say, "yeah, it’s no big deal," there’s also a little kid inside that’s doing backflips.
:-)
Virginia: Yeah. So what do you think is going to be your greatest challenge in tackling this role?
Bryce: Well, I think there’s a trap in this role which is, when I tell people who I’m playing, they say, oh, you’re the "bad guy?" And that’s a trap of both the genre of musical theatre and also just the way we see stories, a little two dimensional... or a little "Disney-ified"...
So I think the challenge will be to make him more than just a "bad guy" in a sort of archetypal sense. I think the challenge will be to make him "a guy" and to make him believable as someone who could make such a terrible, terrible decision and then make even worse ones as he goes on. Which is initially what interested me... I want to investigate a guy who is on the other side of a really, really bad decision that turned out really bad, as bad as it gets, the death of his best friend. And what does he choose to do in that moment, save himself? Or come clean? Or what are his choices?
Virginia: Right.
Bryce: And why does he go the way he does? 'Cause that’s interesting to me. It’s interesting to me to investigate these guys who work in the world of finance where everything seems limitless and, you know, they’re motivated by something else. And he must have felt in some way untouchable to go after this thing that he went after which was putting a friend at risk.
So you know, all that and at the same time it’s Ghost. It’s like a great movie, and it’s fun to play a bad guy, right?
Virginia: Right.
Bryce: So it’s balancing those two things. I’m not going to take it so seriously...like I’m talking about it like it’s Shakespere....But at the same time I’m not going to just put on my villain hat and say "good to go." So I think the challenge is making it three dimensional and believable.
Virginia: So how do you think that your three years at Yale, particularly, helped prepare you to approach a great opportunity and a challenge like this, to get to originate a role on Broadway?
Bryce: Well, I always say that after the stuff I went through in grad school, and I mean that in a positive way, like the performance I told you about --downstairs at the Yale Cabaret, and some of the projects you do as a student there, under little sleep and no energy and the things – nothing will scare me more than the stuff that I had to do there. I know I’ll never be as scared as I was at certain moments. And so that prepares me knowing that I will be very nervous doing this, you know, when we actually get to performance. And I’m already nervous about the first day of rehearsal, but I’ve made friends with those nerves in a way that I know that I will come out on the other side ‘cause I came out on the other side of that other stuff.
So that’s sort-of battle preparation. But in terms of approaching a role and finding a place to start – I think that often the hard part is... Where do I start with this?...Yale taught me to seek out those challenges of my character or... what’s exciting about this guy. What is the part of this character that you can attach to, that you can say, yeah, I get that actually? That’s always a challenge. I’m not a Wall Street banker that bet money on his best friend’s life. But I know what it feels like to be on the other side of a really bad decision, not ones with those stakes. But I’ve made really bad decisions before, and I know what that feels like in my stomach. So why don’t I start there, and then see what we can build on top of that. And if it doesn’t work, we’ll tear the whole thing down and we’ll start from a different place. So I think it’s about knowing, having the confidence of just starting and making choices because, one thing, Yale doesn’t give you time to think too much because you have so much on your plate. You literally just have to DO in order to get it done. And you come to realize...it’s a better choice because I had to make it – not on the fly -- but I had to make it fairly quickly. And it got me along faster, so that by the time we were in tech, I had a performance built up that I could go through again during tech and say, "What do I really want to do here? Should I do that? Should I do this?" Not like, "Oh, my God, what am I doing?" You’ve already said, "Now give this choice up. You made this choice, it didn’t work, took half of each, put them together, now I’m doing this. Awesome. Let’s go."
So Yale also prepared me to shed things well. You learn to trust people who are telling you things. Because you realize through feeling yourself progress that your teachers know a lot and that they want you to be better. And what they’re telling you is only meant to make you better. Whether it does or not remains to be seen, but their intent is always positive. So it helped me learn to trust and distrust outside voices.
Virginia: Be mindful of listening to your own self.
Bryce: Yes. And to question other people’s viewpoints. I think the most important thing it did for me is it gave me a sense that I am an individual artist with an opinion and an approach that is worthy of being in a rehearsal room. And worthy of being expressed... not in an overbearing way and not in a timid way... but somewhere in between. "I agree with you that he’s this but I don’t agree that he’s this." Maybe we can have a discussion about it and find a common ground. Or "Gosh, maybe I’m wrong. You’re actually totally right. Thank you for allowing me to talk through my choice to realize that it was wrong."
Virginia: So we’ve got to wrap up. Is there anything else that you want to express to the blog readers? Words of encouragement?
Bryce: Yeah, I would just say, you know, try -- as hard as it may be -- try and breathe through the entire thing. It sounds "widgy woo woo" but it’s true, remind yourself to breathe... Breathe. Be bold in your choices. And, as I said before, don’t bring in something you’re not proud of. Make us something – bring a gift into the audition room that is something you’re proud to bring as opposed to something you think we want to see.
Virginia: I think that’s great.
Bryce: Yeah, I think that’s it.
Virginia: That’s awesome. Thank you, Bryce.
[End of recording.]
Just have to say how wonderful it was to use this blog as an excuse to sit down with Bryce and get to ask him ANYTHING I WANTED...all under the guise of providing a inspirational interview for the blog...Which is also an outcome of the effort.
It was a joy to get to talk about creative process with a man that has grown sooooo much from the first time I met him...when we were 13-year-old tap-dancing ensemble members of Stars 2000's Teen Theatre production of Anything Goes in Northern CA.
Wishing you a hugely successful run of Ghost: The Musical , Bryce, and continued challenges that lead to artistic growth and a life-long career in the performing arts...both, making a living and living your dreams!
Loves,
Virginia
"You will always have more to learn. Even if you're the best of the best, there is always room for improvement. But at the same time, there will always be people with less experience and skill than you, who will consider you an expert, and find value in what you have to offer." - Dan Johnson, Right Brain Rockstar
"Some actors just have an inherent star quality. When I'm watching an audition, I think, "Is that actor going to make me stop flipping through channels?" Basically, someone who has immense watchablility in combination with acting ability and confidence. The truth of it is, when producers and networks set out to cast a show, there's always a bit of insecurity about being able to find the right person. I believe part of the actor's job is to show us his or her confidence in doing the role." - Marcia Shulman, Casting Director
(This is PART THREE of the interview with Yale graduate Bryce Pinkham. Click HERE to read PART ONE and HERE to read PART TWO. This interview was conducted at Cellini Restaurant on E. 54th St. in New York City on January 6, 2012, and was lovingly transcribed by my mother, Dorothy Wilcox. Thanks, MOM!)
Virginia: So at this point in your career, you’ve gotten the chance to work with a lot of great people on different projects, at school and outside of school. And how much do you feel that this idea of embracing failure or leaning into fear, rather than pushing away from it,.... you know, that kind of an attitude, is a factor in being successful in a career as an actor?
Bryce: I think it works differently for different people. But I think any actor that you respect as an artist would be able to rattle off numerous times that they were terrible or felt like a failure. I think that it’s inherent in the attempt. And I think for people who can’t admit that or those that fail to rearrange their relationship or value towards failure, that it can be difficult because – listen, we talked about auditioning. We fail 90% of the time by the numbers. I don’t even know what the numbers are – one out of ten, who knows? I’ve failed more times than jobs that I’ve had. The entire number of jobs that I’ve had in three years out of grad school, it doesn’t match up to the number of jobs that I’ve failed to get in one year. So, you know, proportionately it makes sense to make friends with that part of the job. And I think there are plenty of people who do it and do it well. So it relaxes you. A lot of this stuff you learn in grad school, it relaxes you so that you can allow your most honest moments to come up and come out and so that you can express something unique as opposed to shaping something that you think is what the audience or the director or your scene partner wants to see in you.
So I think rearranging you position on failure relaxes you because you realize it’s inevitable. So you don’t have to wait and say, "Well, what if this is the one where I fail?" Well, chances are I will, so why don’t I just enjoy the pursuit and also do the thing I really want to do. What’s the thing in this audition or in this performance of a character that excites me, that I want to work on, that I want to explore as an artist? Because in the end, you know, that’s what you get out of it...
And truth be told -- in certain situations failure is not an option, right? I mean, there are different levels of it. I’m not saying it’s okay to go out on a Broadway stage and suck. But it’s okay to out on a Broadway AUDITION and suck and say, "That was terrible, wasn’t it, can I try again? ‘Cause I know I can do it better than that. That was just messy." So there’s a difference, to be clear.
Virginia: I was reading a blog from this great blogger that I really enjoy, Seth Godin. He’s really into business and marketing and things like that, you know, entrepreneurialism and the tech world. And you know, those startups fail all the time. People start a new business and it fails and they learn from it and they go on and start a different one and it fails. So it’s very similar to the acting world in the way, that you know you're going in with this idea, this dream, this vision of what you want to create and you have to get other people on board with it and sometimes it’s awesome and sometimes it’s terrible. You know, we as artists have to do that all the time...get these people on board. And Seth was talking about, in one of his blogs, the difference between mistakes and failure. He’s like, you want to avoid mistakes and you want to embrace failure. I think in our work as actors, you want to walk into an audition trying to avoid the mistakes.... but big-time embracing the failure... because that’s the thing that’s going to help you to succeed – I love what you said about bringing that uniqueness to it. You’re not there to get it RIGHT. You’re there to bring whatever it is that you feel that you can uniquely bring to that job. And if you’re so busy trying to get it "right" that you don’t bring that uniqueness... then, you know, that’s a MISTAKE.
Bryce: Well, as it relates to grad school auditions, I think if you try, as I said, embracing the ridiculousness of the whole thing, if you take a minute and think, okay, Yale sees this many auditions a year and this is the number that they take, these are my odds. If you really take that seriously, you probably wouldn’t even walk in the room. And it’s the reason that half the people that do walk in the rooms are not interesting the minute they walk in because they’re already apologizing for the fact that they don’t think they’re right, or they don’t think they’re what the school is looking for...as opposed to people who walk in and say, well, I may go down but I’m going to go down in flames. That’s not from me. That’s from a teacher of mine who said that to us, I think, on our first day of grad school. He said, "You’re going to go down, but it’s your choice whether or not to go down in flames." So I try to do that as much as I can bear.
Virginia: So you try to go down in flames as often as possible? :)
Bryce: If I’m going down, yes. I say if I’m going to make a choice that could be "wrong" or "not what they’re looking for," at least it’s going to be a strong choice. It’s going to be a BOLD choice. I’m not going to hint at making a choice. I’m going to make it, and then if they say, "You know what, that was not really what we were looking for. Could you try this?" I’m going to say, "Absolutely. Sure. Let me just ditch that terrible choice that I made and then I’d be happy to do whatever you’d like."
This is something else for auditioning I try to embody... This is something I learned I think from Joanna Merlin’s book about auditioning way back in undergrad. I read about treating the audition as if it is actually a party that you’re hosting and everyone there is looking to you for their enjoyment, but you’re also a little bit in charge, not even a little bit, YOU'RE IN CHARGE. The minute you walk into the room you say, "Oh thank you for all joining me at my party, and what can I get you? Would you like a song first? Would you like me to do a scene that I’ve prepared for you first? Oh, you would? Excellent choice. I’ve prepared this beautiful little cake of a scene and you can have a piece now. There’s more of it if you’d like, but please don’t feel you have to eat it all. I’ve also got a song, if you’d like to hear that. I’m very proud of it." And even the best party hosts [have bad days], maybe the cake is burned and the punch is, you know, bad... But the way they present it is half the battle, I think. I always tell people when I’m coaching them for specific auditions, not necessarily for grad school but for more professional stuff, you don’t have to get out of the room right away. Nobody leaves their own party until they're done. I’m not saying... refuse to leave. But what I’m saying is... you don’t have to finish, [speaks very quickly] okay, thank you so much for seeing me. I’m outta here! [slows down, speaking pleasantly, calmly] Thank you so much. Can I get you anything else?...It’s just a different sort of –
Virginia: -- attitude.
Bryce: -- yeah, it’s a different way of approaching the entire thing. And it’s also a way of approaching people when you show up. TAKE YOUR TIME.... I mean, I take my time, and I say hi to everybody in the room. I look them in the eyes. I say hello. Or if it feels like it’s something that’s moving along, I try not to overstay my welcome. But I try not to let people rush me.
Virginia: Right. It’s your moment.
Bryce: Right. I prepared. I spent hours out of my precious time preparing for this. And whether or not you’ve already decided that I’m not the one for this part, that’s fine. That’s you. But for me, I’ve prepared the song, and I’m going to sing it. If you want to stop me in the middle of it, I’m fine with that because "I’m the party host," and I say, "Oh, sure, I’m sorry that was not exactly what you were hoping for. But my intent is that you’re going to eat all of the cake, and you’re going to love it... ‘cause I took time to make it."
Virginia: I love that.
Bryce: And I’m proud of that cake I made... That’s the other thing I always tell people, and this is important in the clown work– and I think I‘ve told you this before – in choosing material, never bring something into the room that you’re not proud of because we can tell. Even if it’s the mangiest little gift, you know, the little burned cake... But if you made it yourself and it’s one you’re proud of, it’s one YOU LIKE, it’s going to taste that much better to us, rather than the one you bought at Whole Foods... And it’s going to mean that much more to us, that you brought it and you thought about it. "I bet they’d really like this special nut cake. I’m not exactly sure how to do it, but I’m going to try." As opposed to, "Well, I could just pick up an ice cream cake at Baskin Robbins." -- to put in a youthful reference, 31 Flavors.
Virginia: Nice.
Bryce: So yeah, I hope that’s helpful.
Virginia: Oh, my gosh, that’s fantastic!...This is just a fun little question not really related to grad school. What advice would you give to your 16-year-old self if you could send yourself a little note back in time?
Bryce: Stretch, start stretching, stretch.
Virginia: Like physically stretching?
Bryce: Stretch yourself every day. I hated stretching. I was an athlete and I just hated warming up. And I hated stretching. And I would go back, and I would really slap myself around and I would say–
Virginia: Learn to love it.
Bryce: Yeah, learn to love it. Get used to the pleasure/pain of it and stretch yourself. I would also tell myself to learn piano. Yeah, I mean, there are technical things like that.... Hmmm, 16.... I’m trying to think of advice or criticism....I’m pretty happy with where 16-year-old me got me, so I wouldn’t want him to do anything that much different.
Virginia: Well, there ya go!
Bryce: Other than... not worry maybe so much about it. There’s a healthy amount of worry and then there’s an unhealthy amount...When you get in to "living in the details" as opposed to seeing a slightly bigger picture...Which is what I still say that to my 29-year-old self right now.
Virginia: Right.
Bryce: You know, sometimes you have to really marvel at the fact that we’re even able to do something as ridiculous as follow a dream like this. There are people in our world that... it’s just inconceivable to them. You have to remind yourself of that. Even when it’s not working out, it’s a privilege to even get to TRY and to have the means and the support from family and friends and everything. To be able to do it, you know what I mean?
Virginia: Yes! <3
Bryce: I would say,... You know what? BE HUMBLE... because the fact that you’re even thinking about going to college is a big deal. That’s a BIG DEAL, going to college. Families go whole generations without sending somebody to college, so take none of it lightly.
:-)
(More to come...tomorrow. Hope you're enjoying the conversation!)
Loves,
V
"Stretch, stretch, stretch to see every perspective and nothing will keep you from joy." - Mike Dooley
"The potential not just for failure, but failure that matters, failure you feel, must be on the table. If it's not, then what you're setting out to do is either so safe or so devoid of the potential for impact that success might allow you to check a box on a piece of paper, but beyond that, nobody'll care. Including you...The same circumstance that presents the potential to fail also serves as a gateway to the opportunity to succeed. You cannot close the door on the former, without also closing the door on the latter." - Jonathan Fields
(This is PART TWO of the interview with Yale graduate Bryce Pinkham. Click HERE to read PART ONE. This interview was conducted at Cellini Restaurant on E. 54th St. in New York City on January 6, 2012, and was lovingly transcribed by my mother, Dorothy Wilcox. Thanks, MOM!)
(Yup. Still talking to THIS GUY...Currently starring in Ghost: The Musical on Bway.)
Virginia: Anyway, let’s get to grad school because, you know, that’s what it’s about, allllll about grad school. I have my notes highlighted here.
Bryce: Okay, good, good.
Virginia: Okay, so we’re gonna just throw something out here and see where it goes. So, okay, first question: What do you think are three great reasons to attend grad school, if somebody’s considering, you know, attending grad school?
Bryce: I would say, go to grad school if you have yet to have had the opportunity to explore the depth of your own instrument in an environment that feels safe to do so. For me, I felt like I got to do a lot of stuff in undergrad. I got to perform a lot, which was great. But I wasn’t continually challenged in a way that I felt like I knew exactly what I was working with even as an actor. I didn’t know the sum total of what I could do. I still don’t. But now I know that it’s fun to find out, and I know a little about how to explore it, go after it, and what it feels like when it’s not right...
So I’d say, one, if you feel like you want to further expand yourself as an artist; two, if you want to experience failure. I guess those are similar things, but I went because I wanted – because I hadn’t failed yet. I really hadn’t....I don’t mean that in an egotistical way. I mean that the environment I was in was very supportive, and so it was like no matter what we did, it was awesome -- because it was. But in grad school, it’s a more critical -- in a good way – environment. And it’s more professionally minded. These schools get people trained and prepared for careers as professional actors.
And the last thing I would say is... go to grad school if you feel like making an investment in a long-term vision.
And the opposite of that is... I always tell people...don’t go to grad school to get an agent; don’t go to grad school so that you can say you went to the same school that a famous actor went to; don’t go to grad school for the resume. Go to grad school if you are interested in making a short term investment in a long-term goal.
I know that jives earlier with what I said earlier about I’m giving myself five years. But I think that’s probably one of the mind tricks I play with myself... well, it’s only five years. But, grad school – don’t expect it to be an instant payoff. It’s for the type of people who are willing to audition for three years in a row to get into it, or four or five or however many....So it’s not for people who think it might be fun. It’s an entire overtaking of your life for three years – it really is.
Virginia: That’s funny. My next question was going to be, what are the three reasons NOT to go to grad school. So thank you for answering that and reading my mind.
Bryce: Did I say three?
Virginia: You did actually. I think you said exactly three... Only the transcript will tell... So what schools did you choose when you were auditioning for grad school?
Bryce: I said if I’m going to go to grad school and spend my own money, potentially a lot of it, that I want to go to one of the top schools, what I understand being one of the top schools because there are a lot out there. So I auditioned for Yale and NYU, UCSD, ACT, and ART – because I was in Boston at the time. If I had known a little more, I probably would have auditioned for Juilliard and the Denver Center as well. So I auditioned for Yale in New Haven, at the school, and the rest I auditioned for in New York at NYU. I lumped together as many together in one day as I could. I did three on one day, Yale the next day and then – actually I think I missed my ART audition and had to go into ART -- their auditions in Boston – later.
Virginia: That is insane. Having gone through grad school auditions the past two years, I cannot even imagine doing three in one day. That just seems crazy.
Bryce: It was intense, but at the same time it was helpful because – and I think the third one I actually got into was ACT. And I think because I had just been like sort of pumelled around a little bit, and I felt like I know what this is and I know what to expect from this now, and I’ll just go do it.
Virginia: So how far did you get at each of the schools?
Bryce: NYU, I don’t think they wanted anything to do with me, nor UCSD. And then ACT, ART and Yale all accepted me.
Virginia: Wow. And that was your first year; right?
Bryce: That was my first year, yeah.
Virginia: You were still in undergrad at the time?
Bryce: Yeah. I was a senior in college. It was not my intention to go to grad school the next year. I sort of came to the idea late, and I thought -- you know, when you’re a senior in college, it‘s like there’s so much stuff going on, and you – you know, I was writing a thesis at the time. It was like I’m just going to do this... and I made it my goal to make an impression at each school. That’s where I was capping my goal, so that I took the pressure off myself to get into the "Yale School of Drama." So that’s why three in one day. I was like, well, I’ll just get them out of the way. And I think it really helped me in retrospect because I wasn’t sure that I wanted to do it actually, to be perfectly honest. I am now one of those people that says "Don’t do it unless you really want to." But I think it helped me not think about it in such grand terms. And then when I got in, I was like... okay, well, I guess now I really have to choose, and I did.
Virginia: It’s interesting... in our conversation you’ve mentioned a few of these little mind tricks that you play with yourself where you – and correct me if I’m not reflecting this back accurately – but, you know, it’s like you almost sense that if you think about it a certain way it’s going to cause you anxiety and so you choose to think about it in a way that will lessen that pressure for you.
Bryce: Yeah, you’re right. I do do those things. I would say – I would call it less of a trick and more of just a readjustment of value.
Virginia: Reframing the idea for yourself?
Bryce: Yeah, I mean – I’m trying to think of a good example. Well, it’s about reframing, and it’s also about panning out and taking perspective on a given situation, which happens to me a lot at auditions when, you know, I know I’m going in for a third call back for something and expecting that the entire producing team is going to be in there. It’s not just the casting director and the reader, it’s twelve to fifteen to twenty people. And it’s in one of these studios that has these giant windows. It’s like the back drop of Smash. It’s one of these studios in Times Square. You’re auditioning in one of these rooms for 15 or 20 minutes. And that instantly gets me nervous. It gets me nervous just talking about it. But if I can force myself to pan out from that and say, "Look at yourself, you’re auditioning in New York for whatever Broadway or Off Broadway, for a part in a professional play, musical or whatever, and all these people are here to see you do an amazing job and get the job." And if you can stay in touch with that little kid that looks at that and says are you serious? I’m doing what? Then you can go back to the room and just enjoy the fact that you’re there to start, and not worry about, well, am I going to get everything right, cause you’re never going to get it all right. You’re never going to get it all right in the audition room...
But what you can do is make a good impression. And so I try to give myself that promise. I try to say, don’t worry about all that other stuff. You’re not going to get it all right, so I can just admit that to myself. Today is not the day you get it right.
Virginia: Right.
Bryce: And they all know that, too. They’re not expecting you to get it right. They’re just expecting you to do something that can help them imagine you getting it right on opening night after you’ve had months and months or maybe just weeks of rehearsal.
And same with the grad school auditions – I’ll talk about this now. They’re not looking for an actor that looks just like an actor that came out of the Yale School of Drama. They’re looking for an actor that they’ll think, "Okay, I think this would be really beneficial to have this person in our midst because there’s a lot of room for growth, there’s a passion for the journey, but there’s also a levity about the entire thing."
The other thing I say to myself a lot in the auditions is... "This is ridiculous!"... I mean, let’s call a spade a garden tool. This is RIDICULOUS what you’re asking me to do... come in a small room, maybe a big room, and sing a song that I learned last night because you didn’t get the material until then. You guys, you know, were up late talking about other things. You don’t remember my name, but we know each other. I’m going to sing a song for you that I don’t know. I’m going to pretend that I know it well, and then I’m going to hold these pages with words on them. I’m going to pretend that I memorized them, but I really just had the time to look at them on the train. And at the end of that, you’re going to decide whether or not you want me to have your job. There’s an inherent ridiculousness. They're sitting behind the table taking notes. It’s just ridiculous. But if you can play the game, and at the same time recognize it for what it is, I think you’ll help yourself a lot.
Virginia: That’s great. That’s like solid gold advice!... Okay, so you were talking about grad school stretching you. That being one of the main reasons that you went, to have that experience of failing. So can you share a specific example of something you felt like you failed at so colossally and you learned a lot from it and grew as a result of it?
Bryce: There are so many instances that I can’t pull one out of the ether, off the top of my head... But part of the journey is learning how to collaborate with people in a room after a common objective that sometimes is agreed upon and sometimes is not. And at the end of the day a lot of time the actors are the ones who – well, the actor’s the only one who has to be on stage. Like with any professional sports, the coaches get to say a lot. But at the end of the day, they don’t have to play the game. The players play...
But it is important to have a really strong relationship with your coach or your director or your scenic designer. You know, these are relationships you learn in the professional world how to integrate those people into the entire process. So I would say that there were plenty of times in grad school where even just by stepping out in a certain costume or on a certain set or with a certain direction or – from my end – a certain voice I had prepared, a certain choice I had made about a character, even just stepping out into that first set was like stepping straight into some dog shit.
Virginia: You put yourself in a vulnerable place.
Bryce: Here’s a good one: I created a show in school at the Yale Cabaret. It was a clown show. And I don’t mean clown like circus clown, I mean, sort of like Bill Irwin style – and we built it outside. We did a show outside in the courtyard, you know, beautiful setting. We had a giant staircase, fire escape staircase, coming down and a little stage built out there, and a window. We had all these bits built in and people could walk by and see it from outside. It was really quite wonderful. But we had to, by law, have one performance inside for, I think, wheelchair accessibility or something. And so we put so much work into getting the show together that we never really planned out how we were going to do it indoors. And, you know, it was all done on a shoestring anyway. And so when we did the show inside, one of my teachers came,...came to that show, the one we had to do inside.
Virginia: Was this person a teacher that you wanted to impress?
Bryce: Yeah, I wanted to impress this person, who undoubtedly would have a lot of helpful criticism, who I was really excited to show that I had followed through on my impulse to create something like this. And sure enough she came on the night that we had to do it inside. Or maybe it was raining or something; I don’t know. Nevertheless, we found ourselves before the show, the three of us, the three person show , trying to talk through how we were going to do the show inside with all these things that are normally done outside, like a whole bit done with bringing a trunk down a set of stairs, in a small, low-ceilinged underground theatre with none of that. And at the end of the day, we just had to do it. And my teacher came up to me afterwards with a big smile on her face. I said, “Oh, no, you’re here tonight?” She said, "Yes, and that was terrible!...Congratulations! You’ve tasted it. Now you know what it tastes like.”
And it’s true. It really was terrible. I mean, it was really bad. This is a show, I’m proud to say, got lots of laughter outside. Indoors, we’re lucky if we got any. It was only an hour show, and, oh man, it was a rough hour. But to see her levity about that, the fact that it was really bad, and that it had given me the opportunity to experience it, and I had come out on the other side of it okay and realize, Oh, well, if we’d had more time, and yeah, that was terrible. Ha ha, you know, to laugh at it and myself.
Again, it’s like changing that perspective, the value judgment. Here I am at the Yale School of Drama creating my own show for people who have paid to see me, and it’s terrible. I mean like that’s AMAZING! How many people can say that? I don’t know, it definitely introduced me to what it feels like to fail and move on and recover and look back and laugh and say I made a mess back there. I’m sorry.
...Stay tuned for PART THREE of the epic-long Bryce Pinkham interview extraordinaire!
Until then...
Loves,
V
"We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master." - Ernest Hemingway
