180. Last Post Of The Project

"You may want something, work hard to achieve it, and in your process achieve something even greater than your original goal. So don't get married to what you imagine is the result of your pursuit, just be involved in the pursuit. Besides, you already have a job. Your job is to be a joyful artist. No one can take that away from you." - Jack Plotnick, New Thoughts For Actors

Let's start by revisiting the mission statement of this blog as I envisioned it back in September 2011:

"This is my 3rd year applying to the MFA Acting Programs at NYU and Yale and my 1st year applying at Juilliard. I am blogging to record my process of preparation. From Sept 5th, 2011 to Apr 1st, 2012, I will post 6 days a week on all subjects related to my creative process and my application and audition preparation... Though my short-term goal is to be accepted to the grad school of my dreams, this is but a step toward the long-term goal of building a life/career that will be joyful, sustainable, creatively fulfilling, profitable, challenging, of service and FUN!"

Did I complete the project according to the guidelines specified above?

Yes.

Do I consider this a success?

Yes.

Did I get accepted to grad school?

The jury is still out, actually...Well, I do know this...It's not Yale and not Juilliard, not this year anyway.

But I am currently an alternate (one of two) for the 2012 entering class for NYU Grad Acting. Soooo I could possibly get a call if someone drops out...even up-to the day before classes begin. OR...I could never hear from them again.

Either way...I got waaaaaaaay further than I have in the past two years that I've auditioned for grad schools...and, more importantly, because of the blog the EXPERIENCE of the entire process was sooooooo much more fun and challenging and rewarding than it ever was before.

Do I consider this a success?

Yes...I'm going for progress. And progress has been made.

One of the other reasons I started this blog, was because I WISHED SO MUCH that someone else had started a blog like this to share their process when I was first auditioning for grad school.

My first year, the process was sooooo lonely and I had NO CLUE what I was doing and I reeeeeeeally wanted to know what the process had REALLY been like for other people that were eventually accepted. I mean, what were they really thinking at the time when they were preparing to audition? Were they really as unsure as I was about whether or not they would succeed at this endeavor?

But I didn't know a lot of people that had been through it, and those that I did know...I was too scared to ask them to reveal all the inner-workings of it all.

And, besides, it's easy to look back in retrospect once you've already succeeded and go "Oh, I did this or that." But what were you ACTUALLY THINKING at the time before you KNEW you'd succeed???...That's what interested me the most.

Were these successful people having the same thoughts and struggles as I was? The same kind of experience? Or did they know some secret that I didn't know? Were those people that had gotten into these programs just as scared as I was that they weren't good enough to "make-it?"...Yet...they made it happen anyway. So if they could do it...why not me?

The nice thing about auditioning for graduate school is...you can keep trying again.

2010 = 1st year of auditioning at NYU &  Yale  = calledback at NYU, but not accepted

2011 = 2nd year of auditioning at NYU & Yale = waitlisted at NYU, but not accepted

Soooooo when I came upon my third year of auditioning at NYU, Yale and now Juilliard (since they now offer an MFA)...and I realized that I had learned a lot about what it takes to make solid showing at grad school auditions...I thought, "Dude! I could write a blog about this! Ha!" And though I am no expert...I am certainly more knowledgeable than I was my first year.

So I decided to write this blog myself since there might be someone like ME out there...auditioning for the first time...wondering what to expect...needing a little inspiration and encouragement to stay focused and keep their head in the game throughout the process. So if that's YOU...then I wrote this blog for YOU...fyi.

On that note, here is a TIME-SAVING TIP FOR USING THIS BLOG and really makes it easier to use (I hope!)...I've included a "TOPICS" section on the right sidebar. See if there are any words that pop out at you that might be reflective of where you are at in YOUR PROCESS or a topic relevant to YOUR LIFE. Click there. Read. The "TOPICS" are a huge time-saver to point you toward cool subject-matter that might be of interest to YOU.

Happy reading!

Next item on the agenda for today...

Just want to take the time to say THANK YOU to some very important people that have supported me along the way to making this blog exist and to help me in having the best possible experience applying to grad school in 2012.

These folks have racked up some seeeeerious positive credit in their good-Karma-accounts...

First and foremost thank you to my 100 EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS!!! You have been the most active participants in this journey. It is for YOU that I have posted every day. Your attention has kept me accountable to staying-with-it through this process and giving it my ALL.

I have always tried to honor your commitment by sending you inspiring quotes, words of encouragement and my own honest personal experience...in hopes that we can all help each other to pursue our creative dreams in our own unique, authentic way.

Thank you for alllll of your comments and emails over the span of the project. (I read every single one. Bloggers are c r a z y about receiving comments from readers. It is our greatest joy.) I know you've had the option to "unsubscribe" every day. So thank you for sticking with me and continuing your subscription throughout the process. You have made a difference in this girl's life. :-)

And thank you to...

Kathryn Bild (my monologue coach and author of my favorite acting book Acting From A Spiritual Perspective)

Adam Gilbert (MyBodyTutor and blogging inspiration)

Dylan Patrick (NYC headshot photographer, who does ammmmmazing work at a totally affordable price and is one of the nicest people you've ever met)

My four friends that agreed to let me interview them and post their words-of-wisdom on the blog:

• Daniel Talbott (Alumni of Juilliard...Actor, director, playwright, producer, literary manager, and artistic director of Rising Phoenix Rep in NYC)
• Bryce Pinkham (Alumni of Yale...Now starring in Ghost: The Musical on Broadway)
• Jeremy Rishe (Alumni of NYU...Actor, producer, director, and co-creator of the web series First World Problem)
• Julie Alexandria (Self-made girl...Actress, host and television personality who specializes in Sports, Pop Culture, Fashion, and all things Geek-tastic.)

And a big THANK YOU to Dorothy Wilcox (my mom) for donating her court-reporting skills and transcribing the interview recordings into text, so that I could post them on the blog for your reading pleasure.

Thanks to the faculty and staff of the acting programs at NYU, Yale and Juilliard. Your job is to create an environment where young actors, like me, can learn and grow and train for a successful career in the performing arts. And all three of your programs strive to do that in the very BEST way for your students. Very admirable. In my humble opinion, it's actor-utopia!

And though I've never been accepted for admission. I still appreciate what you do. You facilitate positive change and artistic growth in young people's creative lives, giving them the tools to succeed and thrive as artists in the "real world." That's AMAZING! Thank you for all the support and guidance that you are giving to the next generation of emerging artists. Our entire world will benefit from this investment.

A special thank you to Robert Parsons for being my teacher, mentor and friend through-out all my years applying grad school and well before then too. Thank you for reminding me that I've "got what it takes" even when I've forgotten what that is exactly. Your enthusiastic support has made me feel like I'm not crazy for choosing this life...and that I WILL be able to support myself financially with my acting-paychecks some day! Thank you for believing in my abilities as an artist and encouraging me to continue to follow my heart.

Thanks to all of the wonderful people that wrote me recommendation letters for Yale, NYU and Juilliard this year. And to those that wrote me letters for my applications in 2011 and 2010, as well. You know who you are! Your support has been essential in this process. Thank you.

Shout-out to Matt Steiner for being an exceptional friend and writing me a very well-timed letter of encouragement that came into my inbox at a very loooooow point in the process for me. He wrote...

"...This project may have felt, at times, like a vehicle to take you to a place where you would then make some great artistic contribution. But, to me, this is the greatest artistic contribution that you could have given to anyone at this point in your life. You've given the rest of us the permission to fail. And in that, you've encouraged us to risk enough to succeed. I'm very proud of you, Virginia. Congratulations." 

I meeeeean, could anyone possibly say anything more encouraging than that? Seriously. And thank you, Matt, for collaborating with me in getting my monologues recorded on video and uploaded to YouTube. The whole process was a JOY because of you. Thanks for helping to make that happen!

Thank you to Ms. Brittany V. Green for writing the guest posts about your NYU Callback Weekend. And congratulations on your acceptance!...With a scholarship to boot! You are going to grow sooooo much from the experience! Cannot wait to see what's next for you! So happy that we connected at Juilliard callbacks. Congrats on NYU.

Thanks to all those folks that attended the MIXER and the VISION BOARD PARTY! Soooo much fun. And if anyone else out there has completed a vision board for 2012...email me a photo and I'll post it on the blog!

HUGE THANK YOU to Adam Baker of ManVsDebt for interviewing me for his documentary. I'm Fine,Thanks. It's scheduled for release in Summer 2012. Best of luck with the rest of the filming and editing process. I think it's an incredibly timely and moving project that's taking a time to reflect on the issue of complacency in our modern society. I cannot wait to see it!!!

And thanks to alll of the other bloggers that have inspired me with their incredible words of wisdom...I don't think I've ever commented on a single one of your blogs...but you've changed my life anyway...by sharing your experiences online. You're in my inbox daily. I am grateful to: Zen Habits, Everyday Bright, Happiness Project, Seth Godin, Ramit Sethi, Jonathan Fields, Stephen Pressfield and Ken Davenport.

If you want inspiring new perspectives coming into your inbox every day...I'd highly recommend subscribing to any of these blogs.

Four authors that have inspired me beyond what my limited vocabulary can express: Dr. Wayne Dyer, Anna Deavere Smith, Jack Plotnick and Julia Cameron. You've given me support, guidance and mentorship through your written words. You've helped me relocate my core whenever I've lost my focus, forgotten who I am or what is truly important to me. Thank you for taking the time to write.

Some special mentions...Anna Alaimo, Jessica Raaum, Josh Heath, Haley Pulli, Alexis Jeanene, Dione Rábago, Marisa Abdoo, Claire Kennedy-Vega, Keola Simpson, Peter Evans, Chris Fore, Erin Shaw, Vanessa Nelson, Mary Schneider, Jake DeGroot, Alysha Umphress, Christine Kapp, Clint Alexander, Stephen Kling, Joey Costello, Nick Dothée, Laura Ware...and many, many more...You have alllll allowed me to talk-my-face-off about creative process and acting and blogging and dreams and hopes and ya-da-ya-da-ya-da...and you've all listened and nodded and responded in kind and made me feel like you all care. So thanks for being my friends!

Thank you also...to everyone that has NOT been supportive of this project...to everyone that has unsubscribed...to everyone that has made snarky/judgemental comments...to everyone that has looked at me like I'm totally INSANE when I've told them about what I'm doing. You have made me stronger by reminding me that I am not looking to others for outside approval in order to motivate me to do this project, but that it is my own inner creative aspiration to grow as a human being that ultimately keeps me going.

I have learned that by doing the best job that I can with this project, my commitment to daily practice will result in an improvement of my skills and that by having FUN with the process I am able to release my attachment to the outcome.

The PROCESS is the point.

It is ME I have to inspire and impress. THAT'S HOW TO BUILD CONFIDENCE. So thank you to all the nay-sayers. You've been truly motivating force.

Annnnnnd....Thanks to alllll the folks that have stumbled upon my blog from Sept 5, 2011 to Apr 1, 2012...and to all of you that will read the blog in the future!


Many of you have found the blog through Google or FB or Twitter or a recommendation from a friend...Thanks for stopping by! Feel free to leave comments or email me. I'll do my best to respond.

(You know what totally blows my mind?...Up to this point I've had over 28,000 hits. Wowzers! Who knew so many people would be interested in reading about this subject?! Crazy, right?)

Oh! And thank you to all the folks at my day-job. You don't know how much you all mean to me. And though I haven't told any of you about this project...yet...I love you all and look forward to seeing you at the office every day. My time with you is limited and therefore I appreciate it all the more.

And last, but not least, thank you to the higher power...God...the Universe...whatever you'd like to be called. I know that you are working your magic in my life and I am grateful for your silent protection and the loving gift you've given me...this life. I will continue to try and do my best with all that I've been given every day.

Those are my "thank yous."


So what's next for me?

Who knows?

But if you want me to keep you posted...you'll have to subscribe by email. That way, any updates I post will be sent straight to your inbox.

I will NOT be posting six days a week anymore. (LOL! I need to have TIME to do other things again.) But I will let you know what happens with NYU...for sure. And if I decide to apply to grad school again next year... And...if there's anything else that I feel INSPIRED to post about...that I think might be relevant and interesting to you guys...I promise I'll post about that stuff, as it comes up.

Thanks for reading.

Best wishes to all for 2012 and beyond.

Loves,
Virginia Wilcox

"There's nothing anyone can do to prevent you from reaching your potential; the challenge is for you to identify your dream, develop the skills to get there, and exhibit character and leadership. Then, you need to have the courage to periodically reassess, make adjustments, and pursue a course that reflects who you truly are." - Robert S. Kaplan, "Reaching Your Potential," Harvard Business Review

P.S. I'll leave you with this...

(Thanks, NKD.)

179. Monologues 2012 REVEALED

"Fullfillment doesn't come from clearing hurdles others set for you; it comes from clearing those you set for yourself." - Robert S. Kaplan, "Reaching Your Potential" Harvard Business Review

I cannot BELIEVE this is the second-to-last post of the Acceptance Project!!!Whoooooo hoooooo! Almost DONE!

Now, in the interest of full-disclosure and transparency and getting over my own fear...I am posting videos of my four audition monologues and my a capella song for you to see. I've embedded them below.

Why has this taken sooooo long for me to get to posting these monologues? (Grad school auditions took place back in January, after all.)

I have one word for you:

RESISTANCE

"Resistance cannot be seen, touched, heard or smelled. But it can be felt. It is experienced as a force field emanating from a work-in-potential. It's a repelling force. It's negative. Its intention is to shove the creator away, distract him, sap his energy, incapacitate him. 

If Resistance wins, the work doesn't get written... 

Resistance seems to come from outside ourselves. We locate it in spouses, jobs, bosses, kids, distractions. "Peripheral opponents," as Pat Riley used to say when he coached the Los Angeles Lakers.

Resistance is not a peripheral opponent. Resistance arises from within. It is self-generated and self-perpetuated. Resistance is the enemy within."  

- Stephen Pressfield, The War of Art

Even though I KNEW in my gut that I HAD to post my monologues for you all to see...EVENTUALLY. I procrastinated it to the 11th hour (a.k.a. NOW...the second-to-last post.) And I'm procrastinating another thing for tomorrow's blog post too...So I'll probably be publishing that one at like 11:55pm on April 1st. ;-P

Anyhoo...RESISTANCE. Let's talk about that for a sec...

The one and only one thing that is coming between YOU and you moving in the direction of your dreams is...(sing with me now)...Reeeeeeesiiiiiiiiissstaaaaaaance!!!

What is keeping you from doing what you KNOW in your heart-of-hearts you are capable of doing????

Let's use ME as an example here...

Me = Queen of Resistance & Duchess of Rationalization

Here are some of the fantastical thoughts that went through my head as I considered the undertaking of posting my monologues publicly on the blog:

1. I can't. I don't know how to upload video on to YouTube. I've never done it before.
2. It's going to look stupid because I don't have a real camera. I just have my iPhone.
3. I hate watching myself on camera. My acting is always waaaay too big. And I am going to look ridiculous.
4. If I post this online, anyone will be able to view it...even potentially ~gasp~ casting professionals. What if they don't like my work and I get a reputation for being a "bad" actor?
5. I don't have time. It's going to take FOREVER to figure out how to do this.
6. I hate asking for help, but I'll never be able to figure this out on my own. Who would possibly agree to help me with this project? I can't PAY anyone to help me. They'd have to do it out of the goodness of their heart. I don't want to IMPOSE on anyone. 
7. I'd have to shoot this after work one day and I'm going to be exhausted and the light might be all gone and shooting at night might be hard. I don't know what to expect since I've never done this before.

And here's what I told myself to be able to get all my resistant thoughts to SHUT UP...and let me do my WORK already:

1. Even though I have never uploaded any video to YouTube before, I know TONS of people who do that alllll the time, so it really can't be that hard. If I allow my self enough time, I'm sure I can figure it out. And if I need help I can think of at least 3 people off-the-top-of-my-head that I could call to assist me. No problem.
2. Even though I only have an iPhone to record with...that's FINE. It doesn't need to be super high quality. The purpose of me posting these videos is not to win cinematography awards, it is to RECORD a snapshot in time of where I am at with these monologues that I worked on this year. That's allllll. An iPhone is a perfectly adequate tool for this purpose.
3. So what if your acting is too big? So what if you look ridiculous? Who cares? YOU ARE A WORK IN PROGRESS and so are these monologues. There are going to be moments in the pieces that you LOVE and are proud of...and things that you see that you'd like to improve. (DON'T LET THE PERFECT BE THE ENEMY OF THE GOOD! That's what I've been telling myself from day one of this blog.) Don't judge yourself! Get SOMETHING up there! You've shared soooooo much about this entire experience through your writing. Don't chicken-out now! Be courageous! Show your acting work! That's what this is all about, right? Some people will love it and some people with think it's total crap...That's okay. Either way...you will have overcome your fear of showing your work...in all it's flawed glory...AND THAT'S SUCCESS.
4. As for casting folks...the ones that see it and don't like it...probably won't contact me. But there may be people that see it and think..."Hey, I've got a project that girl might be right for...Let me email her and give her a shot."  OR....If I get a lot of really negative feedback on it...I can always take it down...re-shoot...and try again. It's a learning process...And I can get better at it...but only if I start somewhere.
5. Time? Reaaaaally, Virginia? If you have time to watch Failure Club on Yahoo! Screen (my favorite show right now), then you have time to get on your computer and figure out how to make this YouTube uploading thing happen. Just start by logging-in to the website. Start there. The rest will happen naturally. Oh! And make an appointment on your calendar to shoot the video. If you don't schedule it into your life...it ain't gonna happen.
6. Get over your issue about ASKING FOR HELP!...You know you've got people in your life that would love to support you in this project and have the skills to easily make this happen. AND it'll be waaaaay more fun to collaborate with someone awesome on this project. Call MATT STEINER!  You just saw that he uploaded his CLOWN REEL onto his website. He could totally help you....AND HE DID!!!! (Thanks, Matt. You are the BEST. Thank you. These videos would NOT have happened without you. Had a BLAST working on this with you. So. Much. Fun.)
7. Go for it. Work with what you've got...So you've got some lighting issues? Whatever. It's fine...as long as you're not in the dark, you're okay...So the sound is not so great. We can bump up the volume as best we can when we're editing...and we'll do the best we can...Get going NOW, because this blog is ending on April 1st and it's gotta get done!!!....So you've only gotten 4 hours of sleep on top of a loooooong week of uber-stress at work? Yeah. Boo-hoo Wilcox. There's never going to be a perfect circumstance. So take it from where you are at and that's a PERFECT place to start these monologues. Go with it. Use it. Use whatever energy you have...and go from there. That's all you can do.

Sooooo that was how I overcame my resistance to posting these monologues.

True story.

Now...without further ado...My audition monologues for Juilliard, NYU and Yale 2012...

The Foreigner by Larry Shue (Catherine)
Lives of the Great Waitresses by Nina Shengold (Melissa)
The Convent of Pleasure by Margaret Cavendish (Lady Happy)
Two Gentlemen of Verona by William Shakespeare (Julia)

You can view these on my YouTube channel by CLICKING HERE.

I've also embedded them for you below...And my a capella song too.

Catherine from The Foreigner

Contemporary monologue that I did for NYU & Yale.

Melissa from Lives of the Great Waitresses

Contemporary monologue that I did for Juilliard.

Lady Happy from The Convent of Pleasure

Classical monologue that I did for NYU .

Julia from Two Gentlemen of Verona

Shakespeare monologue that I did for Yale and Juilliard.

"Make Someone Happy" by Comden/Green/Styne

A capella song that I sang for NYU and Juilliard.

Could I have done all this better? SURE. Yes. Definitely.

And I WILL DO BETTER...next time.

But what really matters is that I DID IT.

I'm sharing my process and getting my work out there...FINALLY.

Resistance be damned!!!!!!!!!!!!

Loves,
Virginia

“Keep working. Don’t turn anything down...Don’t get precious. You’re young, you’re learning. Keep working.” - Stephen Pressfield, Writing Wednesdays

177. Non-Fear

"We practice [mindfulness] in order to have the capacity to deal with desire, to smile with desire, so that we may be free from it." - Thich Nhat Hanh, Fidelity

Yesterday was an emotional roller-coaster ride. I was informed that there is still a chance that I may be accepted to NYU Grad Acting in the fall. (If you missed yesterday's post. You can read all about it HERE.)

Up until yesterday, I had totally let go of the idea that it was even a REMOTE possibility that I was still under serious consideration at NYU. I mean, they didn't even ask me to go to the callback weekend. (Not that I could have attended anyway, since I had to be in San Diego that weekend for work.) NYU put me on the "wait-list" with 250 other people. So...that didn't sound promising.

And then BAM! Phone call from Janet Zarish. "Virginia, we'd like you to be one of two alternates for this year's class."

Yeah. Sure. Okay. AWESOME!

Very thrilling.

Sooooooo naturally....yesterday my head was spinning around from the new given circumstances of my life.

What's going to happen?

How should I be feeling about all of this?... Happy?... Scared?

I mean...WHAT IF I GET IN?

And...WHAT IF I DON'T GET IN?

Think.

Think.

Think.

Then...I had an AWESOME REALIZATION this afternoon.

Even though "acceptance" is sooooooo close I can almost taste it...

I am NOT AFRAID of not getting accepted to NYU.

I am also NOT AFRAID of getting accepted to NYU.

I. Am. Not. Afraid.

NOT AFRAID.

And that makes me HAPPY!

I know that I am perfectly happy with either outcome. TRULY.

That's an incredibly wonderful and liberating feeling.

I'm happy with living in the mystery for a while. It's kind of FUN, actually...The not-knowing-what-the-heck-is-going-to-happen.

"Fear distorts our lives and makes us miserable. We cling to objects and people, like a drowning person clinging to a floating log. By practicing nonattachment and sharing this wisdom with others, we give the gift of non-fear. Everything is impermanent. This moment passes. That person walks away. [YOU DON'T GET ACCEPTED TO GRAD SCHOOL.] Happiness is still possible." - Thich Nhat Hanh, Fidelity

Happiness is allllllllways possible!

F#%k fear.

Surprise people...surprise yourself...PRACTICE NON-FEAR.

External circumstances will never bring true joy. Joy comes from within. So choose to be happy NOW.

Loves,
V

"True love is generated from within. With true love, you feel complete in yourself; you don't need something from outside. True love is like the sun, shining with its own light, and offering that light to everyone."  - Thich Nhat Hanh, Fidelity

176. NYU: Alternate Universe

"If it is just financial security you crave, that can be achieved at any level. If it is recognition you desire, learn to give that to yourself. If it is for the joy of doing your profession...then keep working at it, being confident that you will have plenty of opportunities to practice your trade as you rise through the ranks." - Peter Pamela Rose

"Riches come, if they come at all, in response to definite demands, based upon the application of definite principles, and not by chance or luck." - Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

Yesterday was a very...um....overwhelming day. It's a lot to wrap my brain around and I'm still processing it all...And in the interest of transparency...I'll share some of it with you.

At work yesterday, the HR department had a financial planning advisor come in and meet with each employee individually to talk about the company savings plan and investing for retirement.

(Yes, I know it's Madison Avenue...And it's an office job...And it's not what I've DREAMED of doing...It's not ACTING. But I consider myself EXTREMELY fortunate because I do work for one of the greatest companies in the world. They take care of their employees like NO OTHER. They're constantly surpassing my expectations in that respect. I am blessed. Without the financial support of this day-job, I never would have been able to have the time/energy/wherewithall to invest in this blog.)

So, anyway...I've got my appointment with this financial advisor. And we're sitting in front of his laptop and he's got my personal retirement savings plan account up on his screen. And he says, "So if you keep doing exactly what you're doing now...and if you were to stay with this company until you were 65...and you kept investing 9% of your pay...with the company's matching program...plus pension...plus ya da, ya da and this and that...Would you like to see how much money you'll have in the bank come retirement?"

And he clicks this "CALCULATE" button on the screen. And the little chart starts to populate and a number pops up at the bottom of the screen.

$2,000,000

I don't remember exactly what the number was...But that was the ballpark.

That would be TWO MILLION DOLLARS, folks.

NO JOKE.

Here's some context: In the house I grew up in...I'd be lucky to have TWO DOLLARS in my pocket...TWENTY DOLLARS felt like RICHES. So...to me...the idea...that I, Virginia, could EVER actually have TWO MILLION DOLLARS in the bank is TOTALLY INSANE.

My brain can hardly accept this as real. It's gotta be fake right? That's a fake number. LOL!

Nope. Real. I could actually (someday) have a two million dollar retirement fund. Easy.

One catch though...

All I'd have to do to be assured a comfy retirement nest-egg of two million dollars...is stay right where I am for the next 35 years. 

"Perhaps the hardest linear process to let go of is the accounting part of the mind that links the amount of money you have in the bank to what is possible. Get rid of this limiting process, be practical but don't base your goals and commitments on something as powerless as money. Practice seeing money as an energy and play with increasing that energy instead of counting dollars." - Lena Stevens, The Power Path

I like my job okay....but it's not what I want to do with my LIFE. And it's waaaaaay overwhelming to even consider staying in it for the next 35 years...because I really, really, really, really want to be an actor.

But here I am...looking at my number...my two million dollars number. And my commitment to my calling is being very blatantly tested.

I am asking myself...What do you REALLY value, Virginia? What is REALLY your priority?

How much do you actually want to be an actor for a living? Is there a dollar amount that you'd be willing to trade in for your dreams? If being a professional actor meant you had to give up two million dollars, would you still do it?

This is a real dilemma. It's real risk. It's personal. It's not fake. This is my actual life...not a hypothetical situation.

DO I REALLY WANT TO BE A PROFESSIONAL ACTOR if I can retire with two million dollars by being an office monkey?

LOL!!!!

Ugggggh....I could be happy having acting be my hobby, right? I mean...two million dollars is a lot of money...(rationalization, rationalization)...Think of all the good I could do with two million dollars...(my brain is f r e a k i n g o u t)

Huh. Um. Errr...Cannot deal with this right now psychologically...

And well... I guess I don't really have to think about that right now anyway...(thank goodness!)...'cause it's not like I got accepted into grad school this year. So I can just put off having to consider choosing a two million dollar pay-off vs. having the life of an actor. Whew!!!

Cut to:
Later on that day...

I am sitting at my computer working on the blog (Jeremy Rishe Interview Part Three)...and my phone rings.

212 number that I don't recognize.

I answer.

"Hello? This is Virginia."

"Hi Virginia. This is Janet Zarish from NYU. How are you?"

(My brain....WTF? What is happening right now?)

V: "Hi Janet. I'm great. How are you?"

J: "Oh, I'm good... You must be wondering why I'm calling. Just wanted to let you know that we've already selected everyone for our MFA class for this year..."

Whah-whah.... :-(

J: "But every year we also select up to four alternates.... These are actors that we LOVE and that we'd like to be able to fit into the class, if...in the case anyone in the currently accepted class decides that they cannot attend the program after all....This year we've selected two alternates. We'd like you to be one of them. Would that be something you'd be interested in?"

Me = SHOCKED

V: "Me? Interested? Sure!!! So...wait a minute...Let me get this straight...If someone drops out before classes begin, then...potentially...you'd call me and I'd be accepted into the program as an alternate? And this isn't the 200-people-alternate-list, right?...There's only two of us?"

J: "Yes."

V: (Gulp)..."Does that ever actually happen? Do people actually drop out after being accepted to NYU Grad Acting?"

J: "It certainly doesn't happen every year, but it does occasionally. So there's a chance, but there's really no guarantee...because all the students have already accepted their offers and have committed themselves to the program.... But you never know... Life happens, plans change, people sometimes decide to move in a different direction. We've even had people drop out the day before class begins."

(Oh dear lord...I'd hope to have at least two weeks notice.)

V: "I see...Well, I guess it's really up to the Universe now, isn't it? I mean, if I'm meant to be in the program then a spot will open up for me, I suppose...And if not...Well, I just want to go on the record saying that I love the program and I think what you guys do changes actors lives and I support it whole-heartedly...And I will continue to support the program whether it works out for me this year or not."

J: "Awwww...And that shows what a sweet person you are, Virginia."

V: "Thanks, Janet...I really mean it."

J: "I know you do. That's why we love you."

V: "Well, thanks for calling. You've got my number. If you need me, you know where to find me. Please feel free to call any time!"

J: "Thank you. And if I don't get to talk with you soon...I want to personally wish you a wonderful year full of creative growth."

V: "Thank you, Janet!!! That's so kind of you. Thank you so much for calling . I'm really honored to be an alternate. Thank you so much. Bye."

J: "Bye, Virginia."

Ahhhhhhhhh!

OMG. WTF. What is my life right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????

"Acknowledge that there is much more going on at a greater level than what you can track in your mind. Be at peace, don't worry, trust your committed intentions, and don't believe everything you see or hear, especially when it has been determined by another's calculations of the rational mind. Everyone will be trying to make sense of what they can't make sense of." - Lena Stevens, The Power Path

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Crap.

Remember earlier...My unanswered question...."How much do you actually want to be an actor for a living? If being a professional actor meant you had to give up two million dollars, would you still do it?"...

Oh my.

Guess I am going to have to think about that one after all.

"Beware of the mind trying to convince you that you have it as good as it gets, or that it is too hard at this point to make changes, or that you cannot afford it, or that you do not have the power or energy or wisdom to accomplish it on your own. Thank your mind for sharing, don't give in, and follow your intuition." - Lena Stevens, The Power Path

Happy to have a dilemma though.

I know it'll all work out the way it's supposed to...I am sooooooo not in control of any of this...CLEARLY.

All I can do now...is wait for my story to unfold.

Loves,
V

"Whenever something doesn't work out the way you thought it would, instead of thinking that something went wrong, see it as something that went unexpectedly well, but for reasons that are not yet apparent. Everything plays in your favor." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe

172. Looking Forward

"Nobody can tell you who you are. It would just be another concept, so it would not change you. Who you are requires no belief. In fact, every belief is an obstacle. It does not even require your realization, since you already are who you are. But without realization, who you are does not shine forth into this world... You are like an apparently poor person who does not know he has a bank account with $100 million in it and so his wealth remains an unexpressed potential." - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

Letting go of a belief is a hard process.

I've believed for a looooooong time that the BEST POSSIBLE NEXT STEP on my career path would be to attend Yale, NYU or Juilliard. There were many, many factors that lead me to this belief, some of which you can read about by CLICKING HERE.

In the past two years, when auditioning for grad school, I allllllways felt like I had held something back...That I was so intent on "getting in" and impressing them, that I wasn't able to show my true self. I was too scared to be vulnerable. I kept trying again because I knew that I could do better, because I had never really been able to let go of my fear that I am truly unworthy of acceptance to one of these top schools...and so, I think I was unconsciously sabotaging my performance.

But this year, I can HONESTLY say that I changed my belief and chose to GIVE MY ALL. I cannot IMAGINE being better prepared or more ready to be in-the-moment and play. And because of my blogging 6-days-a-week...I also knew exactly WHY I wanted to be there and felt confident articulating that....to anyone willing to listen. ;-p

And my auditions went incredibly well. I made it through "the first cut" at all three schools, including Yale (which was a major accomplishment, since I'd never gotten that far before). And I am thrilled to say that I made it to the "end of the day" at both my NYU Grad Acting audition and my Juilliard audition.

This year I felt like I had completely held up my end of the bargain. I did my VERY BEST...and left the rest up to the universe.

And apparently...the universe has other plans for me than attending grad school, since I did not make it to final callbacks for any of these schools.

So now...I'm having to take a good look at my belief...Is grad school really the best possible next step for me?

What else is possible for me?

Am I ready to let go of my grad school dreams?

Or do I want to try auditioning again next year?

What are the other avenues I could pursue to attain my overarching goal?...Building a life/career that will be joyful, sustainable, creatively fulfilling, profitable, challenging, of service and FUN!

I don't know the answers to any of these questions yet...Nor do I need to.

But I do think they're very important questions to be asking myself at this point.

I do know that I am soooooo tired of pursuing this dream alone. I need EXPERT GUIDANCE and MENTORSHIP to make my dreams a reality...

"As artists, we are open-minded but we need not be gullible. Many of the  people purporting to be able to help us shape our craft have very little experience with crafting something themselves. What we are looking for is people who have done what we want to do -- not someone who has watched others do it...When "help" is volunteered, we must be certain it is timely and actually helpful." - Julia Cameron, Walking In This World

So if you know someone in New York that might be a good mentor for me...Someone that is currently thriving as an creative person, making an abundant living as an actor in theatre/tv/film/voiceover, has a fantabulous relationship with their agent and is fearless, has a positive out-look on life and is interested in mentoring a highly-motivated and dedicated young actress/blogger named Virginia Wilcox...please email me at via virginia wilcox at gmail dot com. I will consider all applicants. :-)

I do believe that a solid relationship with a mentor would help me immensely.

Do I believe that I can have the kind of successful career as an actor that I've been dreaming of...without an MFA from Yale, Juilliard or NYU?....Hmmmm. That's a good question.

I guess the honest answer for right now is...no...I do not believe that I will do as well in my career without the experience of earning an MFA from one of these schools and becoming a valued member of the artistic communities associated with these institutions.

Soooooo gotta look at changing that belief perhaps! Because if I don't believe it's possible...it ain't gonna happen.

Whatever does happen next...I know it will be joyful...and good...if I allow it to be. 

My life is unfolding just the way it's supposed to...even though it's certainly not happening the way I had hoped or planned.

"It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end." - Ursula K. Le Guin 

I'm okay. I am having fun with the journey! 

And I am happy that on April 1st I will be able to say that I've SUCCESSFULLY completed exactly what I set out to do: write 180 blog posts about my creative process of applying to grad school for the third time. That's a truly unique accomplishment...and out of the thousands of people that auditioned for grad school this year, I can confidently say that I'm the only one who's done THAT...It may be a weird to have a blog about auditioning for grad school, but I think it was worth it. It's been an incredible commitment device. I see the value in it anyway...and that makes me feel good....no matter what anyone else may think.

And I'm grateful for my life's many blessings....I can pay my rent...and eat...and I have a warm bed. I live in a free country. I'm safe. I'm healthy...and that's what REALLY matters.

Looking forward to the possibilities and the impossibilities that 2012 may bring...

Love to you all,

Virginia

P.S. What are the limiting beliefs that you have about your own life that may be keeping you in stasis? How can you begin to let them go?

171. Those Who Truly Love You Will Understand

"Ours is a stimulating world -- often an overstimulating one...we have our families, our friends, our jobs, and our other pursuits -- all potential sources of stress and sensory overload...If "still waters run deep," the noisy rapids of our lives make it hard to be anything but shallow. Our deeper selves are muffled, overtaxed, and overextended. Our sensibilities are stripped of their fine tuning. We become numb to our own responses and reactions. Life is "too much" for many of us... 

Our energies are drained not by coping with our output of creative energy but from coping with the ceaseless inflow of distractions and distresses that bid for our time, attention, and emotional involvement. As artists, we are great listeners, and as the volume is pitched too high, our inner ear and our inner work suffers. 

When a creative artist is fatigued, it is often from too much inflow, not too much outflow. When we are making something, we are listening to an inner voice that has many things to tell us -- if we will listen. It is hard to listen amid the chatter. It is hard to listen amid chaos. It is hard to listen amid the static of ungrounded and demanding energy. 

Contrary to mythology about us, artists are generous, often overly generous. We listen to others deeply, sometimes too deeply for our own good. We are susceptible to their hurt feelings and their pouting when we withdraw, and so sometimes we do listen to them even as our creative energy ebbs out of our own life and into theirs. This creates exhaustion, irritation, and, finally, rage.

It's not that we are unwilling to share our time and attention. It is that people must give us the courtesy of listening accurately to our needs about when and how we can do it...We have the right to determine along what lines we want our energies to flow. For this reason, we may need to draw more boundaries than many people, and those who love us must be conscious that unless they can respect this, they are not a friend at all. 

As artists, our inflow level must be kept manageable and we must "train" our friends and families and colleagues at work when and how we need our space, both physical and psychic... 

This is why busy executives have secretaries -- to monitor their inflow and keep it from becoming overwhelming to their creative process... 

Virginia Woolf said all artists need a room of their own... 

An artist requires solitude and quiet -- which is different from solemnity and isolation. Artists require respect for their thoughts and their process, but that respect must start with us. An artist needs to be treated well -- but often we are the ones who must begin that treatment, and one way we do it is by carefully setting our own valve on how much inflow is allowed to come into us." 

- Chapter 6: Discovering a Sense of Boundaries, Walking In This World

The above is taken from Julia Cameron's wonderful book Walking In This World: The Practical Art of Creativity. I had the opportunity to read and "work through" this book with a group of fellow artists while we were performing in Shanghai, China in 2009.

Julia's world-view and musings on the creative artist's mind have truly changed my life. She writes incredibly honest and nuturing books on creativity.

If you like what you read above and would like to find out more, please check out her website and find something that speaks to you. Pick up a copy or download it to your phone/computer/iPad/Kindle. Her words will help you to enrich your enjoyment of your own creative process...guaranteed.

Be courageous. Speak up for yourself. Nurture your inner artist. Set the boundaries you need.

The crazy-makers will get pissed-off...and those who truly love you will understand.

Loves,
V

169. Withholding

"The fact is: Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world...Try this for a couple of weeks and see how it changes your reality: Whatever you think people are withholding from you -- praise, appreciation, assistance, loving care, and so on -- give it to them. You don't have it?  Just act as if you had it, and it will come. Then, soon after you start giving, you will start receiving. You cannot recieve what you don't give. Outflow determines inflow. Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you already have, but unless you allow it to flow out, you won't even know that you have it." - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

Dude...the above quote seriously slapped me in the face on my plane ride home to NY from CA.

I was having this whiny moment of thinking..."nobody-really-listens-to-me"..."people-are-too-busy-with-their-own-lives-to-care-about-me"..."I-am-all-alone"....(ya know how it is... total pity party).

And then I read Eckhart Tolle's wisdom...and I was like..."Virginia, if you are busy thinking..."Why aren't people listening to me?"...then, guess what? YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO THEM!...And if you are sooooooo busy with your own life/blog/journey/selfishness....then you are not being present and caring for others!...And if you are lonely, then CALL someone...or speak to the stranger sitting next to you (they may be lonely too)...Don't WAIT for someone to read your mind."

Nobody is withholding anything from you. You're just not in a "giving mode." You're in a "taking mode."

Soooooo stop whining to yourself and get back to GIVING...and AMAZINGLY you will start receiving what you want.


You want to be appreciated?... Appreciate others.


You want people to connect with you?... Connect with others.


You want more love in your life?... Be loving toward others.


You want people to listen to you?... Listen intently to others.



Now...I really wish that this one was also true: You want to get into grad school?... Help others get into grad school.

LOL!  :) ...Okay, those sentences may not be quite as directly related as the others.

HOWEVER, if I switch it up, and say... You want your own dreams to come true?... Encourage others to make their dreams a reality.

Yeah, that could work... We shall see!

Hope you'll go out into the world today and give away whatever it is that you think you're not getting.

Try it. It's a "life experiment." See what happens.

Loves,
Virginia

"Behind the sometimes seemingly random or even chaotic succession of events in our lives as well as in the world lies concealed the unfolding of a higher order and purpose." - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

168. On My Way Home

"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." - T. S. Eliot

It's been a loooooong time since I've been "home" to California. Everything is the same here...and everything is completely different.

I feel a deep connection with this place....and simultaneously, I feel like a stranger.

Coming home to friends and family that knew you when you were "your younger self" is both comforting and frustrating. Comforting...in the sense that there is an automatic familiarity with these folks...a vocabulary you share...and a short-hand of shared experience to remind you of former days. It feels like slipping on a comfy pair well-worn shoes.

And coming home can be frustrating...in the sense that you have grown and changed, but people here only know you as the "old you."  So it's easy to fall into old social patterns with friends or family...some of which don't necessarily "fit" you anymore. And that feels stifling and strange.

They've changed. You've changed. But how? When?

Doesn't matter. Change is SUPPOSED to happen. It's interesting...observing that there's been a shift. And that's something to explore...as we move forward to create relationships based on who we are NOW.

Truly, the past is something to be grateful for...Having had those experiences...Having loved...Having been loved...Having made mistakes...Having learned from those mistakes...Having challenges...Having learned how to get through or over or around those challenges.

But holding on to that past? Not helpful.

Looking forward to the future...with the past as a foundation for your next step? 

Yes.

...Gotta go fly home now...HOME to New York.

I love you, Northern California. You will always be in my heart.

Loves,

Virginia

"We can learn not to keep situations or events alive in our minds, but to return our attention continuously to the pristine, timeless present moment rather than be caught up in mental movie-making. Our very Presence then becomes our identity, rather than our thoughts and emotions. 

Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now; and if the past cannot prevent you from being present now, what power does it have?" 

- Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

167. NYU Callback Weekend 2012 - Guest Post by Brittany V. Green (Part Three)

(This post is a continuation of Ms. Brittany V. Green's audition experience at the NYU Grad Acting Callback Weekend 2012. Click HERE to read PART ONE. Click HERE to read PART TWO.)

Brittany V. Green

NYU Callback Weekend - Day Two...cont'd

by Brittany V. Green

March 11th, 2012

I walked into the audition room for what would be the last time in this whole audition process. I felt comfortable, happy, and ready to show them who Brittany is. They all smiled at me and said hello as I came in. I happily did the same. Janet [Zarish] told me before I sat down that she’d like me to do another piece for her (they were really workin’ me people!) This time they wanted me to do my Shakespeare piece. (In total I showed them four pieces during the entire audition process.) I said yes and began. 

Afterwards they gave me adjustments. They wanted me to make it more personal to who I was, and leave the "classical aura" I brought to it behind. I thought for a moment… "How does Brittany like to work?” I told them… "one moment" and stripped off my blazer, scarf and shoes. ( I love working barefoot.) I took a deep breath and began my piece again… this time having a break through. The piece I had been doing over and over for so long touched me in a different way this time, and I allowed myself to go there. And then I was done. When I go “there” it always takes a lot out of me. I felt like I had to catch my breath a lot. Janet looked up at me and said…” Good adjustments.” Janet then asked me to come have a seat…then said “as you leave your old way of doing it on the floor” and pointed to my clothes…we laughed. I then made my way over to the chair to have a seat. 

We chatted a little and then I was asked about the colleague I knew, who I put in my reference section on my application [an NYU grad acting alumni]. For a moment…I thought about the valuable note “be yourself.” So I looked them in the eyes and said… "Look I’m just gonna keep it real with you guys…" and began to explain it all...  

I said,...At first I did not like the idea of grad school. I felt that upon arriving to NY I was ready to work. Also, many people discouraged me from applying. But (the alumni I’d been talking about this whole time and who is now starring on Broadway) my colleague pushed the idea. She kept talking about the benefits of it and pointed out the advantages of grad school especially for a young black actress. I met her through a mutual acting friend who told me I reminded him of her and that I needed to meet her, so I did. And thankfully we kept in contact and God placed it in her heart to drive home the benefits of having an MFA to me. She also talked about what NYU had to offer specifically. One thing that really spoke to me was the fact that they specialize in YOU the actor. They are not bound by a certain technique, or way of doing things. 

I told them that in my undergrad, upon entering, I had a lot of passion and vivacity but not as much discipline or training. (Or “I was a hot mess,” as I phrased it.) I was lively but sometimes all over the place. My undergrad tamed me, taught me, and helped me mature to become the woman I am today, but in all that taming... the things that made me unique began to get put on the back burner. One of my professors from my undergrad told me she thought I'd lost my “spunk.” She asked me if I remembered a time when I called up the office before classes started and asked to be put in the Sophomore voice class, because I’d taken my English credit in high school already. I had no clue then that acting classes worked cumulatively, I was just ready to get ahead! I told my old professor that I’d completely forgotten all about having done that! I was more outspoken and daring then. 

I let the NYU staff know that now that I am no longer ignorant to the technical aspects of acting it’s time to bring back my spark! I told them that I love creating my own work and that the Free Play performances I saw were absolutely amazing and I am dying to sink my teeth into something like that. I told them that I loved the confidence every student had upon graduating.... Knowing exactly who they are, bold enough to take on anything thrown at them, and being well-rounded individuals. 

I told them sometimes I feel like I have a split personality…one minute I’m so confident, bold and well-on-my-way…and the next I can be the complete opposite, beating myself up. I told them I wanted COMPLETE confidence in my work and in knowing who I am. I told them I envisioned a “Super Brittany” and that I’m dying to meet this woman. I let it be known that I was excited, and ready to create. I told them I had enough formal shaping, now it was time to fine-tune what BRITTANY has to offer! 

That was the basis of what I talked about,... besides going in detail about what I thought of the Free Play and discussing my financial aid situation. 

NYU is the right school for me because they aren’t afraid to fail in order to create and learn. They aren’t afraid to take risks, be bold, be themselves and take chances (and even mistakes!) They teach the actor how to embrace their unique tools and THAT is what I want to expand upon. And THAT is probably why so many casting directors love to get their hands on these students. 

I didn’t care about a fancy space and perfectly polished presentations. I loved the urban feel, quotes and pictures on the actor’s lockers, marks in the floor from years of hard work, the lounge area where I’d probably be sleeping because I’d be up all night working on projects, and MORE.  NYU  gets down and dirty!  

The conversation seriously felt like I was talking to one of my home-girls. I took the “be yourself” thing very literally. I told myself, "If I am who I am and they don’t like me then I’m not meant to be here." But all in all, I felt good about my interview. I was proud that I let go of the need to impress and was open and honest. I was happy with what went on. 

I left the room and joined the audience in watching a current student’s cabaret performance. When it was over, I was exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally, the WORKS. I went home, and once again thanked God for EVERYTHING and went right to sleep. 

But it still ain’t over!

Wow, Brittany! It takes a lot of courage to reeeeeeally be yourself in that kind of a high-stakes "interview/audition" situation. The "safe" route would be to try and impress them by trying to be the "actor" you think they want to see. But you stripped down (both literally and figuratively)...all those walls...showing your TRUE heart and your unique perspective and your child-like passion for the craft. THAT'S BRILLIANT! And I am sure it felt GREAT!

And now you KNOW that if they invite you into the program...they are inviting YOU, because that's who you chose to reveal to them in the room. You showed them YOU. And that's the BEST you could have possibly done!!!

And (on the other side of the coin) since you shared with them your true self... even if you're not invited into the program...you know that's going to be the very best thing for you. Because if you wouldn't be able to be YOURSELF in that program and be accepted, then that's not the place you'd want to study anyway...NYU or no NYU...You've GOT to be free to be yourself in order to grow as an artist!

Sooooooo proud of you!!! I hope you consider this audition a HUGE SUCCESS, no matter what the final outcome.

Please, keep us posted! Wishing you all the best.

Loves,

Virginia

CLICK HERE TO READ PART FOUR: THE PHONE CALL

"What matters is to live in the present, live now, for every moment is now. It is your thoughts and acts of the moment that create your future. The outline of your future path already exists, for you created its pattern by your past." - Sai Baba

 

164. Gedankenexperiment

Gedankenexperiment: (guh-DAHNG-kuhn-ik-SPER-uh-muhnt) noun: A thought experiment, an experiment carried out in imagination only.

I'm in San Diego right now. (Business trip for my day-job.)

One awesome thing about traveling is coming into contact with people who have VEEEEERY different lives than you. Their "normal" is sooooooo different from your "normal," yet both are completely REAL and TRUE for each of you.

I especially love flying over the country and looking down at the tiny houses and cars and imagining the many lives being lived and many different perspectives that those people have on our world.

Environment has soooooo much influence on us...growing up...shaping us into the adults we become...Where we grow up...Who we surround ourselves with...The opportunities that our communities have or don't have to participate in sports and arts and student government and field trips...local industry and economy...topography. It's crazy...when you really think about it...how DIFFERENT our experiences are...and yet...how we're all sharing many of the SAME experiences too. It's WILD!

These kinds of musings help to give me perspective on my own life...That I could be having a very different experience if I lived in, say...Austin, TX...or Phoenix, AZ...and...it gets me thinking....

Why do people choose to live where they live? Why do I live where I live? Would I be happier living somewhere else? Am I sooooo caught up in my "New York reality" that I've completely lost touch with what's happening elsewhere in the world?

Being here in SoCal is interesting. I try to imagine myself actually LIVING in San Diego...Imagining if this was my daily reality. How would that help to shape who I am as a person?...As an artist?

The pace of life here is sooooooo different from New York. Much slower. I would definitely miss the hustle of NYC...But the sunshine here is very cheery... and I do like the Pacific Ocean.

There are plenty of crazy people on the streets of San Diego too...just like NY. So that's the same.

Anyhoo, there's no answer that I'm looking for...I just love relishing the question..."What would it be like to live somewhere else?" And I let my imagination run wild....

Imagination is a beautiful thing. We can live a million different outcomes in the comfort of our own heads. It's the BEST. Thank goodness for imagination!!!

And it is freeing to know that I could COMPLETELY change my life by moving to a different city. Not that I WOULD...because I love my apartment in NY...but I COULD. That's nice to know.

Sigh.

Wishing you a fantastic day of imaginary experimentation. Try on a new life for size today...in your thoughts.

Who knows? Maybe these imaginings could lead so some ACTUAL life changes...Thoughts become things, ya know.

Imagine,
Virginia

P.S. Don't forget! Tomorrow's the Acceptance Project Mixer at 7pm in Walnut Creek, CA. Click HERE for all the info! Hope to see you!

nothing last forever
not even the mountains
someday they will be swept away and swallowed by the sea
we all shall be blessedly released 

life is so precious it's as fragile as a dream
and in a moment we all grow our wings
I wish to sing as if no ones listening
I wish to dance as if no one is watching
I wish to dance as if no one is watching
and I, give thanks for my dreams
you can rob me of my sight
and you can poison my blood stream
but as long as I can dream then life is worth living

-- Brett Dennen, Nothing Lasts Forever

163. Interview with Bryce Pinkham (Yale) - Part Four

(This is PART FOUR of the interview with Yale graduate Bryce Pinkham. Click HERE to read PART ONE, HERE to read PART TWO and HERE to read PART THREE. This interview was conducted at Cellini Restaurant on E. 54th St. in New York City on January 6, 2012, and was lovingly transcribed by my mother, Dorothy Wilcox. Thanks, MOM!)

(Yay, Bryce!...Break legs in Ghost: The Musical!)

Virginia: Okay, we’ve talked a lot about good audition advice. What is the worst piece of audition advice that you’ve ever gotten?

Bryce: Hmmm...(Thinking.)

Virginia: Can I share with you mine?

Bryce: Yeah.

Virginia: "Just show up."  People say that "showing up is half the battle."  I’m like, "NO! That’s like the last two percent."  And sure, yeah, if you don’t show up, you're not going to get the job, but STILL...

Bryce: There’s a difference between being relaxed and allowing for whatever is going to happen to happen and just showing up. Yeah, if you show up, but you show up unprepared... then, you know, nobody’s happy...

I’d encourage people to just treat the situation for what it is, admit what’s going on in the room. Sometimes you get in there and you feel like it’s just hard to be a human being all of a sudden -- It’s hard to say hello to someone and goodbye to someone or introduce yourself. I don’t know why this happens to us. I do know it’s nerves and fear, but if you can just try and do things like walk at normal speeds and say goodbye and have a nice day and thank you to your reader in particular. I always try to say thanks. That’s one thing, having been a reader, a reader can really help you a lot in an audition. Again, that’s more for professional auditions than it is in grad school. But I don’t like when people pretend that something is going on that’s not going on. They forgot the line. They forgot the words. Just stop, say I’m sorry, I forgot the words. They don’t care. They want you to get it right. They want you to do well. Everybody in an audition wants you to do well. Nobody wants you to suck.


Virginia: I have a grad school audition question.

Bryce: Yeah, sure.

Virginia: You got to observe a lot of the auditions for Yale after you had been accepted, right?

Bryce: Yeah, you can do that if you want.

Virginia: Did anyone ever ask to direct their monologue to you while you were in the room?

Bryce: No. But if you’re considering….

Virginia: I mean, obviously Ron and Walton don’t want you to direct your monologue to them. They want to be able to watch you.

Bryce: Yeah.

Virginia: But is it appropriate to ask to direct your monologue to a grad student or someone, if they're in the room?

Bryce: Well, I think you should ask, if you want to use somebody, whether it’s the auditioner – which I don’t recommend -- or somebody else in the room, a student, or a reader, what have you. I ask readers who have been brought to the audition to interact with people. For example, if I’m singing a song to someone in particular, I ask, "Can I use you for the song? Do you mind if I sing this song to you?"...

You know, usually it works out great....But whatever...it’s helpful to me, and hopefully they enjoy it. I don’t know. But in terms of grad school auditions, I would say... yes, but be prepared for them to say no. If you say, "Can I use one of you guys for this monologue?" And Ron or Walton or whoever says, "No, I’d rather you actually just did the monologue."  Just be prepared for that reality, so that you’re not committed in one way. "I have to do this to somebody or it’s not going to be good."

Virginia: But in your experience at Yale, did that ever happen while you were in the room?

Bryce: I never saw that happen, no.

Virginia: Everybody would just do their monologue, pick a point on the wall and speak?

Bryce: Yeah, I mean... I wouldn’t say pick a point on the wall. I would say the gaze is probably in some general direction.

Virginia: But they’re not talking to a person.

Bryce: They’re talking to a person... But the reason I stop you at "looking at a point on the wall" is just because I think for me, in my experience of doing those things, it’s easier to actually go into what I would call a "soft focus" and imagine a person there... as opposed to finding the middle of the room and saying it to the exit sign, you know?...Which I’ve also done... If it helps, find the exit sign and just sing to it.

You’ve done all the preparation. Don’t let the nerves of the moment interfere with all that. Take the time to remind yourself of your breath and also...whatever you've come up with...Okay, this is the person I’m talking to, this is what I need from them, and this is why. And this is what just happened [in the scene]... And, again, imagine they’re right over there, and I’m going to start. As opposed to,...okay, they’re running late so they probably need the next person in here, and I’ll just pick a point on the wall and start.... Again, it’s your time, you’ve done the work, you paid money to be there.

Virginia: A lot, yeah.

Bryce: So I’m not saying get in there and do your warm-ups in front of them. Please do not do that.

Virginia: (Laughs.)

Bryce: But feel free to take your time to make sure you’re breathing and start the way you want to start. I don’t advocate stopping if you feel -- oh, it’s not going exactly the way I want it. First, you can never control what they say. You can only control what you do. And if you feel like you’ve drastically gone away from what you said you wanted to do, then you can say, "I’m sorry, I’d like to start again. May I start again? Take your time again and start."  But again there’s something about the insistence or the boldness of a proposal that is worth more to me on the other side of that table than the person that comes in and gets all the beats right or puts the emphasis on the right word as opposed to comes in and lays the meat on the table... "That’s my audition!" You know?

Virginia: Okay, so I want to finish up by talking about your current project (Ghost:The Musical), and just ask you a couple of questions about that. When do you guys go into previews?

Bryce: We start previews March 15,2012 and we open in April 23, 2012.

Virginia: Tell me about the project and how you came to be involved.

Bryce: I am going to be originating for Broadway! -- I say that because it’s going to be very exciting. Remember we talked about the little kid who like gets to say stuff? It’s in these moments where I have to force myself to say those things because the easy path would be to say, "Oh, I’m doing Ghost. But the more fun path, the part that you feel like... not only have I earned this, but I have to see it in this way in order to give it the value it deserves and give it the effort it deserves.-- So I’ll be originating for Broadway the role of Carl in  Ghost:The Musical, which is currently running in London. I’m going over there on Tuesday to see the show and meet the cast.

Virginia: They’re flying you out?

Bryce: Yes.

Virginia: Cool.

Bryce: They’re flying me out, and I’m getting fitted for a harness, so yes.

Virginia: Do you get to fly?

Bryce: Well, there will be some certain moments that involve harnesses. I’ll say no more than that.

(Here's a video clip of the Broadway cast's trip to London!!!)

Bryce: How I got involved is... I auditioned.

I just remembered this the other day -- This will be good -- I originally auditioned for the Patrick Swayze role - Sam. I originally auditioned for that for a workshop that they were doing in London with the intent of maybe doing a production of it, two years ago...And I auditioned for the role Patrick Swayze played in Ghost on the day that Patrick Swayze died....And I remember thinking at the time, this is just weird. And it was, again, one of those moments where I was thinking, if I think too much about this, I’m not going to be able to go in and do this audition.

Virginia: Right, you’ve just got to let that go.

Bryce: And I went in and did the audition. Yeah, it was fine. I think it was okay. I didn’t think it was my best. But the director sat me down and talked with me. And then I never heard back. And I thought, okay, well... And then here we are a year and a half, two years later, and I get a call to come in and audition for the friend, the part that Tony Goldman plays in the movie. And I went back and I looked at the script, having remembered going in for the other role before. And I had this realization of... oh, yeah, this is the part I would want to play anyway.

Patrick Swayze’s was a great role, obviously. It was super important. But there’s something about this guy that’s more interesting to me as an artist looking to tackle something. And so that’s what got me psyched to go back in and say, I know I wasn’t right for that guy but check this out. Which is sort of the attitude I try to take a lot in auditions is... "Look, check this out, check me out."  Sometimes it’s hard to back up because I feel like…

Virginia: This might not be a good fit.

Bryce: ….this might not be it. I probably had tried to do that attitude when I went in for the Patrick Swayze, check this out, and it didn’t work. Fine...But this time I really felt like, oh, yeah, something about this is more exciting, makes more sense. I know where to start with this. And so we did about 3 – 4 callbacks I think. 

After I had a second callback, the next day I had a call to go and meet the director, and did that. You know, I sat down with him and chatted. I had a really sort of like interview, really. And that was on a Sunday, and I was expecting, you know, like next week, Monday or Tuesday I’m going to find out about this. And a month and a half went by and I didn’t hear anything, so I thought okay, that’s gone. I’d really --

Virginia: Let it go.

Bryce: -- completely had let it go. I sort of had forgotten about it, honestly. And then another call, yeah, they still can’t make up their minds. Would you come back in? I said, of course I’ll come back in. So I did and we did another one of those, as I mentioned before, auditioned with tons of people and on video, you know, sending it to London, so people could see it.

At that time, I was like, well , I know what I’ve done in the past, and I know I’m not going to do anything worse than that. If anything, I’m going to do even better. So I had that confidence. They like me enough to bring me back in. Now I just have to go in and do what I do and enjoy it and stand behind it completely. So that’s what I did. I mean, I say it so easily, like yeah, that’s all I did,...but it was terrifying.

Virginia: Right.

Bryce: Terrifying and nerve wracking to get the call that I got...  It was like BRILLIANT! I mean, I was screaming in the streets. So it’s like, as much as it pays to play it cool and say, "yeah, it’s no big deal," there’s also a little kid inside that’s doing backflips.

:-)

Virginia: Yeah. So what do you think is going to be your greatest challenge in tackling this role?

Bryce: Well, I think there’s a trap in this role which is, when I tell people who I’m playing, they say, oh, you’re the "bad guy?" And that’s a trap of both the genre of musical theatre and also just the way we see stories, a little two dimensional... or a little "Disney-ified"...

So I think the challenge will be to make him more than just a "bad guy" in a sort of archetypal sense. I think the challenge will be to make him "a guy" and to make him believable as someone who could make such a terrible, terrible decision and then make even worse ones as he goes on. Which is initially what interested me... I want to investigate a guy who is on the other side of a really, really bad decision that turned out really bad, as bad as it gets, the death of his best friend. And what does he choose to do in that moment, save himself? Or come clean? Or what are his choices?

Virginia: Right.

Bryce: And why does he go the way he does? 'Cause that’s interesting to me. It’s interesting to me to investigate these guys who work in the world of finance where everything seems limitless and, you know, they’re motivated by something else. And he must have felt in some way untouchable to go after this thing that he went after which was putting a friend at risk.

So you know, all that and at the same time it’s Ghost. It’s like a great movie, and it’s fun to play a bad guy, right?

Virginia: Right.

Bryce: So it’s balancing those two things. I’m not going to take it so seriously...like I’m talking about it like it’s Shakespere....But at the same time I’m not going to just put on my villain hat and say "good to go."  So I think the challenge is making it three dimensional and believable.

Virginia: So how do you think that your three years at Yale, particularly, helped prepare you to approach a great opportunity and a challenge like this, to get to originate a role on Broadway?

Bryce: Well, I always say that after the stuff I went through in grad school, and I mean that in a positive way, like the performance I told you about -- downstairs at the Yale Cabaret, and some of the projects you do as a student there, under little sleep and no energy and the things – nothing will scare me more than the stuff that I had to do there. I know I’ll never be as scared as I was at certain moments. And so that prepares me knowing that I will be very nervous doing this, you know, when we actually get to performance. And I’m already nervous about the first day of rehearsal, but I’ve made friends with those nerves in a way that I know that I will come out on the other side ‘cause I came out on the other side of that other stuff.

So that’s sort-of battle preparation. But in terms of approaching a role and finding a place to start – I think that often the hard part is... Where do I start with this?...Yale taught me to seek out those challenges of my character or... what’s exciting about this guy. What is the part of this character that you can attach to, that you can say, yeah, I get that actually? That’s always a challenge. I’m not a Wall Street banker that bet money on his best friend’s life. But I know what it feels like to be on the other side of a really bad decision, not ones with those stakes. But I’ve made really bad decisions before, and I know what that feels like in my stomach. So why don’t I start there, and then see what we can build on top of that. And if it doesn’t work, we’ll tear the whole thing down and we’ll start from a different place. So I think it’s about knowing, having the confidence of just starting and making choices because, one thing, Yale doesn’t give you time to think too much because you have so much on your plate. You literally just have to DO in order to get it done. And you come to realize...it’s a better choice because I had to make it – not on the fly -- but I had to make it fairly quickly. And it got me along faster, so that by the time we were in tech, I had a performance built up that I could go through again during tech and say, "What do I really want to do here? Should I do that? Should I do this?" Not like, "Oh, my God, what am I doing?"  You’ve already said, "Now give this choice up. You made this choice, it didn’t work, took half of each, put them together, now I’m doing this. Awesome. Let’s go."

So Yale also prepared me to shed things well. You learn to trust people who are telling you things. Because you realize through feeling yourself progress that your teachers know a lot and that they want you to be better. And what they’re telling you is only meant to make you better. Whether it does or not remains to be seen, but their intent is always positive. So it helped me learn to trust and distrust outside voices.

Virginia: Be mindful of listening to your own self.

Bryce: Yes. And to question other people’s viewpoints. I think the most important thing it did for me is it gave me a sense that I am an individual artist with an opinion and an approach that is worthy of being in a rehearsal room. And worthy of being expressed... not in an overbearing way and not in a timid way... but somewhere in between. "I agree with you that he’s this but I don’t agree that he’s this."  Maybe we can have a discussion about it and find a common ground. Or "Gosh, maybe I’m wrong. You’re actually totally right. Thank you for allowing me to talk through my choice to realize that it was wrong."

Virginia: So we’ve got to wrap up. Is there anything else that you want to express to the blog readers? Words of encouragement?

Bryce: Yeah, I would just say, you know, try -- as hard as it may be -- try and breathe through the entire thing. It sounds "widgy woo woo" but it’s true, remind yourself to breathe... Breathe. Be bold in your choices. And, as I said before, don’t bring in something you’re not proud of. Make us something – bring a gift into the audition room that is something you’re proud to bring as opposed to something you think we want to see.

Virginia: I think that’s great.

Bryce: Yeah, I think that’s it.

Virginia: That’s awesome. Thank you, Bryce.

[End of recording.]

Just have to say how wonderful it was to use this blog as an excuse to sit down with Bryce and get to ask him ANYTHING I WANTED...all under the guise of providing a inspirational interview for the blog...Which is also an outcome of the effort.

It was a joy to get to talk about creative process with a man that has grown sooooo much from the first time I met him...when we were 13-year-old tap-dancing ensemble members of Stars 2000's Teen Theatre production of Anything Goes in Northern CA.

Wishing you a hugely successful run of  Ghost: The Musical , Bryce, and continued challenges that lead to artistic growth and a life-long career in the performing arts...both, making a living and living your dreams!

Loves,
Virginia

"You will always have more to learn. Even if you're the best of the best, there is always room for improvement. But at the same time, there will always be people with less experience and skill than you, who will consider you an expert, and find value in what you have to offer." - Dan Johnson, Right Brain Rockstar