174. Interview with Jeremy Rishe (NYU) - Part Two (First World Problem)

This post is a continuation of the quuuuuuality interview that was conducted at Park Ave Plaza, NYC on February 3, 2012. (Thank you to Dorothy Wilcox for transcribing!)

Missed yesterday's post? Click HERE to read PART ONE.

Jeremy Rishe

Back to Jeremy and talking about creating his own work and  NYU Grad Acting  and just "doing it"...

Jeremy: About two or three years ago, me and three other friends decided to utilize this thing called Studio Tisch, which, again, goes in on the philosophy of NYU Grad Acting -- make your own work. It’s basically a place to showcase your stuff in the summer when the rehearsal studios and the theatres on the fifth floor at NYU are not being used. And so we decided to do August Strindberg's Creditors , and it was very empowering. I was like, “Oh, great! We did a play. We didn’t have to worry about getting cast, but we just did this great piece of classical theatre.”

And then the following winter I had an idea for a script...So I called a friend of mine who’s a filmmaker, and I said, "Here’s my idea." I said, "Let’s write a script, but let’s do it through improv. And whatever we come up with, that’s what it is. If those people want to do the project once it’s ready, awesome. If they’re not available, great. You know, we’ll ask our friends to be in it." So we started working on that, and we used, again, Studio Tisch  time to workshop that.

And then I had the idea to do a Studio Tisch Caberet, so I ended up producing that. And I started to realize,... Oh, I have all this creative energy as a producer that is just as satisfying as an actor. And actually, I can produce myself into stuff. And...

Virginia: And hire your friends!

Jeremy: And hire my friends! Exactly! Without having to make them audition....And then this last summer, (again with Studio Tisch) we produced a musical that a friend of ours wrote. Produced that. Did the Cabaret again.

But I think the biggest thing, the thing that I’m most proud of that seems to have the most momentum because it’s entirely us, and we’re actually following through on it, is this web series you mentioned, First World Problem.

Jeremy: What’s been awesome about that is... we have this awesome friend Cameron, who has a camera. And he’s very, very skilled with a camera. And the three of us, me, Stacey [Linnartz], and Cameron Bossert, basically, we decided... let’s do something.

We wanted to do something together. We didn’t know what – actually that’s not true. Stacey had the idea for the First World Problem, but it wasn’t even called  First World Problem . She said, “You guys want to do a web series?” “And I don’t know what I want it to be, but I want it to be really realistic and edgy.”

And then Cameron and I were out, he saw me in a play -- which I got cast the usual lines, and it was very satisfying -- So actually, if I hadn’t gotten cast in that play, Cameron may have not come that night. We may have not gotten that drink where we’re joking around, and he’s like, “Ah, it’s like a first world problem.” We’re like... maybe that should be what we do with Stacey! And I think we asked Cameron if he’d be willing to film it and be our director. We had some dinky little camera. But Cameron's like, “Yeah, I’ll even bring my camera over.” And he’s got a really nice camera, so we’re like “awesome.” 

...Anyway, it’s almost a year later since we started filming these episodes. And the three of us realize we have like a really strong creative vibe...that I think is going to stretch beyond this First World Problem.

“Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.” - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (Playwright, Poet, & Novelist. 1749-1832)

Jeremy: But the fact that we have the drive – and I think like we each bring a different gift to the thing that I think makes it intriguing, and we have follow-through. We’re actually shooting stuff. It’s getting edited. We put it up there.

We shot a movie with these same characters in December. We're submitting it to Tribeca....Cameron is doing all the editing. But it’s extremely satisfying.

The part about it that is like frustrating is like, you know, we’re not making money on it yet. Whereas when someone hires you – and this isn’t always the case -- usually when someone hires you , there’s some kind of pay because someone else is worrying about the money. In our case, it’s like, "Where do we find the money? How do we get the money to come to us?"

Virginia: Right.

Jeremy: But I think we’re in a very good time on the planet earth where as a creative team, there are ways to get money, and there are ways to get attention that didn’t even exist 8 years ago or 5 years ago.

Virginia: I’m intrigued to learn more about the origins of First World Problem. Other than Studio Tisch, how do you feel that your training and experience and the community at NYU has helped you in being able to realize this dream?

Jeremy: What’s funny is... I actually think NYU – personally I felt like it got me more ready for this kind of work than they did for auditioning. Cause there was an audition class but it’s very hard to mimic the reality of auditioning. It’s really hard to mimic that in school the way it is in the business.... I don’t know why. I guess cause–

Virginia: Psychologically you know that it’s not real?

Jeremy: Right... But it’s easy to train people to create their own work...So what was your question again?

Virginia: How did your training at NYU help to support the web series that you’re doing now?

Jeremy: What I’m doing now? Well, I mean, I guess – I was just talking about this last night with Stacey...Well, I was sort of pondering...

NYU was a big commitment. It’s three years, a lot of money, and sometimes I’d wonder, I’m like, "Did I really get anything out of that or was I just like looking for bragging rights just to say I went to NYU?"

I teach part time to support this creative habit which has yet to be a source of income. I hope it will. Did I just get a master’s so I could teach to support this habit? But I was thinking to myself, cause now that I’m doing some teaching, when you’re teaching theatre, what you’re doing is having someone else doing all the work, and you can look at it and give your opinion about it. And we’re realizing like all this power we gave to our teachers of like, “Did you like what I did?” ...is kind of BS because they’re not going to be DOING anything. You know? You’re doing all the work and they’re just giving you their opinion because they are -- I want to call them -- they’re an expert. Whatever that means. They’re an experienced artist.

Virginia: Right. They’ve seen a lot of work.

Jeremy: So they're giving you their experienced artistic opinion, right. And they see a lot of young people come through and do the same bullshit. And when they see something that is not the same bullshit, they’re like, "Oh, that was you. That was something that only YOU, I think, could do."  You know?... And still it’s just their opinion.

Virginia: Right.

Jeremy: And with Stacey, I was just sort of pondering... What’s the use of that experience then? And I think that IS the use of that experience.

You’re going to learn what you’re going to learn whether you go to grad school or not, I think. I think that’s kind of how life is.

Especially as an actor, it’s all about just doing it. And grad school is all about just doing it. And you’re in a place where you have nothing to do but the thing you want to do. Whereas if you’re out in the world, then you’re going to juggle. But if I didn’t go to grad school, I’d be playing the same game...

And so what I think NYU did is... it was just three years to focus on the thing, "Is this what I want to be doing?" And sort of get "the nasty bits" out in an environment where it doesn’t matter that the nasty bits are being explored. What I mean by “nasty bits” is -- Boring, boring, boring. This is stupid. Your idea is going nowhere.

Virginia: So that that never ever happens to you now?

Jeremy: Um, you know what? This is what we were talking about...No, it doesn’t!... And it’s not because suddenly I’m like this amazing person, but it’s because I realize what it takes to collaborate. It’s doesn’t mean that everyone is going to like what we've come up with, but –

Here’s what we were talking about – 'Cause when you’re in school, the teacher says, "All right, go create – You have all week. So when I see you next, you’re going to have done your assignment: The Tree Grows By The Sidewalk. All right? That’s the thing you’re going to create."  And everyone’s like, "The Tree Grows By The Sidewalk ? That's the assignment?...All right, see you in a week."

And you’re sitting there looking at five other people. You’re like, "The Tree Grows By The Sidewalk ? What the fuck?!"  And... everybody has an idea. And sometimes you’re in a group where no one is listening to anyone else’s idea. They’re only focusing on their idea. Or everyone is saying "yes" too much, cause everyone is trying to accommodate everybody. Or everyone’s afraid to say, "That’s a really stupid idea. Why don’t we do this instead?" You know.

Virginia: Yeah.

Jeremy: And you spend like three years like that...I look back now and I’m like, "Why was it so hard to go away and do  The Tree Grows By The Sidewalk  or whatever?"

If someone said to me, go create Land of the Rocks in a week, I’d be like, "Awesome, let’s go."  We’d probably create a really awesome Land of the Rocks . Some people might like it; some people might not, but it would be US. It would be COOL. It would be INVENTIVE. It wouldn’t be like the teacher’s sitting there saying, "What the fuck did you do for a week? This is the worst. This is boring."

Virginia: Right.

Jeremy: Seriously – there was one time in the movement class when we went on for like 15 minutes, and finally the teacher was like, I’m just going to stop you because this is clearly not going anywhere...

(OOOOOOh, but it is going somewhere!!!! More Jeremy tomorrow. We'll talk about collaboration and pretending-to-be-something-you're-not and building confidence and reasons to go for your MFA annnnnnnd more First World Problem! Whew!!!)

Loves,

V

P.S. Check out some of my FAVES below...  (Subscribe to the First World Problem YouTube Channel by CLICKING HERE. )

A major First World Problem...Subway train etiquette.

And how about...Unemployment?

Or perhaps the power struggle to prove that Yesterday is not a Beatles song? Watch out! This may threaten to destroy the foundations of your entire relationship.

Or maybe it's time to have "the talk" with your significant other?  

Or you're having trouble dealing with migraines?

Or are you consuming too much corn syrup?

No...Really...SUBSCRIBE.

172. Looking Forward

"Nobody can tell you who you are. It would just be another concept, so it would not change you. Who you are requires no belief. In fact, every belief is an obstacle. It does not even require your realization, since you already are who you are. But without realization, who you are does not shine forth into this world... You are like an apparently poor person who does not know he has a bank account with $100 million in it and so his wealth remains an unexpressed potential." - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

Letting go of a belief is a hard process.

I've believed for a looooooong time that the BEST POSSIBLE NEXT STEP on my career path would be to attend Yale, NYU or Juilliard. There were many, many factors that lead me to this belief, some of which you can read about by CLICKING HERE.

In the past two years, when auditioning for grad school, I allllllways felt like I had held something back...That I was so intent on "getting in" and impressing them, that I wasn't able to show my true self. I was too scared to be vulnerable. I kept trying again because I knew that I could do better, because I had never really been able to let go of my fear that I am truly unworthy of acceptance to one of these top schools...and so, I think I was unconsciously sabotaging my performance.

But this year, I can HONESTLY say that I changed my belief and chose to GIVE MY ALL. I cannot IMAGINE being better prepared or more ready to be in-the-moment and play. And because of my blogging 6-days-a-week...I also knew exactly WHY I wanted to be there and felt confident articulating that....to anyone willing to listen. ;-p

And my auditions went incredibly well. I made it through "the first cut" at all three schools, including Yale (which was a major accomplishment, since I'd never gotten that far before). And I am thrilled to say that I made it to the "end of the day" at both my NYU Grad Acting audition and my Juilliard audition.

This year I felt like I had completely held up my end of the bargain. I did my VERY BEST...and left the rest up to the universe.

And apparently...the universe has other plans for me than attending grad school, since I did not make it to final callbacks for any of these schools.

So now...I'm having to take a good look at my belief...Is grad school really the best possible next step for me?

What else is possible for me?

Am I ready to let go of my grad school dreams?

Or do I want to try auditioning again next year?

What are the other avenues I could pursue to attain my overarching goal?...Building a life/career that will be joyful, sustainable, creatively fulfilling, profitable, challenging, of service and FUN!

I don't know the answers to any of these questions yet...Nor do I need to.

But I do think they're very important questions to be asking myself at this point.

I do know that I am soooooo tired of pursuing this dream alone. I need EXPERT GUIDANCE and MENTORSHIP to make my dreams a reality...

"As artists, we are open-minded but we need not be gullible. Many of the  people purporting to be able to help us shape our craft have very little experience with crafting something themselves. What we are looking for is people who have done what we want to do -- not someone who has watched others do it...When "help" is volunteered, we must be certain it is timely and actually helpful." - Julia Cameron, Walking In This World

So if you know someone in New York that might be a good mentor for me...Someone that is currently thriving as an creative person, making an abundant living as an actor in theatre/tv/film/voiceover, has a fantabulous relationship with their agent and is fearless, has a positive out-look on life and is interested in mentoring a highly-motivated and dedicated young actress/blogger named Virginia Wilcox...please email me at via virginia wilcox at gmail dot com. I will consider all applicants. :-)

I do believe that a solid relationship with a mentor would help me immensely.

Do I believe that I can have the kind of successful career as an actor that I've been dreaming of...without an MFA from Yale, Juilliard or NYU?....Hmmmm. That's a good question.

I guess the honest answer for right now is...no...I do not believe that I will do as well in my career without the experience of earning an MFA from one of these schools and becoming a valued member of the artistic communities associated with these institutions.

Soooooo gotta look at changing that belief perhaps! Because if I don't believe it's possible...it ain't gonna happen.

Whatever does happen next...I know it will be joyful...and good...if I allow it to be. 

My life is unfolding just the way it's supposed to...even though it's certainly not happening the way I had hoped or planned.

"It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end." - Ursula K. Le Guin 

I'm okay. I am having fun with the journey! 

And I am happy that on April 1st I will be able to say that I've SUCCESSFULLY completed exactly what I set out to do: write 180 blog posts about my creative process of applying to grad school for the third time. That's a truly unique accomplishment...and out of the thousands of people that auditioned for grad school this year, I can confidently say that I'm the only one who's done THAT...It may be a weird to have a blog about auditioning for grad school, but I think it was worth it. It's been an incredible commitment device. I see the value in it anyway...and that makes me feel good....no matter what anyone else may think.

And I'm grateful for my life's many blessings....I can pay my rent...and eat...and I have a warm bed. I live in a free country. I'm safe. I'm healthy...and that's what REALLY matters.

Looking forward to the possibilities and the impossibilities that 2012 may bring...

Love to you all,

Virginia

P.S. What are the limiting beliefs that you have about your own life that may be keeping you in stasis? How can you begin to let them go?

157. What Is School For?

"An artist is someone who brings new thinking and generosity to his work, who does human work that changes another for the better. An artist invents a new kind of insurance policy, diagnoses a disease that someone else might have missed, or envisions a future that’s not here yet. 

And a linchpin is the worker we can’t live without, the one we’d miss if she was gone. The linchpin brings enough gravity, energy, and forward motion to work that she makes things happen. 

Sadly, most artists and most linchpins learn their skills and attitudes despite school, not because of it. 

The future of our economy lies with the impatient. The linchpins and the artists and the scientists who will refuse to wait to be hired and will take things into their own hands, building their own value, producing outputs others will gladly pay for. Either they’ll do that on their own or someone will hire them and give them a platform to do it."

-Seth Godin, Stop Stealing Dreams

Seth Godin is one of my favorite modern thinkers. This man questions everything!!! Not in an adversarial, confrontational way...but in a "why can't we do things better?" kind of way.

I'm reading his new e-book right now. It's called Stop Stealing Dreams. It's available to download for FREE. I highly suggest that you do.

This man gives away some amazing material on his blog every day. (Yes, I subscribe.) But this e-book is a truly exceptional exploration on what needs improving in our educational system.

I know I've been blogging all about the gloriousness of going to one of these awesome grad schools for acting...and one of the reasons I think they are such great schools, is because I've experienced a lot of mediocrity in the U.S. educational system. (Which is the subject of Mr. Godin's current e-book.)

Now, that's not to say that NYU and Yale and Juilliard are PERFECT examples of educational utopia. They are not. I am sure that there's plenty of improvements that could be made (especially after reading Seth Godin's inspiring manifesto on education).

At any rate, I think it's important to question the quality of any institution that affects the quality of our lives as directly as school.

Why we do things the way that we do as a society? Is there a better way? Those are important questions for us to consider...especially within the institutions we most believe in.

Will this e-book interest you? It will if you've ever taken a required course in school and thought..."Why the HELL am I required to learn this B%ll$#it?"

Or if you have taken an elective and thought..."Why the HELL isn't THIS a REQUIRED course for alllllll graduates?" (That's how I felt when taking "Personal Financial Management 101" and  (to a lesser degree) "Stress Management 101". BOTH OF THOSE CLASSES SHOULD BE REQUIRED IN ORDER TO GRADUATE. Seriously, with the financial state of our country...and the INSANE amount of anti-stress medication that's prescribed in massive amounts...I mean, seriously...Do I remember a single thing about "Econ 101?" ...NO... However, "Personal Financial Management" literally changed my life. My parents never taught me how to invest or how to maintain a good credit score. BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO THEMSELVES. That class should be required for alllll of the 99% to learn about how the 1% got to BE the 1%!... Just sayin'.)

Anyhoo, I'm only about 1/3 of the way through Seth's e-book right now. (Subway reading on my iPhone.) But it's seriously blowing my mind. I'm including some quotes below...hopefully to spark your interest...and give you an idea of what the book is REALLY about...not just my perception of it.

OMG! Ideas are so awesome. Experiencing new ones that ring super true is soooooo satisfying.

LOL!

Maybe I don't even NEED grad school? Huh? Maybe grad school would actually be COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE to my growth as an artist?

What about THEM ideas?

Blowing. My. Mind.

Question everything,
Virginia

The following quotes are all taken from Seth Godin's Stop Stealing Dreams... Please feel free to share these ideas with anyone you think may benefit by hearing/reading/debating them.

That's how change happens...one conversation at a time.

Chapter 9:  ...the man who industrialized the public schools he created left us with this admonition,…be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.
Unfortunately, that part of his curriculum is almost never taught in school.

Chapter 19: By their nature, dreams are evanescent. They flicker long before they shine brightly. And when creating dreams is more difficult. They’re often related to where we grow up, who our parents are, and whether or not the right person enters our life.
Settling for the not-particularly uplifting dream of a boring, steady job isn’t helpful. Dreaming of being picked—picked to be on TV or picked to play on a team or picked to be lucky—isn’t helpful either. We waste our time and the time of our students when we set them up with pipe dreams that don’t empower them to adapt (or better yet, lead) when the world doesn’t work out as they hope.
The dreams we need are self-reliant dreams. We need dreams based not on what is but on what might be. We need students who can learn how to learn, who can discover how to push themselves.

Chapter 25: Transparency in the traditional school might destroy it. If we told the truth about the irrelevance of various courses, about the relative quality of some teachers, about the power of choice and free speech—could the school as we know it survive?

Chapter 29: There really are only two tools available to the educator. The easy one is fear. Fear is easy to awake, easy to maintain, but ultimately toxic.The other tool is passion. A kid in love with dinosaurs or baseball or earth science is going to learn it on her own. She’s going to push hard for ever more information, and better still, master the thinking behind it.Passion can overcome fear—the fear of losing, of failing, of being ridiculed.The problem is that individual passion is hard to scale—hard to fit into the industrial model. It’s not reliably ignited. It’s certainly harder to create for large masses of people. Sure, it’s easy to get a convention center filled with delegates to chant for a candidate, and easier still to engage the masses at Wembley Stadium, but the passion that fuels dreams and creates change must come from the individual, not from a demigod.

Chapter 33: Can risk-taking be taught? Of course it can. It gets taught by mentors, by parents, by great music teachers, and by life.Why isn’t it being taught every day at that place we send our kids to?Bravery in school is punished, not rewarded. The entire institution is organized around avoiding individual brave acts, and again and again we hear from those who have made a difference, telling us that they became brave despite school, not because of it.

Chapter 35: Greatness is frightening. With it comes responsibility.If you can deny your talents, if you can conceal them from others or, even better, persuade yourself that they weren’t even given to you, you’re off the hook.And being off the hook is a key element of the industrialized school’s promise. It lets parents off the hook, certainly, since the institution takes over the teaching. It lets teachers off the hook, since the curriculum is preordained and the results are tested. And it lets students off the hook, because the road is clearly marked and the map is handed to everyone.If you stay on the path, do your college applications through the guidance office and your job hunting at the placement office, the future is not your fault.That’s the refrain we hear often from frustrated job seekers, frustrated workers with stuck careers, and frustrated students in too much debt. “I did what they told me to do and now I’m stuck and it’s not my fault.” What they’ve exchanged for that deniability is their dreams, their chance for greatness. To go off the path is to claim responsibility for what happens next.

Chapter 36: We demand that students have a trade to fall back on, an assembly-line job available just in case the silly dreams don’t come true. And then, fearing heartbreak, we push them to bury the dream and focus on just the job.

Chapter 44: The Internet is making the role of content gatekeeper unimportant. Redundant. Even wasteful. If there’s information that can be written down, widespread digital access now means that just about anyone can look it up. We don’t need a human being standing next to us to lecture us on how to find the square root of a number or sharpen an axe.(Worth stopping for a second and reconsidering the revolutionary nature of that last sentence.)What we do need is someone to persuade us that we want to learn those things, and someone to push us or encourage us or create a space where we want to learn to do them better.If all the teacher is going to do is read her pre-written notes from a PowerPoint slide to a lecture hall of thirty or three hundred, perhaps she should stay home. Not only is this a horrible disrespect to the student, it’s a complete waste of the heart and soul of the talented teacher.Teaching is no longer about delivering facts that are unavailable in any other format.

If you're into the above...DOWNLOAD THE FREE E-BOOK BY CLICKING HERE.

If you're not into it...delete.

150. You Are Not Alone

I've been getting some incredibly inspiring emails from readers and friends over the past couple of weeks. I want to share one with you today (with permission of the author, naturally). I will name her Ms. Anonymous for privacy purposes.

A little background... Ms. Anonymous is an incredibly talented friend of mine. She decided to apply to just one grad school this year (American Conservatory Theatre in San Francisco) and has been following the AcceptanceProject blog over the past several months.

Ms. Anonymous and I both share the perspective that the process of applying for grad school is a valuable one, in and of itself, because it forces you to get really focused and specific about who you are and what you really want for your future. It's an incredibly personal and introspective application process. And therefore, even if you're not "accepted," you're walking away with some valuable self-knowledge about what you really want for your life. And because you've gained this new self-awareness you will naturally be drawn to make changes and explore avenues to improve your situation and get you moving in the direction of your dreams.

I believe that, almost universally, the desire to apply to grad school comes from a place of dissatisfaction in our current situation...We see a need for improvement in certain areas...career, training, mentorship, community, location ...whatever... SOMETHING is not working...and we know it...and we're hoping that perhaps grad school will help bridge that gap between where we are now and who we seek to become.

I wanted to share Ms. Anonymous' email with you...because stories like hers are the PRIMARY reason that I wanted to start this blog....To remind her that she is not alone. That I am not alone. You are not alone.

We are not competing with each other. We are in this together. Not just in the pursuit of grad school acceptance, but in the pursuit of creative growth. We are all searching for our right path and the place where we can find guidance to reach our greatest artistic potential.

I hope you will feel the camaraderie expressed in Ms. Anonymous' email and know that (though you may not know them personally) there are thousands of others out there sharing your journey this year and thinking the same thoughts you've been thinking and sharing the same fears you've been feeling and still pushing through and going for it anyway!

Here is Ms. Anonymous' email of February 18, 2012...

Hey there beautiful lady!!!

I just read your blog about Julliard. BIG bummer. They truly don't know what they are missing, despite the fact that they are choosing precisely what they want!!

I am SO grateful that you are sharing your experience with this whole process, including your first two years of auditions [NYU & Yale]. It's interesting... I was so hoping that with all of this energy you are putting into the universe that you would TOTALLY get in to ALL THREE schools! You are so focused, and diligent, and selflessly sharing it all with the world... to me that means you should get what you want and deserve =). Alas, that is clearly not how the universe works. Not exactly, anyway.

So, I did not get past the first cut at ACT. It was seriously one of the best auditions of my life. I sort of blew myself away with the depths I was able to reach, the effortlessness of creating both characters back to back, and just how much fun the whole process was. And NOTHING!!!!! I seriously stood there looking at the list making sure I hadn't missed my name, wondering if it had somehow fallen off the piece of paper. I wondered if they were going to call me later and be like "oops! We totally meant to call you back!! Turn around and get here quick!!" I mean, I didn't assume I was going to get in, but called back for the first round? REALLY??? One of my concerns about my viability for the program was my age. The average age of the ACT MFA student is 24. I am 33. The other is my ethnicity. ACT is very PC and most of the people chosen will be of some ethnicity other than white. I would have been totally happy assuming that I was just too old or white in their eyes, and that it had nothing to do with my work. Except that there was a white woman who certainly looked older than 24 called back!!! So I can't blame it on that either. I just simply didn't get selected.

So what does that mean? Am I not as talented as the people chosen? Am I not supposed to be an actor? No, no, no, and no. I'm just not supposed to get my MFA right now. And one of the reasons I know that is because you have shared your journey. It's hard to take an accurate appraisal of myself because I can't actually SEE my work. But I KNOW you. I KNOW your work. I KNOW your resume!!! You are brilliant, talented, stunningly beautiful, and a nice person to boot! And you do the work.  You do the work on yourself, and you do the work for your characters. You are a professional actor, and a conscious human being. And who the heck knows why you or I weren't chosen, other than we just weren't!! With 1500 aplicants (most of whom are probably pretty darn talented if they're even applying!), it's got to feel like they are throwing darts at a dartboard in their selection process. Which for me brings it down to the "Je ne sais quoi" of the universe. The unknown guidance system that moves us like chess pieces through this crazy game of life. I AM talented. I AM a professional actor. And I AM ambitious. I WILL work... I just don't know where or how or why. I just have to keep putting myself out there and see where I end up!! It may not look like I think I want it to look. But I have a gift to give, and I believe gifts are meant to be given.

Personally, I took this immediate rejection as a sign that I need to continue doing what I'm doing- film work, especially commercials (DEEP acting required there), musical theatre, and keep going with my song writing. I was given a voice... I should be using it =). I don't need a masters degree to do those things. I'm good enough all ready, and I'm ready to work. I AM working!!! I just want more work =). (I am also grateful that I don't have have to needlessly fill out the financial aid forms ;). ) 

Love,
Ms. Anonymous

Thank you, Ms. Anonymous, for sharing your story with us! You are RIGHT, you are incredibly talented and have some major gifts to give the world. You touch the lives of all those who know you and inspire them to greater creative heights! (I know..because I am one of them.)

I am grateful for your taking the time to write, expressing yourself with such openness...and letting me post your words on the blog. You are very courageous. Your insight is valuable and inspiring. Best wishes for you with your next creative steps.

I hope we can all take a lesson from Ms. Anonymous and move forward with confidence...knowing that we're on the right path.

Loves,
Virginia

141. The Learning Spiral

Learning is not a linear process in my world. I wish it looked like the chart below. But, for me, this is not exactly right.

(Photo Credit: synapse9.com)

The above is allll logical and makes sense and everything. And maybe it works for some people this way...but for me...My learning curve is a spiral staircase.

(Photo Credit: Andrew Hazelden)

As I take action in my life to learn a new skill...like blogging...or...eating healthy...or...working on a new monologue...or lessons I'm learning in life...like being more patient or... listening more...or being more focused on being present with people in the now...(These are all things I'd like to be better skilled at)...I've realized that I set myself up for a lot of self-loathing if I expect myself to be able to follow the learning curve rather than the learning spiral.

Thinking of it as a spiral makes me feel good about learning!

What's the difference? You ask?

Well, I see it this way...As I climb up the spiral staircase...I can feel GOOD because I am...

A. Moving forward toward my goal

B. Moving upward (improving) toward my goal

and 

C. I am constantly coming back around to the same lessons that I have learned before...only THIS TIME...I am learning them at a higher level (because I've been doing A & B all along)

If I use the learning curve as the model in my mind...I get frustrated because I feel like once I've learned a lesson or accomplished a part of my process...that I SHOULD then be able to "check it off the list" and be "done with it" and I'll never ever revert back to needing to learn that lesson again. So when I (inevitably) have to remind myself of lessons I've "already learned" in the past...I end up feeling bad about myself...like..."Oh, I should have known better"...or..."DUH...That was stupid. What's wrong with me?")

I have realized over the years that there's no reason to try to change the way I learn. That's just the WAY I LEARN and that's OKAY. Beating myself up about it does not help me learn any better. It just makes me feel bad. And I like to feel good about learning. So I will allow myself to love my learning spiral!

I am constantly learning and re-learning the same lessons in life over and over again...and just when I think I've "MASTERED" something...I discover how I can improve it. This is both wonderful (because it means learning is a life-long process and I'll never get bored) and it's also frustrating (because I sometimes think..."Why-can't-I-f*%<ing-LEARN-this-thing-already-and-get-it-over-with"...in my mind).

So to be more SELF-LOVING in my learning process. I have officially adopted the spiral staircase as my learning model.

For example, I was re-learning a lesson this morning...I woke up and I was thinking about imagination...and how important it is to have a strong vision for what I want my life to be...but imagination is equally as important as action...because without action, then all of my imaginings will only just be dreams...but there's another component that's suuuuuper important for me...and that is motivation...because when I'm really motivated to do something for a really strong/true/right/powerful/fun reason...then you best believe I'm going to find ways to make it happen...because I will throw all of my time, smarts, and love into it.

Imagination + Motivation + Action = Moving Up The Learning Spiral in the Direction of My Dreams

For me...the step that I MISS most often (in the above equation)...is the action step. I feel like I've got a strong imaginative vision of what I'd like to become...and I've got a TON of motivation to want to do it...but then...I get distracted by things...or I over-exert myself and get tired...and I realize that I'm not taking the ACTION necessary to really make my dreams a reality.

“Your story (that you tell yourself in your head) is the person you really want to be. That’s how you’d like to view yourself. Your actions, of course, are you! You can’t define anyone but by their actions. You can BE great. But unless you DO great, no one will know that. Think about that today…Let’s make our actions follow our story.” – Adam Gilbert, MyBodyTutor

And back to the LEARNING SPIRAL and how that relates to my issues with taking action...this is not a new concept to me...I blogged about it last November. CLICK HERE TO READ THAT POST.

So I'm still deepening that learning...Reminding myself to take action is going to be a constant life-long learning spiral for me. True story...So I might as well love it...and love myself through the process.

I'm not a linear learner...I'm a SPIRAL LEARNER. And somehow...knowing that and being able to label it...makes me feel good about it. Because I know I'm learning in the right way...the right way for me, that is.

So I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself constantly on this blog...That's just because I'm walking up my spiral...blog post by blog post...Learning and re-learning the lessons that the universe has to teach me. 

I'm no expert. But I'm learning...and getting better!

Thanks for walking with me. It's fun sharing the journey with you!

Loves,

V

"Expertise requires routine consistency, if only to elevate the level of growth in a short period of time. Schedule practice consistently...freeing you up from worrying over other things." - Marc Johansen, BeHyped

117. Interview with Daniel Talbott (Juilliard): Part Two

For those of you that are just tuning-in...This is a continuation of yesterday's post. If you liked that one, this one's about to knock your socks off. Daniel is a truth-teller. Nothing too personal to discuss. Nothing off-limits to reveal. He's an incredibly wonderful and courageous human being! I LOOOOOOOVE this man...

Without further ado...PART TWO of my interview with Mr.Daniel Talbott...Enjoy!

(The following was recorded on January 7, 2012, and lovingly transcribed into text by my mother, Dorothy Wilcox, the fastest typist in the west! Thanks, Mom!)

Virginia: So tell me about your experience at Juilliard…

Daniel: Juilliard is the best thing that ever happened to me, seriously, for the bad as much as for the good, if not more.  It’s an amazing school full of brilliant and human and flawed people. It gave me a home base to come to New York and work every day of my life as an actor.  I was in the middle of my class.  There were kids that were straight out of high school.  There were kids that had come out of a graduate program.  I was so happy I was in the middle ‘cause I wasn’t burnt out, and I wasn’t overly intellectualizing stuff.  But at the same time, I also wasn’t so terrified that I was just out of school...I had already had an apartment and done stuff like that. 

It was really hard my first year because the great love of my life, up to that point, and I ended up in class together after we had been broken up for a year and a half.  And it was really, really hard for both of us. I think we both did okay with dealing with it.  They ended up leaving after the first year which I think was maybe easier on both of us, but it’s sad. I mean it’s not what they chose to do with their life, but if they had chosen that, I had really hoped that they would not have chosen to leave because it’s a great opportunity for anybody.  I mean, we dealt with it, but the first year was really hard because of that. So, you know, they didn’t come back, and I feel like that really opened me up.  And so I felt like my second year and third year I was much more able to work.  I was much more at ease.  Because we weren’t tiptoeing around each other 24/7,…it was so hard for both of us. 

And then, in my third year – the third year was the hardest year for me because I knew I was getting married, I was engaged.  My now wife – at the time, my fiancé – thought that we had messed up and got pregnant...I was also feeling like maybe it wasn’t the right fit for me in my third year.  And I had also started Rising Phoenix Rep.  I also knew I wanted to direct and write plays.  I knew I wanted to act, but it was a really, really hard year.  And there was this day we really thought my wife was pregnant.  I had a really good attendance record, and I skipped class so I could go to the doctor’s appointment with her.  I think someone chewed me out about it, one of my teachers or something, and I went off on them.  I was really angry about it.  I can’t remember what happened, but I was really, really upset.  I remember I was shaking, and I was walking through Central Park, and I called Kathy [Hood].  I said, “I really need to talk to you.  I think I’m going to leave the school.  I’m not going to finish it.  I’m really fed up. I’m really sick of being treated like this by certain people.” She said, “Why don’t you come in and talk to me first before you make a decision.”  Kathy’s kind of the great mama of the Juilliard program.  She’s amazing.  She said, “Michael [Kahn] wants to talk to you.”  I think he cancelled his trip to Washington to talk to me.  And so I came back to the school.  I think I was crying and shaking.  I was really pissed off.  I was a mess.  And I went in and I talked to Michael, and he was amazing.  I remember sitting in his office, and he told me, "You’re not going to leave this school.  You’re going to graduate from this school."  And he told me very personal stuff about himself and where he was at, that I reminded him of himself when he was younger in some ways.  And because of Michael and because of Kathy I stayed at that school, and I’m so proud that I graduated.  I’m so happy that they believed in me enough, and they stood by me enough to tell me I had to stay… 

The fourth year amazing. It was Rep season, and you start getting a little bit more breathing room which was good for me.  And doing rehearsal a lot, which was great.  And I had a play that was at the Young Playwrights’ Festival at the Royal Court, and the school made it possible for me to fly back and forth to London and also do Rep season.  So I got to go to London, which was a huge thing for me.  And the Royal Court’s probably my favorite theatre in the world.  It was such a dream come true for me…It was an amazing year.  I feel so lucky and proud to have graduated from that school, and I would say 98% of my teachers I’m still really close friends with and profoundly changed my life in a great way. 

Virginia:  So in your day-to-day professional life now, with a career that you’re continuing to build and your many, many hats that you've taken on – as a playwright and as a director, producing and artistic directing and acting– what do you feel have been the most valuable contributions to your current work that you learned at Juilliard? 

Daniel:  I think everything.  I think you learn from everything that happens in your life and that you put that into your work. I think the theatre is this ultimate kind of – for lack of a better word – truth box that represents back to us what we are, in every way -- as a society, as people, as a world, as a culture, as a community.  So I think every life experience that you have:  the good, the bad, the shitty, the great experiences, the crappy experiences, you can transform all of that into work and flip it into beauty and into art.  That’s, to me, what you do.  Every experience that I’ve ever had at Juilliard and just in the world has influenced my work, and my career, how I view things and how I view the world and how I view life and art. I think too much in our culture we have this thing where we separate the professional and the personal , and you can’t really do that.  I think your work should be greatly personal. I think you should be professional.  I think you shouldn’t come into work and be a wreck and not be able to work.  But as long as you can work and are allowing other people to work, it should be deeply personal.  So it’s all tied in together for me.  My family is part of theatre, the theatre is part of my family.  It’s all one thing to me…

My life is...I like simplicity.  I try to simplify my life as much as possible.  I feel like life is my work, my friends, and my family.  And that’s my life…taking walks, I love the ocean, I love whales, I love tennis. (Laughs.) I just try to be very simple about it and I put everything I am into my work, my family and friends.  I don’t think Juilliard – I don’t think any school – is the right school for everybody.  And I think there were kids in my class that came in that were so technically proficient and then became overly technically proficient at that school which is the kind of the “bad Juilliard speak” that you hear about and all that stuff.  And then I feel like there were kids that were just really raw, kind of messy, kind of hot messes, like myself. I’m a messy, kind of process-y, nutty fuckin actor and theatre artist.  And for me, Juilliard was the best thing, again, that ever happened to me.  It was the best school I could have gone to because it gave me very strong technical [training] – not that it’s just a technical school – but it balanced me. I think so of much of life and so much of art is balance…

Al Pacino has this great thing that he says about how acting is like walking a tightrope. Walking a tightrope is always active.  It’s always moving forward.  There’s always conflict and extremity. There’s a limit of time.  And you also can’t over balance one over the other or you’ll fall off.  So there’s this perfect alignment that’s moving forward with…extremity of action and in an extreme objective way.  And so I think it is a perfect analogy with acting.  Juilliard balanced me as an actor...But I don’t think it’s the school for everybody.  I think it’s a brilliant fuckin school.  But I think as an artist you have to have a strong sense of why you’re doing it from every part of yourself.  And if you’re just doing it from your neck up, to please other people, you’re not being an artist.  I mean Jackson Pollock, everyone thought he was fuckin insane.  Francis Bacon everyone thought he was crazy.   Joseph Cornell was an agoraphobe.  They fuckin thought he was crazy, and he was a genius. Do you know what I mean?  But he was doing what called him.  Another thing that I think happens in our culture is that people eliminate the uniqueness of the personal, you get people trying to imitate other things that have been successful  in order to have success.  You can’t do that in the theatre.

I think there have been times, absolutely there’ve been wonderful times in American theatre history that you’ve gotten these periods... like the Al Pacino, Gene Hackman, Dustin Hoffman period, you know...the Eugene O’Neill, Tennessee Williams period.  None of those people imitated other people.  That’s not how they created their success.   They were just artists.  They found their own personal, unique, explosive way to create.  Like Kim Stanley or Laurette Taylor … The people who you remember are the people who have created a unique personal path through art, and that have been greatly influenced by everyone else that they’ve worked with and everyone else that has inspired them. And so I feel like I was able to be who I am, and I got four years to explode that and challenge that and get a very strong foundation, so that I could hopefully do that eight times a week instead of doing it three times a week. You know what I mean?  I would never be the theatre artist I am without that school. 

Virginia:  So with regard to the personal thing.  I want to transition into a little bit about Yosemite, which is your most recent project. 

Daniel:  It’s probably my most personal play.

Virginia:  So what are some of the personal elements that you’re excited to share through this creative work?

Daniel:  I don’t know if excited is the word.  I’m like fuckin terrified…  I think that I’m such a beginning playwright.  It’s hard to even call myself a playwright.  There are so many playwrights who I admire that I think that are so further along than I am... It is a weird play…I don’t know if anyone’s going to get it.  I don’t know if it’s going to mean anything to anyone else.  I could see people loving it.  I could see people and critics just completely trashing it, but I’m proud of it. It's the thing I'm most proud to have written.

End of Recording.

Ohhhhh, Daniel. WE are so proud of you tooooooo! Your journey from young-baseball-player-and-hopeful-someday-actor to....now-playmaker-theatre-artist-husband-father-and-friend -- is sooooo inspiring.

You are clearly on your right path and I applaud all of the courage and heart it took for you to get to where you are now!!! Thanks for sticking with it. We allll benefit from your decision to follow your calling and live this crazy-artist-life to be able to CREATE and tell your story...in the way that ONLY you can. Thank you for that.

Sending you love and wishing you tons of success with Yosemite and beyond!!!

I am sooooo grateful to have had this opportunity to record this moment in time. (It is soooooo awesome to have this blog as an excuse to talk with really f-ing cool people about how they got to be where they are...and then have the privilege of sharing it online! YAY!)

It's great to be able support a theatre artist in process...who's life is dedicated to exploring the human condition and reflecting it back for your entertainment and contemplation. CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR TICKETS TO YOSEMITE.

Gotta run. My computer's about to run out of juice...And I've got to grab some food before I head to the theatre...to see the first preview of Yosemite.

Hope to see you all there.

Loves,

V

P.S. RE: Monologue practice for my up-coming grad school auditions...Did all four of my monologues for my friend H. She was around to see my monologues last year too. And I didn't show them to very many people last year...I was waaaay to scared. But this year...I'm doing these freakin' monologues for EVERYBODY, scared or not! And H said that she thinks I've shown some improvement over last year! Yay!!! Progress! Who could ask for anything mooooooore???

99. Failure Club

OMG!!!! This is the coooooolest show! Click on the link below...

FAILURE CLUB
(Every Friday on Yahoo! Screen...Watch out NBC...You've got some competition.)

Dude...We should all be in Failure Club.

Start your own!!!!!

Why Failure Club is awesome...
1. Provides accountability
2. Provides moral support
3. You can help motivate others as you, yourself, are motivated
4. You can talk through your psychological issues and fears with others who can empathize and encourage you
5. Somebody is there to notice your progress...and call you out when your are procrastinating
6. The group can give suggestions for resources and next steps
7. The group can help you work through your own resistance
8. You are putting yourself in a SAFE environment of supportive and knowledgeable people where you will be able to take RISKS and FAIL BIG...and realize that you can get through it and you'll be a more courageous human being as a result!

"But, I'm afraid!"... Set yourself up to succeed by giving yourself some SUPPORT.

Q: How do I build-up confidence?
A: Push through the fear and do something that TERRIFIES you!

It doesn't even matter what happens as a RESULT of that fearful action...success...failure...whatever...You will feel like a ROCK STAR...from just having DONE that thing that you've been sooooo afraid of doing.

Awesome.

The issues addressed on this show are allllll the things that successful people MUST work through in order to  be okay with failure and ... BE SUCCESSFUL!

My question to YOU:
If you knew that allllll you had to do to make your dreams come true was overcome your fear of failing... could you do it?

Thinkaboutdit.

Loves,
V

89. Learn From The Best

"I have a lot left to learn. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I know almost nothing, and that I’m often wrong about what I think I know. Life has many lessons left to teach me, and I’m looking forward to them all." - Leo Babauta, ZenHabits.net

I want to be a life-long-learner. Part of this whole journey of wanting to get back to school and get my MFA in acting has been motivated by my desire to continue to LEARN and, specifically, learn how to create a sustainable and fulfilling career as an artist.

Hence...applying to NYU, Yale & Juilliard...arguably three of the BEST acting programs in the US. What better place to submit to the process of learning about the craft?

Observing New Yorkers since I moved here in 2007 has expanded my perception of what is possible for ordinary people to be able to do in the world. Being here has made me more aware of the impact that everyone is making on our society every day...and the question is.. What kind of contribution are you making today? And what more would you like to do if you showed a little initiative and guts?

These are the kinds of questions that NY has caused me to ask myself.

I am surrounded by successful people EVERYWHERE. People making their living doing EXACTLY what they are passionate about, taking risks, not compromising and making a great living from their work. This is incredibly inspiring to me.

So now that I KNOW that this kind of life is possible and that even regular people are doing it. I have to ask..how do I make this a REALITY for me?

A little background on my experience as an actor in NY...

In 2009, I went to over 200 theatre auditions here. I got three callbacks and booked one show.

That. Was. An. Exhausting. Year.

Just awful.

Let's not even talk about how devastating that year was for me financially or psychologically... Needless to say, to continue with that approach to my career was not a sustainable business model or healthy for my soul.

However, I acknowledge that I am an experiential learner...and I feel like I had to experience that awfulness for myself in order to know that it wasn't going to work for me.

Picture this...

200 mornings...waking up at the crack-of-dawn to stand in line with hundreds of other "me" types...all of us wanting jobs...needing to pay our rent...hoping to get an audition appointment and be "seen" for 2 minutes...sing our 16-bar-cut or speak a short monologue...and maaaaaybe be remembered by the casting assistant's intern behind the audition table...in hopes that you'd be that one "perfect" person for the job and your headshot would end up in front of someone with "actual casting authority." Such is the life of an agent-less actor. I realized that even with my Equity Card it was a looooong shot, but I kept "showing up" because I thought it was a numbers game...and EVENTUALLY I'd book something...and then I'd be "happy." Well...eventually, I did book a job...but...HAPPY?...Not so much. That job was not creatively fulfilling and it was over, start-to-finish, in less than 5 months...and back to the audition circuit I'd go.

This is not what I thought life as an actor would be...this life is not fun. Why do I feel like I'm desperately begging for a job every day? Bleh.

"Wrong approach, Wilcox. Sorry, Sweet Heart. The juice ain't worth the squeeze."

"There's gotta be a better way!"

I had to do SOMETHING differently. Because giving up acting for good was NOT AN OPTION.

I thought to myself, "You're not in Northern California anymore, Virginia. This is N.Y.C. There are new rules to this game. And you've got to learn them and figure out how YOU are going to be able to play YOUR way and not feel like you're being played. How are you going to be able to create an acting career in New York City that's... A. economically sustainable (gotta pay the rent and not get into debt) and B. creatively fulfilling (this is what you LOVE to do, right?) Being actor in NY is NOT an easy task or for the faint-of-heart or the "dabbler." You've got to be COMMITTED to failing and taking risks and thinking outside-the-box in order to LEARN how to make this career happen for you."

And I discovered that...I don't like feeling like the "long-shot" at an audition. I hate walking into the room and feeling like the casting director is thinking, "Virginia Wilcox, who? And why should I care?...NEXT." Actually...that's what I was thinking when I walked into the room...And THAT was the REAL problem.

I realized that I had get to a place in my own head where I could feel like the "sure-thing"... Eventually, I would like to be the person that walks into the audition room and the casting director's reaction is "Oh, thank goodness Virginia Wilcox is here. I love her work." So how do I get THERE?

I am still in the process of discovering the answer to this question. I'm hoping that part of the answer will be the confidence and exposure I will gain from my grad school experience.

But the most urgent question that pertains to NOW... is... What do I need to do TODAY to get myself on that path?

"It's often from a sense of discontent, feelings of incompleteness, or even a twinge of true unhappiness that the seeds of great accomplishment are sown." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe

I didn't want to buy into the "starving actor" mentality anymore. I'm not interested in "surviving" as an actor. I want to THRIVE as an actor.

So, what did I do after my marathon 200 audition year? I did what every self-respecting actor/actress in their right mind would do...I stopped auditioning and got a "day-job."

F*%k auditioning...I have to eat, make rent and these credit card bills are NOT going to pay themselves.

:-p

But what about acting? Was Virginia Wilcox giving up?! Maybe... maybe not...

"A young woman with an extra ten or twenty thousand in her pocket has a lot more room to maneuver than a girl who's broke at the end of every month...There's no disgrace in waiting tables if it's part of a long-term strategy." - Hugh MacLeod (taken from Tim Ferris' blog)

I knew I needed to figure out a strategy before I could move forward again... I knew that what I'd been doing wasn't working and wasn't making me happy and that if I continued on that path that it'd ultimately lead me to damage my love for acting (NO!!!). I couldn't let the challenges and competitive nature of the "business" destroy my desire to participate in this art form.


But what exactly was getting in my way? How could I approach all this in a smarter more fulfilling way?

And more specifically, was I really ready and willing to let go of everything in my life that's keeping me from my goal...thoughts, habits, relationships...anything that doesn't support me or has become unhealthy and no longer serves me...Would I really be brave enough to let it all go in service to my dream?

Scary.

Needs support.

Needs inspiration.

Needs to know that the juice will be worth the squeeze.

I became drawn to stories of successful people and how they became who they are today. Though many famous people I admire have amazing stories...I felt a certain distance from many of their tales because a lot of them started out with more resources in life than I felt I had. So, in my mind, I thought...well...NATURALLY they'd be successful...if they came from money... or if they were BORN into a family of industry leaders...or they found an influential MENTOR early in their life that enabled them entry into their field of choice. But those were not my circumstances.

So I kept searching until I found a story of an ORDINARY person, with similar resources to my own, no significant advantages to speak of, that found a smart and self-loving way to make their dreams happen in spite of the odds...

And that person was not an actor (surprise!) and came from the most unlikely of places...Guam...His name is Leo Babauta and it's his success story that has inspired me the MOST!


From Leo I have learned HOW to get over resistance to doing something you've never thought yourself capable of before and HOW changing your life in small ways can lead to changing your life in BIG ways...

READ LEO'S STORY HERE.

If Leo found a way to achieve his goals, then I can too! And my way may be slightly different than his way...but I will use his tools and adapt them to my own needs.

Some improve-your-habits-to-change-your-life guidance from Leo:

• Do one habit at a time.
• Make it easy to do.
• Do it consciously, very consciously at first.
• Don't allow any exceptions.
• Post your progress publicly.
• Keep doing it every single day.
• Enjoy the habit.

Sounds like a description of AcceptanceProjectNYC, huh?

Yes. I am totally unoriginal. All my good ideas are stolen and regurgitated from others.

Maybe that's my true calling...selective regurgitation.  ;-)

Anyway...

Leo inspires me because his is a story of an ORDINARY man, with ORDINARY resources, and with EXTRAORDINARY aspirations. He has completely changed his life... all because he was unhappy with the way things were going and he wanted a change. And he figured out a way to make the changes in his life soooooo easy and soooooo simple, that he couldn't make excuses for not doing it. For him, he made TINY changes...one thing at a time, one day at a time, step by step, inch by inch...nothing sweeping or grand. But NOW...all of those little moment-to-moment decisions have added up and he's living the life of his DREAMS and loving the life he's created.

I've been following his blog for a couple of years now. He's had such a HUGE impact on my life. But it's funny... I've never contacted him once, or commented on his blog or anything. He's changed my life by telling his story and he'll probably never know my name!

That's the beauty of the internet, I suppose. You put yourself out there...and somebody's happy to read what you've written. (You'll never really know the impact you've had on people. And that's probably best anyway, 'cause it's really too overwhelming to process psychologically.)

Thank you, Leo...for sharing your story. It has motivated me to stop sitting around and waiting for the life I wanted to find me...Now I'm taking action to create it, one tiny moment and one blog post at a time.

So hopefully, in the future I'll be able to make a whole huge awesome list of things I've accomplished with these baby steps...things that will have great meaning to me...because I took the reigns of my own life and did what I could to get the ball rolling.

I'm my own knight in shining armor...saving my own inner damsel in distress. And I know that no matter what happens with the "outcome" of this grad school goal, we're gonna live happily ever after.

Thank you to all of YOU, my readers, who CARE about pursuing your dreams! Please know that I am personally invested in your success! It's always such a thrill for me to press "send" and know that you're reading! And I'll keep showing up on this blog...6 days a week. Because I TRULY BELIEVE that you can create EXACTLY the kind of life you've always secretly imagined, by doing a little bit every day to move yourself in the direction of your dreams.

We're gonna get there, people. Where ever "there" is exactly...will become clear later. But, right now, at least we're on the way.

You may say that I'm a dreamer...but I'm not the only one,
Virginia

"Think only as you can think, which will lead to feelings that only you can feel, from which connections will be made, lives will be changed, and worlds will come tumbling into existence." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe

77. Stress Cadet

"Cut people slack...Their actions might not reveal their enduring character, but instead reflect some situation they find themselves in. Forbearance is a form of generosity." - Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project

Soooo yesterday was one of THOSE days at work. It was kind-of like "Opening Night" of a show. You know the sort of day where everything has been building up to this one final moment and you're in last-minute-prep-mode and everybody's excited and a little on-edge and anything that goes wrong feels like a crisis (but really isn't)? That was my day yesterday.

Here are some of my learning "take-aways" from my high-pressure day:

1. When the $h*t hits the fan, you want to be surrounded by quality people that you trust to help support you... otherwise, reaching out for help will only ADD to your stress, because you haven't established enough trust to know that they'll come through for you in your time of need.

2. Know that you are NOT seeing the bigger picture when you are STRESSED out, so give people as much slack and compassion as you can possibly muster... as your blood-pressure skyrockets off the chart.

3. Yelling will not help anyone do anything better/faster... It will just make everyone feel bad and if you are the one yelling... it will not make you feel any better either. So speak your words with care.

4. Take a step back before REACTING... breathe... take a walk... splash some cold water on your face (but don't ruin your make-up)... call a friend... have a snack... DO SOMETHING to get in a good headspace before moving forward. It's worth taking the time to do... even when it seems like there is NO TIME... Because you do NOT want to say something that you're going to REGRET.

5. Communicate what you need to get the job done... nicely... and be HONEST about where you are at. If you have too much on your plate... delegate... hand something off to someone you trust and give yourself some relief.

6. Don't deny it! People KNOW if you're stressed. They see it exuding from your pores... so just admit it, rather than trying to pretend you're FINE. It will feel better just to SAY IT. Then hopefully, you can feel like you can stop fighting, let the stressful feeling be what it is and move forward as best you can in the moment.

7. Say THANK YOU to everyone who is helping to make things happen before "show time." A little gratitude goes a looooong way in keeping everyone on the same page (including YOU)... that we're all a TEAM and working toward the same goal: an AWESOME & SUCCESSFUL event/show/presentation/etc.

8. Have a sense of humor. Make a joke!!! Laughter releases sooooo much tension. (P.S. I am TERRIBLE at this... I have such a hard time laughing when I'm stressed out, let alone making someone else laugh... but I LOVE it and appreciate it soooooooo much when other people are able to make me laugh and make light of "serious" situations... So I like to surround myself with those kind of quality people whenever possible...see number 1.)

9. Smile. Sometimes by moving those smiling muscles in your face... your attitude will take a clue and adjust itself. You can decide to have fun with the situation at any point...or be miserable...the choice is up to you.

10. Remember... It will all be over soon and you will be able to fall asleep on your pillow and wrap yourself in a blanket and dream of cotton candy and puppy-dogs again. That's something to look forward to.

11. You are doing a good job... the best you can. So be kind to yourself and take a deep breath. You are enough. You can get through it!!!

12. Shift your focus...Really... it's all about FOCUS. When you are focused on "not freaking-out"... you will only freak-yourself-out MORE... But when you focus on having FUN... then the "not freaking-out" will happen as a natural bi-product of having more fun in spite of the obstacles.

Easier said that done though...

And when you inevitably get caught-up in the stress-frenzy-high-pressureness of it all and totally "lose it" in front of everyone and make a total a$$ out of yourself... Well, you learn from that too... That you can survive FAILING BIG and that you can find some good "take-aways" from it (like 12 of them, to be exact)... and resolve to do better next time... because there will be a next time.

Sigh...

Gotta love pushing yourself to your limit... Otherwise... How will you know how far you can go?

Further and further.

Loves,
V

"We can throw stones, complain about them, stumble on them, climb over them, or build with them." - William Arthur Ward

 

64. Don't Know Mind

"In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on things you have long taken for granted." - Bertrand Russell, philosopher, mathematician, author, Nobel laureate (1872-1970)

The more I know, the more I know that I don't know.

And even things that I've learned before... I'm constantly re-learning over and over and over again.

I like to think of learning as an upward spiral rather than a straight line. Every time I learn a lesson and move up the spiral it still comes back around to the same questions, just at a slightly higher level.

Or sometimes not.

Re-learning things all the time can get frustrating, but I've begun to accept it as a part of my process and try not to beat myself up about it when I realize it's happened... again.

I like to try to cultivate something called "don't know mind," to take some of the pressure off of myself for not knowing things.

"A true "don't know mind" leaves a lot of room for your intentions to manifest in interesting and wonderful ways. When you commit to something 100%, without the need to know how you will get there, the universe will begin to weave it creatively into the physical world." - Lena Stevens, The Power Path

I find that when I release my attachment to knowing... that I am happier... I am more open. I learn faster and ultimately... questions are answered on their own time and in ways that I couldn't have foreseen anyway.

Some people use phrases like... "Let it go" or "It's all good" to help themselves release their attachments to things that they cannot control.

I like to say "Don't know."  ~ with a smile and a shrug~

And the more I practice not knowing... the easier it is for me not to know things. And HOPEFULLY, some day, I will get sooooo good at it that I won't know anything anymore.

That'd RULE!

I mean, who really KNOWS anything anyway? Ya know?

Life's gonna happen...whether I KNOW it or not,
Virginia

"The way of illumination seems dark,
going forward seems like retreat,
the easy way seems hard,
true power seems weak,
true purity seems tarnished,
true clarity seems obscure,
the greatest art seems unsophisticated,
the greatest love seems indifferent,
the greatest wisdom seems childish."
- Lao Tsu, 41st Verse of the Tao Te Ching, Taken from Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life by Dr. Wayne Dyer

47. Learn On The Job, Get Paid, Feel Good

“To enjoy now, there was something… I was going to have to master: my dread of criticism. Too much concern about whether I was getting praise or blame, too much anticipatory anxiety about what my detractors would say – those kinds of fears spoiled my pleasure in my work and, what’s more, probably weakened by work.” – Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project 

When you get a new job and you’re learning how to do it…whether you are making lattes at Starbucks, rehearsing new dance numbers or writing complex reports… nobody expects you to do it perfectly your first day on the job.  There’s always a learning-curve. You learn as you go and improve your skills as time goes on… and the best part is… you’ve already got the job and you're getting PAID for that learning.

You were hired because they see that you have the skills to be able to LEARN how to do the specific tasks required for the job. Every job requires learning new things... And the process of getting really good at anything takes TIME, but … as long as you keep at it… you will improve. True story.

Once you've accomplished a certain amount of mastery of those new skills... you can look back on your first rocky days at a new job and laugh (hopefully), knowing that you could have probably cut yourself a little bit more slack and not stressed yourself out about it so much. 

Everybody's been the newbie and hopefully your co-workers and employers will have compassion for you as you become a master of your new job.

RE: Men & Women

I read a study earlier this year (wish I could cite it directly, but I couldn’t find it) which discussed the different ways that men and women approach the concept of “learning on the job.” 

The study showed that the majority of MEN felt no qualms what-so-ever about the idea of getting paid to learn how to do a new job. In other words, they didn’t stress-out about the fact that they had just gotten hired to do a job that they essentially didn’t know how to do yet. They felt confident in the fact that they would be able to learn it over time and felt that getting paid during this process was due compensation for their efforts.

WOMEN, however, had a different experience on the whole. Many of them expressed high levels of anxiety at not knowing how to expertly execute all the duties of their new jobs from day one, and felt a sort-of guilt at being paid to do something they were still learning how to do.

I thought this was so strange! I had never considered that new-job-stress could actually have some gender associations. Still... every human being is different, so these kinds of studies must be taken with a grain-of-salt. But it certainly made me think and reflect on my own expectations for myself when starting up any new project.

I’d like to be totally okay with getting paid to learn. You want to pay me to get good at doing something? Okay. No prob. I'm on it!

I mean, if you are lucky enough to have the opportunity to get paid training at your job... take it!!! That's such a gift! Your employers are investing in you… teaching you new skills… for their own benefit (of course), but these new skills will benefit you as well because you can apply them in future job situations or in your life in general. And you can always learn about yourself in the process... in ANY process. So really it's a win/win for everyone.

And as someone who spent many, many years and many, many student loans… paying my way through classes, so that I could learn things… the whole concept of "learning on the job" and getting PAID is pretty freakin’ awesome.

Re: Acting

Sooo, when it comes to acting, learning on the job is the NORM. Even the BEST actors in the business are constantly learning new skills for their roles. 

In a previous post, I discussed how much l learned from attending the alumni talkback sessions at the callback weekend at NYU. I wanted to share with you one specific conversation that helped to shift my mindset about learning on the job...

After the Q&A was over I walked up to Billy Crudup, an NYU alum, and asked him what his name was again? HA! (I knew I had seen him in a bunch of stuff, but honestly had no idea what a well-known actor he was.)

Me = Ridiculous

He smiled and said, "Billy." I said, "I'm Virginia. Nice to meet you... I was just wondering how you feel that your training at NYU prepared you for a film career and dealing with the unique skills required for on-camera work?" 

(I asked this question because, in all the three years of training at NYU, on-camera training only happens in your third year. It is not a program that has a great focus on on-camera acting, but sooooo many of the alumni have gone on to great success in that medium. So I was trying  to understand where the connection was between the training at NYU and what I was seeing on the big and small screens.)

Billy’s answer was, of course, brilliant and gracious. He smiled and said that at NYU he had learned all the essential skills that an actor needs to have to prepare for ANY kind of a role in ANY medium, but most importantly, NYU taught him to just say “YES.” Meaning… that he would "go for it"… do whatever was required for the role… whether he “knew how” to do it or not or “felt prepared” to do it or not. He’d just DO IT. He felt confident enough from his training at NYU that he could LEARN ON THE JOB how to be a skillful film actor. 

And he is.

At NYU he established a strong foundation of acting training, practice and confidence and used it to help build a solid film career. 

Inspiring!!!! 

As he stood there discussing this early part of his career with me, I could see that he saw great humor in many of his early foibles on-camera and had clearly learned not to take himself too seriously somewhere along the way as well. Adorable. 

He is a kind and generous human being and I will always be grateful for him taking the time out of his busy schedule to show up at that alumni talk-back and share his experience with potential students. Just awesome.

In conclusion, it all comes back to the freedom from anxiety that being okay with “not knowing” provides... Being able to just say YES and trust that all that you will discover everything you will need to know in time. 

What a stress-free, suffering-free existence we’d all have if we could just trust that all is well and everything will work out fine!?

:-)

Or as Jack Plotnick affirms for himself when walking into an audition, “I am going to take it from where I am.” Because where I am right now is the perfect place to begin.

Billy began where he was... trained at NYU... learned on the job... and now he's dancing with Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love.

Sooo, I hope we can all take Billy’s lead, here… and feel GOOD about learning on the job!

Begin. Feel good. Learn. Feel good. Get better. Feel good. Get paid. Feel good. Learn more. Feel good...

You see where I am going with this?...

Now go!

Loves,

V

“If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful after all." - Michelanglo Buonarroti, sculptor, painter, architect & poet (1475 - 1564)