An (almost) daily conversation about my process of preparation to apply for acceptance to the MFA Acting programs at Juilliard, NYU-Tisch and the Yale School of Drama in 2012.
"Reality" is not that you are weak, and dream of becoming strong. Poor, and dream of becoming rich. Alone, and dream of having friends. But that you're already strong, rich, and among friends. Yet, at times, dream that you're not." - Mike Dooley
Hello, folks!
Remember me?
I thought it was about time I sent out an update to inform you of the following:
A. I am still alive.
B. Hurricane Sandy is bitch-slapping NYC right now. (So far, so good at my home in Astoria. We've got power and I can blog.)
C. And....No. An alternate slot never did open up for me at NYU Grad Acting for Fall of 2012.
:(
Whah-whah.
Soooooo, naturally the next question is...
"Well, Virginia, are you going to audition again for grad school for the 4th year in a row?"
Am I?
Hmmmm?
Well, I am acting like I am. I am in motion. I have already chosen a few monologues. I have partially filled out the online application (at NYU at least). I have gotten together with a new monologue coach a few times. So I am taking ACTION and moving FORWARD.
But there is something not quite right. You see...
It's my heart.
My heart is not IN it...Certainly not like it was this time last year.
Now it's at this point where I have to ask myself...WHY is that?
Is it just resistance? Am I tired? Is it a passing feeling? Or am I simply ready to move on to something else?
The truth: I don't know the answer.
What do I really want at this point in my life? Is grad school really my next best step or no?
I got so close last year! Am I really ready to give up the idea of grad school altogether?
Yikes. So many ????s. And answers? Zero.
Allllll this questioning has been taking up a lot of my mental energy lately. (Exhausting.)
And I've been keeping myself busy, busy, busy... trying to AVOID reflecting on it...really. (Exhausting.)
And then... BAM! (Random out-of-the-blue occurance.)
Tonight I came across this letter that I wrote to myself back in 2009. (It was part of an exercise I wrote while working through the book Walking In This World by Julia Cameron.)
This self-addressed letter is very heartfelt and encouraging and honest.
I think I had some really important things to say to me. I feel like I am still learning all the same lessons (as always) and needing the same things reinforced for me (again and again). Maybe some day I'll be able to really change my ways of thinking, maybe not.
But since this blog is all about self-disclosing my creative process, I thought I'd share the letter with you. It's very much an accurate reflection of my thought process and how I try to chose more self-nuturing thoughts, if possible.
Always gotta remind myself that my goal of attending grad school is just ONE pathway toward my ultimate goal: living a good life. (And not somebody else's definition of a good life. MY idea of a good life. Which I'm still discovering what that is for me exactly.)
I guess, what I'm realizing is...
I'm already living a good life. Right. Now.
I have a lot of awesome things to be grateful for in my life.
And if I can slow down long enough to reflect on that, then I get this amazing feeling...unfamiliar and strange as it is... The feeling is called: contentment.
Ahhhhhh! Contentment is scary though.
I mean, what if I get so happy that I never want to DO anything again? And I just get totally unmotivated and LAZY? Aren't I fueled by my discontentment? (Yes, that is my crazy/irrational fear and subconscious resistance to happiness.)
(Yes. I am cray-cray-crayzi.)
So, anyways, this letter that I wrote to myself in 2009 is just exactly what I needed to read tonight.
I wish I could really learn to take my own advice. My 2009 self is so much smarter than my now-self. Ha!
I typed out the letter below...
Maybe there's some stuff in there you might find helpful to reflect on too. Especially on those days when the rainclouds seem to block out all the sunlight. ('Cause you know the sun is still there, you just can't see it behind all those pesky clouds!)
~
"Oh, Virginia...Don't you know yourself by now?"
"Nope. I remain a mystery to me."
~
Dear Virginia, Slow your pace down to whatever feels most comfortable for you. There is no rush. You are on your own timetable. Trust your instincts. You know what feel right and what is going to be best for you. Trust that and don't be afraid. Don't make decisions when you're hungry, angry, lonely or tired either. You're not in any spot to be making decisions during those times. Forgive your body for it's fallibility and imperfections. Your body can heal itself from within. You are a human being, not a robot. Humans need rest and care. Take time to take care of yourself. (You always feel good when you do!) Positive change is happening. (Even when you can't see it.) You are putting good energy out into the universe. You will be provided for. Your right path will become clear. Have confidence in yourself and in the potential of your talent. You have gifts and you take joy in using them. You have so much to give. People will recognize you for your contributions. Do what you love and the money will come. Trust in the right order of things. Be patient. You will be ready when the time comes. Don't be afraid. Be brave. Be confident. Be courageous. You can create your own reality of joy and hope in your own mind. Fill your mind with positive and inspiring words. Meditate. Practice yoga and exercise when you are feeling low. It helps you. Dance. Sing. Music brings you joy. Ask for help when you are afraid. You are not alone. People love you and are happy to help you when you are in need. Know that EVERYTHING changes...The best of circumstances and the worst of circumstances are just temporary. Live in appreciation for the gifts that you have been given. Don't be blind. Open your eyes to the beauty and joy that is all around you. Be open and loving. People resonate with you when you are being authentically yourself. Vulnerability is courageuos. Trust that you are in the right place right now and that you are moving toward the next good thing. In the mean time, don't feel guilty about taking it slow and not working so hard to make things happen. They WILL happen, in the good and right time. I love you. You should love you, too! You are unique and beautiful. Continue to dream big. But take comfort in the little things. Don't apologize for taking time for yourself on a daily basis. That's the most important gift you can give yourself...time alone...to just...BE. Believe in yourself and other people with believe in you too. You are an inspiring and loving person with a solid moral compass. You don't have to prove it. Just be it. Be happy. Rest. Play. Open your mind. Know that you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. Your future is bright and hopeful. You are lovable and worthy of being loved. You are talented and you have creativity bubbling inside you. The outlets for that creativity will find you. Keep going. Listen to your heart. You'll know when it feels right. Don't waste your energy doubting. Don't give up on yourself. Enjoy the ride. You cannot anticipate all the wonders you'll see along the way... Love, Virginia Shanghai, China (2009)
My reply:
Dear me,
Thanks for writing this letter and hiding it in that pile of old journals where I might stumble upon it. You're always looking out for me. I appreciate that...as you well know.
Gratefully yours,
Virginia
Astoria, NY (2012)
~
Anyone else out there debating about auditioning for grad school again next year? Share your thought process in the comments. Would love to hear about your journey.
"You may want something, work hard to achieve it, and in your process achieve something even greater than your original goal. So don't get married to what you imagine is the result of your pursuit, just be involved in the pursuit. Besides, you already have a job. Your job is to be a joyful artist. No one can take that away from you." - Jack Plotnick, New Thoughts For Actors
Let's start by revisiting the mission statement of this blog as I envisioned it back in September 2011:
"This is my 3rd year applying to the MFA Acting Programs at NYU and Yale and my 1st year applying at Juilliard. I am blogging to record my process of preparation. From Sept 5th, 2011 to Apr 1st, 2012, I will post 6 days a week on all subjects related to my creative process and my application and audition preparation... Though my short-term goal is to be accepted to the grad school of my dreams, this is but a step toward the long-term goal of building a life/career that will be joyful, sustainable, creatively fulfilling, profitable, challenging, of service and FUN!"
Did I complete the project according to the guidelines specified above?
Yes.
Do I consider this a success?
Yes.
Did I get accepted to grad school?
The jury is still out, actually...Well, I do know this...It's not Yale and not Juilliard, not this year anyway.
But I am currently an alternate (one of two) for the 2012 entering class for NYU Grad Acting. Soooo I could possibly get a call if someone drops out...even up-to the day before classes begin. OR...I could never hear from them again.
Either way...I got waaaaaaaay further than I have in the past two years that I've auditioned for grad schools...and, more importantly, because of the blog the EXPERIENCE of the entire process was sooooooo much more fun and challenging and rewarding than it ever was before.
Do I consider this a success?
Yes...I'm going for progress. And progress has been made.
One of the other reasons I started this blog, was because I WISHED SO MUCH that someone else had started a blog like this to share their process when I was first auditioning for grad school.
My first year, the process was sooooo lonely and I had NO CLUE what I was doing and I reeeeeeeally wanted to know what the process had REALLY been like for other people that were eventually accepted. I mean, what were they really thinking at the time when they were preparing to audition? Were they really as unsure as I was about whether or not they would succeed at this endeavor?
But I didn't know a lot of people that had been through it, and those that I did know...I was too scared to ask them to reveal all the inner-workings of it all.
And, besides, it's easy to look back in retrospect once you've already succeeded and go "Oh, I did this or that." But what were you ACTUALLY THINKING at the time before you KNEW you'd succeed???...That's what interested me the most.
Were these successful people having the same thoughts and struggles as I was? The same kind of experience? Or did they know some secret that I didn't know? Were those people that had gotten into these programs just as scared as I was that they weren't good enough to "make-it?"...Yet...they made it happen anyway. So if they could do it...why not me?
The nice thing about auditioning for graduate school is...you can keep trying again.
Soooooo when I came upon my third year of auditioning at NYU, Yale and now Juilliard (since they now offer an MFA)...and I realized that I had learned a lot about what it takes to make solid showing at grad school auditions...I thought, "Dude! I could write a blog about this! Ha!" And though I am no expert...I am certainly more knowledgeable than I was my first year.
So I decided to write this blog myself since there might be someone like ME out there...auditioning for the first time...wondering what to expect...needing a little inspiration and encouragement to stay focused and keep their head in the game throughout the process. So if that's YOU...then I wrote this blog for YOU...fyi.
On that note, here is a TIME-SAVING TIP FOR USING THIS BLOG and really makes it easier to use (I hope!)...I've included a "TOPICS" section on the right sidebar. See if there are any words that pop out at you that might be reflective of where you are at in YOUR PROCESS or a topic relevant to YOUR LIFE. Click there. Read. The "TOPICS" are a huge time-saver to point you toward cool subject-matter that might be of interest to YOU.
Happy reading!
Next item on the agenda for today...
Just want to take the time to say THANK YOU to some very important people that have supported me along the way to making this blog exist and to help me in having the best possible experience applying to grad school in 2012.
These folks have racked up some seeeeerious positive credit in their good-Karma-accounts...
First and foremost thank you to my 100 EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS!!! You have been the most active participants in this journey. It is for YOU that I have posted every day. Your attention has kept me accountable to staying-with-it through this process and giving it my ALL.
I have always tried to honor your commitment by sending you inspiring quotes, words of encouragement and my own honest personal experience...in hopes that we can all help each other to pursue our creative dreams in our own unique, authentic way.
Thank you for alllll of your comments and emails over the span of the project. (I read every single one. Bloggers are c r a z y about receiving comments from readers. It is our greatest joy.) I know you've had the option to "unsubscribe" every day. So thank you for sticking with me and continuing your subscription throughout the process. You have made a difference in this girl's life. :-)
And a big THANK YOU to Dorothy Wilcox (my mom) for donating her court-reporting skills and transcribing the interview recordings into text, so that I could post them on the blog for your reading pleasure.
Thanks to the faculty and staff of the acting programs at NYU, Yale and Juilliard. Your job is to create an environment where young actors, like me, can learn and grow and train for a successful career in the performing arts. And all three of your programs strive to do that in the very BEST way for your students. Very admirable. In my humble opinion, it's actor-utopia!
And though I've never been accepted for admission. I still appreciate what you do. You facilitate positive change and artistic growth in young people's creative lives, giving them the tools to succeed and thrive as artists in the "real world." That's AMAZING! Thank you for all the support and guidance that you are giving to the next generation of emerging artists. Our entire world will benefit from this investment.
A special thank you to Robert Parsons for being my teacher, mentor and friend through-out all my years applying grad school and well before then too. Thank you for reminding me that I've "got what it takes" even when I've forgotten what that is exactly. Your enthusiastic support has made me feel like I'm not crazy for choosing this life...and that I WILL be able to support myself financially with my acting-paychecks some day! Thank you for believing in my abilities as an artist and encouraging me to continue to follow my heart.
Thanks to all of the wonderful people that wrote me recommendation letters for Yale, NYU and Juilliard this year. And to those that wrote me letters for my applications in 2011 and 2010, as well. You know who you are! Your support has been essential in this process. Thank you.
Shout-out to Matt Steiner for being an exceptional friend and writing me a very well-timed letter of encouragement that came into my inbox at a very loooooow point in the process for me. He wrote...
"...This project may have felt, at times, like a vehicle to take you to a place where you would then make some great artistic contribution. But, to me, this is the greatest artistic contribution that you could have given to anyone at this point in your life. You've given the rest of us the permission to fail. And in that, you've encouraged us to risk enough to succeed. I'm very proud of you, Virginia. Congratulations."
I meeeeean, could anyone possibly say anything more encouraging than that? Seriously. And thank you, Matt, for collaborating with me in getting my monologues recorded on video and uploaded to YouTube. The whole process was a JOY because of you. Thanks for helping to make that happen!
Thank you to Ms. Brittany V. Green for writing the guest posts about your NYU Callback Weekend. And congratulations on your acceptance!...With a scholarship to boot! You are going to grow sooooo much from the experience! Cannot wait to see what's next for you! So happy that we connected at Juilliard callbacks. Congrats on NYU.
Thanks to all those folks that attended the MIXER and the VISION BOARD PARTY! Soooo much fun. And if anyone else out there has completed a vision board for 2012...email me a photo and I'll post it on the blog!
HUGE THANK YOU to Adam Baker of ManVsDebt for interviewing me for his documentary. I'm Fine,Thanks. It's scheduled for release in Summer 2012. Best of luck with the rest of the filming and editing process. I think it's an incredibly timely and moving project that's taking a time to reflect on the issue of complacency in our modern society. I cannot wait to see it!!!
If you want inspiring new perspectives coming into your inbox every day...I'd highly recommend subscribing to any of these blogs.
Four authors that have inspired me beyond what my limited vocabulary can express: Dr. Wayne Dyer, Anna Deavere Smith, Jack Plotnick and Julia Cameron. You've given me support, guidance and mentorship through your written words. You've helped me relocate my core whenever I've lost my focus, forgotten who I am or what is truly important to me. Thank you for taking the time to write.
Some special mentions...Anna Alaimo, Jessica Raaum, Josh Heath, Haley Pulli, Alexis Jeanene, Dione Rábago, Marisa Abdoo, Claire Kennedy-Vega, Keola Simpson, Peter Evans, Chris Fore, Erin Shaw, Vanessa Nelson, Mary Schneider, Jake DeGroot, Alysha Umphress, Christine Kapp, Clint Alexander, Stephen Kling, Joey Costello, Nick Dothée, Laura Ware...and many, many more...You have alllll allowed me to talk-my-face-off about creative process and acting and blogging and dreams and hopes and ya-da-ya-da-ya-da...and you've all listened and nodded and responded in kind and made me feel like you all care. So thanks for being my friends!
Thank you also...to everyone that has NOT been supportive of this project...to everyone that has unsubscribed...to everyone that has made snarky/judgemental comments...to everyone that has looked at me like I'm totally INSANE when I've told them about what I'm doing. You have made me stronger by reminding me that I am not looking to others for outside approval in order to motivate me to do this project, but that it is my own inner creative aspiration to grow as a human being that ultimately keeps me going.
I have learned that by doing the best job that I can with this project, my commitment to daily practice will result in an improvement of my skills and that by having FUN with the process I am able to release my attachment to the outcome.
The PROCESS is the point.
It is ME I have to inspire and impress. THAT'S HOW TO BUILD CONFIDENCE. So thank you to all the nay-sayers. You've been truly motivating force.
Annnnnnd....Thanks to alllll the folks that have stumbled upon my blog from Sept 5, 2011 to Apr 1, 2012...and to all of you that will read the blog in the future!
Many of you have found the blog through Google or FB or Twitter or a recommendation from a friend...Thanks for stopping by! Feel free to leave comments or email me. I'll do my best to respond.
(You know what totally blows my mind?...Up to this point I've had over 28,000 hits. Wowzers! Who knew so many people would be interested in reading about this subject?! Crazy, right?)
Oh! And thank you to all the folks at my day-job. You don't know how much you all mean to me. And though I haven't told any of you about this project...yet...I love you all and look forward to seeing you at the office every day. My time with you is limited and therefore I appreciate it all the more.
And last, but not least, thank you to the higher power...God...the Universe...whatever you'd like to be called. I know that you are working your magic in my life and I am grateful for your silent protection and the loving gift you've given me...this life. I will continue to try and do my best with all that I've been given every day.
Those are my "thank yous."
So what's next for me?
Who knows?
But if you want me to keep you posted...you'll have to subscribe by email. That way, any updates I post will be sent straight to your inbox.
I will NOT be posting six days a week anymore. (LOL! I need to have TIME to do other things again.) But I will let you know what happens with NYU...for sure. And if I decide to apply to grad school again next year... And...if there's anything else that I feel INSPIRED to post about...that I think might be relevant and interesting to you guys...I promise I'll post about that stuff, as it comes up.
Thanks for reading.
Best wishes to all for 2012 and beyond.
Loves,
Virginia Wilcox
"There's nothing anyone can do to prevent you from reaching your potential; the challenge is for you to identify your dream, develop the skills to get there, and exhibit character and leadership. Then, you need to have the courage to periodically reassess, make adjustments, and pursue a course that reflects who you truly are." - Robert S. Kaplan, "Reaching Your Potential," Harvard Business Review
Jeremy: There was one time in the movement class [at NYU] when we went on and on for like 15 minutes, and finally the teacher was like, "I’m just going to stop you because this is clearly not going anywhere." Because we couldn’t agree on anything.
And I really think having those experiences of bumping heads, being too polite, not being polite enough, saying no,...failing and not failing. It really led me to a place where I feel very confident that I know how to collaborate. And I think that’s the key to doing something very interesting...collaborating.
I’m not confident enough to sit down, write something, give it to a bunch of people and say, this is what it is going to be, and it’s going to be awesome because I wrote it. This is not how I work. Some do that work that way, but I know that if I’m with the right group of people, it’s going to be good.
So I think it’s really about finding the right group of people and learning how to collaborate. And I really think NYU taught what it is to collaborate. It sharpened my creative intuition in a way. I know the type of people that I want to collaborate with. There are people that have no artistic aesthetic, or their sense of what is quality is very different than mine. And I just don’t want to work with those people. They may go off and do something with their group of friends that is awesome, but it’s not what I want to do.
So I do feel, yes, that I actually have a skill set that has trained me to find the right people, to know how to work with them, know how to create something that is at least interesting to us, and that’s kind of all you’ve got to do to win, I think, is create something that you want to be a part of and you want to see.
And if other people want to see it – I have no control over whether they want to see it. I’d like to think if I know that I’m doing something I know if it is good or not, and maybe I’m fooling myself. So, yes, I know it sounds arrogant, maybe, to say, yes, I do feel like I could create something that is good. Whether anybody else thinks it’s good or chooses to watch it is up to them. But for my aesthetic, yes.
Virginia: But I think it’s great because... what I’m getting from what you’re saying – correct me if I’m wrong – is that you’re coming from a position of power in creating your own work and going, "You know what? Hey I have a point of view, and this is what I want to show."
Jeremy: It’s not an egoic, "Yes, I know"...It’s a self – what’s the word?
Virginia: It’s a self-knowing.
Jeremy: Self-knowing.
Virginia: You know yourself well enough to know what you do well. And you don’t have to do everything well, but these are the things YOU DO WELL and that you enjoy doing.
Jeremy: Yes.
Virginia: I feel like a lot of times as actors, we spend a lot of time figuring out what other people want us to be rather than thinking about who WE WANT TO BE for the world.
Jeremy: I feel empowered enough to say, "This is who I am, take me or leave me." You know?
Virginia: Yes. Yes.
Jeremy: Which I think you have to be as an artist. You have to be like, "You like it or you don’t.... Fuck it. I don’t give a shit. I’m doing it for me anyway."
Virginia: Something else I want to talk about is...diversifying your career. On your website, I saw on your resume that you’ve done T.V. and film and obviously you love theatre, now you’re doing this web series, ... you also do voiceover too. How important do you think that it is as an actor nowadays to be able to do all that stuff?
Jeremy: I think that’s kind of what it is to be an actor. I mean, acting, at the end of the day, to me, is just pretending to be something you’re not. And whatever form that takes, that’s the form it takes. It’s weird 'cause in the last three years, the more I empower myself, the more I realize what I really want to do – at the heart of it – I really want to refine my craft as an actor INTO INFINITY.
There was this thing in Newsweek. It talked about how to be smart...whatever. And it talked about if you always read the New York Times, or read the Wall Street Journal, you know...It listed of all these -- like telling you if you play video games it’s good for blah, blah, blah. Do this or that. Blog. Learn a second language. Play an instrument. All these things. One of the things it said was... master something.
Master one thing.
You know, you could do all this other shit...but find one thing that you’re going to MASTER. You know, it could be anything...business, law. So I’m like, "Oh, I’m doing most of these things"...minus – I need to get Rosetta Stone....But yes, I think all these things, they’re like little sandboxes, little tools for the actor like, you know, practicing voiceover stuff, doing a play, working in front of a camera. Which is no different, in my opinion, whether it’s the web or T.V. You know, a camera is a camera is a camera. The size of the screen might change. Whether it’s sitting around reading Shakespeare with your friends, It’s doing anything, anything you can, just to like keep refining that muscle.
It’s a craft. It’s like building a house. It’s a skill like anything else. You know, if you want to know how to juggle, you’re going to have to practice how to juggle. If you want to build houses, you’re going to have to study engineering and physics and practice building. You’re probably going to want to get a hammer and a nail and some wood and practice building stuff.
Virginia: So how do you deal with it when you’re not good at it? You know, obviously when you first started you weren't so sure...Maybe it's your first time in the voiceover booth and you’ve got the headphones on and it’s weird to hear your own voice. And then suddenly you’re at an audition and you’ve got the copy and you’re like, "Whoa, I’m trying to pretend like maybe I know this better than I actually do --"
Jeremy: You just said it right there. How do you deal with it? You pretend. You pretend like you know exactly what you’re doing and you just keep doing it. 'Cause acting is just pretending, and I think the key is just to keep doing it. Like really just to KEEP DOING IT. And who cares if you’re in the booth and you’re like, "This sounds like shit." Someone’s going to say something. They’re not going to say, "You sound like shit." They’re going to give you a note to make you sound better or they’re not. I don’t know. They may or may not.
But just by virtue of doing it, you’re going to start getting feedback from the universe. And it’s not necessarily going to be feedback like someone’s instructing you... “All right you need to underline these.” However, you figure out how to do it.
The feedback will start to come. And feedback will come in really weird places just by doing it. Like it will come from your head because you look at that bar and you’re like... "Ugh, I need to be smooth like the metal."...Or a friend is going to say something to someone else, or you’re going to hear a conversation on the subway, and you’re going to be like “That’s exactly what I needed to hear about voiceover work!” or whatever it is. You know?
Virginia: Yeah.
Jeremy: Because something someone once said to me,....I went into a voiceover audition -- it’s like my first one – I’ve auditioned for like three voiceover things in my life. And I’d actually put together my own little voiceover demo. And I was always like voiceover, voiceover, and everyone’s like well, try, but it’s a really small community. So I went in for this book on tape, and something the woman said was that it's a misconception that people say you have to talk really intimate. But actually it’s more like theatre. Like the more animated you are with your body, the better it’s going to be. I’m very monotone so I want to be more like [makes a large gesture] so your mom doesn’t have to get bored listening to my monotone voice. [laughs]
So last week, a friend of mine who directed a film that I was in – same thing – I didn’t have to audition. He was just like, “Let’s make a movie!”....We were doing ADR work which is when you have to rerecord the dialogue cause it was scratchy. And that’s kind of like doing voiceover work only you’re voicing over your voice to your face. 'Cause more often than not I’d say something and they’d be like “louder, louder.” 'Cause when you’re trying to be louder, you’re going to be more animated. Whereas if you’re trying to match to the image on the screen, it’s going to sound flat. The reality is... in the moment you’re actually allowing yourself to be very expressive.
Although, there’s this weird thing in T.V. and in film now. I think it happens more on T.V. where everybody mumbles and everybody talks real quiet. I’m like, "You don’t need that." 'Cause if you watch older movies, watch old actors who we think are great like... I’m talking about people from like the70s, like Al Pacino. Oh, my God, who’s the guy – who’s in The Apartment? Jack Lemmon. Watch those great actors. They might as well be on a stage. They’re not dumbing it down for the camera. My point is that there is something about acting that’s a little bit larger than life no matter what the context is....Even if it's in front of a camera or just your voice....you're on a stage, obviously.
Virginia: So you feel like the tools that you’ve learned at NYU helped you to be able to translate your acting into any medium?
Jeremy: Yeah, I do. And I think there’s just...confidence, sheer confidence. That’s a big thing. It really boosted my confidence... Somewhere in my mind, I walk into any audition in any room in any reading, part of me is like, you fuckers have no idea what I know. Whether that’s true or not –
Virginia: Right. Well, you spent three years --
Jeremy: -- three years in acting bootcamp.
Virginia: Intense. Yes. I must say, after going to the alumni talkbacks at NYU that first year [2010] where we met, that confidence of everybody up on the stage even though everybody was at different points in their career -- certainly some people had different showcase experiences so on and so forth. But everybody was super confident in the fact that they had something to give, something to contribute to the industry, and they were completely unapologetic about it. And I feel like a lot of students in the room who were there looking to further their training, were inspired by that very thing. Whether they maybe caught it or not, it’s like, "Oh, my gosh, these NYU actors look like they know what they’re doing. And man, I want to know what I’m doing, too!"
That was something that really shows the strength of the training there. Confidence. Everybody comes out of there being like, “Fuck yeah, give me your script. I’ll take it to the Oscars for you.”
Jeremy: Yeah, absolutely.
Virginia: Also, on a side note, which is your favorite First World Problem webisode? Obviously, you’ve got a million, but what's your current fave?
Jeremy: My current fave. Well, we shot one we call The Party, but it’s not out yet.
Jeremy: I also like theMeetup: Citizens For Compromiseplaylist [sneak peak...only available through Apr 3!]...It gets really political, and that’s kind of what we want to do...We want to get a little political.
We want to like take the veil off the idiocy of our country right now... And personally, I think we make our characters look like complete morons.
Virginia: You mean you’re not REALLY complete morons? [laughs]
Jeremy: We’re trying to take on the whole political establishment...not just liberals, not just conservatives. To me, it feels like these characters are liberal-minded people, and so, here they are...you know, bashing Republicans; but at the same time, if people are looking at it the way I look at it, then they’re listening to these idiot liberals who are total morons and sounding like assholes....So, you know, that’s why I like that one.
Virginia: I feel like you guys are really good at exposing hypocrisy. You don't TELL people about it, you SHOW it.
Jeremy: That’s good. I like that. We’re taking on a lot of hypocrisy. We end up going into slavery. It wasn’t even planned that we went that way, but – it ends on a slavery note....and the same idea: hypocrisy. People trying to do one thing but then actually doing another.
Virginia: When you guys are filming a webisode, do you start with a script or an outline? 'Cause it seems to be very improvisational from what I’ve watched, but I can't quite tell.
Jeremy: We started with a bunch of short scripts that were kind of like – they weren’t sketches...they were very brief snippets that were dealing with this issue of hypocrisy, I guess you could say. And then from there, we kind of put down the scripts, and our brains started to work more towards connecting story line dots combined with this feeling of “we’re all fucking hypocrites.” ... Wake up world. Wake up America.
I think it’s uniquely a first world problem that we’re all actually hypocrites. We say one thing, and then we go home and we’re like funneling all our money through Chase even though we’re like, “Down with the banks!”
Virginia: Our actions are not following our values.
Jeremy: Right. And so...the thread of it is trying to connect the storyline dots. "Okay, so these characters meet this way. These characters are going to get divorced. These characters are going to court." And then the dialogue is all improvised, and we riff a lot. There’s a few things a few times where we script things...There were very specific plot points where we would give people a script and say, “All right, say something like this, but make it your own.” It’s kind of a mix. But the majority of it is improvisation around a very solid idea of what we want to say and of what event needs to occur to connect this episode to another one, if that makes any sense at all.
Virginia: Yes. It does.
Jeremy: It makes sense to me.
Virginia: Yikes! We’re running out of time... Let me just ask one more grad school related question... What do you think is the best reason to go to a master’s program and what you think is the worst reason?
Jeremy: I think the best reason to get your master’s degree in acting is because you have to be an actor. Something in you is telling you that YOU HAVE TO DO THIS and there’s no other choice...combined with wanting to be a good person. Because I think that’s really at the heart of actor training.
I think the heart of any art form is about opening yourself up to humanity and embracing the world. And I think that’s kind of the same thing. It’s on you and on the program.
Are you going to go to a place that is not only going to help you become a better actor, but also help you to become a good person and to be ready to represent humanity as you see it? And I think if that’s your calling, then you should do that.
I think the worst reason to go would be – I don’t know – I think the worst reason to go would be because – because someone else told you SHOULD. That would be the worst. What a waste of money and time! “You should go to grad school." "But I don’t want to, but they said I should." You know?
Virginia: Yes. That’s a great answer. 'Cause I feel like that’s very common. ...Time is up. Wow. Thank you, sir, for meeting with me, sharing your experiences and speaking so freely about your work.
Jeremy: Thank you.
Virginia: I am done with you. [laughs.]
Jeremy: I feel so privileged that you asked me to be a part of this.
:-)
<End of Recording>
(Awwww....Seeeeriously, Jeremy...It is I who am privileged to get to have an excuse to sit down and ask you allllll the questions I want to....all in the name of my blog! Whah ha ha ha ha!!!!...Cannot wait to see more First World Problem...exposing the hypocrisy of America...Stan and Annie style.)
Loves,
V
P.S. Now here's a monologue for you... I can tooooootally relate to his First World Problem...Only, instead of that whole bit about the "restaurant"...insert the words "get me into f-ing grad school already."
I walked into the audition room for what would be the last time in this whole audition process. I felt comfortable, happy, and ready to show them who Brittany is. They all smiled at me and said hello as I came in. I happily did the same. Janet [Zarish] told me before I sat down that she’d like me to do another piece for her (they were really workin’ me people!) This time they wanted me to do my Shakespeare piece. (In total I showed them four pieces during the entire audition process.) I said yes and began.
Afterwards they gave me adjustments. They wanted me to make it more personal to who I was, and leave the "classical aura" I brought to it behind. I thought for a moment… "How does Brittany like to work?” I told them… "one moment" and stripped off my blazer, scarf and shoes. ( I love working barefoot.) I took a deep breath and began my piece again… this time having a break through. The piece I had been doing over and over for so long touched me in a different way this time, and I allowed myself to go there. And then I was done. When I go “there” it always takes a lot out of me. I felt like I had to catch my breath a lot. Janet looked up at me and said…” Good adjustments.” Janet then asked me to come have a seat…then said “as you leave your old way of doing it on the floor” and pointed to my clothes…we laughed. I then made my way over to the chair to have a seat.
We chatted a little and then I was asked about the colleague I knew, who I put in my reference section on my application [an NYU grad acting alumni]. For a moment…I thought about the valuable note “be yourself.” So I looked them in the eyes and said… "Look I’m just gonna keep it real with you guys…" and began to explain it all...
I said,...At first I did not like the idea of grad school. I felt that upon arriving to NY I was ready to work. Also, many people discouraged me from applying. But (the alumni I’d been talking about this whole time and who is now starring on Broadway) my colleague pushed the idea. She kept talking about the benefits of it and pointed out the advantages of grad school especially for a young black actress. I met her through a mutual acting friend who told me I reminded him of her and that I needed to meet her, so I did. And thankfully we kept in contact and God placed it in her heart to drive home the benefits of having an MFA to me. She also talked about what NYU had to offer specifically. One thing that really spoke to me was the fact that they specialize in YOU the actor. They are not bound by a certain technique, or way of doing things.
I told them that in my undergrad, upon entering, I had a lot of passion and vivacity but not as much discipline or training. (Or “I was a hot mess,” as I phrased it.) I was lively but sometimes all over the place. My undergrad tamed me, taught me, and helped me mature to become the woman I am today, but in all that taming... the things that made me unique began to get put on the back burner. One of my professors from my undergrad told me she thought I'd lost my “spunk.” She asked me if I remembered a time when I called up the office before classes started and asked to be put in the Sophomore voice class, because I’d taken my English credit in high school already. I had no clue then that acting classes worked cumulatively, I was just ready to get ahead! I told my old professor that I’d completely forgotten all about having done that! I was more outspoken and daring then.
I let the NYU staff know that now that I am no longer ignorant to the technical aspects of acting it’s time to bring back my spark! I told them that I love creating my own work and that the Free Play performances I saw were absolutely amazing and I am dying to sink my teeth into something like that. I told them that I loved the confidence every student had upon graduating.... Knowing exactly who they are, bold enough to take on anything thrown at them, and being well-rounded individuals.
I told them sometimes I feel like I have a split personality…one minute I’m so confident, bold and well-on-my-way…and the next I can be the complete opposite, beating myself up. I told them I wanted COMPLETE confidence in my work and in knowing who I am. I told them I envisioned a “Super Brittany” and that I’m dying to meet this woman. I let it be known that I was excited, and ready to create. I told them I had enough formal shaping, now it was time to fine-tune what BRITTANY has to offer!
That was the basis of what I talked about,... besides going in detail about what I thought of the Free Play and discussing my financial aid situation.
NYU is the right school for me because they aren’t afraid to fail in order to create and learn. They aren’t afraid to take risks, be bold, be themselves and take chances (and even mistakes!) They teach the actor how to embrace their unique tools and THAT is what I want to expand upon. And THAT is probably why so many casting directors love to get their hands on these students.
I didn’t care about a fancy space and perfectly polished presentations. I loved the urban feel, quotes and pictures on the actor’s lockers, marks in the floor from years of hard work, the lounge area where I’d probably be sleeping because I’d be up all night working on projects, and MORE. NYU gets down and dirty!
The conversation seriously felt like I was talking to one of my home-girls. I took the “be yourself” thing very literally. I told myself, "If I am who I am and they don’t like me then I’m not meant to be here." But all in all, I felt good about my interview. I was proud that I let go of the need to impress and was open and honest. I was happy with what went on.
I left the room and joined the audience in watching a current student’s cabaret performance. When it was over, I was exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally, the WORKS. I went home, and once again thanked God for EVERYTHING and went right to sleep.
But it still ain’t over!
Wow, Brittany! It takes a lot of courage to reeeeeeally be yourself in that kind of a high-stakes "interview/audition" situation. The "safe" route would be to try and impress them by trying to be the "actor" you think they want to see. But you stripped down (both literally and figuratively)...all those walls...showing your TRUE heart and your unique perspective and your child-like passion for the craft. THAT'S BRILLIANT! And I am sure it felt GREAT!
And now you KNOW that if they invite you into the program...they are inviting YOU, because that's who you chose to reveal to them in the room. You showed them YOU. And that's the BEST you could have possibly done!!!
And (on the other side of the coin) since you shared with them your true self... even if you're not invited into the program...you know that's going to be the very best thing for you. Because if you wouldn't be able to be YOURSELF in that program and be accepted, then that's not the place you'd want to study anyway...NYU or no NYU...You've GOT to be free to be yourself in order to grow as an artist!
Sooooooo proud of you!!! I hope you consider this audition a HUGE SUCCESS, no matter what the final outcome.
"What matters is to live in the present, live now, for every moment is now. It is your thoughts and acts of the moment that create your future. The outline of your future path already exists, for you created its pattern by your past." - Sai Baba
