180. Last Post Of The Project

"You may want something, work hard to achieve it, and in your process achieve something even greater than your original goal. So don't get married to what you imagine is the result of your pursuit, just be involved in the pursuit. Besides, you already have a job. Your job is to be a joyful artist. No one can take that away from you." - Jack Plotnick, New Thoughts For Actors

Let's start by revisiting the mission statement of this blog as I envisioned it back in September 2011:

"This is my 3rd year applying to the MFA Acting Programs at NYU and Yale and my 1st year applying at Juilliard. I am blogging to record my process of preparation. From Sept 5th, 2011 to Apr 1st, 2012, I will post 6 days a week on all subjects related to my creative process and my application and audition preparation... Though my short-term goal is to be accepted to the grad school of my dreams, this is but a step toward the long-term goal of building a life/career that will be joyful, sustainable, creatively fulfilling, profitable, challenging, of service and FUN!"

Did I complete the project according to the guidelines specified above?

Yes.

Do I consider this a success?

Yes.

Did I get accepted to grad school?

The jury is still out, actually...Well, I do know this...It's not Yale and not Juilliard, not this year anyway.

But I am currently an alternate (one of two) for the 2012 entering class for NYU Grad Acting. Soooo I could possibly get a call if someone drops out...even up-to the day before classes begin. OR...I could never hear from them again.

Either way...I got waaaaaaaay further than I have in the past two years that I've auditioned for grad schools...and, more importantly, because of the blog the EXPERIENCE of the entire process was sooooooo much more fun and challenging and rewarding than it ever was before.

Do I consider this a success?

Yes...I'm going for progress. And progress has been made.

One of the other reasons I started this blog, was because I WISHED SO MUCH that someone else had started a blog like this to share their process when I was first auditioning for grad school.

My first year, the process was sooooo lonely and I had NO CLUE what I was doing and I reeeeeeeally wanted to know what the process had REALLY been like for other people that were eventually accepted. I mean, what were they really thinking at the time when they were preparing to audition? Were they really as unsure as I was about whether or not they would succeed at this endeavor?

But I didn't know a lot of people that had been through it, and those that I did know...I was too scared to ask them to reveal all the inner-workings of it all.

And, besides, it's easy to look back in retrospect once you've already succeeded and go "Oh, I did this or that." But what were you ACTUALLY THINKING at the time before you KNEW you'd succeed???...That's what interested me the most.

Were these successful people having the same thoughts and struggles as I was? The same kind of experience? Or did they know some secret that I didn't know? Were those people that had gotten into these programs just as scared as I was that they weren't good enough to "make-it?"...Yet...they made it happen anyway. So if they could do it...why not me?

The nice thing about auditioning for graduate school is...you can keep trying again.

2010 = 1st year of auditioning at NYU &  Yale  = calledback at NYU, but not accepted

2011 = 2nd year of auditioning at NYU & Yale = waitlisted at NYU, but not accepted

Soooooo when I came upon my third year of auditioning at NYU, Yale and now Juilliard (since they now offer an MFA)...and I realized that I had learned a lot about what it takes to make solid showing at grad school auditions...I thought, "Dude! I could write a blog about this! Ha!" And though I am no expert...I am certainly more knowledgeable than I was my first year.

So I decided to write this blog myself since there might be someone like ME out there...auditioning for the first time...wondering what to expect...needing a little inspiration and encouragement to stay focused and keep their head in the game throughout the process. So if that's YOU...then I wrote this blog for YOU...fyi.

On that note, here is a TIME-SAVING TIP FOR USING THIS BLOG and really makes it easier to use (I hope!)...I've included a "TOPICS" section on the right sidebar. See if there are any words that pop out at you that might be reflective of where you are at in YOUR PROCESS or a topic relevant to YOUR LIFE. Click there. Read. The "TOPICS" are a huge time-saver to point you toward cool subject-matter that might be of interest to YOU.

Happy reading!

Next item on the agenda for today...

Just want to take the time to say THANK YOU to some very important people that have supported me along the way to making this blog exist and to help me in having the best possible experience applying to grad school in 2012.

These folks have racked up some seeeeerious positive credit in their good-Karma-accounts...

First and foremost thank you to my 100 EMAIL SUBSCRIBERS!!! You have been the most active participants in this journey. It is for YOU that I have posted every day. Your attention has kept me accountable to staying-with-it through this process and giving it my ALL.

I have always tried to honor your commitment by sending you inspiring quotes, words of encouragement and my own honest personal experience...in hopes that we can all help each other to pursue our creative dreams in our own unique, authentic way.

Thank you for alllll of your comments and emails over the span of the project. (I read every single one. Bloggers are c r a z y about receiving comments from readers. It is our greatest joy.) I know you've had the option to "unsubscribe" every day. So thank you for sticking with me and continuing your subscription throughout the process. You have made a difference in this girl's life. :-)

And thank you to...

Kathryn Bild (my monologue coach and author of my favorite acting book Acting From A Spiritual Perspective)

Adam Gilbert (MyBodyTutor and blogging inspiration)

Dylan Patrick (NYC headshot photographer, who does ammmmmazing work at a totally affordable price and is one of the nicest people you've ever met)

My four friends that agreed to let me interview them and post their words-of-wisdom on the blog:

• Daniel Talbott (Alumni of Juilliard...Actor, director, playwright, producer, literary manager, and artistic director of Rising Phoenix Rep in NYC)
• Bryce Pinkham (Alumni of Yale...Now starring in Ghost: The Musical on Broadway)
• Jeremy Rishe (Alumni of NYU...Actor, producer, director, and co-creator of the web series First World Problem)
• Julie Alexandria (Self-made girl...Actress, host and television personality who specializes in Sports, Pop Culture, Fashion, and all things Geek-tastic.)

And a big THANK YOU to Dorothy Wilcox (my mom) for donating her court-reporting skills and transcribing the interview recordings into text, so that I could post them on the blog for your reading pleasure.

Thanks to the faculty and staff of the acting programs at NYU, Yale and Juilliard. Your job is to create an environment where young actors, like me, can learn and grow and train for a successful career in the performing arts. And all three of your programs strive to do that in the very BEST way for your students. Very admirable. In my humble opinion, it's actor-utopia!

And though I've never been accepted for admission. I still appreciate what you do. You facilitate positive change and artistic growth in young people's creative lives, giving them the tools to succeed and thrive as artists in the "real world." That's AMAZING! Thank you for all the support and guidance that you are giving to the next generation of emerging artists. Our entire world will benefit from this investment.

A special thank you to Robert Parsons for being my teacher, mentor and friend through-out all my years applying grad school and well before then too. Thank you for reminding me that I've "got what it takes" even when I've forgotten what that is exactly. Your enthusiastic support has made me feel like I'm not crazy for choosing this life...and that I WILL be able to support myself financially with my acting-paychecks some day! Thank you for believing in my abilities as an artist and encouraging me to continue to follow my heart.

Thanks to all of the wonderful people that wrote me recommendation letters for Yale, NYU and Juilliard this year. And to those that wrote me letters for my applications in 2011 and 2010, as well. You know who you are! Your support has been essential in this process. Thank you.

Shout-out to Matt Steiner for being an exceptional friend and writing me a very well-timed letter of encouragement that came into my inbox at a very loooooow point in the process for me. He wrote...

"...This project may have felt, at times, like a vehicle to take you to a place where you would then make some great artistic contribution. But, to me, this is the greatest artistic contribution that you could have given to anyone at this point in your life. You've given the rest of us the permission to fail. And in that, you've encouraged us to risk enough to succeed. I'm very proud of you, Virginia. Congratulations." 

I meeeeean, could anyone possibly say anything more encouraging than that? Seriously. And thank you, Matt, for collaborating with me in getting my monologues recorded on video and uploaded to YouTube. The whole process was a JOY because of you. Thanks for helping to make that happen!

Thank you to Ms. Brittany V. Green for writing the guest posts about your NYU Callback Weekend. And congratulations on your acceptance!...With a scholarship to boot! You are going to grow sooooo much from the experience! Cannot wait to see what's next for you! So happy that we connected at Juilliard callbacks. Congrats on NYU.

Thanks to all those folks that attended the MIXER and the VISION BOARD PARTY! Soooo much fun. And if anyone else out there has completed a vision board for 2012...email me a photo and I'll post it on the blog!

HUGE THANK YOU to Adam Baker of ManVsDebt for interviewing me for his documentary. I'm Fine,Thanks. It's scheduled for release in Summer 2012. Best of luck with the rest of the filming and editing process. I think it's an incredibly timely and moving project that's taking a time to reflect on the issue of complacency in our modern society. I cannot wait to see it!!!

And thanks to alll of the other bloggers that have inspired me with their incredible words of wisdom...I don't think I've ever commented on a single one of your blogs...but you've changed my life anyway...by sharing your experiences online. You're in my inbox daily. I am grateful to: Zen Habits, Everyday Bright, Happiness Project, Seth Godin, Ramit Sethi, Jonathan Fields, Stephen Pressfield and Ken Davenport.

If you want inspiring new perspectives coming into your inbox every day...I'd highly recommend subscribing to any of these blogs.

Four authors that have inspired me beyond what my limited vocabulary can express: Dr. Wayne Dyer, Anna Deavere Smith, Jack Plotnick and Julia Cameron. You've given me support, guidance and mentorship through your written words. You've helped me relocate my core whenever I've lost my focus, forgotten who I am or what is truly important to me. Thank you for taking the time to write.

Some special mentions...Anna Alaimo, Jessica Raaum, Josh Heath, Haley Pulli, Alexis Jeanene, Dione Rábago, Marisa Abdoo, Claire Kennedy-Vega, Keola Simpson, Peter Evans, Chris Fore, Erin Shaw, Vanessa Nelson, Mary Schneider, Jake DeGroot, Alysha Umphress, Christine Kapp, Clint Alexander, Stephen Kling, Joey Costello, Nick Dothée, Laura Ware...and many, many more...You have alllll allowed me to talk-my-face-off about creative process and acting and blogging and dreams and hopes and ya-da-ya-da-ya-da...and you've all listened and nodded and responded in kind and made me feel like you all care. So thanks for being my friends!

Thank you also...to everyone that has NOT been supportive of this project...to everyone that has unsubscribed...to everyone that has made snarky/judgemental comments...to everyone that has looked at me like I'm totally INSANE when I've told them about what I'm doing. You have made me stronger by reminding me that I am not looking to others for outside approval in order to motivate me to do this project, but that it is my own inner creative aspiration to grow as a human being that ultimately keeps me going.

I have learned that by doing the best job that I can with this project, my commitment to daily practice will result in an improvement of my skills and that by having FUN with the process I am able to release my attachment to the outcome.

The PROCESS is the point.

It is ME I have to inspire and impress. THAT'S HOW TO BUILD CONFIDENCE. So thank you to all the nay-sayers. You've been truly motivating force.

Annnnnnd....Thanks to alllll the folks that have stumbled upon my blog from Sept 5, 2011 to Apr 1, 2012...and to all of you that will read the blog in the future!


Many of you have found the blog through Google or FB or Twitter or a recommendation from a friend...Thanks for stopping by! Feel free to leave comments or email me. I'll do my best to respond.

(You know what totally blows my mind?...Up to this point I've had over 28,000 hits. Wowzers! Who knew so many people would be interested in reading about this subject?! Crazy, right?)

Oh! And thank you to all the folks at my day-job. You don't know how much you all mean to me. And though I haven't told any of you about this project...yet...I love you all and look forward to seeing you at the office every day. My time with you is limited and therefore I appreciate it all the more.

And last, but not least, thank you to the higher power...God...the Universe...whatever you'd like to be called. I know that you are working your magic in my life and I am grateful for your silent protection and the loving gift you've given me...this life. I will continue to try and do my best with all that I've been given every day.

Those are my "thank yous."


So what's next for me?

Who knows?

But if you want me to keep you posted...you'll have to subscribe by email. That way, any updates I post will be sent straight to your inbox.

I will NOT be posting six days a week anymore. (LOL! I need to have TIME to do other things again.) But I will let you know what happens with NYU...for sure. And if I decide to apply to grad school again next year... And...if there's anything else that I feel INSPIRED to post about...that I think might be relevant and interesting to you guys...I promise I'll post about that stuff, as it comes up.

Thanks for reading.

Best wishes to all for 2012 and beyond.

Loves,
Virginia Wilcox

"There's nothing anyone can do to prevent you from reaching your potential; the challenge is for you to identify your dream, develop the skills to get there, and exhibit character and leadership. Then, you need to have the courage to periodically reassess, make adjustments, and pursue a course that reflects who you truly are." - Robert S. Kaplan, "Reaching Your Potential," Harvard Business Review

P.S. I'll leave you with this...

(Thanks, NKD.)

150. You Are Not Alone

I've been getting some incredibly inspiring emails from readers and friends over the past couple of weeks. I want to share one with you today (with permission of the author, naturally). I will name her Ms. Anonymous for privacy purposes.

A little background... Ms. Anonymous is an incredibly talented friend of mine. She decided to apply to just one grad school this year (American Conservatory Theatre in San Francisco) and has been following the AcceptanceProject blog over the past several months.

Ms. Anonymous and I both share the perspective that the process of applying for grad school is a valuable one, in and of itself, because it forces you to get really focused and specific about who you are and what you really want for your future. It's an incredibly personal and introspective application process. And therefore, even if you're not "accepted," you're walking away with some valuable self-knowledge about what you really want for your life. And because you've gained this new self-awareness you will naturally be drawn to make changes and explore avenues to improve your situation and get you moving in the direction of your dreams.

I believe that, almost universally, the desire to apply to grad school comes from a place of dissatisfaction in our current situation...We see a need for improvement in certain areas...career, training, mentorship, community, location ...whatever... SOMETHING is not working...and we know it...and we're hoping that perhaps grad school will help bridge that gap between where we are now and who we seek to become.

I wanted to share Ms. Anonymous' email with you...because stories like hers are the PRIMARY reason that I wanted to start this blog....To remind her that she is not alone. That I am not alone. You are not alone.

We are not competing with each other. We are in this together. Not just in the pursuit of grad school acceptance, but in the pursuit of creative growth. We are all searching for our right path and the place where we can find guidance to reach our greatest artistic potential.

I hope you will feel the camaraderie expressed in Ms. Anonymous' email and know that (though you may not know them personally) there are thousands of others out there sharing your journey this year and thinking the same thoughts you've been thinking and sharing the same fears you've been feeling and still pushing through and going for it anyway!

Here is Ms. Anonymous' email of February 18, 2012...

Hey there beautiful lady!!!

I just read your blog about Julliard. BIG bummer. They truly don't know what they are missing, despite the fact that they are choosing precisely what they want!!

I am SO grateful that you are sharing your experience with this whole process, including your first two years of auditions [NYU & Yale]. It's interesting... I was so hoping that with all of this energy you are putting into the universe that you would TOTALLY get in to ALL THREE schools! You are so focused, and diligent, and selflessly sharing it all with the world... to me that means you should get what you want and deserve =). Alas, that is clearly not how the universe works. Not exactly, anyway.

So, I did not get past the first cut at ACT. It was seriously one of the best auditions of my life. I sort of blew myself away with the depths I was able to reach, the effortlessness of creating both characters back to back, and just how much fun the whole process was. And NOTHING!!!!! I seriously stood there looking at the list making sure I hadn't missed my name, wondering if it had somehow fallen off the piece of paper. I wondered if they were going to call me later and be like "oops! We totally meant to call you back!! Turn around and get here quick!!" I mean, I didn't assume I was going to get in, but called back for the first round? REALLY??? One of my concerns about my viability for the program was my age. The average age of the ACT MFA student is 24. I am 33. The other is my ethnicity. ACT is very PC and most of the people chosen will be of some ethnicity other than white. I would have been totally happy assuming that I was just too old or white in their eyes, and that it had nothing to do with my work. Except that there was a white woman who certainly looked older than 24 called back!!! So I can't blame it on that either. I just simply didn't get selected.

So what does that mean? Am I not as talented as the people chosen? Am I not supposed to be an actor? No, no, no, and no. I'm just not supposed to get my MFA right now. And one of the reasons I know that is because you have shared your journey. It's hard to take an accurate appraisal of myself because I can't actually SEE my work. But I KNOW you. I KNOW your work. I KNOW your resume!!! You are brilliant, talented, stunningly beautiful, and a nice person to boot! And you do the work.  You do the work on yourself, and you do the work for your characters. You are a professional actor, and a conscious human being. And who the heck knows why you or I weren't chosen, other than we just weren't!! With 1500 aplicants (most of whom are probably pretty darn talented if they're even applying!), it's got to feel like they are throwing darts at a dartboard in their selection process. Which for me brings it down to the "Je ne sais quoi" of the universe. The unknown guidance system that moves us like chess pieces through this crazy game of life. I AM talented. I AM a professional actor. And I AM ambitious. I WILL work... I just don't know where or how or why. I just have to keep putting myself out there and see where I end up!! It may not look like I think I want it to look. But I have a gift to give, and I believe gifts are meant to be given.

Personally, I took this immediate rejection as a sign that I need to continue doing what I'm doing- film work, especially commercials (DEEP acting required there), musical theatre, and keep going with my song writing. I was given a voice... I should be using it =). I don't need a masters degree to do those things. I'm good enough all ready, and I'm ready to work. I AM working!!! I just want more work =). (I am also grateful that I don't have have to needlessly fill out the financial aid forms ;). ) 

Love,
Ms. Anonymous

Thank you, Ms. Anonymous, for sharing your story with us! You are RIGHT, you are incredibly talented and have some major gifts to give the world. You touch the lives of all those who know you and inspire them to greater creative heights! (I know..because I am one of them.)

I am grateful for your taking the time to write, expressing yourself with such openness...and letting me post your words on the blog. You are very courageous. Your insight is valuable and inspiring. Best wishes for you with your next creative steps.

I hope we can all take a lesson from Ms. Anonymous and move forward with confidence...knowing that we're on the right path.

Loves,
Virginia

144. Acceptance Project Mixer - March 14, 2012 - Walnut Creek, CA

YOU ARE INVITED!!!

Hey, West Coast peeps!

I'm going to be heading out to Northern CA to visit my family in March. And I thought it might be fun to have a little "Acceptance Project Mixer." LOL! This will be super fun. I would love to reconnect with old friends and meet some new ones! So if you are in the vicinity...PLEASE COME BY AND SAY HELLO!

ACCEPTANCE PROJECT MIXER

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 14, 2012 
7pm to 9pm

(Just tell the host you're there with Virginia's group)

No need to RSVP
Stop by any time after 7pm

Location:

Stanford's Restaurant & Bar

(925) 944-0895

1300 South Main St.

Walnut Creek, CA 94596

Map To Stanford's in Walnut Creek, CA.

If you even have the remotest desire to come and visit with me and other AcceptanceProject blog readers...PLEASE COME. You are wanted and welcome to attend. Don't be shy! 

If you're scared that you won't know anyone and won't have anyone to talk to...bring a security blanket...I mean...a friend. ;-) Or if you want to be suuuuuper brave...come ALONE and test your abilities in turning small-talk into REAL conversation with someone NEW. OOOOOoooooo...scaaaary! (YOU CAN DO IT!)

One of the reasons I started this blog was to create a sense of community for myself in this very personal process of applying to grad school. And a community has gathered...and I have the wonderful privilege of hearing from you guys all the time (YOU ARE ALLLL SUCH GREAT PEOPLE!) and I would love for you to have the opportunity to MEET EACH OTHER...and to connect...and share your experiences together. 

For many of you that have been following the blog from the beginning...my story has become part of your narrative this year too! And I know how fun it is to share stories with each other...and laugh...and drink...and eat snacks...and be INSPIRED by other people's journeys. We've all got the shared experience of the blog to spark conversation...and who knows what that conversation could lead to...a new friend...a professional connection...a creative collaboration? You'll never know...unless you overcome your fear of silly social awkwardness...and SHOW UP! You'll get over it in the first three minutes and then you'll be soooo glad you came...Because you'll be actively opening yourself up to the possibilities that new interactions can bring...Don't miss out on the opportunity to be in a room full of fun-loving, creative, smart, compassionate, open and like-minded people!

Oh....and I will be there too...to introduce you around to other awesome folks...and to have the thrill of getting to chat with you and get to know you better myself!

So, don't hide behind your keyboard...No excuses!!!...If you are in Northern California, please come out to Stanford's on March 14th and hang out with me! 

Please note: I am an actual, real, live, human person...not just words and letters on a screen! Would be great to meet you.

Mark your calendar! See you then.

Loves,
Virginia

P.S. Feel free to forward this on to anyone you think would be interested in attending!!! The more the merrier!

"Where can we find support for our reinvention? To make a true break with the past, we need guides who have been there and can understand where we are going. Reaching outside our normal circles to new people, networks, and professional communities is the best way to both break frame and get psychological sustenance." - How To Stay Stuck In The Wrong Career by Herminia Ibarra, Harvard Business Review (Dec 2002)

129. Juilliard Drama Audition 2012: Part Two (The List)

(This is a continuation of yesterday’s post Juilliard Drama Audition 2012: Part One)

Part Two: The List

Sooooo back to our story... All 155 of us auditioning today for Juilliard Drama have been waiting around for several hours to see the greatly anticipated “callback list.” It’s imminent arrival had been promised every fifteen to twenty minutes…but no such list had yet appeared.

Just to give a little background, as to the significance of “THE LIST”... Imagine yourself in this situation...

You’ve decided (after much deliberating) to audition for Juilliard in spite of THE ODDS.

You have spent months preparing...submitting the online application, paying your application fee, requesting letter(s) of recommendation, writing your personal statement, maybe getting new headshots, finding 4 monologues (that both fill the requirements for the audition AND are PERSONAL to you in some way), you’ve hired a coach or enlisted a trusted teacher to help you prepare these monologues, you’ve practiced, you’ve thoughtfully picked out your clothing and shoes for “the big day” (that just might change your life forever and set you on a trajectory of artistic growth), and, if accepted, have imagined the realities of moving to the heart of New York City.

You have done ALLLL of these things. But more than that...you’ve been struggling in your head the whole time...waffling back and forth between thoughts like:

“Why in the world am I doing all of this? What if I am doing it all wrong? I might just go in to this audition and totally freeze up or make a fool of myself and then all this work will be for nothing and I will feel like an untalented loser who will never succeed as an actor. If I was any good at this acting thing, shouldn’t I have been “discovered” already? Maybe I should just give up an find a “real” job and stop kidding myself. Who am I to think that I might be “Juilliard material?” All well, maybe I’ll just kinda go in there and “half-ass” it and see what happens. Because if I really give it my ALL and then fail at it...well, that’d be tooooo devastating. But if I “half-ass” it and fail...then I can just give myself the excuse that I didn’t really try...or I can comfort myself by calling Juilliard pretentious and elitist. How DARE they not recognize my talent through my half-assed effort at this audition! Who needs Juilliard anyway?...Whatever.”

OR...

“I am going to give this my ALL...because I know I CAN...and because I know that’s how I’ll get the most out of the process and, therefore, not be so attached to the outcome. I know that EVERYONE is worthy of attending a school like Juilliard...including me. So I am going to give the best possible audition that I can right now, with the resources that are available to me. I won’t be giving a perfect audition, but it will be a FUN audition...Because I know that I am the creator of my own experience...So if I choose to enjoy the whole process, then I’ll feel like it was worth it no matter what...and even if they don’t “accept” me...I will have accepted myself... as a person who is brave enough to shoot for the moon and to audition for a schmancy school like JUILLIARD. The person I most need to impress...is myself. So I am going to prepare in the best way possible to be the kind of actor that I would like to be in class WITH for four years...the kind of actor that I would like to be inspired by. I’ll just start behaving like that person now...whether Juilliard accepts me or not. And...the best part is...even if I fail...I can take what I've learned from this year’s audition experience and try again next year.”

Sooooo, back to the LIST that's about to be posted on the wall. For all of us auditioning today...there’s a lot of emotional baggage riding on this LIST.

If your name is not on said list, you know that you are no longer in the running for consideration for this year’s class. No pressure.

It’s tough not to look at THE LIST as anything other than a black-and-white personal judgement of YOU and your talent.

Our brains naturally go there... We're either "winners" or "losers"..."talented" or "untalented" ..."worthy" or "unworthy."

But our brains are WRONG. Everyone is WORTHY. YOU ARE WORTHY.

Think of it this way...If your name is not on that list...then you can THANK THE HEAVENS THAT IT IS NOT, because you are needed elsewhere this year...either at another school that will embrace you and appreciate you for being your perfectly imperfect self and help you to better your craft...or maybe you could really use some time auditioning in the “real world” and that’s the thing that’ll really enable you to grow. Who knows?

Have you ever had the experience of being “mis-cast” in a role? I have. It is TORTURE...Trying, day in and day out, to be something that you’re not or to magically manifest skills that you don’t have...Disappointing yourself and everyone else in the process. Awful.

Rejection is God’s protection. If you think you know what is BEST for you...the Universe will promptly remind you that you are mistaken. You can’t always get what you WANT...But you will always get what you NEED in order to learn the lessons you’re here to learn in this life.

Anyway, I digress.

Back to our story...

Finally, without fanfare... THE LIST was posted. The massive rush of people headed into the hallway had begun.

I have to say, I much prefer having a list of names read aloud rather than the posting of a list on the wall, in these kinds of situations. Perhaps it’s just a personal preference. I mean, think about it...most people don’t know each other’s names…so if the list is read aloud, you’re just listening for your own name and not really paying much attention to the reactions of others.

I feel that being able to maintain one’s composure and dignity in the comfort and safety of one’s own seat is a much more palatable way of absorbing rejection than having to pretend like you’re cool and collected as you walk into the crowded mass of youth huddling and straining to see the names on a sheet of paper, bodies bumping into each other in eager anticipation and then retreating in muted disappointment.

It’s an awful experience every time…no matter if your name is on the list or not.

I waited a minute or two for the masses to converge and begin to disburse around the list. I felt good about my initial audition, so I was hopeful that I might see my name. But I have felt that way in the past and have been disappointed when my name was not there. So I was prepared for the idea that though I had given my best at in the room, that I might not be the right fit for Juilliard.

I saw Simon standing near the doorway as I approached, but I couldn’t make eye-contact with him. I couldn’t make eye-contact with anyone. I was moving forward in a haze, hyper-focused on one thing… that 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper that was slowly coming into focus as I drew nearer…My eyes darted around the page…
It’s in alphabetical order…
Look down, down, down…
W…Wilcox…Virginia Wilcox.

Virginia Wilcox.

There it was. The very last name on the list.

I didn’t even blink. I just turned on my heels and walked quickly away from the crowd, straight back to my seat. And sat down next to Rebecca and the lanky elvish young man in the puffy green jacket (from the subway car earlier).

Rebecca looked into my eyes. “Well?” She said. “I can’t tell from your face…Did you see your name?”

“Yes.” I sat there stunned.

“Congratulations!” Both Rebecca and elvish young man chimed in.

I smiled and said thank you and then began to stare at the floor…letting my mind go blank for a second. This was toooo overwhelming for me. My brain was not processing this.

Rebecca came back and told me she had not seen her name. Bleh!!! And elvish young man passed by quietly, grabbed his backpack and silently slipped away. I hugged Rebecca warmly and said how much I hoped that the rest of her grad school auditions went well and that I hoped she’d try again next year at Juilliard if she felt strongly that this would be the best place for her.

That’s when the reality of the situation began to sink in for me…I wanted Rebecca to come along into the next room with me too…and elvish young man…and where was Simon? When would I see him again? Ugh! This part of the process SUCKS! I wanted EVERYONE I had met to be on that list. Why did I have to walk into the next room alone? Why couldn't they come too? Ugh.

I do not envy the people behind the audition table. They had just seen 155 AMAZING young artists (with major potential to do great work) share their hearts, hopes and dreams at this audition. And they had narrowed it down to just 18, to move on to the next round.

How do you even do that??? What a tough job!? They must wish that they could take more people into the program every time. I cannot imagine how it could be otherwise.

I had to move. The room had almost completely cleared out. I gathered my courage, grabbed my bag and my computer, said my goodbyes and walked down the hallway into the next room.

I cannot believe my good fortune.

I. just. got. called. back. at. JUILLIARD.

Wow.

I've gotten soooo used to the feeling of failing...It's familiar.

But this feeling of succeeding...I don't know...It's pretty terrifying. Hopefully I'll find a way to get used to it.

No matter what. I will never forget this moment...and everything it took to get here.

Loves,
V

Tomorrow...Part Three: Auditioning for THE FACULTY.

122. My Humble Takeaways From TEDxBroadway 2012

I had such an incredible time at the TEDxBroadway conference!!! Soooooo inspiring for the future of Broadway!

(For more info about TED conferences go to ted.com, see my post #114, or check out Howard Sherman's LiveBlog of the event for alllll the nitty-gritty details.)

Every presenter at TEDxBroadway addressed the following very important question...

What's the BEST Broadway can be in 20 years? 

No conclusions were made...but that wasn't the point. The POINT was to relish the question and explore all the GLORIOUS possibilities, all the fantastic OPPORTUNITIES that the future could hold for Broadway...if we're willing to work together to help CREATE that new reality. AWESOME!!!

Mostly, I just sat and listened and observed and let it all soak in. But I was moved to take a few notes to share with ya'll. So here were some "take-away's" from some of my favorite presenters at TEDxBroadway. 

I hope that this post will help inspire YOU to want to be a part of creating a thriving future for LIVE theatre on Broadway and everywhere...from sea to shining sea!!!

The following are my humble takeaways from the many super-fantastic speakers that shared their hearts, insights and crazy-crack-pot-genius with all of us. (Please excuse me if these quotes aren't word perfect...It was dark and I was writing fassssst. Did my very best to stay true to the intent of the speaker's message.)

"The timeline to 2032 will be written by some of the very talented people in this room. We create ideas and ideas create the future." - Ken Davenport 

"We must ask: why is this LIVE?" - Jordan Roth

"No one sets out to create something unremarkable...If it falls short, it doesn't change the original intent and good will." - Jordan Roth

"Theatre can become part of the social fabric of people's lives." - Randy Weiner

"This show is so incredible that it doesn't need a marketing budget." - Randy Weiner (referring to Sleep No More) 

"We are poised for another renaissance and creative forces will lead the renaissance." - Patricia Martin

"This generation experiences truth as emotional truth. They believe what they can feel." - Patricia Martin

"Forget an out-of-town try-out. What about an internet try-out?" - Matt Sax

"Great customer service is about creating that total experience. Don't miss out on the opportunity for human connection in every interaction." - Frank Eliason

"How you treat your employees dictates the quality of customer service they will give." - Frank Eliason

"Drive change by storytelling, not by numbers." - Frank Eliason

"Create the future and let other people adapt to you." - Kara Larson

"Is this really the right audience?" - Steve Gullans

"Broadway is an idea factory...We open hearts and minds." - Damian Bazadona

"Expanding the exposure of Broadway is the way to grow." - Damian Bazadona

"We must increase financial opportunities to attract great talent and innovators to Broadway." - Damian Bazadona

"...Cooperation..." - Barry Kahn

"I'm in. Are you?" - Vincent Gassetto

"How can we upgrade?" - Juan Enriquez

"Does Google equal immortality?" - Juan Enriquez

"We are all self-created voyeurs." - Juan Enriquez (referring to Facebook)

"What kind of humanity do we want to create?" - Juan Enriquez

"Put all the pettiness aside and think about the good of Broadway." - Joseph Craig

"Don't be the turkey." - Greg Mosher

"We must ask ourselves: What business are we in?" - Greg Mosher

"Read The Innovators Dilemma." - Greg Mosher

"You can't Google a broken heart. That's why we need Shakespeare." - Greg Mosher

And my favorite takeaway from the entire day...

"How are YOU going to take what theatre does best and reinvent that tradition in the future?" - Juan Enriquez 

Big huge thanks to Ken Davenport, Damian Bazadona & Jim McCarthy for organizing the event.

And thank you to the generous co-sponsors:

Jujamcyn Theatres

Broadway.com

...and the supporting sponsors:

Google

BroadwayWorld.com

Audience Rewards

CareerBuilder

You can follow @TEDxBroadway on Twitter...if you're into that sort of thing.

And...word on the street is...there may be another TEDxBroadway next year!!! Whoo-hoo!!!

Here's to the future of live theatre on Broadway! Let's make it AWESOME! 

Loves,

Virginia

Yes, it's true...I actually had business cards made with the blog address on it. I KNOW IT'S SILLY! But I love this blog sooooo much, I couldn't help it!!! They came in handy too...I actually gave out a few at the event. LOL! So weird to introduce myself as an "actor-blogger." But, if the shoe fits...  :-P

  

41. Keepin' It Real

"Acting is natural to you. It's what you do, because what you are doing as an actor is just living life. But you are living it on stage. The trick is to live it as fully on stage as you live it when off stage." - Kathryn Bild, Acting From A Spiritual Perspective

YouTube is an amazing place.

I could spend hours and hours watching videos and learning about anything from weight-lifting to cooking to how to re-cover a chair. And a cornucopia of incredible resources for actors are there as well.

This morning I stumbled upon this... Ms. Rachel McAdams' audition tape for The Notebook.

The thing I LOVE about this audition is how honestly she believes that all of this is REALLY HAPPENING to her. She believes it so deeply... that I believe it too. That's brilliant acting... in a nutshell.

And, the emotional transparency that she's demonstrating is an amazing service to humanity. How many hundreds of thousands of people have seen this film and cried along with her at the heart-break of having to leave someone you know you love? As an audience member, it's a beautiful catharsis to see your innermost life represented honestly by other humans. You know you're not alone!!! It's a shared human experience.

Sure, it's entertaining. But more importantly... if you see a certain performance at just the right time in your life... it can also be LIFE-CHANGING.

That's why acting is such a cool job. You get to be a catalyst for other people's emotional journey or thought-altering experience... and you'll NEVER know who you're affecting or how they've been changed. Mind-blowing!!!

I had an acting teacher tell me once that he's only interested in the REAL. Fake is boring. That was his philosophy.

I mean, in life... "fake" people are not my favorite, I must admit. I much prefer "real" people. Real people are magnetic and interesting. And what is true in life is also true in acting.

So don't be fake. Live your life FULLY. Keep it REAL. It may not always be pretty, but it's waaayyy more powerful.

Love,
Virginia

"Everybody has their own way of tapping into their realness." - Sandra Bernhard

 

6. Have Gratitude For How Blessed You Truly Are

“We want our lives to not just be creative but purposeful, growing us towards a deeper satisfaction around what we are actually doing here on the planet.”

-          Lena Stevens, http://www.thepowerpath.com/

Today is a day of looking back for New Yorkers, honoring the past, taking stock of how far we’ve come, being reminded…  that the sweetness of this moment is really all we have. 

It is also a day of looking forward to working together to build a future that we can all be safe in and be proud of.

I am overwhelmed with gratefulness for all that New York City has provided for me in my life’s journey so far. Moving here in 2007, was the most challenging and best decision I’ve made in my life.

New York is my home!

However, New York is not an easy place to live. Especially in the early days, I have sometimes felt invisible here. But it forced me to see myself rather than rely on being seen by others, a very healthy and empowering feeling.

Still, I’ve never truly been invisible. In my time here, I have found New York City to be filled with some of the most friendly, caring, genuine and willing-to-look-out-for-each-other human beings on the planet.

My New York experience has made me supremely aware of exercising patience, kindness and good manners in all public places, as well as the importance of being assertive and steadfastly standing up for what you need, with both friends and strangers.

There is an energy, a pulse to NYC that you can feel almost viscerally, if you tune into it. Such is the nature of living in close quarters with so many people.

Being surrounded by fellow travelers on a crowded subway… navigating the sidewalks, while keeping your pace and dodging the tourists, New Yorkers share this collective experience every day.

Collective experience is a powerful thing. It can bring people together in a very emotional way and can help to create deep and lasting connections with humans that you otherwise wouldn’t have taken the time to know.

As artists, we seek to create collective experiences for our fellow human beings that will have an emotional impact of some kind. 

When you’ve met your goal, it’s a feeling like no other…  It’s like.. “ZING!  Did you feel that?... Yeah, me too!.. Wow, that was crazy… Yeah. Glad you were here with me.”

The collective experience stays with you. You remember it for weeks/years to come. You tell all of your friends about it... with passionate words and hand gestures! 

If it is strong enough, that collective experience can even shape who you are becoming. Feelings are potent.

So today, we’re all feeling it out together… remembering for ourselves and our loved ones… where we were when the towers fell and what that meant for ourselves, for our fellow citizens, for our country and for our planet.

Back then we were all questioning.... How were we going deal with this tragedy? What were we going to learn from this? How would we move forward? (Not to mention... Who's fault was this? And how could this have been prevented?)

Cut to now... How do you think we did? Have these past 10 years anything like you thought they might be? Nationally? Personally?

For me? These past 10 years have been NOTHING like what I had anticipated at all! 

On Sept 11, 2001, I sat transfixed to the television watching the live footage and feeling helpless, not knowing how to process these powerful emotions… My heart bursting with empathy for all those that were being directly affected by the losses of that day.

Life is fragile. 

It makes one reflect…What do you feel called to do with the valuable time that you’ve got on this planet? We have the privilege of making that choice afresh every morning… until one day… we won’t.

I had no future aspirations of moving to New York in 2001. But in retrospect, perhaps my attention was drawn to New York then? And the sense of national pride that followed, as we all watched New Yorkers take lemons and make lemonade, made me curious about that resilient and inextinguishable city.

New York may have been down, but it was not out…  NYC would rebuild, and rise again, stronger and more united. Ms. Liberty’s light shone brighter and more beautiful than ever... with hope.

I guess, I wanted that to be my story too.

I still do.

I love you, NYC. You’ve come so far! I am truly in awe of you.

Wishing you peace and love in the hearts of your people.

Thank you.

Yours,

Virginia

“Have gratitude for how blessed you truly are. Be a blessing for everything around you.”

-          Lena Stevens, http://www.thepowerpath.com/