An (almost) daily conversation about my process of preparation to apply for acceptance to the MFA Acting programs at Juilliard, NYU-Tisch and the Yale School of Drama in 2012.
No one can give me this job. No one can take it away from me.
It's mine.
And no one can DO this job quite like I do it...And I can chose to do my work where ever I happen to be. I love it when I do my job reeeeeeallly well.
Oh, and the pay?
The pay is goooood. I am very well compensated.
You see...all the effort I put into this job, comes back to me multiplied by millions!!! Sometimes I will receive actual money, but that's not the kind of pay I seek with this job...
My compensation for my dedication is...a sense of greater purpose and fulfillment beyond measure.
I love my job. And, best of all, I've got job security.
This job allows me unlimited potential for growth. And I will never retire.
(Though I might give myself a gold watch at some point...that might be fun!)
You've got this job too! How awesome is that?! So get to it!!! I am wishing you a glorious day of joyful creation.
Work it!!!
Loves,
Virginia
"The trick to blending work and play lies not in what you do, but in how you view what you do. See work as play and see play as important -- super, very...way a lot." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe
"Your primary relationship needs to be with yourself, not your family, business, country, culture, or ethnicity. Affirm: The number one priority in my life is my relationship with my Source of being. Go there first, before any other considerations, and you'll automatically discontinue demanding more of anything else. You'll begin to emulate the Tao effortlessly, living heaven on earth." - Wayne Dyer, Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life
I'm not going home to Walnut Creek for Christmas this year. In fact, I hardly ever make it home for Christmas. Historically, this has simply been because I am either... A. working or B. can't afford a plane ticket. However, neither really apply this year... yet, I am still not traveling home for Christmas. Why? Well, this year's reason is a little more complex...
I am staying in New York for emotional self-protection.
I don't know how that may sound to you upon first-read, but let me explain a bit...
My parents were married for 30 years...and recently they decided to divorce. So Christmas at "home" is not what it once was. And being with my family in California brings up a lot of very deep-rooted emotional feelings for me...feelings that I'm still in the process of working through...that our whole family is in the process of working through.
"You should never sacrifice yourself in an attempt to save someone else. You cannot save anyone but yourself. When you make a strong commitment for something important that represents the next step in your evolution, you need to put boundaries around it and protect it from all the energies that are not compatible. This may require some hard choices of cutting off certain relationships, practices, habits and influences. If it does not feel good, say no and don't do it. If it feels good, say yes and go for it. You don't need to know how or why." - Lena Stevens, The Power Path
Now, because I'm challenging myself big-time with this HUGE goal that means sooooo much to me (namely, this blog and this grad-school application thing) and it's required a ton of energy and focus for me to stick-with-it emotionally and psychologically...to stay positive and stay motivated and keep myself in a healthy-happy-mind-set...for all of these reasons...I needed to set a boundary for myself to protect this dream and to stay in New York for Christmas.
"Commitment is more about saying "no" than "yes." - Jennifer Gresham, Everyday Bright
I have to protect my energy and my focus right now. I cannot allow myself to be thrown-for-a-loop by things that I know I cannot control. I only have so much strength and have to acknowledge my limitations.
"Don't let the "shoulds" of false responsibilities and expectations of others derail you from being fully present, awake and engaged in what you know you need to do for yourself." - Lena Stevens, The Power Path
I LOOOOOVE my family and would LOVE to be able to be there for them right now, but I can't. I have to be selfish and know that they will understand (which I think they do)... or even if they don't understand... that they'll get over it eventually and be excited to see me next year when I do choose to come home for Christmas (hopefully, during my winter-break from grad school)!
However, I do miss my family... a lot...especially this weekend! And it's lonely waking up in my apartment alone on Christmas Eve.
This morning I woke up thinking about the things that I miss...And I realized that a lot of the things I miss about Christmases of my past are things that don't even exist anymore...people have passed away...grown up...moved on...I'm nostalgic about a memory. What I miss most are things that I would not experience right now anyway...even if I was in California for the holiday.
There was something comforting in realizing that I'm longing to re-live the feeling of something that has passed. Because it made me realize that by staying in New York on Christmas, I'm not depriving myself of these things that I miss...because those things only exist in my mind. The truth is...I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now.
It's also comforting for me to think that... years from now...I will probably think back and miss THIS moment too! I'll think fondly back about that time when I lived in Astoria (now) and was gloriously free on Christmas Day to sleep in 'til when ever and treat myself to a movie...no obligations...no attachments...just what ever I wanted to do...where ever I wanted to go...with whom ever I wanted to be with. I can definitely imagine my future self longing for that feeling of freedom again.
So why not enjoy this moment now?...in all it's complexity of emotion.
As you are experiencing your own "moments" this weekend with your loved ones during your holiday festivities...remember to take-in the bittersweet joy and pain of each moment.. because there will never be another one quite like it. Isn't that both beautiful and heart-breaking?
Life is simple like that, life is complicated like that...and life is precious.
Every moment of "the now" is a beautiful moment that will never be repeated.
So don't forget, k?
Hugs,
Virginia
"The reality is that beginnings are often disguised as painful endings. So when you know that there's a constant beyond the present moment's disappointment, you can sense that "this too shall pass" -- it always has and it always will. when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change!" - Wayne Dyer, Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life
"Action may not always be happiness...but there is no happiness without action." - Benjamin Disraeli in Lothair
I am sooooo not feeling it today.
It's one of those going-through-the-motions days. You know...when you're "here" but you're not really present.
Yup. Me-not-with-it = Today
However, I am taking comfort in the fact that I am still making it through the motions...I got out of bed, showed up to work on-time, accomplished things, spent time memorizing my classical monologue, ate well, got home from work at reasonable hour... and now I am going to the gym...to sweat and hopefully get out of this funk.
Nothing's "wrong"... in fact, everything is pretty damn awesome... comparatively. I just feel like all the joy was sucked out of my soul today. Maybe it's hormones? Maybe my body is fighting off that cold that everybody is getting? Maybe I don't have enough romance in my life? Maybe I need more sleep? Maybe I just need to step outside my bubble and get some freakin' perspective on the world? I do want to appreciate all my many blessings.
Maybe I'm just fine? Yup. Probably.
Soooo, I guess my strategy is to keep on faking-it like I'm feelin' good and continue taking action to do things that I know are good for me... like get my heart pumping at the gym... and hopefully my sense of inner joy will catch a hint and begin to feel more authentic.
Stickin' with it, though...whether I "feel" like it or no.
Stubbornly committed,
Virginia
P.S. Lighten-up, Wilcox...laugh a little. That'll do you some good. ;-)
"Here's my big question to you and your generation of artists. It's a question that comes because we are now so very entrenched in a celebrity culture. Are you becoming an artist because you want the world to look at you? Or are you becoming an artist because you would like to use your ability to attract attention -- and the ability to get people to look at your work-- in order to cause them to see themselves and the world differently through you?" - Anna Deveare Smith, Letters To A Young Artist
"Why would anyone EVER want to be famous?" I used to ask. To my 16-year-old self the idea of having photographers following you around all the time, people constantly prying into your personal life and getting asked for autographs in the ladies room was tantamount to a lifetime prison sentence. Ick!
Yet, when you tell people that you want to be an actor...the first thing they say is..."Oh, you want to be famous?"
No. I want to ACT.
But sometimes acting does lead to a certain level of notoriety. It's the nature of the profession. The better you get at acting and the more people see you do it...well, they're going to remember you and recognize you. It's a natural bi-product of the work.
Though many of the trappings of "fame" don't sound particularly appealing to me... even now... I have shifted my opinion slightly regarding the allure and value of notoriety as an artist.
First...Celebrities and/or well-known artists have a fantastic advantage in finding creative fulfillment in their work... because they have what I like to call "artistic choice." This means that they've made enough money doing their work that (hopefully) they no longer have to worry... "How am I going to pay my rent if I don't take this job?!" Because their survival is assured, they can then focus on committing themselves to doing projects that excite them or challenge them... with people that they love or have always wanted to work with. How awesome is that?!
Celebrities have the power to lend their name to projects that they believe in and it will actually help these projects get funded and produced! What better position could an artist possibly have than to know that they've got the power to say "No, thanks. Not interested that project... But THIS one... now, THIS one is something I can really get into!" And to know in your soul that you're not doing it for the money, but for LOVE! How fantastic to be able to really follow your heart and not your pocketbook... not that every celebrity DOES that... but they could probably afford to, if they chose to... and it's "artistic CHOICE" that's so attractive to me.
Second...Regarding all that ATTENTION that famous people get... That can be very disturbing at times for them, I imagine, but it has certain advantages too I am realizing. I no longer think that being famous is as big a curse as I used to... However, I am not really interested in getting people's attention so that they will look at me... no, no, no... I want to get peoples attention so that they will look at whatever I am pointing to... Does that make sense? I would love to be able to earn people's trust (through my work) and that their care and attention to my work would also give me the ability share with them the causes and issues that I care about and I feel are under-represented, worthy of more attention, in need of someone to throw them some support and get the word out there!
For example, in just three weeks Hugh Jackman: Back On Broadway raised $857,740 for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights Aids. And this was because Mr. Jackman engaged with the audience in such a way that you felt he was your close friend during the show... you were totally with him. So at the end of the show... when he offered to auction off his sweaty undershirts from Act 1 & Act 2 for a donation of $10,000 a piece (gross, but true)... well, people jumped at the opportunity to give (he even threw in a kiss for one particularly generous female donor)...AND for a $2,000 donation to BC/EFA you could meet him backstage and take a photo together. Now THAT is using your celebrity to do some good. He's a HUGE star! He did NOT have to offer all of that... He could have done a 20 second post-show-speech and called it a night... but he went the extra mile and offered his own time...because he knew people would pay for access to meet him because he is FAMOUS and that donated money would make a HUGE difference to the charity! A-MA-ZING. Bravo, Hugh! Bravo! If I were a celebrity, THAT's the kind of celebrity I would be.
Third...It would be awesome to make a "famous-person's-salary." Because then I could probably afford to buy my Mom a house in Marin County like she's always dreamed of owning. And I could pay for my brothers' college educations, so that they wouldn't have to spend 20 years paying off their student loans (like most of us). And maybe I could afford to fly us all to Hawaii for a two week vacation where we could all learn to wind-surf and hike volcanos and sing together in the moonlight on the beach. And I could make sure they all have really awesome health insurance coverage, so that they can get the best care if they ever get sick...and not worry about how they're going to pay. Dream big!!! But for now...I just want to be able to make a decent living to start with...anything beyond that is gravy!
Soooo... for the three reasons explained above... I think I'd be willing to give up my anonymity and submit to the challenges of being "well-known."
Now... How to do something well enough to be "known" for? That's the question. Hopefully, grad school will help me find the answer!
In my own small way, I guess this blog is a way of throwing focus on things that I think are important to growth in the creative process.
Who needs fame when you've got the internet?!
But don't worry... I won't be auctioning off my sweaty t-shirts any time soon...probably never.
:-p
Loves,
V
P.S. If you want to throw some focus on an organization you think is worthy of some attention. Post a comment on the bottom of this blog post and tell us about WHY you love this charity and why attention must be paid!
"Cut people slack...Their actions might not reveal their enduring character, but instead reflect some situation they find themselves in. Forbearance is a form of generosity." - Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project
Soooo yesterday was one of THOSE days at work. It was kind-of like "Opening Night" of a show. You know the sort of day where everything has been building up to this one final moment and you're in last-minute-prep-mode and everybody's excited and a little on-edge and anything that goes wrong feels like a crisis (but really isn't)? That was my day yesterday.
Here are some of my learning "take-aways" from my high-pressure day:
1. When the $h*t hits the fan, you want to be surrounded by quality people that you trust to help support you... otherwise, reaching out for help will only ADD to your stress, because you haven't established enough trust to know that they'll come through for you in your time of need.
2. Know that you are NOT seeing the bigger picture when you are STRESSED out, so give people as much slack and compassion as you can possibly muster... as your blood-pressure skyrockets off the chart.
3. Yelling will not help anyone do anything better/faster... It will just make everyone feel bad and if you are the one yelling... it will not make you feel any better either. So speak your words with care.
4. Take a step back before REACTING... breathe... take a walk... splash some cold water on your face (but don't ruin your make-up)... call a friend... have a snack... DO SOMETHING to get in a good headspace before moving forward. It's worth taking the time to do... even when it seems like there is NO TIME... Because you do NOT want to say something that you're going to REGRET.
5. Communicate what you need to get the job done... nicely... and be HONEST about where you are at. If you have too much on your plate... delegate... hand something off to someone you trust and give yourself some relief.
6. Don't deny it! People KNOW if you're stressed. They see it exuding from your pores... so just admit it, rather than trying to pretend you're FINE. It will feel better just to SAY IT. Then hopefully, you can feel like you can stop fighting, let the stressful feeling be what it is and move forward as best you can in the moment.
7. Say THANK YOU to everyone who is helping to make things happen before "show time." A little gratitude goes a looooong way in keeping everyone on the same page (including YOU)... that we're all a TEAM and working toward the same goal: an AWESOME & SUCCESSFUL event/show/presentation/etc.
8. Have a sense of humor. Make a joke!!! Laughter releases sooooo much tension. (P.S. I am TERRIBLE at this... I have such a hard time laughing when I'm stressed out, let alone making someone else laugh... but I LOVE it and appreciate it soooooooo much when other people are able to make me laugh and make light of "serious" situations... So I like to surround myself with those kind of quality people whenever possible...see number 1.)
9. Smile. Sometimes by moving those smiling muscles in your face... your attitude will take a clue and adjust itself. You can decide to have fun with the situation at any point...or be miserable...the choice is up to you.
10. Remember... It will all be over soon and you will be able to fall asleep on your pillow and wrap yourself in a blanket and dream of cotton candy and puppy-dogs again. That's something to look forward to.
11. You are doing a good job... the best you can. So be kind to yourself and take a deep breath. You are enough. You can get through it!!!
12. Shift your focus...Really... it's all about FOCUS. When you are focused on "not freaking-out"... you will only freak-yourself-out MORE... But when you focus on having FUN... then the "not freaking-out" will happen as a natural bi-product of having more fun in spite of the obstacles.
Easier said that done though...
And when you inevitably get caught-up in the stress-frenzy-high-pressureness of it all and totally "lose it" in front of everyone and make a total a$$ out of yourself... Well, you learn from that too... That you can survive FAILING BIG and that you can find some good "take-aways" from it (like 12 of them, to be exact)... and resolve to do better next time... because there will be a next time.
Sigh...
Gotta love pushing yourself to your limit... Otherwise... How will you know how far you can go?
Further and further.
Loves,
V
"We can throw stones, complain about them, stumble on them, climb over them, or build with them." - William Arthur Ward
"The first step to living a life of passion and purpose is to remove the barriers that hold you back." - Adam Baker, Man Vs. Debt
Sooooo, I'm still working on my Personal Statement Draft for Juilliard. It's coming together. But striking that balance between being honest/raw/open/vulnerable about where I've come from and what I had to do to get to where I am now... and still managing to show my bubbly-passionate-desire-to-inspire-self is really challenging.
It's a balancing act... Heavy/Light... Dark/Bright... Negative/Positive. One without the other will not give the full picture.
There is much shitty-ness that is a part of my story... and I often choose NOT to focus on that part... for various reasons... The greatest of which is... I have found that focusing on the negativity of the past has never helped me to create a more positive future. So I try to spend as little time walking down negative-memory-lane as possible.
But with this Personal Statement... it's tough NOT to go there... I don't want to wallow in the past, but I don't want to deny it either. The dark times have become a part of who I am now and have helped to shape me. They've made me appreciate my successes and blessings soooo much more than if everything had come easily.
And... as avid-AcceptanceProject-blog-follower-Alexis reminded me in a VERY HELPFUL phone call late last night regarding the Personal Statement... the thing that makes us unique and inspiring to each other are not our pains or our obstacles (everybody's got those to contend with to varying degrees)... but HOW we manage to overcome them and get to a more positive/happy/successful/awesome life. Everybody can relate to that struggle/journey and get on-board the HOPE train! Tell THAT story and people will both...A. root for your success and B. be inspired to pursue self-betterment themselves!
WIN/WIN!
Sigh... Anyway, that's great and all... But it's not enough to just to KNOW what I want to communicate in the Personal Statement... The key (that I am trying to get to) is HOW to communicate that idea successfully... in 2 pages... double-spaced.... Still working on that part.
Luckily I've got 4 more days to figure it out... before I have to press SEND and submit the application.
TONS of time... Not.
I wish I was gutsy enough to send in a personal statement that looked like the following...
Ha ha ha!!! Can you imagine?... Sigh... Hilarious.
But.. no... that would be a cop-out. Because I'd only be doing it out of laziness... trying to avoid having to get to my bottom-line and be REALLY specific and concise about WHY I WANT TO BE AN ACTOR... and HOW I HOPE MY WORK WILL HAVE A POSITIVE IMPACT ON THE WORLD... and WHY JUILLIARD'S PROGRAM SPECIFICALLY RESONATES WITH ME AND WILL HELP ME ON MY JOURNEY OF ARTISTIC GROWTH.
Soooo here's TODAY'S PLAN OF ACTION in re-writing my Personal Statement...
Step 1: Go to the movies... and (hopefully) be inspired by some amazing acting
Step 2: Go to yoga... to let my body sweat and allow my subconscious mind to mix-up all the ideas I want to incorporate into the next draft of the Personal Statement (perhaps inspiration will hit me during final savasana?)
Step 3: Come home, shower, make a cup of tea, turn on my computer, read what I've already written and see if I am even remotely inspired by my own words... If not... my "literary babies" will have to be sacrificed (cut or rewritten) in the interest of the greater good (a personal statement that is true to who I was... true to who I am am... and most importantly... true to who I am becoming!)
All that... in 2 pages... double spaced... 12 point font.
Noooow.... GO!
Gettin' there,
Virginia
"Human qualities like creativity, helpfulness, and hope can't be commanded; they can only be inspired in people. You can't order somebody to have a great idea. You can't mandate rich, creative collaborations. You can't command a doctor or nurse to be more humane and show compassion at a patient's bedside. You can't really motivate or coerce a teacher to be more hopeful and create a sense of possibility in the classrom. You can't sufficiently motivate a sales representative to engender trust in every interaction. The lucky ones figure it out early on their own, but others need to be inspired to bring out these qualities." - Dov Seidman, How: Why How We Do Anything Means Everything
"I'm shifting gears professionally.... I'm beginning to focus intensely on where I've succeed and failed in 2011 and what I want to build in 2012 and beyond. While I've accomplished some great things this year, I know I've also dropped a lot of balls and not come close to what I'm capable of creating in the world." - Jonathan Fields
I'm still germinating on the whole "personal statement" idea before actually setting pen to paper... or fingers to keys (as the case may be). Maybe I'll get to an actual "draft" on the plane this afternoon.
Planes always make me sentimental and self-reflective. Something about flying and looking down at the ground beneath the clouds. Thinking about all the lives that are being lived as we pass over in the air... There's something profound about that experience.
Anyway... I've gotten some great feedback and suggestions regarding my personal statement from several wonderful readers/friends/supportive souls. So thank you to all of you that took the time to write me a response to post #59.
I am packing-up everything from this business trip in Florida now and will soon be getting back to the "real world" in New York. Florida has been a welcome change of pace and there have been several moments for reflection on this trip... which I am very grateful for.
November has been an unusually unfocused month for me... Tons of stuff going on... Difficult to clear my mind of extraneous thought to focus on one thing: writing this personal statement for Juilliard.
But that's where I am at. And that's okay. It's real. It's honest.
And I am hoping that today, I will be able to clear a space in my head for these thoughts and ideas to coalesce into form. But, these things will happen on their own time and forcing it neeeeeeever works out well for me.
So, for now, I will take my cues from the ocean: I will go with the flow. I will let the tide of creative inspiration pull me when it will. And hopefully, the result will be a personal statement that is deep and clear, just like the blue ocean water that continuously, persistently and beautifully writes in seafoam on the shore.
Love to you all,
Virginia
"Look, and it can't be seen. Listen, and it can't be heard. Reach, and it can't be grasped...
You can't know it, but you can be it, at ease in your own life. Just realize where you come from: this is the essence of wisdom."- Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching - Chapter 14 (translated by Stephen Mitchell)
“The brighter your light, the more you attract… everything. Moths and butterflies. At which point you begin learning what to celebrate and what to let fly on by… or who.” – Mike Dooley, Tut’s Universe
I have a hard-time knowing when to set boundaries in relationships sometimes. I wish this was easy and clear for me. But I am naturally a "giver" and I have this instinct to take care of people and their feelings... even when it's not really necessary or beneficial to either of us.
I’m becoming more aware of this. But it’s been a slooooow process.
I think it comes back to my identity. I see myself as a nurturing person who sees the potential in people. I love being able to see beyond what’s literally happening in this moment, to the greatness that is possible in the future.
But, in relationships, it’s also a big investment of energy to give that kind of focus to someone… and right now… that is the focus/love/energy that I want to be giving to myself in order to keep the Acceptance Project going and to make the progress I need to make to prepare for my grad school auditions.
However, letting someone “fly on by” is not hard if they’re going away all on their own… But what about when they’d like to spend time with you?
And you have to be the one to say… “Well, I work 35 hours a week plus a lot of overtime in the month of November because work is crazy/busy, I blog about 15 hours a week, I try to sleep 8 hours a night, I exercise 3-4 days a week and I am working on preparing the written applications and essays for grad school and the 4 monologues required for the audition and try to have the occasional brunch with a friend. I am really in love with what I am doing in my life right now… and you are just not a high enough priority to tempt me to be a distraction from all of that.”
Yikes!
Feels a bit mean/harsh to me… But it’s honest.
I just wish I could feel “nice” while communicating that idea… but I just don’t. I feel like I am letting a fellow human being down and I don’t like that feeling at all.
However, not feeling "nice" hasn’t actually stopped me from setting the necessary boundaries recently. I feel mean, but I set the boundaries anyway.
In action, I have been extremely protective of my time and who I spend it with, but I do still feel a little bit guilty.
I wish that I could be all things to all people. But I can’t.
As a recovering “people-pleaser” I realize that I can only be me and do what I need to do to live my life the best way that I know how in this moment and that what other people want/think/feel about that is really irrelevant.
I really need to focus on taking really good care of myself, because the path I've committed myself to is not an easy one for me.
And learning to take good care of myself includes getting really good at setting limits with others… because nobody’s gonna do it for me… Nor should they. That’s my job. But getting good at it takes practice. And I know it will get easier the more I do it.
Boundary-Setting 101
Ha ha ha! I really wish I had aced that class in school.
I just want to be able to do what I want to do and not care so much about hurting people’s feelings. They can take care of themselves, right?... Right.
I can still be a "good person" and take care of myself first.
So give me a call and ask me if I want to hang-out… and it’ll give me an opportunity to get over the mini-freak-out that I inevitably have in my own head about disappointing someone I love and say “No, thanks! Gotta focus on building my dreams right now.”
Loves,
V
“Instilling ethics is a timeless objective. We need to talk about it because it gets into everything we do every day. Every situation gives us a choice, and the key is to have that moral compass that points you in the right direction regardless of the situation.” – Mohammed Aljishi
"As you read this sentence, you probably think that this moment--right now--is what is happening. The present moment feels special. It is real. However much you may remember the past or anticipate the future, you life in the present. Of course, the moment during which you read that sentence is no longer happening. This one is. In other words, it feels as though time flows, in the sense that the present is constantly updating itself. We have a deep intuition that the future is open until it becomes present and that the past is fixed. As time flows, this structure of fixed past, immediate present and open future gets carried forward in time. This structure is built into our language, thought and behavior. How we live our lives hangs on it. Yet as natural as this way of thinking is, you will not find it reflected in science. The equations of physics do not tell us which events are occurring right now--they are like a map without the "you are here" symbol." - CRAIG CALLENDER, Scientific American, June 2010
You are HERE... NOW. So be in this present moment.
Don't get caught up in the "if only's" of the past or the "what if's" of the future.
Focus on enjoying the NOW... and breathe.
Time will take care of the rest.
Tick-tock, Tick-tock...
~V
"Time brings all things to pass." - AESCHYLUS, The Libation Bearers
"The feeling of being hurried is not usually the result of living a full life and having no time. It is, on the contrary, born of a vague fear that we are wasting our life. When we do not do the one thing we ought to do, we have no time for anything else - we are the busiest people in the world." - Eric Hoffer, philosopher & author (1902-1983)
Hey, Peeps!
I know you all have busy, busy lives. That’s the way of the world these days, right?
I often forget that I need to give myself space to actually ENJOY my life. Every time I check something off the to-do list, it just seems to get longer.
In the interest of regaining some of my sanity, I am going to be mindful to single-task today. I will do one thing at a time and enjoy focusing on doing that one thing really, really well.
What will you do today to be more mindful and experience a deeper sense of joy? Don’t know? Need inspiration?
Here’s a gift for you! … A guest post from my FAVORITE blog: ZenHabits. See below…
“Smile, breathe and go slowly.”- Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist monk
The idea of being mindful — being present, being more conscious of life as it happens — seems a bit impossible to many of the super busy.
But not only is it possible, I’d submit that it’s desirable, and that it’ll help the busy (and non-busy) achieve their goals and enjoy life more fully…
“Do you have patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?”- Lao Tzu
How to Be Mindful
1. Do one thing at a time. Single-task, don’t multi-task. When you’re pouring water, just pour water. When you’re eating, just eat. When you’re bathing, just bathe. Don’t try to knock off a few tasks while eating or bathing or driving. Zen proverb: “When walking, walk. When eating, eat.”
2. Do it slowly and deliberately. You can do one task at a time, but also rush that task. Instead, take your time, and move slowly. Make your actions deliberate, not rushed and random. It takes practice, but it helps you focus on the task.
3. Do less. If you do less, you can do those things more slowly, more completely and with more concentration. If you fill your day with tasks, you will be rushing from one thing to the next without stopping to think about what you do. But you’re busy and you can’t possibly do less, right? You can. I’ve done it, and so have many busy people. It’s a matter of figuring out what’s important, and letting go of what’s not. Read more:The Lazy Manifesto: Do Less.
4. Put space between things. Related to the “Do less” rule, but it’s a way of managing your schedule so that you always have time to complete each task. Don’t schedule things close together — instead, leave room between things on your schedule. That gives you a more relaxed schedule, and leaves space in case one task takes longer than you planned.
5. Spend at least 5 minutes each day doing nothing. Just sit in silence. Become aware of your thoughts. Focus on your breathing. Notice the world around you. Become comfortable with the silence and stillness. It’ll do you a world of good — and just takes 5 minutes!
6. Stop worrying about the future – focus on the present. Become more aware of your thinking — are you constantly worrying about the future? Learn to recognize when you’re doing this, and then practice bringing yourself back to the present. Just focus on what you’re doing, right now. Enjoy the present moment.
7. When you’re talking to someone, be present. How many of us have spent time with someone but have been thinking about what we need to do in the future? Or thinking about what we want to say next, instead of really listening to that person? Instead, focus on being present, on really listening, on really enjoying your time with that person.
8. Eat slowly and savor your food. Food can be crammed down our throats in a rush, but where’s the joy in that? Savor each bite, slowly, and really get the most out of your food. Interestingly, you’ll eat less this way, and digest your food better as well.
9. Live slowly and savor your life. Just as you would savor your food by eating it more slowly, do everything this way — slow down and savor each and every moment. As I type this, for example, I have my 3-year-old daughter, Noelle, on my lap. She’s just sitting here quietly, as the rain pours down in a hush outside. What a lovely moment. In fact, I’m going to take a few minutes off just to be with her now. Be right back. :)
10. Make cleaning and cooking become meditation. Cooking and cleaning are often seen as drudgery, but actually they are both great ways to practice mindfulness, and can be great rituals performed each day. If cooking and cleaning seem like boring chores to you, try doing them as a form of meditation. Put your entire mind into those tasks, concentrate, and do them slowly and completely. It could change your entire day (as well as leave you with a cleaner house).
11. Keep practicing. When you get frustrated, just take a deep breath. When you ask yourself, “What should I do now, Self?”, the answer is “keep practicing”.
“When you drive around the city and come to a red light or a stop sign, you can just sit back and make use of these twenty or thirty seconds to relax — to breathe in, breathe out, and enjoy arriving in the present moment. There are many things like that we can do.”- Thich Nhat Hanh
"Most people have been brainwashed into believing that their job is to copyedit the world, not to design it." - Seth Godin
Will Smith is my MAN!!! What an inspiration! Take 10 minutes of you life to watch this video. He has some brilliant things to say...
"You want something. Go get it. Period." ... I LOVE THAT!!!
"He who says he can and he who says he can't are both usually right." - Confucius
Protect your dream, people. Don't be "realistic." That's boring. Go for it!!!! Keep to your vision and build it thought by thought, day by day, brick by brick and you will feel the satisfaction of seeing your vision becoming a reality because YOU CREATED IT.
"Don't wait for opportunities. Prepare for them; create them." - Khalid Al-Falih
Don't wait around for life to "happen" to you. Make it happen for yourself!
If something about your life sucks... CHANGE IT. You can. You are POWERFUL.
Create your own reality. Become your own dream come true.
Loves,
V
P.S. A big THANK YOU shout-out to our newest email subscriber... the talented Ms. Anna Alaimo... for sending me the link to this video. You RULE!!!
"Isn't it cool how when your thoughts become things and your dreams start coming true, they invariably bring along with them totally unexpected, life-changing manifestations that just blow your mind?" - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe
"Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.”
– Mary Tyler Moore
My experience auditioning:
After my AMAZING experience at auditions and callbacks at NYU my first year, I had both high-hopes and great fears for Year 2 auditions. My worst nightmare was that I wouldn’t make it through the first cut and wouldn’t get the opportunity to audition again for Janet Zarish and Mark Wing-Davy, who had both gotten to know me a bit during the callback weekend from the year before.
That morning at NYU, my first-round audition was for Victor Pappas, whom I had never met. (I believe he was on sabbatical the previous year.) What a joyful spirit! He welcomed me into the room with a bright, genuine smile. I liked him instantly. And that calmed my nerves and made me super excited to share the monologues I had been working on for months in preparation for this very moment.
It felt so good to get up there and say the words and feel the feelings... Doin' the acting thang.
I had been spending most of my year sitting in an office, making money to pay off my credit card/student loan debt. I had set this as a personal goal for the year, so that I could get into grad school with less of a debt burden. Money stress had become a huge issue for me. Scarcity thinking had been ruling my life in a really negative way and had been sapping my creative energies for YEARS. Now that I was aware of it, I had made every effort to get that debt-burden GONE, which resulted in a feeling of lightness and freedom in ALLLL areas of my life.
So getting up and doing my monologues for Victor felt like a two-fold joy…
1. Getting to do something that I love to do… AND...
2. Knowing that by taking a break from acting and by NOT doing it for a while, I was enabling myself to appreciate it more deeply and with greater sense of freedom from financial stress.
After auditioning for Victor, I walked out of the room thinking… “Well, even if that’s all I get to do today, it was worth it. I had FUN and it felt like a successful audition to me, no matter what the outcome.” And I believed it too.
“People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.”
– Dale Carnegie
In a little while, Jonathon Ward came out to the waiting area with a stack of headshot/resumes in-hand. He read off the names one by one…
My heart = pounding in my chest... Unfamiliar names ringing in my ears, as Jonathon breathed each word and then I heard… Virginia Wilcox.
Ahhhhhhh!!!! That’s my name! He called me!
I made the first cut. Whew! I would get to see Mark and Janet again! YES!!!! Sweet joy!!!!
When it was my turn to go in for the second-round that same day, I practically bounced into the room to see Mark and Janet. I felt like I was coming home to old friends. I greeted them with a grin and a wave of familiarity... and I was met with looks varying from vague recognition to complete blankness… Yikes!
In my head:
Expectation adjustment NEEDED!!! I had hoped that they would remember me, but if they did,… oh, boy,… they sure weren’t letting on! Oh, dear... I thought I was more memorable than that, but apparently not. LOL! Shake it off, Wilcox… Give them a chance to remember you from now on...
Mark looked at my list of four monologues and asked me to present my non-Shakespeare classical (very dark/dramatic) and my dramatic contemporary.
Drama + Drama = HEAVY.
And who wants to spend 3 years with someone who has no sense of humor? Not me... and probably not them.
I blinked. I blinked again. What to do now? I knew I was about to serve up a depression cocktail. He didn’t choose anything that had any lightness to it. I wanted to say something, to warn him, but I wasn’t courageous enough to speak up for myself.
In my head:
Just do it, Wilcox. If he wants to see some comedy, he’ll ask you for a third piece. It’s gonna be fine. Let it go... But I didn't/couldn't.
So I went to start my classical piece… and I couldn’t think of the first line… and I couldn’t think of it… and I couldn’t think of it...
I just stood there. Staring at the floor. My brain racing with a million thoughts except for the one that would really help me to be thinking in this moment… namely: MY FIRST F*@ING LINE. Then after another interminable eternity I “calmly” said to Mark and Janet, “I’m sorry. Just give me a second.” And I turned upstage and I breathed. Thinking… “It will come to you, Wilcox. Breathe. Let it come. Breathe.”…. And, thank the dear lord… it finally came to me.
Jeeeeesus that scared the S*%t out of me though… forgetting the words… losing focus… and I was totally out-of-body for the rest of the audition. Words were spoken but it was someone else speaking them. I was residing on the ceiling staring down at myself with a constant awareness of my complete and utter terror.
After I was done with my two uber-dramatic pieces… You could cut the angst in the room with a knife. And Janet broke the silence with… “Ah-hem… Virginia, would you like to sing for us?”
I sighed a small sigh of relief and smiled and said, “Sure! I’ll be singing… Get Happy.”
HA! And they laughed. Which was nice. Cut some of the tension, at least. And no third monologue was mentioned.
I sang my little ditty and dutifully dragged myself out the door… wondering all the while…
1. Where, along the way, had I lost my bounce? …and…
2. How had I managed to give all my power away? …and…
3. Why did I feel like I had totally lost control of myself during that audition?
A few minutes later, after the next hopeful applicant had gone in to the audition room, the monitor in the waiting area smiled and said…“That’s all we need to see today, Virginia. You’re free to go home. Thank you.”
Me: “Oh, okay… (all my blood dropped into my toes and my face went completely white)… Thanks... (gulp… hold it together… hold it together). Best of luck with the rest of the auditions today… (the best smile I could muster) … Bye-bye."
...Bye-bye, NYU, bye-bye...
I spent months analyzing it, for no good reason, really. I couldn’t go back and change anything. All I could do was move forward. But I was having a tough time figuring out what I was supposed to have learned from this experience.
The only thing that I could come up with as a major regret… is not speaking up for myself when Mark asked me for my two dramatic pieces… It would have made ME feel better to have said something like, “Mark, just wanted to let you know that you’ve chosen two dramatic pieces, which I am more than HAPPY to do for you. Just wanted to let you know, in case you want to see something a little lighter, as a contrast.” In which case, he may have still opted to go with his choices… or maybe he would have reconsidered and chosen a comedic piece… it really wouldn’t have mattered to me. Either way would have been fine. But, in retrospect, I would have felt more courageous and more in-control and more focused and prouder-of-myself in that situation, if I had followed my impulse and spoken up for myself in that moment… rather than blinking back my qualms and feeling like I was about to dutifully sacrifice myself to the drama gods. That only lead to me feeling super conflicted, getting distracted in my own head… and going up on my line… and losing confidence… and losing focus… and losing them… and, ultimately, disappointing myself.
By trying to be a "people-pleaser" and by stuffing my own internal impulse to speak up, I had succeeded in pleasing no one.
“Resiliency, I think is the KEY to success. The most successful people I know are so resilient. They’ve failed many times over. Whereas most people fail once or twice, and that’s it.” – Adam Gilbert, MyBodyTutor
Thank goodness I would be permitted to come back and try again next year!!! Do over!!!
My measure of success:
I did make the first cut… which felt like a great accomplishment.
Several weeks later, I received an email from Jonathon Ward informing me that I would not be invited to the callback weekend but that I was on the “waiting list.” Apparently they keep about 100 applicants on a waiting list, in the case that they are not able to find their 16-18 students from the 50 that are invited to the callback weekend. I was grateful to be included on the waiting list, but I knew that the likelihood of making it to this year’s class from the waiting list was very, very slim.
I would not be holding my breath.
Then, after a time, I received another email notifying me that they had chosen their MFA students for the year and they wished me best-of-luck in all my future endeavors.
:-(
Well, at least I had the courage to show up for the second time… and I had tried again. That was very important to me.
Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to happen yet. Whah-whah! What was supposed to happen… had happened. And as not-so-fun-and-awkward as that audition was for me, I survived to tell the tale.
“Whenever something doesn’t work out the way you thought it would, instead of thinking that something went wrong, see it as something that went unexpectedly well, but for reasons that are not yet apparent. Everything plays in your favor.” – Mike Dooley, Tut’s Universe
Learning and Resolutions for Year 3:
I wasn’t supposed to be at NYU yet. I had other stuff to learn/do elsewhere. And it has been a year of GROWTH… for which I am truly, truly grateful.
Good thing I'm such a prolific failer... otherwise this blog wouldn't exist. Hee, hee! And, last year, I sure didn't foresee becoming a "blogger." That never entered my mind. So that a cool and unexpected bi-product of failure. Ha!
"Laced throughout every day of your life are hidden highways of opportunity, invisible crossroads of time, and golden avenues for personal transformation that if only traveled upon would reveal the extraordinary, the sublime, and the unexpected." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe
When reflecting on my experiences preparing for grad school auditions, Year 1 and Year 2, I realized that the thing I disliked most about the process was my feeling of isolation. Actors are collaborative artists and I wanted to have a sense of community collaboration and support in my 3rd try for acceptance to grad school.
Cut to me setting up this blog. Cut to you subscribing. And here we are now… collaborating daily. Success!
“I still don’t get why people are so surprised that the turtle beat the rabbit over the long run. Consistent effort, no matter how small, sparks magic, fills sails, butters bread, turns tides, instills faith, summons friends, improves health, burns calories, creates abundance, yields clarity, builds courage, spins planets and rewrites destinies… No matter how small.” – Mike Dooley, Tut’s Universe
This year has ALREADY been a way better grad school audition prep experience for me than the last two years combined and I won’t even be auditioning until January! With this blog, it feels great to be making a small impact on the world in my own Virginia way... by staying focused on my dreams/goals... by posting daily about my creative process... and by connecting with friends who are pursuing their own dreams/goals and are using the blog as a means of inspiration on their journey's too!
It's all about grad school for me... but not at all about grad school... all at the same time. It could be anything that you aspire to be or do. All the same kinds of skills apply to any creative process of growth.
I digress.
Thanks for collaborating, folks. Hope that you’re finding some value in sharing this journey with me.
Year 3 auditions are going to be a whole new ball-game. Yale (3rd try). NYU (3rd try). Juilliard (1st try).
Wish me luck!
Who knows what will happen? But for now, I’m preparing… little by little, day by day, brick by brick, thought by thought, action by action. And as long as I am moving in the direction of making my dreams a reality… I am happy.
Life is good.
Wishing you all... a life-time of risk-taking, failure, learning, unfaltering determination and success,
Virginia
“Remember that we are all works in process, perfect in our progress and always moving towards our own personal growth and evolution.”
