143. The Juilliard Door Closes

I did not get invited to the Final Callbacks at Juilliard.

:-(

Kathy Hood sent out an email that said that out of the 1387 people that auditioned for Juilliard this year... they asked a record number of people to stay for the End-Of-Day Callbacks during each audition day, over all of the days, this added up to 157 people in total. I was one of them.

From that group, they selected 40 people to invite to the Final Callback Weekend. (Congratulations to anyone who made it this year!) However, I was NOT one of them.

I am sad. Very sad.

I LOVED my Juilliard audition experience. It was seriously one of the best days I've had...ever.

The tough thing about these MFA auditions...at Yale, Juilliard and NYU...is that they never give you feedback on your audition. It just doesn't work that way. They never tell you why you weren't chosen...or what you could do to improve your audition for next year. 

I completely understand why they do not offer this information. It would be overwhelming to deal with those kinds of correspondences for hundreds of applicants. It's just not realistic or advantageous for the school to do that. I get it.

But the nature of this "lack-of-feedback," as to why you didn't get chosen and someone else did, can be very confusing. 

My brain naturally goes to the thought, "Is there anything that I did to sabotage myself? Is there anything I could have done to improve my chances?"

However, the conclusions that I come up with, as answers to these questions may have NOTHING to do with why I ACTUALLY wasn't chosen. So really...I just end up making myself crazy. 

This year...I am very confident that I did EVERYTHING within my power to give my best possible audition...maybe I went a little overboard, actually. 

All well. 

Ultimately, I will never know the real reason I wasn't chosen. And that's okay. I guess I don't really need to know...Because I am who I am...and I don't want to be accepted to a school where I'm not wanted. That would suck! So if I'm not wanted there for ANY reason, then it's a good thing that they've let me go on my way this year.

Is there anything I can do now to change the outcome?... Nope. What's done is done. So the only really healthy option for me is to be grateful for the opportunity that I had...and move forward with the new learning that it's given me.

What have I learned?...I am still processing that. And I am sure I will be discussing those ideas in future blog posts.

But before I wrap up this post...just wanted to share with you a few details about yesterday...

1. I think I may have checked my email every 3 minutes yesterday...Allllll day long...It was hilarious! I was totally obsessive compulsive about it...Until I finally received the email from Juilliard around 4:30pm...Then...whah-whah...sadness.

2. Also received my "official" rejection email from Yale yesterday. "Way to coordinate with Juilliard, guys! Nice timing! Double-whammy of rejection!" I mean, I knew about the Yale outcome already, but still...that was icky to have to receive both of those emails within hours of each other. It was as if the Universe was teasing me..."No, MFA for you, Wilcox...It doesn't matter how much you care about this...or how close you come...You ain't never gonna get it...So let me just confirm your inadequacy by these "official" rejection letters in your inbox." Thanks, Universe...I know you know what's best for me and I don't, but...the mocking? Is that really necessary? Ugh. Bleh!

3. I got "the email" while I was at work. I was proud of myself...because I didn't cry. In fact, I'll bet my bosses had nooooo idea that anything out of the ordinary was happening for me. I am a professional. I do not share my personal drama at work.

4. After work, however, I made a phone call to my teacher and friend (also the person that wrote my recommendation letter for Juilliard) Mr. Robert Parsons. I left him a voice mail telling him about my disappointment at not making it to Final Callbacks at Juilliard this year. He called me back later, but I couldn't answer at that time, so he left me a voice mail in response...I have included it below...If I could figure out how to export the voice mail from my phone, I'd put it on the blog for you guys to listen to, but since I am not that technically saavy I've just typed it. (I hope you don't mind my sharing this with everybody, Bob!) His words meant a lot to me and are a great comfort.

Feb. 17, 2012, voice mail from my teacher, Robert Parsons:

"Hey, Virginia...It's Bob calling...Oooooh, boy...Got your message...and ahh,...I'm really, really sorry. I'm so, so sorry...that you didn't get called back...and I am also really, really surprised. I thought you definitely were...were IN this time. But, uh, regardless, it certainly does not diminish your brilliance, because you are... you're just, you're f*#king brilliant. I mean, reading your blog and just the way you think through these things and I know it leaks into your work as well,...so nobody can take that away from you no matter what obstacles appear. And though it's not Juilliard this year and it's not Yale this year...but, I guess NYU is still a possibility, so hold on to that one...But I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you and I feel like, you know, whatever this means...it's just gonna make you stronger, ultimately, and...yeah, something good is gonna come for you, at some point, whether it's this year or whenever...It's gonna happen, so just hang in there. And I think a lot of people are behind you and rooting for you, so keep it rollin' girl!...Um, I'll try and get back to you or you call me. I've got a show tonight...But if you feel like calling, I should be around. Alright, you take care. Bye."

THAT's when I finally cried...Listening to Bob's voice mail...Standing on the corner of 37th Street and Broadway in Astoria. (Why wait until you get to the privacy of your own apartment to lose your s#*t, when you can do it standing on a street corner in full view of the passing public? LOL! Ridiculous me.) Thank you, Bob, for your compassionate words! It feels good to know that you believe in me...even though...even though...I didn't get in to Juilliard.

Anyway, yesterday wasn't allll tears and disappointment...I joyfully reconnected with my friend Jordan last night. He just moved to NY recently. We had a nice sushi dinner and had a blast at the Astoria Art House Salon...where I got to sing a couple of songs and Jordan played the piano. It was lovely. So the day certainly ended on a positive note.

And, yes...I am still in-the-running at NYU...but I am feeling like...I don't know...like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, ya know? At this point, I'm kind-of anticipating the rejection letter from them too...'cause...I can't even make it to NYU's Callback Weekend even if they do invite me.

Sooo maybe this really isn't going to be "my year" for grad school acceptance after all.

Still...I'm going to complete this Acceptance Project...in the best way I know how. So gonna keep on blogging until April 1st, as promised, and I am excited about it too, because I've still got some cool posts hiding up my sleeve for you all to look forward to...a couple of interviews waiting in the cue...and some other fun surprises in store...So it ain't over yet!

Don't worry about me. I haven't lost hope entirely.

Maybe I'll try for Juilliard again next year...Got really close!...I don't know yet. We'll see.

The door at Juilliard has closed for 2012...but there's gotta be a window in here somewhere...

:-)

Loves,

Virginia

P.S. If anyone who has been invited to the Juilliard Callback Weekend would like to write a guest post for the blog, even if it's anonymous, I'd love for you to contact me and we can discuss! Email me at via virginia wilcox at gmail dot com. Best wishes and break legs!

74. Speak Your Truth

Sometimes I need to SPEAK words out loud in order to know if they are true for me. If it's false... it just feels wrong to say. Or maybe it's HEARing it out loud that's the thing? Anyway... it works.

"I am tired."

See?... Truth.

So the laaaaast step in writing this Personal Statement for Juilliard is to simply read it out loud and see if all of the words "ring true." (About to do this in a moment, in spite of the tiredness.)

And then I'll ask my roommate to proofread it, 'cause she's a pro and I ain't so good on grammar and tenses.

Remember, Virginia... the goal with this statement is HONESTY.

It's amazing how many layers of bullshit you have get through to get down to the simple truth. You'd think that knowing yourself would be easy... since you ARE you. But, no...

Anyway... Enough... It's getting late.

Where's my inspirational quote notebook? There's gotta be something in there about honesty or knowing yourself, ya-da, ya-da...

Hmmm....

How 'bout this one?... I like this one...

"First you have to know what you want, then you find a way to get it. It's that simple. The person you need to please is yourself. And there's no risk of failure when you never give up." - Jen Gresham, Everyday Bright

Not a perfect fit for this post... but, then again, who knows? Maybe it is.

Speak your truth.

La la la,
Virginia

42. “New Thoughts For Actors” or “Jack Plotnick Is My HERO”

“Most of us go around thinking that not only are the thoughts in our head the truth, but that everyone else has the same thoughts, and holds the same things to be true. This is exactly why people go to therapy.  It is to find the things that we take as “truth”, that other people don’t. As soon as we realize that other people don’t necessarily feel the same way, we are freed from the constraints of that old belief.” – Jack Plotnick, New Thoughts For Actors 

Ladies and Gentlemen… my new HERO, Mr. Jack Plotnick…

In my on-camera class at The Barrow Group (which has no affiliation with Jack Plotnick, FYI.), I recently made another HUGE self-discovery...

I. Have. Issues.

Lol! It’s true. I know you guys are all in shock at this information.

Fo realz… I’ve got some major negative-thought issues that seriously inhibit my own personal enjoyment of my work as an actor. The end result may be a “good scene,” but at what cost? If I spend the whole time SUFFERING in my own head while doing it, is it really worth it?... NO! 

Ugh! Bleh. Torturing oneself with negative thoughts of self-doubt feels sucky and is no way to build a sustainable career. Acting should feel FUN and EASY… and if it feels that way… It’ll probably look that way too. 

And by learning how to get these unhelpful negative thoughts gone from my brain, perhaps others will be inspired to do the same. Then we can all be happy, living in our fun, non-judgmental world of creative joy!   J Ha!

So here’s my main issue…

When I get overwhelmed as an actor… (for any reason) incorporating new business, new acting notes, new lines, anything that needs to be adjusted on-the-fly with no time for “practice” or “preparation”… I suffer in my own head… big-time… Negative thought over-load! 

Why? Because I have this BELIEF that with no time to practice I will never be able to do it RIGHT and hence I am about to FAIL and therefore I am a BAD actor that no one will ever want to work with and my bad acting is about to be recorded on-camera and EMBARRASS me for all recorded time. 

~Shudder ~ Terrifying… and TOTALLY FALSE.

Here’s what Jack Plotnick has to say about my negative overreaction to actor-overwhelm:

““If it’s hysterical, then it’s historical.” In other words, if your reaction to something is bigger and more emotional than the situation really calls for (“hysterical”), then you are not really reacting to the present situation, but to some situation in your past (“historical”).”

Oh, Jack... your bounty of wisdom knows no bounds! 

Yes. I am being hysterical and I do know that it’s rooted in some historical s*#t. True dat.

However… I do not have to be a victim to these historically ingrained bad habits of the mind! Cut to Jack...

In becoming more self-aware about my self-destructive-self-talk-issue I can now start to practice seeing this issue for what it REALLY is… an illusion of my own creation.

The REALITY is... I am just as capable of being "connected" in a scene with 2 minutes of preparation as I am with 2 weeks of preparation. In fact, sometimes 2 minutes of preparation is preferable, ‘cause I won’t have time to over-think things and end up too polished and boring. Having 2 minutes of preparation forces me to stay in the moment and listen and react because I LITERALLY don’t know what’s about to happen in the scene. Now... if I can just learn to trust and not be so afraid of the "not-knowing" thing... THAT's the key to having a good scene and ENJOYING the experience of being in it. 

AWWWESOME!

So, as Jack recommends, when my self-destructive thoughts come up, I can use an affirmation to disempower the negativity avalanche in that very moment… like…

“I release and destroy my need to get this right... F*%k it. Dare to do it WRONG.”

OR

“I am going to take it from where I am. The amount of preparation I have done on this scene is enough for me to approach this scene as an improv.”

That'll shut my "vulture" up, right quick! And that will lead to...

FREEEEEEDOM!!!! 

Now I can play! Now I can be in the scene and not be wasting my energy judging my own performance while I’m in it... which is soooo not helpful to doing good work.

And the more I practice this affirmation technique, the better I will get at it. Until, eventually, I will have created a new HABIT Of POSITIVE THOUGHT and my old, forgotten, negative way of thinking won’t even BE an issue anymore. 

That’s what I’m looking forward to… And I’ll get there too...

One. Thought. And. One. Affirmation. At. A. Time.

After all… a belief is only a thought you keep thinking. So I might as well spend my time thinking some really good thoughts and begin to BELIEVE that I am a great actor… because if I don't believe it, how will anyone else believe it? 

But more importantly, I LOVE acting and I want it to be an enjoyable experience... always!

Anyhoo, enough about me. What about YOU? We've all got issues... and even if you're not an actor, these same skills apply. 

What’s your issue? Is there an affirmation that you can create to counter-act it?

Don’t sit idly by and let fear and negative thoughts control you! It’s never going to help you do anything great in this life. And you are a powerful being with love and talent and gifts to give the world, if you will get out of your own way and let your light shine! Soooo, find your affirmation! Listen to your TRUE voice… a voice based in LOVE.

For more inspiration and some really useful tools… check out Jack Plotnick’s FREE online book New Thoughts For Actors: A Practical Guide ToLoving Acting (and even auditioning!) Again.

Vultures are for the birds,

Virginia

P.S. Just for fun, watch this…

20. Finding Your Voice

“The least strained and most natural ways of the soul are the most beautiful; the best occupations are the least forced.” – Michel de Montaigne

As many of you know, I have been studying voiceover at Edge Studio in New York for a little over a year. The studio popped onto my radar via my very talented friend and voiceover mentor Kristin Price, who also teaches at the studio. 

I had very limited experience in voiceover, but was intrigued by the medium. It seemed like so much FUN, getting to use your voice and your imagination to create a character or jazz-up a tag-line! And the best part about voiceover is… it doesn’t matter what you look like. Your physical appearance is not a factor. As your tools, you have your voice, your heart and your mind to communicate your message.

I am an auditory learner. So hearing and listening and speaking are the ways that I primarily process the world. Therefore, naturally, voiceover is a medium I enjoy. It’s been a fun journey studying at Edge over the past year+ and has helped me to learn the following:

• The voice doesn’t lie. When I am not breathing, or tense or disconnected, you can hear it… IMMEDIATELY.
• If I don't believe me, the listener won't believe me.
• I can think outside the box and expand the scope of characters that I could imagine myself playing.
• Everyone’s voice and interpretation of copy is unique. There is no one “perfect read.” Embrace the uniqueness.
• Choose one person to speak to. It will always be more interesting (and specific) than talking to a crowd.
• There’s a place for everyone in some genre of voiceover… actors, non-actors… everyone has a voice.
• Achieving a natural/conversational sound seems easy, but is actually very difficult.
• Voiceover is challenging, but it can always be fun... if you allow yourself to play.
• Don’t be a talking head. Use your body. Move.
• Listen.
• Breathe.

Studying voiceover has helped me feel more confident in expressing myself as an artist. I have found Edge Studio to be an incredibly supportive environment for growth and learning. And when I launch out into the (very competitive) voiceover  market to start building my career professionally, I will definitely feel more confident having prepared myself and having been trained to represent myself as a professional. I am honored to have been mentored by some real pros! Some of my favorite Edge coaches include: Kristin Price, Linda Jones, Jay Snyder and Carol Monda... all amazingly talented, great communicators and good people. 

I will be recording my Narration Demo in October (with Jay). I got to choose all my own narration copy, so besides it being a professional studio-recorded demo (fancy!) it will also be a bit personal… because the words are all chosen by ME. Wha-ha-ha!!!! It’s like a little 90-second Virginia Wilcox PSA (Public Service Announcement). I'll have it available online before the year is out... just you wait. :-)

It’s been way fun and super empowering to embrace my own voice and realize that it’s perfectly imperfect… And I am looking forward to more learning and vocal-awareness in the future. I wanna continue training and get reeeeeallly, really good at voiceover recording… ‘cause I LOVE it.

Next stop… Animation Demo… then Commercial… then Audiobook... then who knows? A job maybe?  :-)

Thank you, Edge! Speaking my truth through voiceover copy has contributed greatly to my building-up the courage to be able to write my truth to you all here. It’s all connected.

And in preparing for my grad school auditions this year, I hope that I can retain the lessons that I’ve learned at Edge and translate them into my audition experience.

Breathe. Listen. Speak your truth.

Regards,

V

Discretion is the better part of valor. Spontaneity is the better part of brilliance. And imagination is the better part of making dreams come true. – Mike Dooley, Tut’s Universe