163. Interview with Bryce Pinkham (Yale) - Part Four

(This is PART FOUR of the interview with Yale graduate Bryce Pinkham. Click HERE to read PART ONE, HERE to read PART TWO and HERE to read PART THREE. This interview was conducted at Cellini Restaurant on E. 54th St. in New York City on January 6, 2012, and was lovingly transcribed by my mother, Dorothy Wilcox. Thanks, MOM!)

(Yay, Bryce!...Break legs in Ghost: The Musical!)

Virginia: Okay, we’ve talked a lot about good audition advice. What is the worst piece of audition advice that you’ve ever gotten?

Bryce: Hmmm...(Thinking.)

Virginia: Can I share with you mine?

Bryce: Yeah.

Virginia: "Just show up."  People say that "showing up is half the battle."  I’m like, "NO! That’s like the last two percent."  And sure, yeah, if you don’t show up, you're not going to get the job, but STILL...

Bryce: There’s a difference between being relaxed and allowing for whatever is going to happen to happen and just showing up. Yeah, if you show up, but you show up unprepared... then, you know, nobody’s happy...

I’d encourage people to just treat the situation for what it is, admit what’s going on in the room. Sometimes you get in there and you feel like it’s just hard to be a human being all of a sudden -- It’s hard to say hello to someone and goodbye to someone or introduce yourself. I don’t know why this happens to us. I do know it’s nerves and fear, but if you can just try and do things like walk at normal speeds and say goodbye and have a nice day and thank you to your reader in particular. I always try to say thanks. That’s one thing, having been a reader, a reader can really help you a lot in an audition. Again, that’s more for professional auditions than it is in grad school. But I don’t like when people pretend that something is going on that’s not going on. They forgot the line. They forgot the words. Just stop, say I’m sorry, I forgot the words. They don’t care. They want you to get it right. They want you to do well. Everybody in an audition wants you to do well. Nobody wants you to suck.


Virginia: I have a grad school audition question.

Bryce: Yeah, sure.

Virginia: You got to observe a lot of the auditions for Yale after you had been accepted, right?

Bryce: Yeah, you can do that if you want.

Virginia: Did anyone ever ask to direct their monologue to you while you were in the room?

Bryce: No. But if you’re considering….

Virginia: I mean, obviously Ron and Walton don’t want you to direct your monologue to them. They want to be able to watch you.

Bryce: Yeah.

Virginia: But is it appropriate to ask to direct your monologue to a grad student or someone, if they're in the room?

Bryce: Well, I think you should ask, if you want to use somebody, whether it’s the auditioner – which I don’t recommend -- or somebody else in the room, a student, or a reader, what have you. I ask readers who have been brought to the audition to interact with people. For example, if I’m singing a song to someone in particular, I ask, "Can I use you for the song? Do you mind if I sing this song to you?"...

You know, usually it works out great....But whatever...it’s helpful to me, and hopefully they enjoy it. I don’t know. But in terms of grad school auditions, I would say... yes, but be prepared for them to say no. If you say, "Can I use one of you guys for this monologue?" And Ron or Walton or whoever says, "No, I’d rather you actually just did the monologue."  Just be prepared for that reality, so that you’re not committed in one way. "I have to do this to somebody or it’s not going to be good."

Virginia: But in your experience at Yale, did that ever happen while you were in the room?

Bryce: I never saw that happen, no.

Virginia: Everybody would just do their monologue, pick a point on the wall and speak?

Bryce: Yeah, I mean... I wouldn’t say pick a point on the wall. I would say the gaze is probably in some general direction.

Virginia: But they’re not talking to a person.

Bryce: They’re talking to a person... But the reason I stop you at "looking at a point on the wall" is just because I think for me, in my experience of doing those things, it’s easier to actually go into what I would call a "soft focus" and imagine a person there... as opposed to finding the middle of the room and saying it to the exit sign, you know?...Which I’ve also done... If it helps, find the exit sign and just sing to it.

You’ve done all the preparation. Don’t let the nerves of the moment interfere with all that. Take the time to remind yourself of your breath and also...whatever you've come up with...Okay, this is the person I’m talking to, this is what I need from them, and this is why. And this is what just happened [in the scene]... And, again, imagine they’re right over there, and I’m going to start. As opposed to,...okay, they’re running late so they probably need the next person in here, and I’ll just pick a point on the wall and start.... Again, it’s your time, you’ve done the work, you paid money to be there.

Virginia: A lot, yeah.

Bryce: So I’m not saying get in there and do your warm-ups in front of them. Please do not do that.

Virginia: (Laughs.)

Bryce: But feel free to take your time to make sure you’re breathing and start the way you want to start. I don’t advocate stopping if you feel -- oh, it’s not going exactly the way I want it. First, you can never control what they say. You can only control what you do. And if you feel like you’ve drastically gone away from what you said you wanted to do, then you can say, "I’m sorry, I’d like to start again. May I start again? Take your time again and start."  But again there’s something about the insistence or the boldness of a proposal that is worth more to me on the other side of that table than the person that comes in and gets all the beats right or puts the emphasis on the right word as opposed to comes in and lays the meat on the table... "That’s my audition!" You know?

Virginia: Okay, so I want to finish up by talking about your current project (Ghost:The Musical), and just ask you a couple of questions about that. When do you guys go into previews?

Bryce: We start previews March 15,2012 and we open in April 23, 2012.

Virginia: Tell me about the project and how you came to be involved.

Bryce: I am going to be originating for Broadway! -- I say that because it’s going to be very exciting. Remember we talked about the little kid who like gets to say stuff? It’s in these moments where I have to force myself to say those things because the easy path would be to say, "Oh, I’m doing Ghost. But the more fun path, the part that you feel like... not only have I earned this, but I have to see it in this way in order to give it the value it deserves and give it the effort it deserves.-- So I’ll be originating for Broadway the role of Carl in  Ghost:The Musical, which is currently running in London. I’m going over there on Tuesday to see the show and meet the cast.

Virginia: They’re flying you out?

Bryce: Yes.

Virginia: Cool.

Bryce: They’re flying me out, and I’m getting fitted for a harness, so yes.

Virginia: Do you get to fly?

Bryce: Well, there will be some certain moments that involve harnesses. I’ll say no more than that.

(Here's a video clip of the Broadway cast's trip to London!!!)

Bryce: How I got involved is... I auditioned.

I just remembered this the other day -- This will be good -- I originally auditioned for the Patrick Swayze role - Sam. I originally auditioned for that for a workshop that they were doing in London with the intent of maybe doing a production of it, two years ago...And I auditioned for the role Patrick Swayze played in Ghost on the day that Patrick Swayze died....And I remember thinking at the time, this is just weird. And it was, again, one of those moments where I was thinking, if I think too much about this, I’m not going to be able to go in and do this audition.

Virginia: Right, you’ve just got to let that go.

Bryce: And I went in and did the audition. Yeah, it was fine. I think it was okay. I didn’t think it was my best. But the director sat me down and talked with me. And then I never heard back. And I thought, okay, well... And then here we are a year and a half, two years later, and I get a call to come in and audition for the friend, the part that Tony Goldman plays in the movie. And I went back and I looked at the script, having remembered going in for the other role before. And I had this realization of... oh, yeah, this is the part I would want to play anyway.

Patrick Swayze’s was a great role, obviously. It was super important. But there’s something about this guy that’s more interesting to me as an artist looking to tackle something. And so that’s what got me psyched to go back in and say, I know I wasn’t right for that guy but check this out. Which is sort of the attitude I try to take a lot in auditions is... "Look, check this out, check me out."  Sometimes it’s hard to back up because I feel like…

Virginia: This might not be a good fit.

Bryce: ….this might not be it. I probably had tried to do that attitude when I went in for the Patrick Swayze, check this out, and it didn’t work. Fine...But this time I really felt like, oh, yeah, something about this is more exciting, makes more sense. I know where to start with this. And so we did about 3 – 4 callbacks I think. 

After I had a second callback, the next day I had a call to go and meet the director, and did that. You know, I sat down with him and chatted. I had a really sort of like interview, really. And that was on a Sunday, and I was expecting, you know, like next week, Monday or Tuesday I’m going to find out about this. And a month and a half went by and I didn’t hear anything, so I thought okay, that’s gone. I’d really --

Virginia: Let it go.

Bryce: -- completely had let it go. I sort of had forgotten about it, honestly. And then another call, yeah, they still can’t make up their minds. Would you come back in? I said, of course I’ll come back in. So I did and we did another one of those, as I mentioned before, auditioned with tons of people and on video, you know, sending it to London, so people could see it.

At that time, I was like, well , I know what I’ve done in the past, and I know I’m not going to do anything worse than that. If anything, I’m going to do even better. So I had that confidence. They like me enough to bring me back in. Now I just have to go in and do what I do and enjoy it and stand behind it completely. So that’s what I did. I mean, I say it so easily, like yeah, that’s all I did,...but it was terrifying.

Virginia: Right.

Bryce: Terrifying and nerve wracking to get the call that I got...  It was like BRILLIANT! I mean, I was screaming in the streets. So it’s like, as much as it pays to play it cool and say, "yeah, it’s no big deal," there’s also a little kid inside that’s doing backflips.

:-)

Virginia: Yeah. So what do you think is going to be your greatest challenge in tackling this role?

Bryce: Well, I think there’s a trap in this role which is, when I tell people who I’m playing, they say, oh, you’re the "bad guy?" And that’s a trap of both the genre of musical theatre and also just the way we see stories, a little two dimensional... or a little "Disney-ified"...

So I think the challenge will be to make him more than just a "bad guy" in a sort of archetypal sense. I think the challenge will be to make him "a guy" and to make him believable as someone who could make such a terrible, terrible decision and then make even worse ones as he goes on. Which is initially what interested me... I want to investigate a guy who is on the other side of a really, really bad decision that turned out really bad, as bad as it gets, the death of his best friend. And what does he choose to do in that moment, save himself? Or come clean? Or what are his choices?

Virginia: Right.

Bryce: And why does he go the way he does? 'Cause that’s interesting to me. It’s interesting to me to investigate these guys who work in the world of finance where everything seems limitless and, you know, they’re motivated by something else. And he must have felt in some way untouchable to go after this thing that he went after which was putting a friend at risk.

So you know, all that and at the same time it’s Ghost. It’s like a great movie, and it’s fun to play a bad guy, right?

Virginia: Right.

Bryce: So it’s balancing those two things. I’m not going to take it so seriously...like I’m talking about it like it’s Shakespere....But at the same time I’m not going to just put on my villain hat and say "good to go."  So I think the challenge is making it three dimensional and believable.

Virginia: So how do you think that your three years at Yale, particularly, helped prepare you to approach a great opportunity and a challenge like this, to get to originate a role on Broadway?

Bryce: Well, I always say that after the stuff I went through in grad school, and I mean that in a positive way, like the performance I told you about -- downstairs at the Yale Cabaret, and some of the projects you do as a student there, under little sleep and no energy and the things – nothing will scare me more than the stuff that I had to do there. I know I’ll never be as scared as I was at certain moments. And so that prepares me knowing that I will be very nervous doing this, you know, when we actually get to performance. And I’m already nervous about the first day of rehearsal, but I’ve made friends with those nerves in a way that I know that I will come out on the other side ‘cause I came out on the other side of that other stuff.

So that’s sort-of battle preparation. But in terms of approaching a role and finding a place to start – I think that often the hard part is... Where do I start with this?...Yale taught me to seek out those challenges of my character or... what’s exciting about this guy. What is the part of this character that you can attach to, that you can say, yeah, I get that actually? That’s always a challenge. I’m not a Wall Street banker that bet money on his best friend’s life. But I know what it feels like to be on the other side of a really bad decision, not ones with those stakes. But I’ve made really bad decisions before, and I know what that feels like in my stomach. So why don’t I start there, and then see what we can build on top of that. And if it doesn’t work, we’ll tear the whole thing down and we’ll start from a different place. So I think it’s about knowing, having the confidence of just starting and making choices because, one thing, Yale doesn’t give you time to think too much because you have so much on your plate. You literally just have to DO in order to get it done. And you come to realize...it’s a better choice because I had to make it – not on the fly -- but I had to make it fairly quickly. And it got me along faster, so that by the time we were in tech, I had a performance built up that I could go through again during tech and say, "What do I really want to do here? Should I do that? Should I do this?" Not like, "Oh, my God, what am I doing?"  You’ve already said, "Now give this choice up. You made this choice, it didn’t work, took half of each, put them together, now I’m doing this. Awesome. Let’s go."

So Yale also prepared me to shed things well. You learn to trust people who are telling you things. Because you realize through feeling yourself progress that your teachers know a lot and that they want you to be better. And what they’re telling you is only meant to make you better. Whether it does or not remains to be seen, but their intent is always positive. So it helped me learn to trust and distrust outside voices.

Virginia: Be mindful of listening to your own self.

Bryce: Yes. And to question other people’s viewpoints. I think the most important thing it did for me is it gave me a sense that I am an individual artist with an opinion and an approach that is worthy of being in a rehearsal room. And worthy of being expressed... not in an overbearing way and not in a timid way... but somewhere in between. "I agree with you that he’s this but I don’t agree that he’s this."  Maybe we can have a discussion about it and find a common ground. Or "Gosh, maybe I’m wrong. You’re actually totally right. Thank you for allowing me to talk through my choice to realize that it was wrong."

Virginia: So we’ve got to wrap up. Is there anything else that you want to express to the blog readers? Words of encouragement?

Bryce: Yeah, I would just say, you know, try -- as hard as it may be -- try and breathe through the entire thing. It sounds "widgy woo woo" but it’s true, remind yourself to breathe... Breathe. Be bold in your choices. And, as I said before, don’t bring in something you’re not proud of. Make us something – bring a gift into the audition room that is something you’re proud to bring as opposed to something you think we want to see.

Virginia: I think that’s great.

Bryce: Yeah, I think that’s it.

Virginia: That’s awesome. Thank you, Bryce.

[End of recording.]

Just have to say how wonderful it was to use this blog as an excuse to sit down with Bryce and get to ask him ANYTHING I WANTED...all under the guise of providing a inspirational interview for the blog...Which is also an outcome of the effort.

It was a joy to get to talk about creative process with a man that has grown sooooo much from the first time I met him...when we were 13-year-old tap-dancing ensemble members of Stars 2000's Teen Theatre production of Anything Goes in Northern CA.

Wishing you a hugely successful run of  Ghost: The Musical , Bryce, and continued challenges that lead to artistic growth and a life-long career in the performing arts...both, making a living and living your dreams!

Loves,
Virginia

"You will always have more to learn. Even if you're the best of the best, there is always room for improvement. But at the same time, there will always be people with less experience and skill than you, who will consider you an expert, and find value in what you have to offer." - Dan Johnson, Right Brain Rockstar

 

162. Interview with Bryce Pinkham (Yale) - Part Three

"Some actors just have an inherent star quality. When I'm watching an audition, I think, "Is that actor going to make me stop flipping through channels?" Basically, someone who has immense watchablility in combination with acting ability and confidence. The truth of it is, when producers and networks set out to cast a show, there's always a bit of insecurity about being able to find the right person. I believe part of the actor's job is to show us his or her confidence in doing the role." - Marcia Shulman, Casting Director

(This is PART THREE of the interview with Yale graduate Bryce Pinkham. Click HERE to read PART ONE and HERE to read PART TWO. This interview was conducted at Cellini Restaurant on E. 54th St. in New York City on January 6, 2012, and was lovingly transcribed by my mother, Dorothy Wilcox. Thanks, MOM!)

(Bryce Pinkham...on Bway in Ghost:The Musical.)

Virginia: So at this point in your career, you’ve gotten the chance to work with a lot of great people on different projects, at school and outside of school. And how much do you feel that this idea of embracing failure or leaning into fear, rather than pushing away from it,.... you know, that kind of an attitude, is a factor in being successful in a career as an actor?

Bryce: I think it works differently for different people. But I think any actor that you respect as an artist would be able to rattle off numerous times that they were terrible or felt like a failure. I think that it’s inherent in the attempt. And I think for people who can’t admit that or those that fail to rearrange their relationship or value towards failure, that it can be difficult because – listen, we talked about auditioning. We fail 90% of the time by the numbers. I don’t even know what the numbers are – one out of ten, who knows? I’ve failed more times than jobs that I’ve had. The entire number of jobs that I’ve had in three years out of grad school, it doesn’t match up to the number of jobs that I’ve failed to get in one year. So, you know, proportionately it makes sense to make friends with that part of the job. And I think there are plenty of people who do it and do it well. So it relaxes you. A lot of this stuff you learn in grad school, it relaxes you so that you can allow your most honest moments to come up and come out and so that you can express something unique as opposed to shaping something that you think is what the audience or the director or your scene partner wants to see in you.

So I think rearranging you position on failure relaxes you because you realize it’s inevitable. So you don’t have to wait and say, "Well, what if this is the one where I fail?" Well, chances are I will, so why don’t I just enjoy the pursuit and also do the thing I really want to do. What’s the thing in this audition or in this performance of a character that excites me, that I want to work on, that I want to explore as an artist? Because in the end, you know, that’s what you get out of it...

And truth be told -- in certain situations failure is not an option, right? I mean, there are different levels of it. I’m not saying it’s okay to go out on a Broadway stage and suck. But it’s okay to out on a Broadway AUDITION and suck and say, "That was terrible, wasn’t it, can I try again? ‘Cause I know I can do it better than that. That was just messy."  So there’s a difference, to be clear.

Virginia: I was reading a blog from this great blogger that I really enjoy, Seth Godin. He’s really into business and marketing and things like that, you know, entrepreneurialism and the tech world. And you know, those startups fail all the time. People start a new business and it fails and they learn from it and they go on and start a different one and it fails. So it’s very similar to the acting world in the way, that you know you're going in with this idea, this dream, this vision of what you want to create and you have to get other people on board with it and sometimes it’s awesome and sometimes it’s terrible. You know, we as artists have to do that all the time...get these people on board. And Seth was talking about, in one of his blogs, the difference between mistakes and failure. He’s like, you want to avoid mistakes and you want to embrace failure. I think in our work as actors, you want to walk into an audition trying to avoid the mistakes.... but big-time embracing the failure... because that’s the thing that’s going to help you to succeed – I love what you said about bringing that uniqueness to it. You’re not there to get it RIGHT. You’re there to bring whatever it is that you feel that you can uniquely bring to that job. And if you’re so busy trying to get it "right" that you don’t bring that uniqueness... then, you know, that’s a MISTAKE.

Bryce: Well, as it relates to grad school auditions, I think if you try, as I said, embracing the ridiculousness of the whole thing, if you take a minute and think, okay, Yale sees this many auditions a year and this is the number that they take, these are my odds. If you really take that seriously, you probably wouldn’t even walk in the room. And it’s the reason that half the people that do walk in the rooms are not interesting the minute they walk in because they’re already apologizing for the fact that they don’t think they’re right, or they don’t think they’re what the school is looking for...as opposed to people who walk in and say, well, I may go down but I’m going to go down in flames. That’s not from me. That’s from a teacher of mine who said that to us, I think, on our first day of grad school. He said, "You’re going to go down, but it’s your choice whether or not to go down in flames."  So I try to do that as much as I can bear.

Virginia: So you try to go down in flames as often as possible?  :)

Bryce: If I’m going down, yes. I say if I’m going to make a choice that could be "wrong" or "not what they’re looking for," at least it’s going to be a strong choice. It’s going to be a BOLD choice. I’m not going to hint at making a choice. I’m going to make it, and then if they say, "You know what, that was not really what we were looking for. Could you try this?" I’m going to say, "Absolutely. Sure. Let me just ditch that terrible choice that I made and then I’d be happy to do whatever you’d like."

This is something else for auditioning I try to embody... This is something I learned I think from Joanna Merlin’s book about auditioning way back in undergrad. I read about treating the audition as if it is actually a party that you’re hosting and everyone there is looking to you for their enjoyment, but you’re also a little bit in charge, not even a little bit, YOU'RE IN CHARGE. The minute you walk into the room you say, "Oh thank you for all joining me at my party, and what can I get you? Would you like a song first? Would you like me to do a scene that I’ve prepared for you first? Oh, you would? Excellent choice. I’ve prepared this beautiful little cake of a scene and you can have a piece now. There’s more of it if you’d like, but please don’t feel you have to eat it all. I’ve also got a song, if you’d like to hear that. I’m very proud of it."  And even the best party hosts [have bad days], maybe the cake is burned and the punch is, you know, bad... But the way they present it is half the battle, I think. I always tell people when I’m coaching them for specific auditions, not necessarily for grad school but for more professional stuff, you don’t have to get out of the room right away. Nobody leaves their own party until they're done. I’m not saying... refuse to leave. But what I’m saying is... you don’t have to finish, [speaks very quickly] okay, thank you so much for seeing me. I’m outta here! [slows down, speaking pleasantly, calmly] Thank you so much. Can I get you anything else?...It’s just a different sort of –

Virginia: -- attitude.

Bryce: -- yeah, it’s a different way of approaching the entire thing. And it’s also a way of approaching people when you show up. TAKE YOUR TIME.... I mean, I take my time, and I say hi to everybody in the room. I look them in the eyes. I say hello. Or if it feels like it’s something that’s moving along, I try not to overstay my welcome. But I try not to let people rush me.

Virginia: Right. It’s your moment.

Bryce: Right. I prepared. I spent hours out of my precious time preparing for this. And whether or not you’ve already decided that I’m not the one for this part, that’s fine. That’s you. But for me, I’ve prepared the song, and I’m going to sing it. If you want to stop me in the middle of it, I’m fine with that because "I’m the party host," and I say, "Oh, sure, I’m sorry that was not exactly what you were hoping for. But my intent is that you’re going to eat all of the cake, and you’re going to love it... ‘cause I took time to make it."

Virginia: I love that.

Bryce: And I’m proud of that cake I made... That’s the other thing I always tell people, and this is important in the clown work– and I think I‘ve told you this before – in choosing material, never bring something into the room that you’re not proud of because we can tell. Even if it’s the mangiest little gift, you know, the little burned cake... But if you made it yourself and it’s one you’re proud of, it’s one YOU LIKE, it’s going to taste that much better to us, rather than the one you bought at Whole Foods... And it’s going to mean that much more to us, that you brought it and you thought about it. "I bet they’d really like this special nut cake. I’m not exactly sure how to do it, but I’m going to try."  As opposed to, "Well, I could just pick up an ice cream cake at Baskin Robbins." -- to put in a youthful reference, 31 Flavors.

Virginia: Nice.

Bryce: So yeah, I hope that’s helpful.

Virginia: Oh, my gosh, that’s fantastic!...This is just a fun little question not really related to grad school. What advice would you give to your 16-year-old self if you could send yourself a little note back in time?

Bryce: Stretch, start stretching, stretch.

Virginia: Like physically stretching?

Bryce: Stretch yourself every day. I hated stretching. I was an athlete and I just hated warming up. And I hated stretching. And I would go back, and I would really slap myself around and I would say–

Virginia: Learn to love it.

Bryce: Yeah, learn to love it. Get used to the pleasure/pain of it and stretch yourself. I would also tell myself to learn piano. Yeah, I mean, there are technical things like that.... Hmmm, 16.... I’m trying to think of advice or criticism....I’m pretty happy with where 16-year-old me got me, so I wouldn’t want him to do anything that much different.

Virginia: Well, there ya go!

Bryce: Other than... not worry maybe so much about it. There’s a healthy amount of worry and then there’s an unhealthy amount...When you get in to "living in the details" as opposed to seeing a slightly bigger picture...Which is what I still say that to my 29-year-old self right now.

Virginia: Right.

Bryce: You know, sometimes you have to really marvel at the fact that we’re even able to do something as ridiculous as follow a dream like this. There are people in our world that... it’s just inconceivable to them. You have to remind yourself of that. Even when it’s not working out, it’s a privilege to even get to TRY and to have the means and the support from family and friends and everything. To be able to do it, you know what I mean?

Virginia: Yes!  <3

Bryce: I would say,... You know what? BE HUMBLE... because the fact that you’re even thinking about going to college is a big deal. That’s a BIG DEAL, going to college. Families go whole generations without sending somebody to college, so take none of it lightly.

:-)

(More to come...tomorrow. Hope you're enjoying the conversation!)

Loves,
V

"Stretch, stretch, stretch to see every perspective and nothing will keep you from joy." - Mike Dooley

128. Juilliard Drama Audition 2012: Part One

(I wrote most of this post from the waiting room at Juilliard on the day of my audition. Yes, I brought my computer to the audition. I wanted to have it available to me…in case I got the opportunity to write…which I did! Hoooray!)

Here I am...writing. Writing is much more calming than sitting and sweating and looking around at everyone else...who are also sitting and sweating.

Although, I must confess I sweat alll the time anyway...I have this medical condition (no joke) called Hyperhydrosis. So basically, my armpits are producing moisture all the time…and especially when I get excited...then I’m majorly sweaty. It has nothing to do with regulating my body temperature. I am just allllllways sweating. Hot, right? So anyway, today is no different. I am just wearing a shirt that doesn’t show the sweat marks so much.

I woke up this morning at 6am. I took my time getting ready. I don’t like to rush. In fact, I LOATHE rushing. I ate breakfast at home (scrambled eggs and black beans...the breakfast of champions) and then stopped by Brooklyn Bagel on 30th Ave for a small Hazelnut coffee with cream and sugar. What a treat!

I took the N from 30th Ave to 42nd Street…Transferred to the Uptown 1 to 66th Street. When I stepped into the Uptown 1 subway car, I started to scan the car to see if I might be able to spot fellow Juilliard auditioners in the group. There were two suspiciously “actory” looking persons in the car. A gorgeous young lady with her hair pinned back in a 1940’s style and big clear blue eyes as well as a lanky elvish looking young man in a puffy green jacket. And, sure enough, I saw both them in the warm-up room later! Score!!!

After arriving at the beautiful glass palace that is The Juilliard School and checking-in, I was escorted into the waiting room marked “M thru Z.” I am “Wilcox,” so that makes sense.

The room has huge vaulted ceilings and bright white walls. The sun was shining through the windows and you could see the balconies of the adjacent high-rise apartment buildings with plants in planter boxes and the occasional lawn chair.

I ran into a lovely gentleman (I will call him Simon), who I seem to run into every time I visit Juilliard (and Yale too, for that matter). He reminds me a bit of a young Morgan Freeman. He’s auditioning for grad schools this year also (obviously)…and it’s been fun to keep running into him. I gave him a hug and we wished each other broken legs this morning. Maybe we’ll get to be in class together some day…or do a show together some time in the future. At any rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if this wasn’t the last time we ran into each other.

The morning warm-up with Richard Feldman and Kate Wilson was sooooooo helpful and awesome. We all sat on the floor...all 155 of us... in this ginormous orchestra room and listened intently as Richard reminded us to have a broader perspective about this day…That today is just a step along our journeys as actors. I wish I could have recorded his speech. It was really inspiring. And as I looked around the room and into all of these faces…so amazingly talented and dedicated and YOUNG, so full of hope and promise and energy... I thought, “Wow! What a gift to be standing in the midst of the future of the American Theatre! How freakin’ awesome is that!!!!???” Richard made us all laugh, made us feel welcomed, appreciated and understood as he shared with us his personal insights and perspective. After he was finished speaking you could feel the room pulsing with joy and excitement.

Then it was Kate’s turn with us. She told us all to stand up as she walked to the center of the room. We did a vocal and light physical warm-up. Nothing fancy or fantastic...all the nice familiar things that we’ve all done in many a voice and speech class before. It was a wonderful feeling. We were all breathing together, with a sense of camaraderie.

The warm-up dispelled both the physical and psychological tension. When we had completed the warm-up we all applauded Kate and thanked her as we began to file out of the room... As our applause died down...funniest thing happened...we heard cheering and applauding coming from the hallway behind the double-doors. I thought to myself, “What the heck is going on in the hallway? Did Kevin Spacey just show-up for a visit or something?” As I passed through the doorway, I sawall of the current Juilliard students lining the hallways and I realized that they were all applauding and cheering for US as we made our way back to the waiting room. I could not help cracking-up! I was grinning ear to ear. What a surreal experience! It was incredibly kind of them to show that kind of support and generosity to all of us “Juilliard hopefuls.”

And it was just so silly...Anything to distract us from being nervous...So brilliant! I loved it.

Sat in the waiting room for a few minutes. Met an elegant young woman who was sitting near me. (I will call her Rebecca.) We chatted a bit and then I headed up to the 4th floor warm-up rooms.

Having space to warm-up is suuuuuuuuch a gift. I did some yoga stretches, spoke some of the lines from my Shakespeare monologue really, really, really fast, as a sort-of tongue-twister...took some time just to breathe. But I was waaaaay too excited to really spend too much more time on any of these things. I did NOT practice any of my monologues. I wanted them to be nice and fresh...like I’d never spoken them before...and if I forgot one of my lines...so be it...better that, than to sound like I was doing a recitation.

Spontaneous. Surprising. THAT’s the goal.

So I headed out of the warm-up room and back down to the “M thru Z” waiting room on the third floor. I was there for several minutes and then my name was called and I was escorted to the hallway outside of the studio where I would be auditioning.

“Who is in the room?” I asked the monitor, a first-year grad student.

Her answer made me raise my hands up to the sky and praise the Heavens! Dude!!! I don’t know how I could have possibly been so lucky, but I was assigned the BEST audition room possible. I cannot even BELIEVE my good fortune. Seriously. Thank you, Universe. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

In the room was...Richard Feldman (swoon), Darryl Quinton (swoon), and Rene Houtrides (double-swoon).

The hallway was dim, but as I walked into the room and it was like walking through the gates of heaven…The light was streaming through the windows filling the entire studio with this glowing light. It warmed my heart and made me soooooo happy.

I chose to do my scariest piece first…THE SHAKESPEARE!!! Ahhhhhhhh! If I could get through that one…then…I could get through anything.

I figured…if I’m going to go down…I’d like to go down in FLAMES…so, best to tackle the scariest piece first.

Then I did my contemporary piece.

Richard didn’t quite know that I was done with my contemporary piece…so he started talking to me before I was actually finished, but I just stayed with it, until I was finished…then happily gave him my attention.

He asked me to do the piece again…only this time he gave me a character adjustment.

As I was contemplating how I was going to incorporate his note, I realized that I could not for the life of me remember the first line of the monologue (I was not focusing well...and my brain was not connecting), but Rene REMEMBERED MY FIRST LINE and fed it to me! How AWESOME is that!? Ha!

Teamwork! Amazing.

She was really listening!...Or maybe she was familiar with the piece, either way…I was VERY IMPRESSED and grateful for her generous kindness in my time of need.

Soooo … I started the monologue again…incorporating the adjustment…then Richard stopped me about three lines in and clarified his instruction…He wanted me to MOVE around the space and pretend that I was cleaning up after a long day of work…and say the monologue too.

Ohhhhhhhh! I seeeee.

So that’s what I did. It was tough to concentrate on the secondary activity. I kept feeling like I was about to forget my lines, but I just kept moving and trying to picture the layout of this imaginary restaurant I was in and the words kept coming out and I was doing weird things with it that I didn’t expect and saying it differently than I’ve ever said it before. But it felt good…freeing in a way…to be able to let go of any preconceptions I had about the piece and just play in these new given circumstances he had given me. Actually, it reminded me a lot of my on-camera class at The Barrow Group. I KNEW I took that class for a reason!

And I realize now that all that monologue practice commitment device that I gave myself earlier this month (to do at least one of my monologues every day for a different person)...no matter where I was…or who I was with…that practicing my monologue in these different/strange/unconventional situations really helped to prepare me to be flexible enough to just “go with it” and just pantomime away…focusing on cleaning my imaginary restaurant and basically just throwing the words away. It was really fun!!!

I got about half-way through the monologue before Richard stopped me.

Then…he asked me if I’d like to sing. I said I’d LOVE to sing. So I sang “Make Someone Happy” again, just like I did at my NYU audition and I tried to breathe…sometimes succeeding and sometimes not.

Then Rene asked me to sing again…only this time with an adjustment…this time I was all alone, singing to myself, totally sloppy drunk, sitting in a chair that was facing sideways and drinking bourbon. I asked if it was okay, if it was gin instead. She said that’d be fine.

So I started to sing to myself and Rene was sort-of side coaching me through it and telling me to take a drink as I continued to sing… and it was sooooo fun...I was improvising. I slouched in my chair and sang to the ceiling and then went to find my glass of gin (imaginary of course) which was underneath my chair…then when I got to the line about “someone to love is the answer”…it was toooo emotionally overwhelming…I took a sip of my “gin” and tried to continue to sing, but it was more like croaking and out-of-breath speaking, as I realized that I was all alone and drinking and singing about having someone to love…which I DON’T have…and it was terribly, terribly sad all of the sudden and the tears started to form in my eyes and I completely lost my voice. And then Rene stopped me.

I gathered my composure quickly and stood up from the chair. Richard, Darryl and Rene all said “Thank you.” And placed the chair back on the side of the acting space and thanked them and made my exit.

It was an exhilarating audition experience!

They treat actors with the utmost respect here and honor us for the courage that it takes to even BE HERE auditioning at JUILLIARD. I’m getting a little choked up just writing this…That may sound silly…but there is sooooooooooo much disrespect toward actors in the “business” and it’s incredibly refreshing to be here, in a place where people really, honestly honor the contribution that actors give and how much courage it takes to be vulnerable in front of others and show your honest, true heart…even in the face of possible rejection.

Then I stood in the hallway for a moment...trying to get my heart to stop pounding out of my chest...and concentrating on not throwing up from excitement...and then the monitor caught my eye and said that I was free to relax in the waiting room until “the call-back list” gets posted.

I had about 3 hours to wait...while everyone else was auditioning in the many audition rooms...So I went back to the waiting room to collect my breath and record my thoughts for you.

Tomorrow I will tell you all about....THE LIST....

Stay tuned.

Loves,

V

120. NYU Grad Acting Audition 2012

Here's an overview of my day, but not just ANY day...My NYU audition day!!!

6am Woke up to my alarm (pressed snooze 3 times).

6:20am Showered, dressed, made myself breakfast (most important meal of the day: scrambled egg whites, black beans & tablespoon of cream cheese), packed myself a bag of snacks for the audition (lots of waiting…don't like to get low blood-sugar), grabbed a change of clothes for yoga (later this afternoon) and my ticket for On A Clear Day (seeing my friend Alysha perform on Broadway tonight).

7:45am Took the N train down to the 8^th St/NYU stop. Listened to Lovely by Sara Haze on the way.

8:30am Arrived at 721 Broadway, NYU Tisch School of the Arts and checked-in on the 5^th floor. Found a quiet spot next to a file cabinet in the waiting room. I feel very comfortable with file cabinets…so naturally, this was a good spot for me. ;-p

9:30am They called my name and I went into the “warm-up” room, which had this really annoying gigantic mirror. I say annoying…because I really wasn’t interested in self-consciously staring at myself in my final moments before heading in to audition...Distracting...Unnecessary. So I turned away from the mirror, took several deep breaths...did a little “mountain pose” and some “half-lifts” and I was about to go into some “downward-facing-dog” and I heard a knock-knock-knock on the door… “You ready?”

Heart stopped for a second and then began to beat again.

9:35am Walked "calmly" into the audition room… Behind the table: Ben (an alumni) and Scott (faculty). Both incredibly welcoming and kind…I said, “So which one of you is Ben and which one is Scott?” They laughed and introduced themselves.

Then Scott said, “I didn’t know they were telling you our names out there.”

“Oh, they didn’t.” I said, “I asked what your names were. I figure it’s only fair, I mean, you know who I am.”

I smiled warmly.

They smiled warmly… “So which monologues would you like to do today?”

I told them my two choices, set aside my water bottle and my glasses, grabbed a chair, brought it to the center of the room and started my contemporary monologue.

Felt good.

Then I did my classical monologue.

Felt good.

Scott and Ben were very attentive, taking notes and quietly listening. Scott only sipped his coffee once!

Then when I was finished…Scott asked, “Why are you interested in attending grad school?”

That is the question that must be asked, naturally.

This was serious business! Sooooo I grabbed my glasses (which would help me see them better) and then went into a passionate little five minute speech about being in an environment where I will be encouraged to stretch myself creatively, wanting to establish a strong  foundation for myself as an artist before I move along to the next step of my career path, and feeling such a strong connection to the NYU community and hoping to be a part of that. There was probably some other stuff I said too, but I can’t quite remember it all. The brain doesn’t always retain as well when the adrenaline’s pumping.

(You guys know all about it anyway, since you read the blog.)

It was exciting to get to share my thoughts with them. Oh! Also…I did mention to them that this was the 3^rd time I’d auditioned for NYU. They didn’t know that. Apparently they didn’t have my “file” in front of them or anything, which is fine…if they had, it would have been as thick as a dictionary and they may not have been able to see over it. ;)

Then Scott sort-of had to interrupt me to ask another question. I smiled and laughed and said, “Oh, yes, thank you…please feel free to cut me off at any point. I could talk your ears off about all this stuff for hours. Seriously.”  I thought about mentioning the blog at that point…but thought better of it. I think I already sounded obsessed enough with NYU…Didn’t want to scare the guy.

He asked a GREAT question next…Really awesome question…I really wish that I could have been a fly on the wall in the room of other people’s auditions…to hear their answers to this question too.

NOTE TO SELF: If I am ever an alumni, sitting behind the audition table and interviewing potential applicants…I will ask this question also.

“What is your greatest fear about the program at NYU?”

In my head, I’m thinking: Fear? FEAR? You are asking me about FEAR, sir? Oooooooooh, let’s talk about this. Let’s talk about this alllllllll daaaaaaay looooooong.

I said, “Actually, this year has been alllll about overcoming fear, for me. Or, I guess, being okay with being  afraid, but just f%^king doing it anyway.” (Yes, I used an expletive in my interview. It’s true…They didn’t seem to mind.)

“Honestly? My main fear…is not being accepted to NYU…again…for the third time. But my fear of the program itself? Hmmmm.... Oh, I know…Okay, so my first year auditioning, I think I had this idea in my head that NYU was going to be, like…A GOLDEN TICKET… Such that if I could only get into NYU that it would “save me” and somehow I’d be automatically successful or something like that. But now, after going to the callback weekend my first year and speaking with alumni and getting more familiar with the school and what the graduates go through, I know that NYU is not going to be my “prince charming.” So I guess, my greatest fear of the program is that I’d go into it with the expectation that NYU was going to be my career savior or something. But I know now that that’s not the truth. I have to be my own “prince charming.””

“You’re absolutely right.” Scott chuckled to himself. “We should all be our own “prince charming.”” Ben laughed and nodded in agreement.

At this point, it was clear that the interview was over. They thanked me for auditioning and said good-bye.

I remembered to grab my water bottle (score!) and said, as I headed out the door, “Thanks for letting me talk, guys. That was really nice.”

9:45am Back in the waiting room…Waiting for the names to be called for “round two”…The callback round.

10:25am Hannah (Assistant to the Chair) is such a sweetheart. She got everyone’s attention and kindly said she’d be calling the names of those who’d been selected to stay and see Mark Wing-Davy and Janet Zarish. She made it very clear in her announcement that you would still be “in-the-running” if you weren’t asked to stay for the callback today. But I doubt that anyone in the room really believed her. EVERYBODY’s body language was screaming… “Call my name!!!”…No matter how hard they were trying to be chill about it. I looked around the room as everyone was listening intently. I saw a lot of thoughts written on people’s faces… Mostly hopeful, or trying to look cool, and a couple seemed absolutely terrified.

After all the names had been called… there was a stillness in the room, a hush…as the reality sunk-in for each individual. Of course, to look around the room…all you saw were blank faces…but I wasn’t fooled. I could hear silent hearts breaking…and the contained joy of elated hope in others. You didn’t want to look too happy. It might make the other people feel bad. You didn’t want to look too sad. It might make the other people feel bad. Oh… how we all hide our emotions…to protect ourselves…to protect others. It’s fascinating.

So with a stilted, detached coolness…the slow movement began…packing up of bags and picking up of coats…either to head out the door…or to move to the next waiting room where the “called-back” would get to sweat and wallow in hopeful “what-ifs” until they too would be released into the unknown, just like the rest.

My name was called. So I grabbed my stuff and headed to the second waiting area.

11:00am Waiting. Eating my snacks. Getting to know my fellow auditioners…James (from Buffalo) will also be auditioning for Juilliard, Yale, ACT and USD this year…and Anna (originally from Virginia, but lives in NY now) is auditioning for NYU the first time this year and only NYU. Two wonderful human beings, both very kind and supportive and open, I wish them the best of luck with their grad school auditions!!!

11:20am More waiting. More eating my snacks. Julian (a current third-year grad student) was helping to run the callback. Got to have a nice conversation with him. He’s originally from Tokyo! Talk about being far from home! Told him a little about my time in Shanghai. Asked him if he was hoping to stay in NY after graduation or maybe try out LA? He said he was open to both…and it’d all depend on what happened at showcase. Exciting, right? (Side note: I got to see him in Measure For Measure last October, at NYU, and he was definitely a stand-out. There’s something very sort-of Johnny Depp about him. His energy is very sexy and dangerous on stage. And who wouldn’t want to watch that? He’s going to have a veeeeery successful career, I think.  He’s going to be acting in NYU’s upcoming production of The Wild Duck in early Feb. Check it out if you want to get to see Julian and have one of those “I-got-to-see-him-in-that-student-production-at-NYU-before-he-was-a-super-star” kind of experiences.)

11:45pm My turn to audition for Mark Wing-Davy and Janet Zarish!!! Soooooo exciting! Took a few deep breaths before I walked into the room…If I can just remember to breathe…then I know I’ll be fine. Seriously. Breathe. Don’t forget to do that. It’s essential…

Whew…this is the part where I started to unravel last year…so if I can just not be intimidated and be vulnerable and open and honest…then THAT’s my measure of success this year.

Walked in the room and greeted them both with a smile. They both seemed to remember me this year. Janet is always very warm with me. But Mark is soooo hard for me to read!!! I couldn’t tell if he actually remembered me or if he was just jumping on the bandwagon because Janet was treating me with such familiarity…Anyway, whatever…I’m grateful for it, either way! I’ll take friendliness where ever I can get it.

Mark picked my non-Shakespeare classical (Of course! He allllllways picks that one as my first piece.) Since I had just done this one for Ben and Scott, I should have been all warmed up with it. But, even so, getting through the first couple of lines was tough…Staying focused on the piece and NOT thinking “AHHHH! I AM AUDITIONING FOR MARK WING-DAVY AND JANET ZARISH. AHHHHH! THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE MOMENT. WAIT! I AM TOTALLY STANDING OUTSIDE OF MYSELF AND WATCHING ALL THIS HAPPEN…GET BACK IN THE MONOLOGUE, WILCOX!!! STAY FOCUSED! THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING…NOT THIS CRAZY, WEIRD, AWKWARD SITUATION OF AUDITIONING. LET THAT GO. PUT THE GIVEN CIRCUMSTANCES IN YOUR STOMACH AND SAY THESE WORDS AS IF THIS MONOLOGUE IS REALLY HAPPENING TO YOU RIGHT NOW.”

After I got my focus back…it felt like I had blinked my eyes and it was over. Somehow I got through to the end.

Was I totally “in-the-moment” the whole time? NO.

Do I think it was an accurate representation of where I am in my work right now? YES. Definitely.

So I do feel that the monologue was a success. I’m not going for a PERFECT performance. I am going for an honest snapshot of my current abilities, warts and all. I’m auditioning for SCHOOL, after all.

And hopefully, they’ll see some potential in me and my flaws and think… “Gee, if only we could have three years to help this girl work on improving her skills, we might be able to help her become a super awesome acting savant…Then she’d be freakin’ fierce! And we’d be super proud to have her as an alum.” THAT’s what I’m hoping for.

Then came a great moment in the audition that potentially could have been a disaster if I wasn’t prepared for it…Mark and Janet asked me about the origin of the classical piece. AND THANK GOD I ACTUALLY KNEW SOMETHING ABOUT IT! This is where doing your research reeeeeeeally comes in handy. I was able to give a little background about the author and why I chose the piece. Whew!!! Puttin’ my history degree to good use!

That. Felt. Good.

Then Mark asked me for a second piece…a contemporary monologue. This was NOT the one I had done for Ben and Scott earlier. Soooo there was no warm-up…I hadn’t spoken these words at all today…which was actually a good thing, I think. I was able to be really fresh with it…and allow the moments in the monologue to really surprise me. This is a piece I’ve been doing for yeeeeears. So it was really great to be able to share it with them and feel 100% confident that I would NOT forget the words.

My biggest obstacle with this piece, is that it’s got a dialect written into it…and I’m suuuure my dialect is NOT accurate, by any means. But, again, I’m not going for perfection…just honesty. So if my dialect is not good…that’s fine…I will do my best to be consistent with it (at least) and remain emotionally connected to the character’s circumstances (at best). But I will NOT subconsciously apologize for not being able to do a good dialect…and therefore shrink and sabotage my ability to communicate this story! I will be BOLDLY myself as this character!!! And if that’s BOLDLY bad…then, so be it.

Though I know I am not a very accurate judge of my own work, I feel like this monologue went well. It certainly did not feel bad. Mark and Janet seemed to still be “with me” at my monologue’s conclusion.

Then Janet asked me what I’ve been up to this year.

Wow! What an opportunity!!! An open-ended question!!! I could take this one annnnnywhere I wanted to go! She’s letting ME drive this interview now. AWESOME!

How to tell my story? Where to begin? Soooo many directions I could go…Infinite possibilities.

So I chose to talk about my job. I told them that after I came to the callback weekend my first year auditioning that I was highly influenced by all of the discussions of the importance of getting your financial “ducks in a row” and how that was a very important consideration in applying to grad school, since NYU is a HUGE financial investment. So I decided to focus on getting a solid/steady job to be able to pay off all my consumer debt…while preparing to audition for grad school for the 2^nd…and then the 3^rd time… And told them about how my success at my job has been a financial blessing, but has also given me clarity that I do NOT want to be an executive assistant for the rest of my life. That I want to be an ACTOR. Then I mentioned the blog (had to throw that in there since it’s been such a HUGE part of my life)…and ended with an open-armed declaration that “If I just keep on putting it out there to the Universe, that this is what I reeeeealllly want, it’s gonna happen someday. I have to believe that.”

HA! I cannot believe I really said that to Mark and Janet. LOL!!!....But, it’s TRUE.”

Then, they asked me if I’d like to sing a short, little something.

I smiled.

Of course! I’d LOVE to sing.

So I sang the following…

Fame, if you win it, comes and goes in a minute.
Where’s the real stuff in life to cling to?
Love is the answer. Someone to love is the answer.
Once you’ve found them, build your world around them.
Make someone happy. Make just one someone happy.
And you will be happy too.

They thanked me for coming and auditioning. I thanked them and curtsied (trite, but true)… and stepped out the door…back into the real world…back into uncertainty, but with a sense of joy…that I had accomplished what I set out to do. I had come back again to audition for the 3rd time.

11:55pm Got back to the waiting room to grab my stuff…And suddenly realized that I FORGOT TO TELL THEM ABOUT MY CONFLICT FOR CALLBACKS IN MARCH!!!! Oh, crap! (See yesterday’s post, if you don’t know what I’m talking about.) Ha ha ha ha! I got too caught up in the moment...talking about dreams coming true and the universe and crap. Ooops! Damn it! ...Best laid plans… I guess I’ll have to wait and see if I even get invited to the final callbacks…and then I’ll address it with them over the phone.

Whah-whah. It might be a moot point anyway. Who knows? Never can tell with these things. Sometimes you feel like it’s a total love-fest in the room at an audition and then you never get a call. There’s really no rhyme or reason to these things. Can’t take it personally. Just gotta let go of trying to control it or understand it and leave it up to God/the universe/the fates. Ya know?

Just grateful to have had the opportunity to try again.

12noon Walked over to the Astor Place Starbucks to buy some coffee and write this post.

In conclusion:

Did this feel like a successful audition experience?

Yes!

I was bolder and more vulnerable and more transparent than I had ever been before. I gave them an accurate snapshot of exactly where I am at…And now it’s up to them to know whether or not I will “fit” into their program. Only they can know that.

But I do not have the regret I walked away with from last year (thank goodness)…which was…if only they knew…if only they knew me. (How sad is that?) But, that’s sooooo not even an issue this year. I didn’t hide myself at ALL this time. They toooootally got to see me, because that’s what I chose to show them…just me…Not what I thought they were “looking for” or what I thought they might “want to see.” Just me...they way that I am.

And the fact that I can feel good about just being me…Now THAT’s success.

Thank you to everyone who sent me a text/email/FB post of support and encouragement today. It makes me feel so blessed to have you all rallying around me in support of this dream of mine!!! What an awesome feeling…to sit in the waiting-room at NYU…knowing that there are alllll these wonderful, generous humans out there thinking of me and wishing me well. I get all gooey and emotional about it. Seriously. Thanks for reminding me that I’m not alone.

Love,

V

119. The Plot Thickens

"People can cultivate positive energy by learning to change the stories they tell themselves about the events in their lives...Tell the most hopeful and personally empowering story possible in any given situation, without denying or minimizing the facts." - Tony Schwartz, "Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time," Harvard Business Review, Oct. 2007.

Soooo my NYU audition is tomorrow morning at 9am. I am suuuuuper excited. It’s gonna be such a thrill to be able to get in there and FINALLY do my monologues for them after blogging about the preparations for this audition since September 5^th. Whew!!!! It’s been quite a journey.

I’ve got my new headshots, in hand, with resume attached and my personal statement all printed out. I hand-washed my audition shirt this afternoon. It's drying on the radiator. I may try to hit a yoga class or a movie a little later, as a treat. We shall see.

So all that is fine and good, but what’s all this about the plot thickening (see title of blog), you may be wondering?

Well, NYU sent me an email to confirm my audition appointment and also included the following message:

“About fifty (50) candidates will be chosen from the initial audition sessions to come to New York on March 10, 11, or 12 for a more in-depth visit and audition. Sixteen (16) candidates will be selected for admission after the final (callback) weekend sessions. Please note: Final decisions on admissions are made after callbacks. If you wish to be considered for Fall 2012 admission, attendance at callbacks, for invited applicants, is MANDATORY.”

The reason that this is an interesting development in our story…is that I HAVE TO BE IN SAN DIEGO ON MARCH 10, 11 & 12. SO EVEN IF I GET INVITED TO THE CALLBACKS THIS YEAR...I CANNOT BE THERE...And, according to this email, I will not be considered for Fall 2012 admission if I am unable to attend. 

Ha ha ha ha ha! Sad face.

Is that not totally ironic? Virginia spends 5 months blogging about her goal to audition for grad school and then when she's about to go in to audition...she discovers that she may be disqualified on a technicality.

I mean...reeeeeeallly, Universe? What are you DOING?

Why can't I attend callbacks in March, you ask?

Very good question.

I have a day-job where I am responsible for assisting at two out-of-town conferences per year with my company. The next conference happens to be in San Diego, CA on March 10-14. The primary reason that my job EXISTS is for the purpose of assisting at conferences like this one. (Which is why I went to West Palm Beach last November.) 

To “call in sick” for this business trip to San Diego would be like…rehearsing for a  play for 6 weeks only to tell the director that I couldn’t make it to the opening night performance. NOT COOL. That is NOT how I roll. EVER. I believe in following through with my professional commitments, even if it breaks my freakin’ heart and means sacrificing my chances for acceptance at NYU this year. I cannot shirk my responsibility to my current job, no matter how much I may want to get my MFA from NYU.

So, if I am asked to stay and interview after the monologue portion of the audition tomorrow. I will be very honest about my situation and tell the auditors at NYU right up-front that I cannot make it to the callback weekend this year. I will explain to them exactly why. Then, I will respectfully offer to come in for a callback at another time, or sit-in on a class or do anything else that may be required in order to give them the opportunity to see whatever they need to see from me. 

Who knows? They may be willing to accommodate my request, since I attended the callback weekend two years ago. Doesn't hurt to ask. However, I am also prepared to respect their decision not to make an exception for me. I will understand if they feel strongly that my missing the callback weekend will not allow them to be able to truly evaluate my chemistry with the other students they are considering for admission in 2012. I know that they're interested in creating an ensemble. And it's difficult to assess one's ability to "play" with others...without seeing them "play" with others. I get that. I will be sad to be disqualified on this account, but I will understand. 

Then...I suppose, I will know that it’s not meant to be this year, not for NYU at least.

It’s a strange feeling I'm having right now…Knowing that I'm about to be walking in to an audition that I’ve basically been preparing for over the past 3 years (if not my whole life), and yet, I know that I may be completely disqualified from the running...based on a technicality. 

Ha! What are you trying to teach me with this, Universe? What’s this all about? Bleh!

In the past, auditioning for NYU has been the closest I’ve gotten to acceptance to an MFA program…and now it’s looking like NYU is off-the-table as an option this year. 

If you’ve just joined the blog recently…and would like some background on my past audition experiences with auditions/callbacks at NYU…Check out the following posts:

38. Recap – Year 1 – NYU Auditions

39. Recap – Year 2 – NYU Auditions

47. Learn On The Job, Get Paid, Feel Good

Anyhoo, I’m going to go in to that audition tomorrow and give my 120%, and I plan to be completely honest about my situation. We will see what happens. Gotta let it go. Can't control it. Whatever is supposed to happen...will happen. But I cannot compromise my values...and shirking my responsibilities...not an option.

Thanks for your support, guys! Wish me luck!

XO!

V

"Where can we find support for our reinvention? To make a true break with the past, we need guides who have been there and can understand where we are going. Reaching outside our normal circles to new people, networks, and professional communities is the best way to both break frame and get psychological sustenance." - Herminia Ibarra, "How To Stay Stuck In The Wrong Career," Harvard Business Review, Dec. 2002.

P.S. Had a wonderful and nurturing experience practicing my monologues at the Astoria Art House Salon. This time for an actual AUDIENCE! How cool is that!? The Salon happens once a month at 23-35 Broadway Astoria, NY. The evening is free for performing artists to try out their work in front of an audience of other supportive artists, students and friends. The whole point of it is just to be able to practice in a no-pressure environment. It's the best!!! The next one is Feb 17, 7-9pm. (Interested in attending? Want to stay updated? "Like" them on FB.) All are welcome to observe or participate. If you are in the area, and would like to have the chance to overcome your fear of singing in public or try out a new monologue or play an original song or read a poem that you wrote or have some actors to read a scene of a new play you’ve written.  Astoria Art House  is here! They'd love to support your growth in your work. Come check it out. Donations are always welcome, but it’s FREE if you can’t afford to pay. I loved my experience there. I got to practice a mock-audition. Did two contrasting pieces…then did two other contrasting pieces and then polled the audience on what they thought was my strongest paring…Which Shakespeare piece was the most engaging?… I got to ask them questions about things that I had been wondering about…Did this work or that?…What was their overall impression?…It was sooooo helpful to hear everyone’s perspective and insights and a huge confidence-builder too. They were all very supportive…It felt great just to get up there and try it out and know that people care! It just goes to show… you put yourself out there…and the universe brings the right people into your life to support you in just the way you need. Thanks,  Astoria Art House ! Cannot wait for the next Salon!

105. Lose That "Starving Artist" Mentality

"When you can hit on what (your clients) want, hope for and dream...price is a mere triviality." - Ramit Sethi 

I promised in yesterday's post that I would share a great resource with you today...and I like to keep my promises. So here goes...

What can a NY Times bestselling author and a professional photographer teach you about building a sustainable career as an actor?

How 'bout some incredible BUSINESS STRATEGIES for artists, freelancers, entrepreneurs and even 9-5ers!?!

Meet Ramit Sethi and Chase Jarvis. Ramit is a New York Times bestselling author of I Will Teach You To Be Rich and a graduate of Stanford University. Chase is a (self-taught) visionary photographer, director, and fine artist with a consistent ambition to break down the barriers between new and traditional media, fine and commercial art.

Now, for those of you who are artists of some kind... if you are NOT interested in actually making MONEY from the fruits of your labor, then don't even bother wasting your time watching the video embedded below.

However, if any of these things spark some excitement in your tummy... WATCH THE VIDEO... And take notes. Seriously.

Some of the highlights...
A. Lose that "starving artist" mentality
B. How to make your clients "revere" your work
C. Don't try to be "better," try to be different
D. The Briefcase Technique (Explained around 33:15 in the video. If you're pressed for time and can't watch the WHOLE thing. Just watch that section.)
E. How to nail an interview

Sooooo much of this stuff can make a HUGE difference in your ability to actually MAKE A LIVING doing your art. And you don't need an MBA, you just need some tools. Anyone can master this stuff. It's not brain surgery.

As much as we artists hate to admit it to ourselves...show business is a BUSINESS and there are ways to play that game that make it easier to be successful. And by successful, I mean being able to pay your bills with your art...and also a vacation to Tahiti. Nice, right? Now that's motivation.

"How we do anything is how we do everything." - Tim Ferris

How you approach the business of your art also represents how you approach your art. You may not see it that way. But other people probably will. So make sure you are projecting the kind of message you hope to present. And if you don't know how to do something...find an expert resource...a person...a book...a video...a class...whatevs.

This is the information age. We have the internet. There are no excuses. Our access to information is unlimited. Our only limitations are the ones we place on ourselves.

Don't ignore the business aspect of the business. Because what you don't know about the market CAN hurt you...and your ability to earn a sustainable living...I know this from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. Bleh! Being a starving artist sucks and I do not recommend it.

So take a moment to assess what your weak areas are in the "business" side of the business and find a resource to improve that area of your work. Your pocket-book will thank you. Your 65 year old self that would love to RETIRE some day will thank you...(Let's get serious. Most actors would love to drop dead on stage and never retire.) Your creative-self will thank you...for being able to provide some support for those "avant-garde" projects that won't make you a dime and cost you a pretty penny, but you looooooove and MUST DO.

Having money is not bad. It gives us choices. Without it we lead veeeery limited lives.

Besides business can be fun! Especially after you get passed the awkward learning part and actually start to do it WELL. Also, it's worth taking a look at what people in other industries are doing to THRIVE and build sustainable business models. We can allllll learn from each other.

We create art because we LoVE it, but we all gotta eat.

Make that dollar,
V

"It takes half your life before you discover life is a do-it-yourself project." - Napoleon Hill, Think And Grow Rich

91. Prepare For Your Great Work

"When [actors] are talking, they are servants of the dramatist. It is what they can show the audience when they are not talking that reveals the fine actor." - Cedric Hardwicke

Have you guys seen Terrence Malick's Tree of Life? If not, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND that you do. It's a BEAUTIFUL film.

There is very little dialogue in the film. Most of the storytelling is told visually or with voiceover. Words really cannot describe the feelings that this film evokes. It's incredibly moving. But, like an impressionist painting, you see what you want to see in the film. It allows you to reflect on your own life and childhood...all the magic and promise and confusion and pain that we all experience as we grow up, observing our parents and begining to think for ourselves, ... trying to make sense of the world we've inherited, struggling with the things we cannot control and do not understand, both inside ourselves and external events.

Again, words fail....I am having some difficulty in articulating the incredible experience of watching this film.

Just see it. Then you'll know.

Juilliard graduate Jessica Chastain plays the mother in the film. Her performance is LUMINARY.

And after watching this film, it got me thinking... I am sooooo glad that she took the time to study and to prepare herself for this kind of great work. Because her performance is such a gift to the audience. Soooo many people will see this film and be reminded of the ethereal beauty of their own mothers, when they see her through the mind's eye of a small child.

Her on-camera state of BEING and vulnerable honesty is so incredibly POWERFUL to watch. She makes it look soooo simple and effortless...but it is only through the journey of incredible preparation that one attains that kind of mastery.

I came across this great interview where Jessica says this of her time at Juilliard:

"I had four years of very, very, hard, difficult,wonderful training in Shakespeare and Ibsen and Strindberg and Chekhov. It kind of set me up that no matter what I work on in the future it will never be as hard as the four years at Juilliard."

CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE INTERVIEW

Isn't that AWESOME? I want to go through that kind of training and feel that prepared to tackle any project! Yes, please!!!!

This has been a truly amazing year for Ms. Chastain. Her performances in sooooo many great films recently, have made her a NAME now. But all her great success didn't happen overnight. She's been preparing for this great work her whole life. And now she's being recognized for doing the great work that she was put on this planet to do!

Yay, Jessica!!! Thanks for sticking with it!

For more on Jessica's awesome year CLICK HERE TO READ her interview with Backstage.

Preparation is soooooo important. It's the foundation that you build from. It's your creation palette.

What are you doing today to prepare for your great work of tomorrow?

You've got a gift. Prepare to GIVE it in the best way possible. Start now.

Yours,
V

"It's like once you're prepared, truly prepared to carry on for as long as it takes, you'll quickly find, as all movers and shakers have before you, that it doesn't take long at all. Surrender to the path, and go." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe