172. Looking Forward

"Nobody can tell you who you are. It would just be another concept, so it would not change you. Who you are requires no belief. In fact, every belief is an obstacle. It does not even require your realization, since you already are who you are. But without realization, who you are does not shine forth into this world... You are like an apparently poor person who does not know he has a bank account with $100 million in it and so his wealth remains an unexpressed potential." - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

Letting go of a belief is a hard process.

I've believed for a looooooong time that the BEST POSSIBLE NEXT STEP on my career path would be to attend Yale, NYU or Juilliard. There were many, many factors that lead me to this belief, some of which you can read about by CLICKING HERE.

In the past two years, when auditioning for grad school, I allllllways felt like I had held something back...That I was so intent on "getting in" and impressing them, that I wasn't able to show my true self. I was too scared to be vulnerable. I kept trying again because I knew that I could do better, because I had never really been able to let go of my fear that I am truly unworthy of acceptance to one of these top schools...and so, I think I was unconsciously sabotaging my performance.

But this year, I can HONESTLY say that I changed my belief and chose to GIVE MY ALL. I cannot IMAGINE being better prepared or more ready to be in-the-moment and play. And because of my blogging 6-days-a-week...I also knew exactly WHY I wanted to be there and felt confident articulating that....to anyone willing to listen. ;-p

And my auditions went incredibly well. I made it through "the first cut" at all three schools, including Yale (which was a major accomplishment, since I'd never gotten that far before). And I am thrilled to say that I made it to the "end of the day" at both my NYU Grad Acting audition and my Juilliard audition.

This year I felt like I had completely held up my end of the bargain. I did my VERY BEST...and left the rest up to the universe.

And apparently...the universe has other plans for me than attending grad school, since I did not make it to final callbacks for any of these schools.

So now...I'm having to take a good look at my belief...Is grad school really the best possible next step for me?

What else is possible for me?

Am I ready to let go of my grad school dreams?

Or do I want to try auditioning again next year?

What are the other avenues I could pursue to attain my overarching goal?...Building a life/career that will be joyful, sustainable, creatively fulfilling, profitable, challenging, of service and FUN!

I don't know the answers to any of these questions yet...Nor do I need to.

But I do think they're very important questions to be asking myself at this point.

I do know that I am soooooo tired of pursuing this dream alone. I need EXPERT GUIDANCE and MENTORSHIP to make my dreams a reality...

"As artists, we are open-minded but we need not be gullible. Many of the  people purporting to be able to help us shape our craft have very little experience with crafting something themselves. What we are looking for is people who have done what we want to do -- not someone who has watched others do it...When "help" is volunteered, we must be certain it is timely and actually helpful." - Julia Cameron, Walking In This World

So if you know someone in New York that might be a good mentor for me...Someone that is currently thriving as an creative person, making an abundant living as an actor in theatre/tv/film/voiceover, has a fantabulous relationship with their agent and is fearless, has a positive out-look on life and is interested in mentoring a highly-motivated and dedicated young actress/blogger named Virginia Wilcox...please email me at via virginia wilcox at gmail dot com. I will consider all applicants. :-)

I do believe that a solid relationship with a mentor would help me immensely.

Do I believe that I can have the kind of successful career as an actor that I've been dreaming of...without an MFA from Yale, Juilliard or NYU?....Hmmmm. That's a good question.

I guess the honest answer for right now is...no...I do not believe that I will do as well in my career without the experience of earning an MFA from one of these schools and becoming a valued member of the artistic communities associated with these institutions.

Soooooo gotta look at changing that belief perhaps! Because if I don't believe it's possible...it ain't gonna happen.

Whatever does happen next...I know it will be joyful...and good...if I allow it to be. 

My life is unfolding just the way it's supposed to...even though it's certainly not happening the way I had hoped or planned.

"It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end." - Ursula K. Le Guin 

I'm okay. I am having fun with the journey! 

And I am happy that on April 1st I will be able to say that I've SUCCESSFULLY completed exactly what I set out to do: write 180 blog posts about my creative process of applying to grad school for the third time. That's a truly unique accomplishment...and out of the thousands of people that auditioned for grad school this year, I can confidently say that I'm the only one who's done THAT...It may be a weird to have a blog about auditioning for grad school, but I think it was worth it. It's been an incredible commitment device. I see the value in it anyway...and that makes me feel good....no matter what anyone else may think.

And I'm grateful for my life's many blessings....I can pay my rent...and eat...and I have a warm bed. I live in a free country. I'm safe. I'm healthy...and that's what REALLY matters.

Looking forward to the possibilities and the impossibilities that 2012 may bring...

Love to you all,

Virginia

P.S. What are the limiting beliefs that you have about your own life that may be keeping you in stasis? How can you begin to let them go?

87. Victimization Antitoxin

"A problem well stated is a problem half solved." - Charles F. Kettering, inventor & engineer (1876 - 1958)

Ok... Here's my problem...

People sometimes do or say things that I don't like... That affect my life in a negative way... Or upset me... Or hurt my feelings... Or cause me frustration or discomfort.

And my reaction? Well... what I want to do naturally and what is easiest to do in my head...is VILLAINIZE them. They are the "bad" guy and I am the "good" guy. And if I can just DESTROY them, then I will WIN.

This is my EGO talking.

Now, when I'm in touch with my own true spirit...(and reality)...I realize that I don't actually want to destroy anyone. What I really want... and my real problem to solve is...How do I get back to feeling GOOD again about my relationship with that person?

That is a problem well-stated.

I know I have the ability to choose to be the bigger person and start us on the road to relationship recovery... or I can choose to feed the fire of discontentment and play games and get wrapped up in the drama of it all and be a martyr and wallow in my warm and cozy victimhood. This is my choice.

Though the task of neutralizing negative issues with people can be daunting and sometimes down right terrifying. When I am able to approach them with a truely loving attitude, I always feel better about it in the end...even if they totally don't get it and blow me off... at least I tried.

We've all got our bad days...Let's have compassion for one another and walk a mile in the other person's shoes before we start painting pictures of them in our minds...with evil grins and curly handle-bar mustaches.

Don't make yourself into a victim.

You do have the power to turn $*^t into roses.

Be brave. Be the one to make the first move toward reconciliation.

Forgiveness is cool.

Loves,
V


P.S.
As I was looking for quotes to include in this blog post, I realized that there were toooooo many good ones to limit it to just one or two. I have been contemplating how to better handle my frustrations with people for quite some time apparently... because, as you will see, the quotes I've amassed on this subject are numerous. Hope you enjoy them and you find one or two that hit close to home.

Readaquoteaboudit...

"Misunderstandings and neglect occasion more mischief in the world than even malice and wickedness." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, poet, dramatist, novelist, philosopher (1749 - 1832)

"If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?" - Alexander Solzhenitsyn, novelist, Nobel laureate (1918-2008)

"You can always see the little girl or little boy in another, if you but look. And then how you can see that the mask they sometimes wear isn't to inspire your fear, but to hide their own." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe

"If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner." - Nelson Mandela, activist, Nobel Peace Prize winner, South African President

"Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; and where there is no talebearer, strife ceases." - Proverbs 26:20

"Stop trying to control others and focus instead on being kind to them." - Leo Babauta, Zen Habits

"When someone behaves poorly, it's always because they've forgotten how powerful they really are." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe

"Relationships: A good practice is to imagine that you are fully supporting another person in manifesting their intention. Gift them with their true desire. Then imagine that others are connecting with you in the same way; gifting you with your intention and cooperatively supporting you to have what you want." - Lena Stevens,  The Power Path

"If something is not working, don't take it personally. Examine the situation for lessons and ask how you can be more cooperative in order to shift things. Stay out of martyrdom as much as possible and always take a proactive position." - Lena Stevens,  The Power Path

"You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough people get what they want." - Zig Ziglar

"Cut people slack...Their actions might not reveal their enduring character but instead reflect some situation they find themselves in. Forbearance is a form of generosity." - Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project

"Being fair and reasonable will earn you respect and admiration, but being genuinely kind will make you a total love magnet." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe

"I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart." - Anne Frank (1929-1945)

53. Spiritual Check-In

“Everyone sees the unseen in proportion to the clarity of his heart, and that depends upon how much he has polished it. Whoever has polished it more sees more — more unseen forms become manifest to him.” - The Sufi Path of Love : The Spiritual Teachings of Rumi (1983) by William C. Chittick

I don’t consider myself to be religious. I am not a church-goer anymore. But I do consider myself to be spiritual. I do believe in the human soul and that there is energy beyond the physical things that we can see, touch and quantify. 

Getting better acquainted with the spiritual aspect of myself has brought me strength, more emotional balance and a sense of purpose in my life. All good things. 

I think there’s value in having some kind of spiritual practice in your life, religious or not. I respect and appreciate all religions and spiritual philosophies and the healing and sense of connection that they have brought to the peoples of this world. Not that they've been perfect, but people need beliefs to give life meaning.

Each belief system has great value and gives purpose and structure to the lives of the believers. That is a beautiful and powerful thing. 

No one belief system is superior or inferior, in my opinion. They are what they are… and certainly some resonate with me more than others, but that’s just ME. Somebody else may find value where I find cultish-hypocrisy. So who am I to judge? 

Worship/practice/believe as you will and I shall do the same. There’s room for us all here. 

God bless America.

That said...

I would like to introduce you to one of my monthly spiritual practices… reading the monthly shaman forecast from www.ThePowerPath.com.

Skeptical?  Yes… me too. 

It may sound a little “woo-woo”…  but go with me here for a second…

Never judge a book by its cover, right? Didn’t we all learn that in 1^st grade? 

Well, in order to embrace reading the forecast as a monthly spiritual practice for myself, I had to let go of my resistance to the idea of “shamanism” and simply evaluate the content of the message…

Was it loving? ... Yes. Did it make me feel good to read it? ... Yes. Did I find it helpful? ... Yes.

Well, then… just get over your freakin’ self and read the thing every month, Wilcox.

Okay, fine… I will.

And I have.

Do I necessarily BELIEVE in Shamanism? I don’t know that I do.

But I do READ Lena’s forecast every month because I have found that her questions and reminders help me to focus on spiritual ideas that will benefit me and bring me greater clarity, greater peace and greater happiness in my life.

So, if that’s the result… then I don’t really CARE if I believe in Shamanism or not… or even if I UNDERSTAND what she’s talking about half the time… I’ll read it anyway, take what I can get from it and leave the rest.

So let's get to it...

The shaman forecast by Lena Stevens is published online around the first of every month and gives spiritual themes and guidelines for your consideration and contemplation.

This is how I do my monthly spiritual check-in with the forecast:

1.       Print out a hard copy from the website.

2.       Read through it and highlight all the passages that “resonate” with me as true for myself.

3.       Copy down some of the most relevant sections into my monthly calendar book that I look at every day, so that I will inevitably stumble across these quotes as reminders throughout the month.

4.       Carry the highlighted copy of the forecast in my journal, so that when I am feeling discouraged or unfocused in my day, I can pull it out and read it and remind myself of some positive things to focus on.

Here are some of my "highlights" from November 2011’s forecast, the one’s that resonate most for me:

“What is necessary now is to trust the inner navigation, your inner radar. This inner radar is your own intuition and sense of self, sense of what is right and sense of where your path lies. Your inner radar is your own heart.”

“…this time frame will begin to create a huge gap between how one person experiences life as opposed to another person. One person's reality will definitely be way different than another's depending on their level of consciousness. These times require a great allowing and acceptance of others to be just where they are and acknowledging that the experience of life will be as varied as each individual.”

“Remember that others view things through the lens of their own experience and what ends up being right for you may not always make sense to them. It is always a good idea to run things by someone you trust but the final decision will have to be yours alone.”

“In this time you all should be renewing your commitment to taking responsibility for your own lives. No one is going to fix it, make it better, get you out of debt, improve your health, give you a better job, remove your addictions and co-dependencies, or make anything stop except you, yourself. This is the time of growing up. It is your life. Stop whining and complaining and renew your commitment to yourself to create the kind of life that you want. Not what someone else thinks you should be doing, but what you want. Renew your intentions and honor that this is a time of renewal when anything becomes possible. Dream big.”

“What is working for you? Where do you feel a bit lost? What about your boundaries? What's missing? Who do you want to spend time with? Who not? Don't be afraid to make changes even if you think you will be disappointing others. Never make decisions based on how others may react. And be sure that your decisions are also not made out of personal reactions of your own.”

“Since there is the opportunity for a great deal of clarity this month, wait with major decisions until you reach that clarity. This is clarity of heart not necessarily of mind. You should feel right and good about your direction of renewal and your renewed intentions… The plan should include disciplined practices and constant reminders to be neutral, to let things go, not to feed drama, and to watch your reactions.”

“Beware of wasting any time around those that you should not be around. You know who they are. Occasionally there is the karmic exception, but even karmic circumstances are now up for review and renewal.”

“November will be a combination of much needed alone time within your own boundaries and clarity, and social time connecting you with others. Keep a balance so that neither area gets overloaded.”

“…look for a new sense of stability in the instability and unpredictability. It is as if we have finally become more comfortable with not knowing or needing to know and predict everything.”

“The most important thing is not to define, diagnose or settle for whatever you are feeling on a particular day. The quality of experience in these times is that that you can be feeling one way one day and the next day things can be completely different. It is crucial to renew your commitment to caring for your body, and to renew your intentions and your communication with the body. The physical body at this time is capable of miraculous healing and instant changes. What is required is trust and communicating your heartfelt intentions to your body. Make a practice of talking to your body every day with love, compassion, enthusiasm and inspiration. Treat your body as if it were a child eager to learn, to try and to succeed.”

“The situation of the economy has very little to do with what energies are available and it is best to separate yourself from the collective fear pattern in this case. We are not suggesting that you go into debt and throw caution to the wind. We are only suggesting that you do not put any energy into the fearful collective belief of recession, lack, debt and constriction. It would be much more useful and highly beneficial for you to be putting energy into gratitude for the abundance of what is available for the asking from the quantum field and spirit.”

“…gravitate towards communities of like-minded people…”

“Set good boundaries and face the truth about what is in your life that is no longer tolerable.”

“Stop everything, cancel obligations, take some time and revisit, review and question. Where have you become distracted? What is yours and what isn't? How are your boundaries? Where did you slip? What needs to die?”

“It is definitely worthwhile spending some time in contemplation and making yourself available to spirit and to your practices. There is a good potential for higher centered experiences.”

“Great compassion for self and others is needed now. Watch your reactions, stay neutral and keep your face to the sun.”

Don't go out and drink any Kool-aid or anything, K? Just some November food for thought.

If you read the forecast for yourself in its entirety this month, I am sure you will have totally different passages that will stick-out to you and will make your heart/mind/conscience go… PING!

I am curious to know your selections. What’s resonating with you this month?

In spirit,

Virginia

“So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being.” – Franz Kafka, novelist (1883 – 1924)

  

48. Your Creative Calling

“When you are called to create, the psychology of the endeavor… changes. Experiencing a calling creates a sense of deeper conviction, of purpose that often you, even as the creator or vision leader, don’t fully understand… 

This sense of deep commitment changes how you experience the emotions and challenges of the process. It helps steel you against the demons that dance around in your head, the resistance that taunts and teases you away from your work. It fortifies your uncertainty scaffolding, giving more ability to lean into risk and exposure, to act when you’re being judged from all sides. Judgment be damned, you’re doing what you’re here to do. 

When you are driven by a calling or a deeply personal quest and you allow that calling to inspire action, you live in the world differently. You do a thousand little things you’ve never done before. You act and interact with more confidence and vitality. Your personal energy changes. The way you speak, the way you carry yourself, your willingness to move heaven and earth and to share and evangelize your vision become palpable manifestations of your will to succeed. 

You begin to radiate the quest. You come alive. And people around you not only feel it, but become drawn to it. And to you… Purpose and passion enchant people. They want to be around you. They want to help you. They want to rally to your cause... 

You may have experienced the power of being called to create, either as the visionary or the one captivated by someone else's vision. It may well have been more compelling than any well-constructed argument for action. 

But in the end, such a calling is often based on a blend of unyielding faith and deep conviction that "this must be done." Nothing more, nothing less. And on the backs of that hard-to-defend faith and conviction lie some of the greatest creations and careers the world has seen." 

-- Jonathan Fields, author of Uncertainty: Turning Fear & Doubt Into Fuel For Brilliance

You were put on this plant to do something GREAT. To contribute to the world in that way that only YOU can. Commit to doing that thing that you cannot NOT do. Let your light SHINE. Be dedicated to the quest of generously sharing your gifts with the world and the world will support you abundantly.

I am reading Uncertainty right now... and I have to say that it's completely on-point with my life and my heart and my thoughts and my philosophy and well... everything. So if anything that I've written over the past couple of months has resonated with you in any way... I urge you to go out and purchase this book or click on the link above and get it at Barnes&Noble online.

Reading this book may totally ANNOY you with all this motivation to do something bigger and greater and SCARIER than you ever thought yourself capable of doing. So if you're interested in sitting on your boo-tay and eating bon-bons and letting these precious moments of your life tick by and thinking to yourself, "If only I could... but... ugh... I can't... so what's the point in even trying?"... Then DON'T even think about touching this book.

Just sayin...

The quote I've included in this post is just a tiny nugget of the solid-gold insight into greatness contained within it's pages.

Way to go, Jonathan Fields!!!

Every chapter reveals another keystone to understanding the psychology of the creative process and gives simple tools to help overcome the fear and resistance we all experience when trying to do something that we've never done before and is waaaaaay outside of the comfort-zone... but that we feel MUST be done.

I am so encouraged and inspired by this book that I just bought four more copies to give as gifts. True story.

I cannot say enough about it's wonderfulness... Except that I can't put it down and I feel like I want to call Jonathan and thank him personally for writing it.

Seriously... don't pass on the opportunity to let his words soak into your brain and experience the alchemy that will inevitably result. He's like the Rumplestiltskin of the creative mind... spinning normal thoughts of complacency into the GOLD of action.

Wishing you all a golden Sunday afternoon.

Love,
V

"The most successful people in the world are comfortable with discomfort, embrace uncertainty, and have fun with fear. Read this brilliant book and you will too." - Michael Port, author of The Think Big Manifesto (commenting on Uncertainty by Jonathan Fields)

 

45. Life/Art... Art/Life... Same Thing

"A writer - and, I believe, generally all persons - must think that whatever happens to him or her is a resource. All things have been given to us for a purpose, and an artist must feel this more intensely. All that happens to us, including our humiliations, our misfortunes, our embarrassments, all is given to us as raw material, as clay, so that we may shape our art." -- Jorge Luis Borges, writer (1899-1986)

The idea expressed in the quote above has always brought me a ton of comfort during tough experiences in my life. It helps me somehow to think of challenges as opportunities for LEARNING and GROWTH. And that the places I go and the people I encounter are all coming into my experience for a purpose... to help reveal something to me about myself... or for me to reflect back a revelation that they will grow from.

Sometimes these discoveries and encounters feel wonderful and sometimes painful... but I've come to trust that both are valuable because the lessons I am learning as a result are helping to shape who I am as a human being. And since acting is the art of being a human being living in imaginary circumstances... I feel like the more varied experiences I allow myself to have... the deeper my empathy for other humans will grow... and my acting will naturally become more nuanced as a result. At any rate, lessons will be learned, if we are open to them!

So, really, by living my life... from the mundane to the spectacular... I'm always working on my acting. Awesome! That's a great feeling for me. Very freeing. I can do ANYTHING I want and the growth I gain through the experience will automatically fuel my work. Love that.

Life/Art... that's the lens I use to see the world. I like it. Keeps me engaged, invigorated and appreciative of the both the easy and the tough moments in my day. Always looking for opportunities to learn and be shaped by the world feels like great motivation to get up in the morning.

And when I'm 102 years old... I wonder how my life/art will end up looking? I hope that I feel like I've created a beautiful piece of life/art that I can be proud of. I will die a very, very happy woman, if that is the case.

What's your life/art shaping up to be? Looking forward to seeing the future of what we all are creating!

Wishing you a life-time of learning and joyful growth,
Virginia

"See yourself as a cooperative force in the intention of a better world." - Lena Stevens, The Power Path

42. “New Thoughts For Actors” or “Jack Plotnick Is My HERO”

“Most of us go around thinking that not only are the thoughts in our head the truth, but that everyone else has the same thoughts, and holds the same things to be true. This is exactly why people go to therapy.  It is to find the things that we take as “truth”, that other people don’t. As soon as we realize that other people don’t necessarily feel the same way, we are freed from the constraints of that old belief.” – Jack Plotnick, New Thoughts For Actors 

Ladies and Gentlemen… my new HERO, Mr. Jack Plotnick…

In my on-camera class at The Barrow Group (which has no affiliation with Jack Plotnick, FYI.), I recently made another HUGE self-discovery...

I. Have. Issues.

Lol! It’s true. I know you guys are all in shock at this information.

Fo realz… I’ve got some major negative-thought issues that seriously inhibit my own personal enjoyment of my work as an actor. The end result may be a “good scene,” but at what cost? If I spend the whole time SUFFERING in my own head while doing it, is it really worth it?... NO! 

Ugh! Bleh. Torturing oneself with negative thoughts of self-doubt feels sucky and is no way to build a sustainable career. Acting should feel FUN and EASY… and if it feels that way… It’ll probably look that way too. 

And by learning how to get these unhelpful negative thoughts gone from my brain, perhaps others will be inspired to do the same. Then we can all be happy, living in our fun, non-judgmental world of creative joy!   J Ha!

So here’s my main issue…

When I get overwhelmed as an actor… (for any reason) incorporating new business, new acting notes, new lines, anything that needs to be adjusted on-the-fly with no time for “practice” or “preparation”… I suffer in my own head… big-time… Negative thought over-load! 

Why? Because I have this BELIEF that with no time to practice I will never be able to do it RIGHT and hence I am about to FAIL and therefore I am a BAD actor that no one will ever want to work with and my bad acting is about to be recorded on-camera and EMBARRASS me for all recorded time. 

~Shudder ~ Terrifying… and TOTALLY FALSE.

Here’s what Jack Plotnick has to say about my negative overreaction to actor-overwhelm:

““If it’s hysterical, then it’s historical.” In other words, if your reaction to something is bigger and more emotional than the situation really calls for (“hysterical”), then you are not really reacting to the present situation, but to some situation in your past (“historical”).”

Oh, Jack... your bounty of wisdom knows no bounds! 

Yes. I am being hysterical and I do know that it’s rooted in some historical s*#t. True dat.

However… I do not have to be a victim to these historically ingrained bad habits of the mind! Cut to Jack...

In becoming more self-aware about my self-destructive-self-talk-issue I can now start to practice seeing this issue for what it REALLY is… an illusion of my own creation.

The REALITY is... I am just as capable of being "connected" in a scene with 2 minutes of preparation as I am with 2 weeks of preparation. In fact, sometimes 2 minutes of preparation is preferable, ‘cause I won’t have time to over-think things and end up too polished and boring. Having 2 minutes of preparation forces me to stay in the moment and listen and react because I LITERALLY don’t know what’s about to happen in the scene. Now... if I can just learn to trust and not be so afraid of the "not-knowing" thing... THAT's the key to having a good scene and ENJOYING the experience of being in it. 

AWWWESOME!

So, as Jack recommends, when my self-destructive thoughts come up, I can use an affirmation to disempower the negativity avalanche in that very moment… like…

“I release and destroy my need to get this right... F*%k it. Dare to do it WRONG.”

OR

“I am going to take it from where I am. The amount of preparation I have done on this scene is enough for me to approach this scene as an improv.”

That'll shut my "vulture" up, right quick! And that will lead to...

FREEEEEEDOM!!!! 

Now I can play! Now I can be in the scene and not be wasting my energy judging my own performance while I’m in it... which is soooo not helpful to doing good work.

And the more I practice this affirmation technique, the better I will get at it. Until, eventually, I will have created a new HABIT Of POSITIVE THOUGHT and my old, forgotten, negative way of thinking won’t even BE an issue anymore. 

That’s what I’m looking forward to… And I’ll get there too...

One. Thought. And. One. Affirmation. At. A. Time.

After all… a belief is only a thought you keep thinking. So I might as well spend my time thinking some really good thoughts and begin to BELIEVE that I am a great actor… because if I don't believe it, how will anyone else believe it? 

But more importantly, I LOVE acting and I want it to be an enjoyable experience... always!

Anyhoo, enough about me. What about YOU? We've all got issues... and even if you're not an actor, these same skills apply. 

What’s your issue? Is there an affirmation that you can create to counter-act it?

Don’t sit idly by and let fear and negative thoughts control you! It’s never going to help you do anything great in this life. And you are a powerful being with love and talent and gifts to give the world, if you will get out of your own way and let your light shine! Soooo, find your affirmation! Listen to your TRUE voice… a voice based in LOVE.

For more inspiration and some really useful tools… check out Jack Plotnick’s FREE online book New Thoughts For Actors: A Practical Guide ToLoving Acting (and even auditioning!) Again.

Vultures are for the birds,

Virginia

P.S. Just for fun, watch this…

40. Thoughts Become Things

"Most people have been brainwashed into believing that their job is to copyedit the world, not to design it." - Seth Godin

Will Smith is my MAN!!! What an inspiration! Take 10 minutes of you life to watch this video. He has some brilliant things to say...

"You want something. Go get it. Period." ... I LOVE THAT!!!

"He who says he can and he who says he can't are both usually right." - Confucius

Protect your dream, people. Don't be "realistic." That's boring. Go for it!!!! Keep to your vision and build it thought by thought, day by day, brick by brick and you will feel the satisfaction of seeing your vision becoming a reality because YOU CREATED IT.

"Don't wait for opportunities. Prepare for them; create them." - Khalid Al-Falih

Don't wait around for life to "happen" to you. Make it happen for yourself! 

If something about your life sucks... CHANGE IT. You can. You are POWERFUL. 

Create your own reality. Become your own dream come true.

Loves,

V

P.S. A big THANK YOU shout-out to our newest email subscriber... the talented Ms. Anna Alaimo... for sending me the link to this video. You RULE!!!

"Isn't it cool how when your thoughts become things and your dreams start coming true, they invariably bring along with them totally unexpected, life-changing manifestations that just blow your mind?" - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe

  

31. Approved!!!

“Favor and disgrace seem alarming.  High status greatly afflicts your person.  Why are favor and disgrace alarming?  Seeking favor is degrading:  alarming when it is gotten, alarming when it is lost.  Why does high status greatly afflict your person?  The reason we have a lot of trouble is that we have selves.  If we had no selves, what trouble would we have?  Man’s true self is eternal, yet he thinks, I am this body and will soon die.  If we have no body, what calamities can we have?  One who sees himself as everything is fit to be guardian of the world.  One who loves himself as everyone is fit to be teacher of the world.” 

(Wayne Dyer’s interpretation of the 13th Verse of the Tao TeChing. Taken from "Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living The Wisdom of the Tao")

Seeking the approval of others leads to suffering:

If you gain the approval of others, you suffer… for you will become dependent on it for your feelings of self-worth and the continual seeking of that approval becomes an addiction that can never be satiated.

If you don’t gain the approval of others, you suffer… because you will keep pushing harder and harder to change their minds and your life will constantly be directed by external forces rather than your own inner guidance system.

Therefore, it is crucial to remain independent of both the positive and negative opinions of other people.  Regardless of whether they love us or detest us, if we make their opinions and assessments more important than our own, it will ultimately lead to dissatisfaction with ourselves and cause us pain.

(Or as they say in the theatre... "If you believe the good reviews, you have to believe the bad ones.")

Your earthly body isn’t your true identity. To find your place of peace you must begin to trust your true eternal self and allow that identity to communicate with you. 

In "Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life," Wayne Dyer challenges his readers to do the following:

For one day, give up all need to be praised by others or to seek their favor.  Try for one day to listen to what this beautiful eternal self has to say to you.  And what you will find is a place of peace, which will remain with you always.

Give yourself the approval you seek.

Peace,

Virginia

“Keep eliminating the attachment to old ways.” – Lena Stevens, The Power Path

30. Become Your Dream

“I want to go on talking to you as freely and intimately about what we live and die for as if I knew you better than anyone else whom you know.” – Tennessee Williams

Sooo last week on Sunday I gave you a homework assignment that I told you NOT TO THINK ABOUT all week long. I know that was a tough assignment, but I believe in you and your ability to follow through with this one. LOL!

(If you are just joining us this week, CLICK HERE to see post #24 from last Sunday.) 

Okay, so… back to the question in question…

On a fine summer’s day in Central Park, while sitting on an ancient rock, surrounded by supportive friends almost three years ago, with my Artist’s Way group, … I asked myself this question... and the answer slowly began to transform the trajectory of my life.

Q: What would you do if nobody told you that you couldn’t (not even you)?

A: (My answer to myself) What would I do??? 

I would earn an MFA in acting from one of the top drama programs in the country.

This may not be “new news” to you now. You probably could have guessed my answer after reading all this process/grad-school-obsessed blogging that shows up in your inbox every day (except Friday). But for me, three years ago, this was profoundly “new news.” … And being that I had NEVER auditioned for ANY schmancy drama schools before (my undergrad degree is in History), I was thoroughly overwhelmed and terrified by the prospect.

So the first person that had to stop telling me that I couldn’t do it… was ME. 

I think I was the most difficult person to convince… for sure. And it wasn’t an ACTIVE process. It was just like this week’s homework assignment… me NOT thinking about it for years, just letting it sit on the back-burner and simmer… until I finally sat down on that rock in Central Park one day and admitted to myself that this scary-thing-that-I-had-never-done-and-would-probably-fail-at was the one thing that I really wanted to do. 

I had to find a way to get over my fear and go for it… but HOW?

Rewind..

So, I knew what I wanted... Great.

And, after a while, I had built up enough confidence that I could actually tell myself (fairly believably) that it could be possible for me to have it... Great.

But HOW to make it happen? Ugh. So far to gooooo! So many things to DO. Bleh! Overwhelming!!!... Maybe I should go watch TV and eat microwave popcorn? NO!!!!

This is my "HOW"...That I slowly learned over-time works best for me... I focus on one thing… TODAY. 

Today is my focus. Right now. Today.

What is one TINY, EASY, NOT-OVERWHELMING thing that I can do TODAY to move a millimeter closer to becoming my dream? I don’t want to freak myself out by doing anything too BIG… So by doing something SMALL, I am ensuring that I am actually doing SOMETHING.

And many, many small somethings, done consistently every day, lead to large, awesome, successful outcomes that don’t feel like they’ve been so HARD to achieve after all. Easy. I can do easy.

"In baseball, my theory is to strive for consistency, not to worry about the numbers. If you dwell on statistics you get shortsighted, if you aim for consistency, the numbers will be there at the end." - Tom Seaver

So in a nutshell… that’s my way, my process, my practice...

Do it small. Do it daily... That’s how I roll.

“You can relax about your acting career. You are giving it attention and focus every day. You cannot fail to progress.” – Unknown…  (Maybe Kathryn Bild said it? Sounds like something she’d say.)

And it all started with a question, a powerful question…

So, back to the homework... I am posing this question for YOU again. And this time I want you to think about it and DO the following:

1. Ask yourself the question and listen for the answer without judgment. The first thing that comes into your mind is often the most honest answer. So go with your gut. (This may be the hard part… Example: “Ugh, my gut… We are estranged. We hardly speak… How can I know the mind of my gut?” …. Shhhhhh. Breathe. Listen. Be patient. It may not answer today, but it WILL answer.)
2. Tell what your gut says. Admit it. (This may also be the hard part… Example: “Ok, I clearly hear what my gut has been trying to say… But I really don’t want to repeat my gut’s message because… [insert your own fear-based excuse/justification here].” …. Breathe. Feel the fear. It’s great! That’s how you know you’re on the right track.) 
3. DO something about it TODAY. (Don’t let fear keep you paralyzed. Fear-Schmere!!! Excuses-Schmecsuses!!! Do the smallest thing you can handle in this moment to move towards becoming your dream, even if that thing is NOT THINKING ABOUT IT for another week/month/2-years. What is the one tiny thing that you will do TODAY to move one step closer to becoming your dream? Think EASY... Right... Good.... No...wait... even EASIER than that.... The thing that's so easy that you cannot possibly come up with an excuse for not doing it... That's forward motion.) 

Get ready... Here it is... Your question...

Q: What would you do if nobody told you that you couldn’t (not even you)?

Think... Think... Think...

Let me know you’re out there. It can’t be a conversation unless you participate. Your perspective is valuable and your words are more powerful than you know. Take your soap box and stand on it. Here… (She brushes off the soap box with a smile.) You can borrow mine! Let your voice be heard for posterity by commenting on the blog page. If you're reading this by email or FB you can comment on the blog page by CLICKING HERE. 

Don't want to freak you out tooo much... but people do read these comments, ya know. Show yourself how freakin’ courageous and ballsy you are… and hit me with your thoughts RIGHT NOW. To comment or not to comment... Up to you. 

My guts = spilled... Your turn!!! :-)

Yours,

Virginia

"The thing about making it big, and doing it fast, is that invariably the first steps will be small and slow. Which oddly, for many, is the same reason they don't take them." - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe

 P.S. If you’ve read this far… You definitely deserve a gold-star for commitment. Gold-star for YOU!!!!

22. It’s Not Who You Know… It’s Who You Are That Matters

“The only economy that matters, that can actually put money in your purse, wallet, or the cracks of your sofa, is the economy created by your thoughts, words and baby steps. Every day, someone new, near you, becomes a millionaire. Next…!” – Mike Dooley, Tut’s Universe

There is this guy who works on the security team for my office building. His name is William. He’s a young Hispanic man with a wide grin and an out-going personality. He works the front desk and makes it a rule to learn everyone’s name that passes through daily… not because he has to… everyone has electronic passes that show their name and photo as they swipe through the entryway. But he says “Good Morning, Virginia” to me every day...and I’m not special, there are a couple hundred people that work in our building. He’s set himself a goal to know EVERYONE by name. Very impressive.

One late evening as I was passing by the front desk, he was packing up to leave and he volunteered the information that he was off to school. Was I surprised by this? Nope. Clearly this was the kind of guy who would never be content standing at a desk and playing Words With Friends for very long. He told me he’s taking classes at a local community college and he’s planning to graduate with a degree in business.

I told him that I thought that was fantastic and I wished him much success. He smiled and humbly said, “Thanks.” He told me a personal story about another job where he had experienced income discrimination related to being Hispanic, getting paid less for doing the same work as a white guy. He said that with a degree, he felt he might be able to protect himself better against that kind of thing. And then he said something that really struck a chord with me…

“But as for SUCCESS, that’s a tough one… Because, sadly, it’s all who you know, anyway.” And that bright light that I see in his smiling eyes every morning began to flicker and fade. And that made my heart burn with anger at this silly world and the stupid misinformation that we’re taught growing up.

I had to speak up… and said, “No, William. It’s not who you know, it’s who you ARE that matters the most. And who YOU are is a person of value and you are not going to settle for anything less than you know you are worth, because what you bring to the workplace has value.”

He looked at me with surprise and smiled his signature wide grin.

Normally our conversations tend toward such scintillating subjects as the weather and the traffic. So the fact that I’m calling him out, in the lobby of our building, as being a “person of value” is not exactly business-as-usual.

After he got over the shock of my comment, he countered with, “You think outside the box. Most people are not like you.”

And I said, “Actually, most people are like me, I think. Here’s what I’ve found to be true, William. It’s not who you know… because if you are a total douche and you KNOW everyone… then everyone still KNOWS that you are a total douche. But if who you ARE is a person of character then the right people will want to get to know YOU… not because you’re super connected, but because you are a good person that other good people will want to know.”

He smiled and shook his head and laughed a little to himself. And just when I thought he had nothing more to say, he piped up with, “You are very intimidating to men. If this is how intense you are now, I can’t imagine how frightened I’d be if you were mad at me.”

Now it was my turn to be shocked! I immediately turned red and laughed and said, “Well, yes, I suppose you’re right. I may be a bit much for the timid.”

He nodded in agreement as I escaped into the elevator.

I do believe in him though. I believe he will be successful in business or whatever he decides to do with his life… Not because he’s started out with a bunch of connections or advantages … he hasn’t had those tools at his disposal, but it won’t matter in the end. He’s going to be successful because of WHO HE IS. 

He cares about his work, he goes the extra mile for people and has a great attitude every single day. I know that about him and I only see him for about a total of 2 minutes every week day. It's blatantly obvious. You’d have to be totally blind not to see it. 

He’s a person of value.  And I know that deep down… he knows it too.

Watch out, world… William’s an up-and-commer!

Loves,

V

“Do you want to know why I have an issue with compromising, economizing, and settling for less? I have to work just as hard whether the bar has been lowered or raised. Dream even bigger.” – Mike Dooley, Tut’s Universe

11. =IF(logical test, [value_if_true], [value_if_false])

Okay, guys… Am totally about to geek-out on you this morning…

But I seriously woke up thinking about how the “=IF” function in Excel applies to my life. This is a true statement.

Excel is about as “math-y” as I get. Really it’s just a big, fancy calculator on a grid.

The way functions work in Excel seems magical to me. And I love magic.

So my subconscious is making magical calculations in my sleep? 

So be it.

Let me explain… Stay with me now... 

The “=IF” function in Excel checks whether a condition is met in a certain cell and then, in another cell, returns one value if that condition is “True,” and returns another value if that condition is “False.”

I do this to test my beliefs.

In Excel…

=IF(logical test, [value_if_true], [value_if_false])

In my head…

=IF(I am powerful beyond all measure, [I should believe this statement and live my life as if I am a powerful person that can make an impact for good in the world], [I should disbelieve this statement and live my life shrinking in fear, feeling powerless and focusing only on my own weakness and self-protection])

Hmmmm? Which value would I rather choose? The [value_if_true] or the [value_if_false]?

TRUE! Clearly serves me better. No question.

And this function can and has applied to soooo many areas of my life…

Relationships…

=IF(I deserve to have a loving relationship that brings joy and growth into my life every day, [I should believe this statement and take great care in allowing someone into my life who will love me unconditionally and will allow me to love him unconditionally and I will not settle for anything less], [I should disbelieve this statement and fearfully cling to any relationship, even if it negatively affects my life, because I am lucky to have someone, anyone paying attention to me and the thought of being alone scares the crap out of me])

Finances…

=IF(My time is valuable and I am capable of supporting myself financially on my own, [I should believe this statement and know the specific amount of money I need to make in order to live the lifestyle that feels best for me and continue to search for work until I find a job that will give me that amount of compensation so that I will never have to stress-out about how I will be able to afford to pay my bills], [I should disbelieve this statement and take the first job that comes my way even though it really doesn’t pay me enough to be able to survive but it’s better than nothing and looking for a new job is scary and takes effort so I’ll just stay with this one that really doesn’t serve me because I don’t feel confident that it is actually possible to get paid the amount of money I need to be making anyway])

My Body…

=IF(I have a healthy/sexy/beautiful body that I feel great in, [I should believe this statement and make healthy food and exercise choices every single moment to continue to support the health and longevity of my body because I am strong enough to take responsibility for my own choices and my body is a precious gift that I have been given and I love myself and I enjoy the feeling of satisfaction that I get from taking great care of it], [I should disbelieve this statement and know that no matter what I do I will never be able to feel great in my body so it doesn’t matter that I eat unhealthy because changing my behavior with food is too hard for me and I can’t make it a priority to exercise because I don’t have time and even when I do exercise it never actually makes me feel any better anyway so there is no point in trying because I am just going to fail and feel worse])

Applying to Grad School...

=IF(I am worthy of acceptance to the graduate school of my choice, [I should believe this statement and fearlessly move forward and apply myself doing everything I can to prepare the best way I know how to become the kind of student that I would respect and admire and want to be in class with because I am dedicated and talented and passionate and have gifts to contribute to the world and it would be a shame for me to waste my life away sitting behind a computer for the next 30-50 years], [I should disbelieve this statement and give up trying because I have failed twice already and that must mean that I am not talented enough to get in and maybe I'm not actually any good at acting anyway and trying a third time and failing will be so devastating and embarrassing that I may spontaneously-combust and I will forever be known as that loser who tried and failed three times and then burst into flames of inadequacy and it's dumb to follow your dreams anyway because dreamers are silly people that delude themselves into believing things that are never going to happen and though other people are sometimes lucky and get into those schools I will never ever be accepted and I shouldn't even try])

Yup. 

Jump into my head, people! Ha!

I love the “=IF” function. Who knew it would be so applicable in non-math too?!

And it definitely helps to write out the false statement. Because it always sounds so silly when you read what you’ve written and you know that it’s SOOOO clearly false, but sometimes it sounds true in your head.

Disempower the false!!! Write it out!

Essentially, I ask myself… If this is true, what else is true?

Annnnd… as I am able to make tiny changes to improve one area of my life… those skills, that confidence, that momentum can lead to improvements in the other areas of my life as well.

Do your own logical test. What’s your “=IF” Function?

(Geekiness. Done. Close parentheses.)

((((Love))))

Virginia

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

(Williamson, Marianne. A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles", Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3])