Update #5: Silver Linings

“When life gives you lemons, you don't make lemonade. You use the seeds to plant a whole orchard - an entire franchise! Or you could just...drink lemonade someone else has made, from a can.” - Anton St. Maarten

Hi Kids!

Here's the latest "what's happening with grad school" update for those who are interested...

Yale =  Not happening (old news)

Juilliard = Not happening (old news)

USD Old Globe = Not happening (rejection letter received in the mail yesterday)

NYU = Still Pending (on the waiting list, but not feeling optimistic)

Sooooo....My Old Globe rejection letter was received yesterday.

When I got home, there was a pile of mail sitting on the table and a package from a friend.

I saw the envelope from USD and my heart jumped up into my throat. I knew exactly what it was before opening it.

"F*^k." I said. Actually, it was more like..."F*^kity, f@#kin'-A. Really? F%^k."

Sigh.

Double sigh.

Rip open letter to confirm suspicions.

Sigh.

Scanning...."Thank you for your interest and participation in the application process for fall 2013...blah, blah, blah....We wish we had more positions to offer...wish you well wherever your future plans may take you."

Bleh.

Sitting.

Staring at my shoes.

Holding breath.

Oh, wait for it...here it comes...

Tears.... Welling. And dripping down my cheeks.

Like a baby.

Confirmed. No Old Globe.

Dammit.

Sigh.

Moment of silent, tearful sadness and then I notice the package from my dear old friend sitting on the table. We've known each other since 1st grade and she lives across the country. What could she possibly be sending me? It's not my birthday.

The box is wrapped up like Fort Knox, but when I finally get it open...this is what is enclosed...

A card of encouragement along with a small blank journal.

How did she know???

She gave me permission to post what she wrote inside. I hope that it will be an encouragement to all of you too...that the Universe sends us just what we need at the right time. This definitely helped to soften the blow of disappointment.

How 'bout this? Just think of this as a letter from your old friend to you! Here's what she wrote...


Dear (YOU),

What's that saying? "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade?" All of your inner and outer work you have done and continue to do has a purpose, and I truly believe that hard work (which is just what you have been doing) never goes without success.

When I teach art, I often say that "sometimes the picture we intend to draw doesn't come out the way we want, see or have planned. That can be exponentially frustrating and disappointing, but it doesn't mean we should throw the picture away, or that it isn't good. It may even be possible to turn the picture into something new we hadn't imagined that we really love."

Now is your chance to embrace your amazing, smart, talented, unique, MORE-than-worthy-of-grad-school-or-Broadway-or-any-other-successful-path self and see what new ideas you have may unfold.

I am so proud of you. You are an inspiration and I hope you are proud of yourself.

Believe in yourself...Some of the best artists/performers don't have degrees, they have a strong will and dedication to the fulfillment of their ideas. You already possess these rare qualities, so allow yourself the space to shine.

I am always thinking of you and love you very much old friend.

XOXO.

And then I got an awesome supportive text from another friend with a slightly different kind of perspective...

Imagine you're receiving this one from a respected colleague who has been through it all and has the war-wounds to prove it!

First of all. F*^k them. It's their loss. F&#k 'em in the ear. If they don't like that f^%k 'em in the other ear. Secondly, you're past that bulls#*t. Thirdly, I am happy to talk about it. But I don't think you need mentorship. You need to trust your aesthetic. And go for it. Figure out what you want to say and scream it! Fourthly...F$$k 'em! P.S. Sounds like you are poised at the edge of discovery. Yay for you! Keep up the gallant fight sister!!!

No matter which approach appeals to you the most...Isn't it awesome to have amazing, supportive friends!?

Be grateful for your mentors, heros, champions, companions, partners, friends!!!

Hug them! Love them! Tell them how much you appreciate them right now! Without them...How could we possibly attempt to step outside of our comfort zones and dare greatly!?

There are more silver linings to come. But that's all I have time to write about for now. Thanks for reading.

Loves,
Virginia

"Mentoring can play an extraordinary role in cultivating the mind-set needed to take creative risks and keep operating in that anxious place where the best stuff tends to be birthed -- especially when your mentor is someone who's been where you are, lived, breathed, and danced with the same or similar-enough demons and elations, and found a way to harness them to create genius." 

- Jonathan Fields, Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance

Update #3: Throw A Chair

Hi guys!

Confession: I've been procrastinating writing this post...You know..it's my "HOW DID AUDITIONS GO THIS YEAR?" post.

Ugh.

I have been putting a lot of expectations on myself about how it "should be"... How this post should be "profound and inspiring" or "hilariously funny" or "heartfelt and poignant." It's probably not going to be any of those things. Sorry!

("Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good, Wilcox! You never would have started this blog if it had to be perfect! Just write SOMETHING"...I tell myself.)

In order to get me to actually sit down and write this post, I needed to let go of all of those "should" expectations and allow myself to write a boring, factual, short and simple account of what occurred at my MFA auditions this year (and how it felt).

Now... it sounds like I'm about to say that all my auditions went terrible this 4th year of applying and that's why it's been so hard to write about them! That's definitely not the case. I've just been in avoidance-mode. That's all.

Anyhoo...avoidance no more!

Here is the run-down:

OLD GLOBE (UNIVERSITY OF SAN DIEGO) MFA - ACTING

Audition Location: Ripley-Grier Studios, NYC
Audition Date: Thursday, January 24, 2013
Application/Audition Fee: $55
How many times have I auditioned here?: Twice (2010 & 2013)
How'd it go?: Awesome. Felt great!
Callback?: No. (But that's okay because Old Globe doesn't have callbacks.)
What happens next?: Now just waiting to hear from them.

NYU GRAD ACTING

Audition Location: Tisch, 721 Broadway, NYC
Audition Date: Friday, January 25, 2013
Application/Audition Fee: $60
How many times have I auditioned here?: Four times (2010, 2011, 2012, 2013)
How'd it go?: Awesome. Felt great! Had fun.
Callback?: Yes. Made it through same-day-second-round-callbacks with Mark Wing-Davey. That's as far as you can get on the day of auditions. Yay!
What happens next?: Now just waiting to hear if I will get invited to the "final callback weekend" in March.

(Read more detailed accounts of my previous audition experiences at NYU here: 2010, 2011 and 2012.)

JUILLIARD MFA - ACTING

Audition Location: The Juilliard School, Lincoln Center Plaza, NYC
Audition Date: Saturday, January 26, 2013
Application/Audition Fee: $110
How many times have I auditioned here?: Twice (2012 & 2013)
How'd it go?: Awesome. Very emotional day. Felt really wonderful to have the opportunity to audition for them again. I had the best audition experience last year...and this year was just as fun/awesome!
Callback?: Yes. Made it through same-day-second-round-callbacks, the group-work and to a final interview at the end of the day.
What happens next?: I will receive an email tomorrow to tell me if I've been invited to the "final callback weekend" in March.

(Read a more detailed account of last year's audition experience at Juilliard here: 2012. And here is a link to my most popular post during the project, "The Juilliard Door Closes," about how it feels to NOT get accepted to your top-choice school.)

YALE MFA - ACTING

Audition Location: Yale University, New Haven, CT
Audition Date: Sunday, February 3, 2013
Application/Audition Fee: $110
How many times have I auditioned here?: Four times (2010, 2011, 2012, 2013)
How'd it go?: Awesome. They are always very nice.
Callback?: No.
What happens next?: No need to wait. Because I did not receive a callback, I know that I am not being considered for this year's class. (But thank you for sending me my rejection letter email today, Yale... on Valentine's day. Very sensitive. Very sensitive, indeed...Ha!)

(Read more detailed accounts of my previous audition experiences at Yale here: 2010/2011 and 2012.)

And now for FEEEEEELINGS...

My goal for this year's auditions was to challenge myself to throw a chair in EVERY audition. (Special thanks to Kevin Morales who suggested that I work in the chair throw to my Shakespeare monologue. Totally justified with the given circumstances of the play and the journey of the character in the monologue.) Still, this felt TERRIFYING to me. And that's EXACTLY why I had to do it.

It felt like a huge RISK for me every time. Which meant that something REAL was a stake in my performance!!!

Thoughts like this would run through my head...

-  What if the chair breaks? (One of them did break...first round at NYU. Yikes!)

-  What if they think I'm crazy? (So what if they do?! Would I want to attend a graduate acting program that didn't allow the students to make big/risky choices in class? NO! So if they think I'm crazy for throwing a chair, then that's probably NOT the program for me....And maybe I am a little bit crazy, anyway...just sayin'.)

-  What if they don't "like" me or think that it's not "nice" to throw a chair? (Ugh. I call this "nice girl syndrome." F@%K that! Get over yourself, Virginia! This isn't about them liking YOU in this monologue...This is about you communicating the journey of this Shakespearean character and if throwing a chair helps tell that story (which I think it did) then you'd better not be a cowardly chickens*^t and back down and be "polite" just because you're afraid of offending somebody. That said...when I did break one chair...I did apologize politely afterwards.)

Four years ago...I NEVER would have had the balls to throw a chair in an audition, MFA or otherwise. I would have talked myself out of it...and justified every possible reason why it was a terrible idea...every time.

But...now...I feel proud...because I not only threw a chair in every audition...I still got called back at NYU and Juilliard!!! AWESOME!

It just goes to show...Sometimes the "rules" we superimpose on ourselves are TOTAL bulls!@t and should be broken. There is no "right" way in this life. Take a RISK!!! It feels amazing to know that you can! Even if you break a chair...you will survive!!! F*~k Yeah!

(Geez, lots of expletives in this post. Perhaps I should have given a disclaimer at the beginning. This post is PG-13.... "Nice girl syndrome" strikes again. Ha!)

Anyways, that's how it went...and a little bit about how I felt about it.

So check back with me for Update #4 soon...very soon...since I'll be getting an email from Juilliard tomorrow.

Eeeeeeeee!

Thank you for reading....Thank you for all of your good energy and well-wishes during my auditions. It was all deeply felt and much appreciated.

Sending sooooo much love to all of you courageous people who are on this journey too!

Dream BIG...and do not give up!

Loves,
Virginia

"Look where you have ended up right now. This is exactly where you need to be, so don't resist. Pay attention to what is showing up for you and use that as the guidance for where your next step lies. If it does not feel good and expansive, you have work to do It's not about them and what they decide or do. It is about you and your process, so take responsibility for that. Be flexible and don't blame." - Lena Stevens, The Power Path