137. Yale Drama Audition 2012: Part One (Walking Through The Door...Again)

How would you like to go to a school where the theatre looks like this?...

(Photo by Brendan Hughes)

Well, first you have to walk through this door to audition...

(Photo by Zoe Gorman)

You will be auditioning for a man who looks like this...

(Ron Van Lieu)

Or a man who looks like this...

(Walton Wilson)

For the third year in a row...I took the two hour train ride to New Haven and walked through that door to audition for the MFA Acting program at the Yale School of Drama. The first two times...I didn't even make the first cut.

Alllllll that preparation and...BAM!...It's all over in 5 minutes. But I chose not to see these rejections as a "NO"...but rather as a "NOT YET." Ya know what I mean?...

So I'm back...To put my name "in the hat" again and see if this will be my year. Three times is the charm, right? Will Yale be receptive to my work this year or will I get cut...yet again?...Read on to find out...

For some reason, writing about my experience at Yale this year has become more like a series of bullet points than a narrative structure. So, I’m going to trust that and go with it. Hope you’ll still able to follow the story… If not,…use your imagination to fill-in the blanks.

:-)

New Haven in the stillness of the winter morning. Cold, crisp air. No snow.

Hands warming around a small coffee from JoJo’s Coffee (around the corner).

Push open the the heavy red door. Noticed a thumb-tack on the floor. Picked it up. (Somebody might step on it! That'd really ruin your audition experience.)

Check-in with the desk. Give them my headshot and resume. Friendly grad students running the show, as always! Love them.

Called in with the rest of my group for the 10am pre-audition talk with Ron and Walton. Didn't bother to take off my coat this year. (It was freezing!) The "talk" seemed more rushed than the past two years. But maybe they're pressed for time? Still, it’s nice to be able to meet them before hand, see their faces. Definitely helps to calm the nerves. Walton will be seeing half the audition group upstairs and Ron will be seeing the other half downstairs.

Spending time in the downstairs audition room (where I will be auditioning for Ron) helped to relax me… gotta love all the cracks in the plaster, the light coming through the cloudy, rectangular panes of glass and all the quirkiness of this oddly-converted-castle-to-studio-space. (Much less intimidating than my first year when I auditioned in this room last, back then all the black curtains were drawn...Oooooo, dark and scary!)

Ron, however, is still an intimidating figure to me. He's so quiet and grounded. Even the way he dresses, with his light t-shirt, sport jacket and his clean-cut white hair... Then he looks at you with this sense of knowing…as if he can see right into your soul…it’s spooky! He's seriously a legend among acting teachers. His former students talk about him like he's Yoda or something.

Walton was wearing a plaid poncho and New Balance sneakers. So his intimidation factor was not-so-much. Love that!!! He just seemed homey and comfortable. All of us auditioning just seemed a little over-dressed for the occasion in comparison. The word-on-the-street about Walton, from those that've worked with him...He's one of the sweetest human beings alive.

Since I've been assigned to audition in Ron’s room this year. Courage is key here. Goal: talk to him. (My first year…I was too scared to talk to him. My second year I auditioned for Walton...which was less scary...that one went better. You can read about my first & second year Yale auditions by clicking HERE.)

Back in the waiting room. The air is thick with nervous energy. Bleh!!! Gotta shake it off…

Did my best to get into my own little "zone" and did some yoga and deep breathing in the waiting room. Probably looked like a fool, but I don’t care. If it's gonna helped me stay focused, I'll look like a fool, any day of the week. So people can think what they will…At least the floor was clean.

I went online on my phone and chose an actor affirmation from Jack Plotnick's website that I felt would be most helpful to me that morning. It was...

"I release and destroy my need to be an “Actor”. Let them be the “Actors”, and have all the responsibilities that come with it. I am just here to be myself and have fun."

Kept saying it over and over to myself...every time my brain would wander to some negative, insecure place. None of those thoughts are going to help me right now. So I'll choose to focus on my affirmation...because that thought actually makes me feel GOOD about myself...and when I feel good...I'm going to do waaaaay better work in the audition room.

My turn to audition. (The last one in my group.)

I always feel like I have to pee at this moment…right before I’m about to go in for an audition…always. But I don’t really need to…it’s just psychosomatic.

Walk into the room and actually start a CONVERSATION with Ron Van Lieu! Score! Nothing profound, just remarking on the room and the fireplace and how it’s like auditioning in a castle. Some of the tension was released. Helped me to remember that we’re both human beings. Nice thing to be reminded of in this strange situation we know as "auditioning." Hooray! Success!

Chose to do my scary monologue first: Shakespeare….Goes fine. Not spectacular. But Shakespeare’s NooooooTTTT my thing, so that’s to be expected.

Did not RUSH to transition into my second monologue. Grabbed a chair and brought it downstage center. REALLY took my time to shift the mood. Felt good. Success.

Went into my second monologue…Contemporary piece…Same one I did for Mark and Janet at NYU…Different one than I did at Juilliard. Why did I choose this one? Just feel like I'm more connected to it this morning than the other one. Gotta trust your instincts on these things. If you can't trust your instincts, what can you trust? GOAL is to surprise myself in the monologue. I will not make choices, rather I will allow choices to happen to me. Do NOT want to seem rehearsed. Ugh. Hate that.

Goes REALLY, SUPER AWESOME. I am surprised at myself in several moments. "Where the hell did THAT come from?"...Feeeeeels fantastic…Definitely the best (most fearless) audition I’ve ever given at Yale. No question.

Totally showed my heart. Didn’t pre-plan. Wasn’t just “reciting lines.” Really felt like I put those given circumstances in my stomach and then just let the monologue happen to me. Freedom!

Back to the waiting area…Which is as freezing as an ice box.

Waiting.

Waiting.

The LIST for the 10am hour is posted on the door. Everybody in the waiting room starts for the door...

TWO names on the page…out of a group of about 20 people or so…there were TWO names on the list. It's been this way every year. I've never seen more than three names. (They clearly know EXACTLY what they're looking for and aren't going to waste your time if they're not interested. But...man...only two names...that's HARSH.)

The second name...

Virginia Wilcox

HOLY F*#K! I JUST MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST CUT AT YALE!!!

Look up in the sky, people!!! Pigs are flying through the air.

Brrrrrrr!!! Hell is freezing over.

Seriously. I am in total shock. I have never made it to a "preliminary call-back" before. This RULES!

Why did I make it this year, as opposed to other years? Don’t know. Better monologue selection probably.

Maybe my previous "NOT YET" is about to turn into a "YES...NOW!"

Oh, hopes...don't get up toooo high. It ain't over yet...In fact, it hasn't really even begun...

I can hardly believe it. I am overcome. I hug the audition monitor, Sheria, and tell her how thrilled I am at the opportunity to do my pieces again...and that this is my third try at this...SOOOO EXCITED.

No time to think, I've only got a minute to catch my breath as I’m waiting outside the door to go back into the audition room and do my pieces for both Ron and Walton.

Damn, feels like I have to pee again...

:-p

Will my "preliminary callback" be a total disaster? Will I make the next cut and be invited to the "end-of-day" callbacks? Is Yale finally going to see me as a valuable candidate for admission in Fall of 2012? Or will I be taking the walk-of-shame back to the New Haven train station yet again?

Check back tomorrow and see what happens next...in PART TWO.

Loves,
Virginia

136. Are Monologues The Best Gauge Of Artistic Potential?

“Everyone has the right to doubt everything as often as he pleases and the duty to do it at least once. No way of looking at things is too sacred to be reconsidered. No way of doing things is beyond improvement.” 

― Edward De Bono

During this whole auditioning-for-grad-school process, I've begun to question something about the system we've come to accept as "normal" procedure for applying to acting programs...

Are monologues the best gauge of artistic potential?

I am not a big fan of monologues and I’ve never been particularly “good” at them. I MUCH prefer doing scenes...where you have someone to REACT to.

Monologues are like acting in a vacuum. You can prepare a canned performance that nooooo one else will interrupt with any outside influence what-so-ever, which is why monologues can end up looking so stilted and fake...because it's NOTHING LIKE REAL LIFE.

I mean, when are you ever standing in a room talking to the air?...Maybe you shouldn't answer that.

In past years auditioning for grad school I’ve always had some questions about the logic and effectiveness of the established process of using monologues as the means by which students are selected…I mean, you have to get past the "monologue test" basically, before they’ll actually have a real conversation with you. To me, there's something a little dehumanizing about that reality and it seems counter-productive for the schools too, I think.

I mean, what are they looking for...really? People that are good at making monologues seem spontaneous? People that have the right "look"? Or people that are good at reacting to other actors "in the moment"? People that are good collaborators?  People that have "drive"? What is it?

What is "good acting," for that matter? That's a subjective can of worms isn't it? But let's not go there...Let's stick with the monologue question...

Let's say you are the most brilliant, amazing, incredible young artist/actor/human of allllllll time,...We will call you Barlon Mando... or if you're a girl...Dette Bavis....but you happen to SUCK AT MONOLOGUES!

Well, guess what? You're probably nooooot going to get accepted to grad school for acting. You're probably s#*t-out-of-luck, because the ONLY thing these grad schools are judging you by (to begin with)...are your MONOLOGUES.

(Yet another reason to be super selective about your audition pieces. Don't let yourself get disqualified because of poor monologue selection!!! Pick reeeeeealllly personal monologues for YOU. For more on my philosophy of choosing good monologues CLICK HERE and HERE.)

Monologue Schmonologue...

If given a choice, I'd much prefer to do one two minute monologue and a short three minute interview and have THAT be my audition.

Am I totally off-base here, guys? Are monologues REALLY the best way? Are all of the qualities of a really brilliant actor naturally going to show up in a monologue audition? Will that brilliance shine through, in spite of the awkwardness of the form?

Just sayin'...

I cannot deny that this question's origin has come from my own personal frustration with my past ineptitudocrity at A. CHOOSING GOOD MONOLOGUES FOR MYSELF and B. PERFORMING SAID MONOLOGUES WITH ADEQUATE FACILITY. It's been soooo annoying because I've felt in past auditions like I have so much more I want to communicate than they could ever see through a silly two minute monologues, but I had no outlet with which to do so...'cause I wasn't asked to stay for an interview...or given any sort of "direction" to show that I was flexible in my choices or whatever.

But then again...maybe they saw everything they needed to see and nothing I could have communicated with my own actual words would have changed their perception of me in any way. That is also possible.

Uh-oh, now I'm on a roooooollllll with questions....questions upon questions...

Are these programs looking for the actors that have the most talent to begin with...or are they looking for the actors with the greatest long-term potential? Perhaps it's a combination of both?

Sorry guys...Don't have any answers. But I think it's good to ask questions anyway...Get's ya thinkin' outside the box.

Wadda you think? Are monologues really the best way?

If you were selecting students for an acting program, what would you include in the required application process? What would you be trying to learn about your potential students from these things?

Personally...I'd like to take the students with the biggest hearts first. But how do you test for heart?

Curiously,
Virginia

135. 1040 Aversion

"Do it now!" - Lena Stevens, The Power Path

I am working on my taxes today. I know...SUPER EXCITING, right?  

Hold on...Wait!...Don't click away yet...keep reading...you know you LOVE hearing all about how much taxes suck...Misery loves company! 

So, I know that most people aren't even going to be THINKING about their taxes until April or so, but I have to get them done suuuuuper early this year because I need to file the FAFSA. And I've gotta get ready to submit all the financial aid paperwork for grad school (should I happen to receive an offer for admission).

I am sooooooo resistant to doing all this financial-number-crunching and paper-pushing. It's one of my top 5 least favorite things to do in the world. And I would avoid it at all costs...if it wasn't required by LAW to file taxes every year. 

Sigh. I don't mind contributing some of my income to the good of our society, but does the process of filing the paperwork have to be so freakin' complex? Just sayin'...

It's gotta get done though, so...

In motivating oneself to sit down and tackle a project that one would rather NOT do...What are the tricks that you use to help you get through it?

Here are some of mine:

1. Set aside a BIG chunk of time. (Rushing only stresses me out MORE.)

2. Taxes are always better with red wine. ;-)

3. Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. (It's not going to be perfect, so do it well enough to get the job done. But don't stress if you can't find EVERY receipt and can't deduct EVERY expense. Besides, if you discover a mistake later...you can always fix it by filing an amendment to your taxes. No worries.)

4. Get the help you need. (I have an AWESOME tax professional that helps me with my taxes every year. She specializes in the unique financial situations of actors and performers. She's a great resource for all my questions. And she always does a fantastic job and is very reliable. Love her! But before she was recommended to me, I always used TurboTax...which was a great tool too.)

5. Focus on how great you're going to feel when it's all DONE. (Though I may be banging my head against the wall right now, muttering expletives under my breath and sighing in frustration every 10 minutes...I know that when this thing is alllll done and I've got it all signed and finished and can look forward to a nice refund from the government about to be direct-deposited into my account...THAT will feel AWESOME.)

6. Think of the future benefit. (If I DO get accepted to grad school this year...and am able to get a good, solid financial-aid package from the grad school of my dreams...Well, then I will look back on this day of tax-return-preparation-torture...and I will be VERY HAPPY with myself that I took this time to get it DONE. It will be a HUGE pay-off in the end...I hope.)

7. Be grateful you're an "adult" now. (Sorry, if this one doesn't apply to you yet. It will someday. You have something awesome to look forward to. Trust and believe...Since I'm 30, I no longer have to submit my parents' financial info for the FAFSA. In undergrad, that used to be the bane of my existence. Nagging people to get stuff done is NOT my fave. I am very happy that, at least now, I don't have to deal with motivating my PARENTS to complete their tax returns early too. I just have to motivate myself.)

8. Keep starting. (When I hit a roadblock or a tough moment where I just want to throw all my receipts into the air and shoot them with a flame-thrower...I take a deep breath and think. "Okay, I'll just start from here." And for some reason, that allows me to keep going. Can't really pin-point exactly WHY that works for me, but it does.)

It's so strange to be doing alllllll this work sooooo early and not knowing if I'm even going to need it. But, on the other hand, even if I don't get accepted to grad school this year...I will still need to file my taxes...so it's gotta get done at some point...might as well be now, right?

Getting into grad school will be AWESOME!!!!!...Paying for grad school?.... Hmmmmm...that's going to be...challenging.

Since there haven't been any millionaires sending anonymous contributions to my Paypal account offering to finance my future education and no corporate sponsorship agreements have been signed...I'll have to go through all the normal channels to try to secure some financial support and make my grad school aspirations a REALITY.

So I'll have to stop blogging and get back to it...Here I go...

"TAXES...YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR ME! I WILL DEFEAT YOU! WHERE HAVE YOU HIDDEN MY CALCULATOR?! DON'T MAKE ME PULL OUT THE FLAME-THROWER! WHAH HA HA HA HA!"

;-P

Anyhoo,...HAPPY TAXES to all ya'll filing the FAFSA this year...and commiserating with my 1040 aversion.

Best wishes to all...

May your federal return be hefty and your estimated family contribution be minuscule.

Loves,

V

"Perhaps the hardest linear process to let go of is the accounting part of the mind that links the amount of money you have in the bank to what is possible. Get rid of this limiting process, be practical but don't base your goals and commitments on something as powerless as money. Practice seeing money as an energy and play with increasing that energy instead of counting dollars." - Lena Stevens, The Power Path