172. Looking Forward

"Nobody can tell you who you are. It would just be another concept, so it would not change you. Who you are requires no belief. In fact, every belief is an obstacle. It does not even require your realization, since you already are who you are. But without realization, who you are does not shine forth into this world... You are like an apparently poor person who does not know he has a bank account with $100 million in it and so his wealth remains an unexpressed potential." - Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

Letting go of a belief is a hard process.

I've believed for a looooooong time that the BEST POSSIBLE NEXT STEP on my career path would be to attend Yale, NYU or Juilliard. There were many, many factors that lead me to this belief, some of which you can read about by CLICKING HERE.

In the past two years, when auditioning for grad school, I allllllways felt like I had held something back...That I was so intent on "getting in" and impressing them, that I wasn't able to show my true self. I was too scared to be vulnerable. I kept trying again because I knew that I could do better, because I had never really been able to let go of my fear that I am truly unworthy of acceptance to one of these top schools...and so, I think I was unconsciously sabotaging my performance.

But this year, I can HONESTLY say that I changed my belief and chose to GIVE MY ALL. I cannot IMAGINE being better prepared or more ready to be in-the-moment and play. And because of my blogging 6-days-a-week...I also knew exactly WHY I wanted to be there and felt confident articulating that....to anyone willing to listen. ;-p

And my auditions went incredibly well. I made it through "the first cut" at all three schools, including Yale (which was a major accomplishment, since I'd never gotten that far before). And I am thrilled to say that I made it to the "end of the day" at both my NYU Grad Acting audition and my Juilliard audition.

This year I felt like I had completely held up my end of the bargain. I did my VERY BEST...and left the rest up to the universe.

And apparently...the universe has other plans for me than attending grad school, since I did not make it to final callbacks for any of these schools.

So now...I'm having to take a good look at my belief...Is grad school really the best possible next step for me?

What else is possible for me?

Am I ready to let go of my grad school dreams?

Or do I want to try auditioning again next year?

What are the other avenues I could pursue to attain my overarching goal?...Building a life/career that will be joyful, sustainable, creatively fulfilling, profitable, challenging, of service and FUN!

I don't know the answers to any of these questions yet...Nor do I need to.

But I do think they're very important questions to be asking myself at this point.

I do know that I am soooooo tired of pursuing this dream alone. I need EXPERT GUIDANCE and MENTORSHIP to make my dreams a reality...

"As artists, we are open-minded but we need not be gullible. Many of the  people purporting to be able to help us shape our craft have very little experience with crafting something themselves. What we are looking for is people who have done what we want to do -- not someone who has watched others do it...When "help" is volunteered, we must be certain it is timely and actually helpful." - Julia Cameron, Walking In This World

So if you know someone in New York that might be a good mentor for me...Someone that is currently thriving as an creative person, making an abundant living as an actor in theatre/tv/film/voiceover, has a fantabulous relationship with their agent and is fearless, has a positive out-look on life and is interested in mentoring a highly-motivated and dedicated young actress/blogger named Virginia Wilcox...please email me at via virginia wilcox at gmail dot com. I will consider all applicants. :-)

I do believe that a solid relationship with a mentor would help me immensely.

Do I believe that I can have the kind of successful career as an actor that I've been dreaming of...without an MFA from Yale, Juilliard or NYU?....Hmmmm. That's a good question.

I guess the honest answer for right now is...no...I do not believe that I will do as well in my career without the experience of earning an MFA from one of these schools and becoming a valued member of the artistic communities associated with these institutions.

Soooooo gotta look at changing that belief perhaps! Because if I don't believe it's possible...it ain't gonna happen.

Whatever does happen next...I know it will be joyful...and good...if I allow it to be. 

My life is unfolding just the way it's supposed to...even though it's certainly not happening the way I had hoped or planned.

"It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters in the end." - Ursula K. Le Guin 

I'm okay. I am having fun with the journey! 

And I am happy that on April 1st I will be able to say that I've SUCCESSFULLY completed exactly what I set out to do: write 180 blog posts about my creative process of applying to grad school for the third time. That's a truly unique accomplishment...and out of the thousands of people that auditioned for grad school this year, I can confidently say that I'm the only one who's done THAT...It may be a weird to have a blog about auditioning for grad school, but I think it was worth it. It's been an incredible commitment device. I see the value in it anyway...and that makes me feel good....no matter what anyone else may think.

And I'm grateful for my life's many blessings....I can pay my rent...and eat...and I have a warm bed. I live in a free country. I'm safe. I'm healthy...and that's what REALLY matters.

Looking forward to the possibilities and the impossibilities that 2012 may bring...

Love to you all,

Virginia

P.S. What are the limiting beliefs that you have about your own life that may be keeping you in stasis? How can you begin to let them go?

171. Those Who Truly Love You Will Understand

"Ours is a stimulating world -- often an overstimulating one...we have our families, our friends, our jobs, and our other pursuits -- all potential sources of stress and sensory overload...If "still waters run deep," the noisy rapids of our lives make it hard to be anything but shallow. Our deeper selves are muffled, overtaxed, and overextended. Our sensibilities are stripped of their fine tuning. We become numb to our own responses and reactions. Life is "too much" for many of us... 

Our energies are drained not by coping with our output of creative energy but from coping with the ceaseless inflow of distractions and distresses that bid for our time, attention, and emotional involvement. As artists, we are great listeners, and as the volume is pitched too high, our inner ear and our inner work suffers. 

When a creative artist is fatigued, it is often from too much inflow, not too much outflow. When we are making something, we are listening to an inner voice that has many things to tell us -- if we will listen. It is hard to listen amid the chatter. It is hard to listen amid chaos. It is hard to listen amid the static of ungrounded and demanding energy. 

Contrary to mythology about us, artists are generous, often overly generous. We listen to others deeply, sometimes too deeply for our own good. We are susceptible to their hurt feelings and their pouting when we withdraw, and so sometimes we do listen to them even as our creative energy ebbs out of our own life and into theirs. This creates exhaustion, irritation, and, finally, rage.

It's not that we are unwilling to share our time and attention. It is that people must give us the courtesy of listening accurately to our needs about when and how we can do it...We have the right to determine along what lines we want our energies to flow. For this reason, we may need to draw more boundaries than many people, and those who love us must be conscious that unless they can respect this, they are not a friend at all. 

As artists, our inflow level must be kept manageable and we must "train" our friends and families and colleagues at work when and how we need our space, both physical and psychic... 

This is why busy executives have secretaries -- to monitor their inflow and keep it from becoming overwhelming to their creative process... 

Virginia Woolf said all artists need a room of their own... 

An artist requires solitude and quiet -- which is different from solemnity and isolation. Artists require respect for their thoughts and their process, but that respect must start with us. An artist needs to be treated well -- but often we are the ones who must begin that treatment, and one way we do it is by carefully setting our own valve on how much inflow is allowed to come into us." 

- Chapter 6: Discovering a Sense of Boundaries, Walking In This World

The above is taken from Julia Cameron's wonderful book Walking In This World: The Practical Art of Creativity. I had the opportunity to read and "work through" this book with a group of fellow artists while we were performing in Shanghai, China in 2009.

Julia's world-view and musings on the creative artist's mind have truly changed my life. She writes incredibly honest and nuturing books on creativity.

If you like what you read above and would like to find out more, please check out her website and find something that speaks to you. Pick up a copy or download it to your phone/computer/iPad/Kindle. Her words will help you to enrich your enjoyment of your own creative process...guaranteed.

Be courageous. Speak up for yourself. Nurture your inner artist. Set the boundaries you need.

The crazy-makers will get pissed-off...and those who truly love you will understand.

Loves,
V

170. The Phone Call - Guest Post by Brittany V. Green (Part Four)

Here it is folks!!! The outcome of Ms. Brittany V. Green's NYU Grad Acting auditions...No need for any more waiting, waiting, waiting...

(She and I originally met at the same-day-callbacks at Juilliard. She agreed to write a series of guest-posts for the blog when she was invited to the Callback Weekend at NYU. If you're not caught-up on her story...you might want to read all three parts of Brittany's audition experience at the NYU Grad Acting Callback Weekend 2012. Click HERE to read PART ONE. Click HERE to read PART TWO. Click HERE to read PART THREE.)  

The Phone Call

by Brittany V. Green

It’s Tuesday night March 17th. Two days after my interview. I’m at work waiting tables. I had to work a double that day, which any other day would really suck, but today I was glad. It will keep my mind off of eagerly anticipating whether or not I got into NYU. 

At around 7pm I feel my phone vibrating. I go to the “phone/break” section of my job to check it. It’s a number that begins with 917… Hm, who could this be? An audition? That’s usually what it is when it’s a random NY number. Maybe NYU? Really? But it’s too soon. I feel another vibration, in my pocket indicating that I have a voicemail. Something tells me to check it right away. 

I go into the employee bathroom to get a quiet space. I check my voicemail. “Brittany, hey, it’s Mark Wing-Davey here, calling from NYU grad acting. Maybe you could give us a call? My number is (lists cell number)….Ok thanks very much, take care. Buh-bye” 

The BIGGEST smile emerges from my face. 

OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH. I KNOW WHAT THIS MEAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSS!! Is it real? Is this really happening? OH MY GOSH! 

I leave the bathroom and a co-worker of mine who knows all about my audition journey is standing there. I look to him and say, “I think I just got accepted into NYU!” He goes…” What? Get ooooout!” I say… “No I just got a call from the Chair!” We have a moment of celebration.  

But I need to hear Mark say it for it to actually be real. 

I call him back. No answer…I leave him a message letting him know I’m at work but to feel free to call back. 

I try to go back to working but I CAN’T. I need to hear him SAY IT. It’s too much of a tease!!! I go back to the bathroom and call again. HE PICKS UP! 

I don’t remember word for word, but it went something like this… 

Mark: Hey Brittany how are you? 

Me: Good and you? 

Mark: Good, good, listen we’d like to offer you a spot. 

Me: YES! YES! (accepting) 

Mark: Yea we’d really love to have you, are you interested? 

Me: Yes, yes! I am interested! 

Mark: Ok good, good We’re excited to have you. 

Me: (Oh my gosh excited to have ME?!) Oh, thank you!!  

Mark: (chuckles) Ok great, but don’t put it out there just yet or on Facebook or anything, we’re still not done putting together the class. But make sure you let (alumni I knew from NYU) know.  

Me: Yes, yes definitely! Thank you so much. 

Mark: Yes, you should be getting a call soon about financial aid, and hopefully we can work something out that you can do. 

Me: Ok, thank you! 

Mark: Alright, talk to you later 

Me: Ok, buh bye. 

Mark: Buh bye. 

I left that bathroom feeling ON TOP OF THE WORLD. I shouted it out in the back of the kitchen and I could hear “Congrats!” “Oh my gosh!” “You got in?!” I started praising God right there. 

“Thank you Jesus! Hallelujah! I’m gonna praise Him here RIGHT AT WORK! Thank you Jesus!” 

People laughed and cheered at this. 

You couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face that night. I felt amazing. 

The next moments were followed by, telling those close to me, and making sure to let them know not to congratulate me via Facebook. Keeping it hush hush was sooooo hard!!! 

But now it’s Monday March 19th, and the word is out!

Brittany Green is now an NYU Grad Acting Student!!! Thank you Jesus! 

Earlier that week I got the call from financial aid and was offered a WONDERFUL package! I was in tears when I got off the phone and thanked God some more! My mother was elated! 

And now the journey begins. Gotta move to an apartment closer to the school. Gotta save money. Gotta find roommates. Gotta get a healthy routine goin' on. Gotta figure out how much of a loan I need to take out for living purposes. 

GOTTA CELEBRATE! 

All week all I could think about was how much my life would change in the next three years. The opportunities, the people I’d meet, the joy I’d have, the challenges I’d face, the growth I’d experience, and so much more! 

THIS is going to be the best three years of my life. 

God is so good. I give all credit, thanks and honor to Him. If it were not for Him I ASSURE you, I would not have this blessing. The way he has aligned things for me in order to get to this point is only from His works. 

I began my journey not even wanting grad school, and now look at me. He placed the right people in my life, guided me to the right resources, and helped me shine the way He knew I could. And I am so very thankful. I am so ready, and so happy to be able to Master the thing I absolutely LOVE to do. ACT! 

Look out for me world! Brittany V Green has arrived!!

Yes. She. Has. 

Finally!!!! A 2012 ACCEPTANCE story!!! Whooo-hooo! That's what this project is alllllll about!

Congratulations Brittany!!!! Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Wowzers, girl!!! You are sooooo right... Your life is about to change FOREVER. You are going to grow sooooo much from your time at NYU Grad Acting. This is only the beginning...sooooooo exciting! You are totally on your right path and doors are opening!!! Keeeeep going!!! Yaaaaay!

:-)

...Sooooo wish I could be there with you. You are gonna rock that school.

Make the most of every single moment of the journey, okay? I know you will!!! You have truly been blessed.

Sending you all my love,

Virginia
 

"When you finally get that call, meet that person, walk that walk, and live that dream, do you think you'll even care that there were a few dark and scary moments in a journey that made them all possible? Trust me, you won't even remember. And won't you be glad you never settled for less?" - Mike Dooley, Tut's Universe